Monday, December 30, 2013

Pa-Rum-Pum-Pum-Pum

Merry Christmas! And Happy New Year!

We had a terrific Christmas being with both sides of the family. I know it is a huge blessing to both be teachers by profession, and to always have time off of work to visit family. We treasure these moments so dearly.

We spent the week of Christmas with my husband's parents and his family. I am truly blessed to have been welcomed with open arms into his family, and to feel when I'm there that it is also "home". I love my sisters-in-law dearly, and their "extras" - their husbands (the word we tease each other with to categorize the four of us who married into the family). We always do a sibling Christmas exchange together, and I received a wooden Family Birthdays Calendar to personalize and put together, which I will post a picture of when I finish it, because I'm so stinking excited about the thing!

We left the day after Christmas to head to Colorado to see my side of the family. My youngest brother had a flight to catch the night we got in to head to Arizona to see his girlfriend, and my sister stayed in Nebraska with her in-laws for the holidays, but I got to spend time with my other brother and his wife, my parents, and also my paternal grandparents, who now live with my parents, as they are getting on in years. It was an experience beyond description to introduce our two newest additions to my family, as it had been with the others before them. For my parents to give such love and acceptance to the twins, even knowing there's a chance they may never see them again, was inspiring. I am grateful for the love they teach me every day by showing it in all facets of their lives.

So blessed.

The favorite song proudly warbled through our home and through the car during the many hours of driving was "The Little Drummer Boy". Miss A had learned almost every word by heart by the time Christmas break came, and Little Guy was close behind. The twins chimed in for every "pum" every time the song came on, or even if the other two were singing it themselves, a Capella.

The words in the second verse really hit me this year:

Baby Jesus, (pa-rum-pum-pum-pum)
I am a poor boy too; (pa-rum-pum-pum-pum)
I have no gift to bring (pa-rum-pum-pum-pum)
That's fit to give a King; (pa-rum-pum-pum-pum, rum-pum-pum-pum, rum-pum-pum-pum)
Shall I play for you (pa-rum-pum-pum-pum)
On my drum?

Hearing my little kids sing these words melted my heart for so many reasons. Their sweet, clear voices are just adorable to listen to. Off-key, on-pitch - it doesn't matter - I love children's voices singing! They definitely love to "make a joyful noise" and they have no anxiety about it at their age!

Their enthusiasm was endearing. They never tired of the song, even if it had played several times during the previous hour on the radio, or if we had sang it ten times in a row at home.

I'm a nerd who can't listen to any song without analyzing the deeper meaning. As I pondered the words to the song, it hit me that the kids were perfect carriers of the message it proclaims.

We're all too poor to bring anything to the table that's worthy of our Creator. Besides the fact that any earthly thing we "have" to bring isn't ours in the first place, there's nothing we humans do better than pretty much just messing things up.

Our petty attempts at "goodness" are most often self-serving in some way, if we're brutally honest with ourselves. And when I say "we", please forgive me, because I really just mean "me". I have so much anxiety over my own life and its happenings that I blind myself to the actual needs of others. I try to be everything to everyone, accomplish everything that's expected of me, which actually just turns the focus back to ME ME ME.I fail at it, feel guilty, try harder, fail again. ME ME ME.

"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal," says 1 Corinthians 13:1.

We come to the manger, acknowledging that we are unworthy of even attempting to present any "gift" to the King of Kings, knowing our failures, our faults... and then our Father says, "Ahh! Now you finally get it!"

(Kind of like my middle school shop teacher's musings on the man who won a "Humble" pin, but had it taken away when he wore it on his shirt. But I digress.)

In our unworthiness, we understand and appreciate the birth of Christ at its deepest meaning. He came for the lowly - the shepherds, the poor fictional drummer boy who had nothing but his God-given talent, the "sinners" he met and healed and ate with. He came for us, not in spite of our unworthiness, but BECAUSE of our unworthiness. He know that coming to our earth meant dying on the cross, and He still did it. For us. For me. For you. 

And we are now clothed in His worthiness, His grace. He sees us as His children, dearly loved.

My kids sing their little songs, sometimes sweetly, sometimes loudly. God hears it. I'm pretty sure He loves it as much as I do.

My kids handed me Christmas presents they "bought" with money I gave them. They have nothing to offer me to entice me to love them. I know it. And I love them for it.

I wondered several times this Christmas season how I could ever explain to them the depth of love that I have for them all. "When they are parents," I told myself, "they'll understand." 

And if I love my silly, messy, ever-changing little ones this much, imagine how much more the Infinite One of the Universe loves us all.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Thursday, December 19, 2013

Christmas Plans

I wrote yesterday in this post that we were waiting to hear about the decisions made today at the court hearing for the twins' case. We were most concerned with hearing about extended, unsupervised, or Christmas visitations being scheduled.

I heard from the lawyer this afternoon regarding the hearing. The judge did not grant Christmas visitation, and is also fine with our traveling over the holidays. However, we will have another supervised visit at the department on either January 2nd or January 3rd, which means we will have to cut short our trip up to the Great North a day or two. Not a huge deal in the grand scheme of things.

Our caseworker had made comments this week to the effect that the judge might be convinced by the previous caregivers' lawyers to begin the reunification process, and she was just alerting us to the possibility, even thought it's too early in the case to officially determine an end result. We're thankful that actual talk of starting that process, which we firmly believe would not be in the best interest for any of the five children, does not seem to be happening yet, at this point.

So, overall, the case is still pretty nebulous. There isn't a real end date to shoot for, but there is another hearing set for January 29th. There will be a supervised visit or two, and the investigation into the alleged happenings at the previous caregivers' house will continue between now and then. Again, no timeline at this point to determine the end result, but at least we know where we all stand today. The judge, lawyers, and caseworkers are happy with the kids' placements and want to continue them.

Much thanks for your thoughts and prayers. We're thankful that our families get to spend Christmas with the girls, and that we also get to spend our time with our families! Now on with the packing!

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Court Tomorrow

What a full day and evening! The three littles and I ran around (all right, drove around) all morning getting things taken care of to finish The Great Vehicle Swap of 2013.

I don't think I have mentioned that I am now officially the proud driver of a VAN. My sweet sweet mother and I have traded vehicles, so she's now completely sans van after all of these years, and I have Big Blue to cart my crew around. My dad met us in the middle of Texas over Thanksgiving break for a five-minute Hello and a hand-off of vehicles. We've done the bill of sale and those kind of documents, but we're taking care of the inspections, registrations, title transfers - all that fun stuff. All kinds of stuff that toddlers love spending time doing, of course. (Just kidding - they were actually pretty good troopers about it all!)

After naps, I taught a piano lesson, Miss A had a violin lesson, I had handbells practice, we ate a Church dinner before Advent services, and then had a very musical night. Every third Wednesday night Advent service at our church is a special one, which features all FIVE of our handbell groups and our choir. This was the first year Miss A has played in a group; she chimes away with her fellow youngsters on the "little ones" as she calls them. It was a fabulous night with great music.

When we got to our car after church, I had a voice mail message from the twins' attorney. She asked to chat about the court hearing tomorrow, so I called her back, even though it was after 8:00 p.m.

And... I really really like her! She was very upbeat and friendly, which put me immediately at ease. What she informed me about court tomorrow is that the previous family is asking for extended visitation, the clarification on which nobody seems to be quite sure. Longer visits? More frequent visits? Probably both of the above. We had also heard this week from the twins' caseworker that they were pushing for a Christmas visit and possibly longer, unsupervised, or even overnight visits for Christmas.

It tears my heart to not see my family for Christmas. I sympathize with the longing to be together on such an important occasion. Yet, when they have only had two one-hour supervised visits in the CPS office since the kids were removed, it seems a bit unrealistic to request unsupervised overnight visits at this point.

I expressed to the lawyer that I didn't want to sound selfish, but we already had our Christmas plans made a while back, and have had them confirmed with the twins' caseworker, as I'm sure the other families have. We will be out of town and then out of state visiting family for two weeks beginning on Saturday. If we have to change our plans, we are willing to accommodate what the judge orders, of course. It would be a huge disappointment to ourselves and our families, though, if we had to either be away from the twins for Christmas, or not be able to see family - all of which live out of town and hours away - because we have to ferry the kids back and forth to visits, when they have already had two this month (the average, we've experienced).

(Please, please, I don't want anyone to think I'm being overly selfish in expressing my feelings. It's not easy to be at the mercy of the courts, and to hear your holiday plans may be potentially derailed a few days before said plans are set to commence. These girls are part of our family now as well, and thus part of our family plans. This is not the same situation as a divorced couple arguing over custody rights, after all. We don't intend to inconvenience or hurt anyone else, but the reality is that these scheduling things are the consequences of having children removed from your home - which of course happened for very good reasons. The former caregivers are not in charge of this case and shouldn't get to dictate the Christmas plans of three other families one week out. Rant over.)

She responded, "We'll just have to see what the judge says. That's all I can tell you." I agreed, and we left on excellent terms.

During the conversation, she did share some very kind words. She said she had about ten home studies to look at while determining the placement of the twins and that we had stood out for her. She was very complimentary about what she read about us. She joked that she was disappointed we couldn't take ALL of them! "Oh man, you mean they can only take two?!" she recollected saying.

What a neat thing to think about how much we prayed for our theoretical new additions long before we heard about the twins, and how God was working the whole time! All things in His schedule, not ours!

We would ask for prayers and thoughts tomorrow. He knows what will happen over Christmas break, as well as what will happen ultimately for these five sweet children. It's all in His hands.

Saturday, December 14, 2013

First Sibling Visit

We were able to meet tonight with the three other siblings of the twins. We were very much looking forward to this, for the girls' sake, and for our own.
We met at a Chuck E. Cheese located between all of the three families. We left Miss A and Little Guy at home with a sweet friend who volunteered for the job last-minute. We wanted this meeting to be about the twins and their siblings, without the added distractions of two extra kids clamoring for attention, pizza, and tokens.
The girls have an older pre-teenaged Big Sister. Right away, we could tell that she was used to playing the role of Mom to the younger ones. She ran up to us when we arrived, hugged the girls, and began talking and playing with them. It was a treat to see how much she doted on them and helped them. I commented to her that she was great with the younger ones, and she nonchalantly, and without any bitterness, replied, "Well, I pretty much raised them. Our mother wasn't much help." She went on to say that she fed them, changed their diapers, and sang and read to them. We chatted about school and friends, enjoying an easy rapport. It was definitely apparent that she was used to being in an adult role, and used to communicating with adults in a mature manner.
Big Sister is placed in a foster home by herself. The other two siblings, whom I will call Bright Eyes and Weebles, are a sister older than the twins and a brother younger than them (respectively). Bright Eyes is almost a twin of Queen Bee (which is so funny, since Sweet Angel and Queen Bee don't look like twins!). Weebles was a cute little guy who enjoyed his food and bumbling along after the rest of the crew.
We hovered near the entrance at first, introducing ourselves and making small talk, before heading to find a table. Although it was packed with birthday party revelers, we were able to use a table being reserved for a later time in the evening, as long as we finished by the appointed time.
The kids loved watching all of the screens playing both Christmas songs and songs involving the Chuck E. Cheese "crew". Gone were the animatronics from back in the old days. There was only one moving Chuck, and the one who roamed around the room giving hugs and high-fives, which completely unnerved Sweet Angel and Bright Eyes, who both jumped into the Man of the House's lap shrieking when he came near. I was not however missing that horrid gorilla, who scared me senseless on the few occasions we went to Chuck E. Cheese.
We played a few games following our meal with the tokens that came with our meal, but there are only so many you can realistically do with two-year-olds.
We were able to chat a little bit with the other foster parents and exchange experiences. They are all very nice people, down-to-earth, and easy to talk to. We learned that Big Sister is understandably taking it pretty hard that she alone is not living with any of her siblings. Imagining her being split up after being the caretaker of all of those little ones for so long is rough. Her foster dad explained it like being an empty nest mother - "Her little babies are gone, and now what does she do? It's almost like her identity has been taken from her."
Please pray for these sweet siblings as they make new lives living separately from each other, and for all others in the same situation.
We made a tentative plan to meet again the first weekend in January for a movie night at one of the other foster homes. A great night is in the works, with a movie room and popcorn machine. We're so happy that tonight happened, that we had the opportunity to allow the kids to spend time together, and are praying for positive relationships to continue to develop all around.

Friday, December 13, 2013

Court Date Ahoy

We received an e-mail today asking for another visitation with the previous family next Tuesday. Apparently, there was a court date scheduled for sometime next week and the lawyers want one more observation of the dynamics between the kids and the former caregivers before the court appearance.

I wrote back asking for more details, and if the kids were supposed to be there. Miss A did not have to appear in court, due to the practices of the county in which her case was handled, but the others all had to attend every court appearance.

I didn't really receive an answer, just a reply that the lawyer for the previous family/cousins got the date scheduled, as they are still pushing for extended visitation. She did say it was just a status hearing, and not a final-decision-making kind of court date.

So, we'll just keep praying and loving and doing what we do. Maybe we'll know something more about the future after next week, which would be a lovely Christmas present. If not, God knows the plan for these little girls, and for our family, and we'll let Him do the worrying.

I'll be updating when I get any news, of course!

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

AWAKEN!

This past May, we met a wonderful couple, the Adams, in one of our training classes. They were there for the first time, while we were returning trainees. Afterwards, we chatted and made the connection that we have a common friend. Since then, we have eaten dinner together and had play dates. Jennifer and her family are currently waiting for their first foster care placement!

Jennifer has during this time shared her dream involving the non-profit organization she and her husband have founded. I wanted to share the e-mail she sent this week regarding the organization's website. Please read, enjoy, and pass along to anyone interesting in learning more or being a part of the process!


Dearest Friends,
 
It is with great joy and excitement I email to introduce you to the nonprofit that Brian and I have started.  It is called AWAKEN! The Sun Is Shining!  We started this organization a few months ago to support foster children, foster parents, birth parents and all state personnel working with these families.  When you visit our site you will be able to see our mission statement and get a really good picture of where we are now and where we are headed.  I also invite you to visit the journal that has an initial entry to get you up to speed on what has been happening. J
It has been a crazy journey and doesn’t look like it will slow down!  Join us on this adventure and take a peek at the site!
 
May the LORD’s peace and quiet cover you as you move through your week,
Jennifer Adams
 
 
First journal entry:
I invite you to go with us on a journey that may dramatically change your life.  As Brian and I travel the road of adoption and fostering, we invite you to be present with us through this blog……
As some of you may know back in March of this year Brian decided to walk away from his corporate job …….
 
To read more click below:
 
PS.  Please feel free to forward this on to anyone you think would be interested in our organization!  Thanks!
 
PPS.  If you would like to hear from us occasionally please sign up for our mailing list on the website!

Thursday, December 5, 2013

The One with a Sort-of Update on the Case

The twins have another scheduled visitation with the former foster parents / cousins tomorrow. I made a phone call to the caseworker to confirm that the visit was definitely happening, and was able to have a brief chat.

She told me there are no court dates scheduled yet for the future, which is a little surprising, since usually the hearings happen every six to eight weeks, in our experience. There are also no other visits planned at this time beyond the one tomorrow afternoon in San Antonio.

The former family who was caring for the five children has requested of course to speed up reunification, and also to have lengthened and extended visits with them. The caseworker didn't mention if that meant just making the visit longer than one hour, or if they are requesting overnight visits. The caseworker said, "Of course we at the department and I as the caseworker are not going to approve that," (meaning extended visitation) "and are going to fight it and discuss our reasons with the judge whenever we have another hearing."

She went on to say, "All of the five children are doing very well at their current placements, and we are so happy with where they are now. We don't want any of them to move." She had told us from the beginning that the intention is for the children to be adopted by their current foster homes, and that they will block any attempt to reinstate the kids into the former home.

As a foster parent, your job is to care for the children, love on them, guide and raise them, until their parents and home situation have been rehabilitated enough to enable a return. The department is very open with the fact that placing children back into their homes of origin is their main priority. As much as you agree or disagree with what's happening in the case, as a foster parent, you have to respect that.

We've of course been saddened with our two situations where children have left our home and we disagreed with the outcomes - Spunky Girl and Preemie Boy were reunified with their birthparents, and Baby Girl was given to her maternal grandparents while her birthmother continued services. I have to admit to a twinge of selfishness that says, "But we're good people! We're good parents! We're the better home!" Yet, as I said, you respect the caseworkers' and the lawyers' decisions regarding what's best for the situation, and continue to pray for the best outcome.

In this case, we definitely, absolutely feel that the children should not be reinstated at the former home - and that's not the selfishness speaking. The more I read and reread the case file notes we have, I can't fathom any judge hearing what happened to these five children and allowing them to return to that environment. I can't and won't share details in this forum, but these are my gut feelings.

It was nice to hear from the caseworker that she's echoing our sentiments. It was also nice to get a chance to chat. My husband and I both agree that we can handle almost anything thrown at us on this crazy journey as long as there's plenty of communication happening on all sides.

The Man of the House is taking off early from school again to drive the girls to San Antonio for their visit tomorrow. I pray that it is a good occasion for the twins to reunite with their siblings. We're also planning a get-together with the siblings later in the month, which we're also looking forward to.

Thanks for reading!

Monday, December 2, 2013

A Funny - Can You Relate?


I had to add this funny to this blog, because I feel like this is exactly how our mornings go! It just seems like one thing after another trying to make us late! And I don't do late well! I was raised to be obsessively punctual and being late is a big pet peeve of mine, and I know I don't handle delays well.

The other morning, sweet Miss A said, "Mommy, I think Daddy should start driving me to school when he goes early so you don't get dizzy."

I laughed and said, "Get dizzy? What do you mean, honey?"

"Well," she answered, "You have to get all four of us kids ready, then drive me to school, then come back home, then get me after lunch... You must get dizzy with all of that driving around you do! I think I should just go with Daddy from now on."

I gave her a huge hug and was humbled by her compassionate spirit.

So blessed...

Saturday, November 30, 2013

Christmas Decorating!

I love, love, love, love decorating for Christmas! I actually get excited when I pull out my (admittedly meager) fall decorations, because I know it means that shortly I will be putting them away and getting out the Christmas boxes!

Growing up, we usually decorated the day after Thanksgiving. We had a fake tree because of allergies in the family, except for one awesome year when we cut our own "real" tree from my uncle's property in the mountains. Since we've been married, The Man of the House and I have had both real and fake over the years. We have only a fake tree this year since we'll be gone for almost two weeks visiting family over Christmas break.

We actually cheated and began decorating on the day before Thanksgiving this year. My youngest brother and his girlfriend were visiting and we couldn't help ourselves! The two of them and The Man of the House actually rearranged furniture in the living room to make the tree fit. I like it!

Here are some pictures of our stockings. We don't have a fireplace in the new house (sniff, sniff). We got creative with where to hang the stockings and here's what we came up with:




Here's a close-up of the kids' stockings:



All of the materials that encompassed everything "stocking" were bought at Hobby Lobby. I had already bought the red knitted stockings for our family in the past, and was very excited that they still had them this year. They actually had black Santa belts with gold belt buckles around them, which I removed. The wooden letters were easy to find, as was black paint, a dowel rod to hang them, and burlap ribbon. I painted the letters and rod black and then tied them to the stockings. We already had several stocking holders, so I hung the rod between two of them to fit our growing stocking population!

I'm so looking forward to this Christmas season and hope to make many great memories for the kids, pointing them to the real reason for all of the celebration - the birth of our Savior!

Sunday, November 24, 2013

On The Other Side: 5 Years Past Infertility

This Saturday afternoon, we traveled with the foursome to the home of The Man of the House's sister and her husband, our newest brother-in-law. They were married last spring in an awesomely fun beach wedding at Key West where we all were involved with the ceremony. It's a really neat thing to welcome new members into the family and we're blessed that Aunt Kimbie is so happy. AND THEN they told us this past summer at the beach that they were expecting in April of next year. So exciting to have another little one around!

We were heading to their home for a gender reveal party. They didn't tell us beforehand how the big reveal was going to happen, but once the time came, we all - the family and their friends who came to celebrate -  had cans of Silly String, unmarked, covered with wrapping to hide the color. On the count of three, we all sprayed at once... and tons of blue string came flying out at all of us! Everyone was ecstatic and began chattering about how much fun a new little guy will be.

As we drove back, I had plenty of time for musing. The thing that was hitting me was how happy I was for my sister-in-law and her husband, and how finally this feeling was separate from any personal or inward sadness over the fact that we won't ever have biological children ourselves. And I realized that, a few weeks ago, when I was told by our church choir director that she was also expecting in April, I was able to honestly feel happy and excited for her. And maybe what I sensed was also a LACK of a feeling - the lessening of the tug of the grief, waning over time.

Wait. How selfish to say. Are you the reader a little irritated that I even mentioned considering whether or not I was feeling happy and excited about this?

If you haven't gone through infertility struggles, this might be hard to understand. It's also hard for me to articulate. This probably all sounds incredibly selfish and self-absorbed. Why wouldn't you be happy? Someone else's happiness doesn't diminish your own or take anything away from you. Especially something like a pregnancy - it's not like my own pregnancy was personally taken away from me by any other woman I see that is pregnant when I am not.

Five years ago was when my husband and I were living out the nitty gritty parts of our infertility story. Each woman (or man) encountering infertility will handle it differently. For me, it was the most painful thing I've ever gone through. I'm not saying that to be dramatic; it's the honest truth. I lost my dearly dearly loved grandmother to ovarian cancer when I was twenty-one. That's the only thing that comes close to any actual grief I've faced personally. I feel blessed that the first part of my life was not marked by any deep tragedy for me or someone close to me. I thank God for the blessings and experiences I have had. Infertility was the first grief I really had to face. And for me, it was an incredibly devastating grief.

I always knew I wanted to be a good wife and mother, and that that calling was the most important beyond whatever I did as a career. That's not to say I never wanted a career - I just knew that as much as I loved whatever I ended up doing, I would love being a mom more. I was the girl who was going to be a teacher or pediatrician because I loved kids so much. I honestly worried as a little girl, as I was wont to do and still am, whenever I read the stories of Rebekah and Rachel and Hannah in the Bible - what if I find out my husband and I won't be able to get pregnant?

When no pregnancy happened after a year, we began testing. I watched my friends and my sister get pregnant and I festered an increasing frustration that turned into depression. It was a very dark time for me. By the time the testing began, which added stress in and of itself, I had developed shingles. The doctor told me he had never seen anyone who was my age and as otherwise healthy as I was have shingles. "You must be extremely stressed and you need to relax," he told me. Easy to say, right?

I didn't really talk to anyone about this at first. It's anticlimactic to tell people you're "trying to get pregnant". Infertility is a lonely struggle. You feel like the only person going through it.

And, of course, it doesn't help that everyone seems to be pregnant around you when you're going through infertility. In fact, The Man of the House and I have a joke that I am other people's good luck charm. Whenever I found out that someone else was having infertility problems, I would gently reach out - it's hard to face crises alone! BUT... then, soon, they would be announcing their pregnancy and I would be SO happy for them, honestly and authentically - please understand that - but still left once again to struggle and grieve on my own.

As much as grief is ever present, I've learned that its severity is also cyclical. There are times when things affect me much more than others. I can go a long time between days of really feeling sad about it. The rest of the time, the best way to describe it is like scar tissue - it's there, has made its mark permanently on you, and might make its presence felt at times, may hold you back a tiny bit, but it's not on the forefront of your mind all the time.

I had to come to grips with the fact that this pain cannot be allowed to be all-consuming. There were definitely times when it felt like it was. Like I would never feel happy or whole again. This struggle stole the light from my spirit for a while. The days went on with or without my paying attention to them, or fully living them. I can't make this worse by letting it turn me into someone I'm not.

I'm not pessimistic. I'm not self-consumed. I'm not non-functioning. I'm not broken. We're not doomed forever because of this. I can't become these things.

If anything, I want to use this as a catalyst for strength. I can look back and say to myself, "You've made it through this." I can be proud of how we not only made it through, but thrived - as a couple, and now as a family.

Our story progressed into a journey traveling through foster care and adoption. Others may have a different journey, but there is purpose, both in the journey and in the destination, whenever and wherever that comes. Good can come through any struggle. We can grow.

For anyone going through this same struggle, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. You will emerge eventually from the darkness. It won't look like the life you planned, and you won't be the same person you were when you began. You are in my thoughts and prayers as you travel your own journey. Please know you are not alone.

Friday, November 22, 2013

Visitation 11-22-13

Today the twins traveled to San Antonio to have a supervised visit with the previous foster family / cousins. As I was filling in at the school office and the school classes were watching the Charlie Brown Thanksgiving Special, The Man of the House left early to take the kids.
There isn't really anything to write about regarding the visit. The Man of the House got the kids to the DFPS Office (Department of Family Protection Services) in south San Antonio. The caseworker just retrieved the kids from the entrance and brought them back afterwards. She didn't give any information about the visit other than to say it was "fine".
I wish there would have been more chatting happening afterwards, but I understand that there is a certain amount of privacy the family deserves and that we're not "owed" a play by play of the visit by any means. I will be trying to find time soon to talk with the caseworker and see if there are any new developments in the case, or if we're just hanging tight and gathering information.
There is another scheduled visit on Friday, December 6th. Usually children in foster care have visits weekly, but sometimes it can be every other week, as in Miss A's case after the first few months. Since the twins aren't visiting their birthparents for reunification purposes, but the other family members, as I've said before there isn't much of a set protocol. We'll keep on doing our thing and loving on all of our blessings!

Sunday, November 17, 2013

Musings on Being Mama to This Growing Brood

We have had a great weekend. The Man of the House had a basketball tournament to coach, so he was gone Friday and most of Saturday, which meant I had the kids... drumroll... all. by. myself. I have to be honest that it did intimidate me to think about, when we were initially going over plans. The twins are actually still very well-behaved, Praise God, so it wasn't that I was really anxious about anything in particular, or doubting my abilities per se. I know this is what I signed on for, and these days will happen, and all that. But, to think about caring for four young children for an extended period of time by yourself for the first time is daunting.

However, it went great. There was a movie night put on by the school PTL on Friday night, so we all headed up there to watch "Peter Pan". I appreciated immensely the caring gestures of friends and fellow families while we were there; community is an awesome thing! We shared a blanket with another family, some of the "big" girls and boys helped take Little Guy and Miss A to the bathroom for me so I didn't have to haul the twins, and people were offering to get us popcorn and snacks the whole night. To my church and school family: thank you, thank you, thank you, for your love and kindness.

On Saturday morning, we had a yummy pancake casserole breakfast. (Instead of making individual pancakes, you pour the batch of batter into a 9x13 pan and bake at 350 until golden brown! MUCH easier and less-time consuming!) After that, I got some cleaning and little things done around the house while Miss A kept the littles occupied pretty much all morning. She is so patient and her little "Mommy" voice saying, "Here you go sweetie," and "Oh, no, no sweeties! We need to share!" are so precious to me. Of course I was right there in the room or vicinity supervising the entire time, but it was great to have her help entertaining them.

A sweet, treasured youth texted me Saturday afternoon informing me that she was coming over to babysit that night, and my husband and I needed to figure out what movie or restaurant we were going to for a date night. Again, such love and generosity; such awesome friends of ALL ages! We went to an Alamo Drafthouse for dinner and a movie, where your food is ordered and then served in the theater and is so yummy.

Church, Sunday School, and naps for all happened on Sunday. I really enjoyed the little bit of shut-eye I obtained!

As I was pondering the events of the weekend and past two weeks of being a family of six instead of four, I have to admit it was "easier" then. How simple and laid back it seems now to have "only" two kids to feed and get dressed and put to bed and arrange schedules for.

It was so much easier in fact before we had kids. Walking to the car after work, knowing we had an evening of good food and quiet television watching together on the couch. Taking a run whenever I wanted. Taking a hot bath whenever I wanted. Only worrying about one pair of shoes - my own. Doing laundry for only two people.

It was so much easier with only one kid. Miss A had our full attention whenever she was with us. If one of us had somewhere we had to be, no sweat. The other was there to step in. One kid is easy to take to meetings, when they can play quietly on the floor for a period of time. One kid is easy to take to the grocery story; they only take up the child seat on the cart and don't weight the cart down.

It was so much easier with only two kids. I have two hands - one for each. Between the Man of the House and me, there were two laps and two kids - perfect! Miss A and Little Guy are each other's best friend and get along pretty swimmingly. We were blessed to have "normal" sibling tiffs over toys and personal space and such, but very rarely, and nothing huge.

Yes, life sure was a lot easier in the past.

But there's no way I would exchange it for what we have now.

I look behind me while driving and see four shining faces and hear their sweet voices singing. I look around the kitchen table while we eat and see the messiness that is four kids under five eating a meal. I watch the kids color together, or play some cute game only they understand, and my heart swells.

I know that the craziness that is toddler life will pass all too soon. The daily routine will be less of a frantic rush to juggle everyone and everything. It will get "easier". And yet, I don't want it to be gone. I want to treasure each stage and soak it all in for as long as we're able. Every day is a glorious adventure when you're two, three, and five. The giggles, the chubby tummies, the toddler talk, the dress-up clothes, the mood swings (well, we'll have those when they're all teenagers again!)... These will be the memories we cherish in the years to come. We're living the golden days on which we'll fondly look back sometime in the future.

My soul is humbly grateful to be here for such a time as this, to be a part of my children's lives at this stage. God is so good, and so faithful to provide strength and patience when we need it the most. He has given us the gift of all four of these little ones, and we thank Him with all of our hearts.

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Updates on the Twins' Case 11-13-13

Not a lot is happening at the moment, court-wise.

We got an e-mail from the girls' caseworker, sent to all three families who between us all are caring for the five children. We were told at placement that there are not any visits happening between the twins and the previous foster family, even though the family is fighting the removal and attempting to retain custody of all five children. The judge ordered last Friday, however, that the children need to have a couple of visits before Christmas, so Friday, November 22nd and Friday, December 6th will be visit days (supervised at the caseworker's office).

The caseworker is still using language that supports her words on placement day that she will be doing everything in her power to keep the kids out of that home and able to be adopted elsewhere. She asked us about our future plans that night, and if we would be willing to adopt the girls at the end of the case; of course we said yes. We would have wanted to make that clear at the beginning anyways, that we are a foster-adopt home, that we want to care for children however we can, but that our ultimate goal would be adoption.

It's always interesting to hear about the visits, and hear the caseworker's perspectives on how they went. Since the former family caring for the children are cousins and not parents, we have no clue yet regarding time frame and protocol. We hope those questions will be answered sometime sooner rather than later.

Monday, November 11, 2013

To Our Family and Friends

Thank you.

Thank you so much for your love, kindness, support, encouragement, and prayers.

You didn't ask for this journey. We knew what we were in for, but did you? You didn't ask to have grandchildren, great-grandchildren, nieces, nephews, babysitting charges, young friends, come and go out of your lives.

You weren't asked by us if you were up to the task of really loving someone who may or may not be in your life forever. Our kids need love - unconditional love - and attention, and healing, and to belong. They need family. They need friends. We and they are asking you to give, give, give, not knowing if they will be "ours" or "yours" for the long run.

You weren't asked to deal with the stress felt by my husband and I as we madly adjust to new additions, with not nine months to prepare, but maybe only nine days. Or nine hours. Or ninety minutes. You weren't asked to put up with a Mama who forgot to send to school a snack, or extra clothes, or whatever else I've already forgotten that I've forgotten.

You didn't ask to sit near a family with four kids who may need multiple bathroom breaks or diaper changes during church.

We chose this life because we have been called to it. 

You weren't asked if it was all okay with you.

And yet, you all have done it.

You all have put up with everything that is the nature of our lives, and have risen mightily to the occasion and to our aid.

We can't thank our families enough for loving our kids. They truly have family now. That right there is enough to both warm my heart and break my heart with emotion. Whether the newest additions stay forever or not, that is something that can't be replaced. You never regret the love you share.

We can't thank our friends enough for the scaffolding you've helped provide in these times of transition for us to help hold us all together. From meals to diapers, you've delivered! From helping to walk our troop to the car to give an extra hand, to lending a listening ear, you've been there.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. To each and every one of you who has been, is, and will be touching our lives in any way, thank you. You all are so important and valued to us.

I sincerely hope that you understand our gratitude. However poorly we express or show it, please know that it is felt.

You are treasured by us. God bless you always.

Friday, November 8, 2013

Project: Entryway

As we get more and more settled in to the new house (moved 9-1-13), I can begin to think about decorating. We got the big stuff done within the first week, partly because we didn't want to drag it out, but mostly because our caseworker wanted to see the house on the 9th for a walk-through and inspection. I was glad to be finished with moving, even though it was a very busy time with late nights.

Anyway, I had finished some little areas of the house that I worked on as projects, including our entryway. Just wanted to share some pictures!


 Here is the front door with the wreath I bought at Target several years back. I added a burlap-wrapped letter "E" for our family this fall.


 Here's another viewpoint.


This is the last part of Project Entryway, which I just added at the beginning of this month. We had the mirror (an ancient Hobby Lobby purchase) sitting in the garage, waiting to be used, and the shoe organizer (from Ikea) in our bedroom, taking up too much space in front of our bed and serving as just somewhat of a decoration. I needed something to organize the drop-zone that is our front entryway. The only thing that would make it more functional would be cute organizers on the wall to hold papers and other items on their way out of the house, but I like the uncluttered look of it. I will post a picture sometime of my "office" area (just a corner of my bedroom) where I have our family organization center.


This window came from Kyle's grandfather's (PawPaw) beach cabin down on the coast. The family sold the cabin and property after his death in 2004, right before Hurricane Rita demolished the entire area. The cabin was completely gone following the storm. All of the four kids received an old window, as they had been replaced a few years before. This was hanging, plain, above our fireplace mantle at the old house, but as we don't have an fireplace in the new house, I wanted to figure out another place to utilize this fun keepsake. I plan to add more to it, maybe make it seasonal, so I'll post more pictures for fun if I do.


Here's a picture straight on.

Thanks for reading and for indulging me!

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Some Background on SA and QB

I need to preemptively state that we both are not allowed to share lots of details - both with anyone not connected to the case and especially not online - nor would we be comfortable sharing some things if we were allowed to. Some parts of my kids' history should be kept personal, not out of shame or guilt, but just because it's sensitive information. It's up to them to decide when and how to share with people, if at all. We as foster parents also aren't allowed to post pictures or lots of identifying details about our foster kids and their cases online, in any forum, be it Facebook or blogs or what-have-you. (Once an adoption happens, and they are part of our family forever, then it's up to our discretion.) With all of that being said, many have been asking me about the backgrounds of the girls, so here are some basics I can share.

Sweet Angel and Queen Bee are from a sibling group of five kids. They have two older siblings and one younger sibling. Their natural home life was not a good one, and they were removed for a variety of reasons. Their parents have had their rights terminated already, which is a point way farther ahead in the case than any we've come into before.

They were placed into a relative's care for foster and then adoptive placements. There have since been things come to light in that home that made it necessary for all five of them to be removed from that home before an adoption could be followed through. The kids were placed in a children's shelter in September. Since then, the state has been looking for a family willing to take in all five children. Of course, that is a huge task for anyone, so, unfortunately, they were unable to find a home for all five of the siblings to be together. They have broken them up, but plan to ensure that the kids remain in contact with each other. We completely agreed to work out ways for the children to see each other. We discussed setting up meetings via e-mail at the park or zoo, or another central location.

(It breaks our hearts to hear about the five siblings being separated, parceled out, split up. The Man of the House and I looked at each other when we heard that, and we could read each other's minds: "Oh, if only! Can we get a bigger house? Adopt them all when it's over?" Of course, SEVEN kids is... well, SEVEN KIDS!!!! But, hey, if God calls you to it, you obey. Now, don't worry or shake your head at me! We didn't ask or inquire! We know we have a lot on our plates for the time being!)

We don't know how this case will proceed nor its time line. With a biological parent losing custody, there is a set process that takes about a year during which they work service plans and have supervised visits, following which a decision is made regarding the future of the child/ren. We will just have to see how the judge rules and leads this case, since it's out of the ordinary. The caseworker told us that the state is going to fight against reinstating the children at the family-foster home, and intend to have the children adopted. We were asked if we would be willing to adopt the girls, and we of course said yes.

We would love to have Queen Bee and Sweet Angel be part of our family forever. I love watching how my other two have risen to this and how they show their sweet hearts and love. Miss A and Little Guy have taken to the twins like champions. Today, Miss A got to "share" them for "Show and Tell" with her sweet kindergarten class. I cracked up watching her herd them into the room like sheep, saying, "Come on, sweeties!" Like I expected, after getting to know the twins for a couple of days, Queen Bee bounced around the room at Miss A's side, allowing "big sister" to show her everything in the room, and Sweet Angel took one look at all of those kids, walked to the corner and hid behind the coats hanging on the cubbies. I picked her up and got in some good cuddles with her while the others milled around. It's fun to see their personalities coming through.

I think that's an automatic "thing" people do with twins - immediately look for and discuss the differences and similarities. Queen Bee is more self-confident and knows what she wants, more likely to butt heads when she doesn't precisely get her way than melt and pout, as Sweet Angel might. YET, at the park, Sweet Angel was bounding up the stairs and crawling like a monkey all over, while Queen Bee played on the ground. Funny observations!

Feeling so blessed. No matter how long they stay with us, we will treasure every day, every hour, every minute, every moment. Thanks for listening to my ruminations and reflections!

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Being a Family Of Six: The First 24 Hours

So, we've made it! We've officially put the twins down to bed twice now - three times if I include naps today! Whew! My energy is spent, but in the best way!

I'll go backwards and talk about Monday and how it all went down.

Our placement caseworker got to our house around 3:30 pm. We had papers to sign and binders to obtain, which I mentioned in the last blog post. Thankfully, a sweet high school friend had offered to come over during naps and help me prepare. So, THANK YOU, KK, for the laundry folding, vacuuming, counter wiping, and etc., etc., etc.! The house was ready and so were we!

The girls arrived around 5:15-ish. Twin #1, whom I will call "Sweet Angel", took one look at us crowding the doorway and began weeping. Poor girl. What a big day. I can't imagine dealing with all of the upheaval, not to mention trying to process it all as a toddler.

Twin #2, hereby named "Queen Bee", began coolly overseeing us all, but within minutes had hopped into the lap of The Man of the House. We were told that she had the most trouble dealing with living at the shelter, but she seemed pretty sure of herself after she had warmed up to all of us.

Little Guy and Miss A were beside themselves with excitement. We were so blessed to have KK there to help us distract them and help us give the little ones some breathing room at times. We had pizza ordered, so, once the caseworkers left, we settled down to eat. The girls CHOWED DOWN, showing us very healthy appetites.

We were ready for emotions to hit the fan, so to speak, at any moment, but things went fairly well. Once pajamas were on and teeth were brushed, the books were read, and the word "Bedtime" said, then the tears came. However, they only lasted a minute, once the girls saw that I was going to sit in the rocking chair in their room and I wasn't leaving yet. I rocked until Queen Bee was asleep, and Sweet Angel was almost there, then I began leaving, but I stopped and sat down in the doorway when Sweet Angel began making movements and noises of protest. I plan to ease them into bedtimes and begin with sitting in the doorway over the next few nights, then the hallway outside their room. Hopefully we can get a good enough bedtime routine going that holiday traveling will be not too much of a fuss.

We had a great next day - visited the library for Family Story Time. The girls did great! We were able to see Mrs. C there, which of course made David's day. We all put together an owl craft that the kids got to take home. Fun times. I'm happy to be able to take them out in public and it not be too much of a big deal. I will definitely have to get used to the length of time it takes us to get ready to go anywhere - pretty ridiculous! Between cleaning up diaper messes, lost shoes, finding the "right" toy to take with us, it will take some strategic planning to get us anywhere on time! I am pretty strict with myself on time, and get stressed out when we're late, so I will have to kick the mommy skills into high gear! Positive thinking! Experience and practice will help us improve, I know!

I'll share some more details about the girls - what I can - in the next post. Thanks for the encouragement! We're ready for the next chapter in this fun ride!

Sunday, November 3, 2013

Project: The Twins' Room

Our weekend was a flurry of activity getting ready for the twins to arrive on Monday. We decided Friday night to switch Little Guy to the "office" room, which was almost empty besides my desk and bookshelf. The closet in his "old" room is a smidge bigger than the one in his "new" room, and we figure two girls will need the extra closet space. Plus, Miss A can be close by them and feel like that area is the "girls' wing".

Here are some pictures of how we put the room together:



One side of the room with a bed and a project I'll write about another day...


One bed...


Moving around the room...



Bed #2!


We got the bedding and wall decorations at... of course... Target. We had to get a second bed, which we got at Target as well, actually a crib that converts to a toddler bed and then later can be converted to a double-sized bed. I tried Craigslist all Friday night and Saturday morning, but was only hitting dead ends, so we decided to go with Target. Some friends from church gave us the dresser today. (Thanks, Mrs. and Mrs. S! You rock!) We'll have some fun painting it one of these weekends.

As far as everything else on the preparation check-list, we're sitting pretty good. I washed all of Miss A's clothes we saved from size 2T to 4T, just to have it on hand and ready to wear. I snagged just a couple of outfits (not sure what size the girls wear), two pairs of pajamas, two jackets, pullups and wipes, a couple extra sippy cups and booster seats for the table. We already had a spare car seat for Little Guy, so we only had to buy one instead of two. Again, Craigslist may have been cheaper, but the logistics of hunting these things down individually, then traveling to pick them up, was too much for one short weekend. I know I will have to run and get other things I forgot; I already remembered I didn't buy toothbrushes yet!

We're in high gear and loving it! Can't wait to meet our new sweeties tomorrow!

Friday, November 1, 2013

TWINS! :-)

AHHH! So, it's official! There will be two new faces in the Erickson family on Monday afternoon. I received AN E-MAIL around 3:30 p.m. today saying:

"Good news! We can do placement at 4:00 on Monday afternoon!"

We didn't even know we were definitely picked to be a home for these girls!

On Friday afternoons, I work in the office up at the school where I used to teach. That's where I was when this e-mail popped into my inbox. I was so ecstatic that I ran right into the Man of the House's classroom and ran up to him to hug him. He knew as soon as he saw my face that we had good news.

My brother summed it up like a pro when he texted me this:
"Sometimes, it feels like God is saying 'No' when it was actually, 'Wait, I'm just about to give you the motherload!'"

The first half of this week, I was perfectly peaceful. I felt content with whatever happened with the sibling group we heard about last week. Even though the time had passed and it felt like too much time had passed for us to have been picked. Even though this week marked eight months since Baby Girl left us. My spirit was trusting and it felt good. When the CALL came on Wednesday about the twins, I was excited, but not anxious.

I had pretty much fallen off the "calm, peaceful, good attitude" wagon today. I was internally a nervous wreck and this situation was all my brain kept wanting to focus on. I was hitting the "refresh" button on the e-mail inbox way too often, just to see if I had a new message, or double checking my voice mail to make sure I didn't miss a call from the caseworker. I was debating with myself on whether or not to call to see what had happened, and at the same time, I was just annoying myself with all of my sudden anxiousness.

To finally hear that we had been chosen, that we have new additions coming to the house, was amazing. And this plan is where we are supposed to be. God is so good! He never forgets us.

So here's what we know about the 2-yr-old twin girls: they're 2-years-old, and they're twins, and they're girls.

Yup, that's it!

We don't know ethnicity, lots of details about family history, birthday, or even NAMES! :-) We will be meeting two brand new members of our family on Monday, and everything about them will be a surprise! When I read the e-mail this afternoon, I replied expressing my thanks, and asking for more information, but our caseworker must have left early because I didn't get a reply. Oh, well!

The plan is for the caseworker to arrive at 3:30 on Monday afternoon to sign the placement papers with us. We will get the binder with the children's background information that is known so far, the investigations report explaining the reasons the children were removed from their original home, court records of what's happened in the case, and anything else pertaining to the children themselves. We also will receive in the binder copies of paperwork we will be using for the duration of the girls' time as foster children with us: monthly report forms, medication forms (prescription and OTC medicine), doctor and dentist visit forms, etc. We keep these up to date and share with both our caseworker and the children's caseworker as we go.

We're just so excited to have good news to share, and a new journey to begin. The realities of being parents to multiples, and doubling the number of children we have with one blow, are of course in the front of our minds. We're stepping up our game in terms of communication and organization; you have to, to make such a drastic family transition. (I have a theory that, with us, the level of "with-it-ness" we have as parents is directly proportional to the amount of children we're caring for. I felt so organized and "together" during the times that we had three children, because we had to be. We're ready, and excited, and jumping in with both feet.)

Thanks for your prayers and encouragement as we move forward! We don't know where God will lead these two little sweethearts, but we will love and care for them as long as we can! Please keep them in your prayers as well, with the least amount of trauma possible as they also transition. What a huge deal to join a new family, and how much more amazingly earth-shaking it must be to do it at 2-years-old.

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

A New Opportunity

I got a Call from our caseworker this afternoon. She was asking about a placement for a set of 2-year-old twins. I said we would be interested and she said we will know more information tomorrow.
They are a foster-adopt placement, which means there is a legal risk, the same as our other placements have been. If we are the family chosen, we will go through the court process until their ultimate destination is decided at the end.
We'll keep you updated. I also have not heard anything at this point about any of the adoption situations from last week, but they were supposed to be making decisions by the end of this week.
So, this is how it goes, being an open placement for foster kids and potential adoptive kids! You just go with the flow and see where the ride takes you!
Thanks for your thoughts and prayers and support on our ride!

Monday, October 28, 2013

Tired of Me Talking about "Waiting"?

I was feeling kind of down this weekend about the adoption placements from last week. The Match Event was last Saturday, and since we still hadn't heard anything, The Man of the House and I were assuming that we weren't chosen.

This afternoon I emailed our placement caseworker to ask if she had heard anything. I felt slightly bad asking her, fearing that we may appear pushy, or over-aggressive, or just plain annoying. :-) I tried to make it light-hearted, saying we aren't as familiar with an adoption placement, as most of our kids have been emergency, same-day placements.

She responded very quickly and told me the latest was that the caseworker for the last sibling group we had contact with said she would make her decision by the end of this week.

I wrote back immediately, thanking her, and exclaiming that I was happy to hear there is still hope!

I had a conversation with my Dad last week while I was updating him on what we knew about the placement. Now, first, you have to understand the relationship between my Dad and me. I am definitely a Daddy's girl. Not that I don't love my mom - and I have grown in respect and plain awe of her as I have grown older - but it's just wired in me that my Dad and I "click". I could talk to my Mom about anything and everything, and she was close with my friends. She never was a peer, or tried to be, but she was and is definitely one of my greatest friends. On the other hand, when something big was happening, I had to tell Dad and get his input and/or approval, and that little girl is still inside of me, wanting that interaction. If you want to get me really bawling, play "Butterfly Kisses" or "I Loved Her First" or any other song usually heard during father-daughter dances at weddings. Now, the interesting thing about my Dad and me is that we're almost completely different personality wise. Not good, not bad, just intriguing. If you know the Myers-Briggs personality profile system, you'll understand the difference between a person who is mostly a  "T" personality and someone who us mostly an "F". Thinking vs. feeling. Logic verses emotions. My dad has almost all "T" and no "F" and I have almost all "F" and barely any "T". In simpler terms, he faces the world with logic and I use my feelings and intuition. We like to discuss it; I find it fascinating.

I digress.

Anyway, after I was sharing, even though I assumed I was sounding positive, we started having one of those father-daughter talks. He told me, "You have always been a worrier. You get it from your grandmother." (This is a common motif in our conversations! Heard it many times! And I totally agree that I get it from Grandma Bernice! Love you! :-))

I told him something to the effect of: "But I think I am a choose-your-battle type of worrier. I won't get uptight if Little Guy puts his pants on backwards, because he did it himself and I want him to be proud of his accomplishments. If milk gets spilled at the table, we say 'Oops' and clean it up with not much fuss because it's not a big deal. Big deals are worth caring about, and whether or not we get another kid in the house is a big deal to us." He did concede that I have gotten better at not worrying about everything as much as I did when I was younger. Hey, there's always baby steps to take, people!

I don't want to become so consumed with the "next step" that I lose sight of the blessings that we have right now. I know we have two wonderful, awesome kids who are more precious than anything else on this earth to the two of us. God has richly blessed us with food and clothing and a home to live in. It's not that we want MORE to have MORE, when we desire more children; we just feel led that this is our path and we trust that God is the one to provide for us and complete our family further, and we won't stop bugging him yet!

There's definitely a sense of walking a fine line, between contentment and pouring out our heart's desires in prayer as often as we can. God tells us to "Ask, Seek, Knock", and we try to do that every day out of the peace in our hearts. Some days, it's easier to be patient than others.

I would ask for thoughts and prayers for us to continue to keep positive attitudes in this waiting time. Please also remember the little ones whom God will add to our family - we ask for their safety and protection at this time, and for our relationship to begin as healthy as possible the moment we know they are joining our family. I'll keep posting on any updates!

Saturday, October 26, 2013

Project: Chore Charts

The Man of the House and I have been talking about how our kids (especially Miss A) are getting old enough to help around the house. They both do a pretty good job of helping when they're asked at this point. We try to think of age-appropriate tasks, both things they do now and things we would like them to do. He and I agree that appropriate responsibilities will foster self-confidence, pleasure in a job well done, and a feeling of familial helpfulness. All that good stuff! We have differing views about allowance (maybe a topic for a later post) but we both agree they're ready for some official responsibility just for the sake of helping around the house.

I searched Pinterest for different ideas. I saw a lot of cute charts, DIY, printable, and some you can purchase. One that caught my eye used magnets that the kids move when they accomplish a chore.

However, I came up with another idea in the end. I utilized the same concept I used for my to-do list I used at school last year. I printed off a blank form and then put it into a picture frame I already had. This enabled me to use dry-erase markers instead of buying or replicating numerous copies of my blank list. I kept it simple - only five spaces. I really liked this format.

So... drum roll... here are the chore charts, newly placed in the hallway between the two kids' bedrooms, right outside the bathroom.


And here's another, closer picture.


Here is a close-up of Miss A's chart. Her jobs are: making the bed, getting dressed, fixing her lunch and getting her backpack ready (with our help, of course, to make sure the lunch was healthy and she hasn't forgotten anything), clearing the table after meals, watering the plants on the front porch, picking up her toys at night before bed, and brushing her teeth.

You can see that I snapped the picture as soon as I put it up, so there are no dry-erase marks. (Yet, she added a sticker this morning as soon as she made her bed! Silly goose!)





And here's Little Guy's chore chart. He gets to make his bed, get dressed, set the table, get the mail, water the plants (with double duty, hopefully someone will get to them each day, right?) and brush teeth.


The best part about these charts is how versatile they are. Changing or modifying the tasks is as easy as printing off a new page and inserting it into the picture frame. Hopefully this will help our days go smoothly!

Does your family have chores? Do you have a place where you keep record of it, or a method you use to keep your kids accountable? I'd love to hear about it in the comment section!

Thursday, October 24, 2013

Waiting... Another Update

I received an e-mail last night from our placement caseworker entitled, "Two GREAT Siblings Looking for a Family!" When I opened it, a picture of two adorable kids smiled back at me. There was a little girl who is 7-years-old and a little boy who is 6-years-old. The message gave a little background on the pair, as well as their interests and basic personality descriptions. (You never hear tons of information on the first "feeler" sent out about a child or sibling group. Once you are matched with a placement, then you will be given a more complete account of their history and current situation. Once you are preparing to adopt a child, you receive their whole file and get to read the WHOLE shebang, every note, every message, etc.)

After the Man of the House returned home from coaching a football practice, we sat down to dinner and looked over the e-mail together. After some discussion, we agreed to tell her that we are interested. 6 and 7 may have seemed a little old several weeks ago, but after the Match Event, seeing all of those older children, we agreed to spread out our parameters, so to speak. We'll see what happens!

I don't want to jump ahead of myself, but I've been having visions of sugarplums dancing in my heads, dreaming of a Christmas with "our new children", coming together as a family, celebrating together... What a fun time that would be!

Side-note: I also found out from our caseworker yesterday that the sibling group of two girls won't work out for us. They are, for whatever reason, a "moderate" care case, and we are only licensed for "basic" cases. Quick prayers that a good home will be found for those sweeties!

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Waiting... An Update

I mentioned that I e-mailed our placement caseworker about the three opportunities mentioned in the book we received at the Match Event on Saturday. She e-mailed me back early Monday morning and said she would forward our home study to the respective caseworkers so they can make a decision.

We don't know when we'll hear anything, but it sure feels good to know that the wheels are turning, and things are happening, even if they're out of our control. (And even if that phrase makes me want to shudder sometimes!) :-)

On Monday afternoon, I received an e-mail from one of the caseworkers I had e-mailed myself, and she was asking for the name of our organization and caseworker. She was the one with a two-girl sibling group. I complied, but we have yet to hear anything back from her.

So, that's a brief update with where we are. I don't want to be boring, sharing news that's really no news, but, then again, this is a real picture of how it goes for a potential placement family. You hurry up and wait! And get ready for the fun craziness to begin!

Sunday, October 20, 2013

Baby Girl's Story

This story will be the hardest to write. It was painful, and it is the most recent.

I'll back up to last fall. Our caseworker began asking us if we would be open to new placements, as we were licensed for three children in our home at the time. We told her we wanted to wait until Little Guy's adoption went through, so we could focus on getting everything done that needed to happen, and just celebrate that time with him. Right before Christmas, we had a regular monthly visit from the caseworker. She asked again if we would be open to a placement and we happily told her, "Sure!"

In the morning on January 10th, I received a CALL from our caseworker. She asked me if we would be interested in taking in a four-day-old baby girl who was currently in the NICU due to some medical issues related to the pregnancy and birth, but was going to be released that day. I ecstatically agreed and ran to find The Man of the House.

We were all so thrilled - over-the-moon kind of happy. I remember that my face hurt from smiling so much those first couple of days. The Man of the House, Miss A, Little Guy and I had all been praying for our new "baby brother" or "baby sister" for months, asking God to keep him or her safe and protect her, to help us prepare our home and hearts for a new addition, and to guide the outcome of the placement. The kids were so great about the situation; they think it's completely normal for a caseworker to drop off a random kid at your house to become part of your family! We are very open about the fact that they are adopted, and we tell the age-appropriate versions of their own stories to them every so often. We want them always to know how wanted they are and how loved - by so many people.

On the day we took in Baby Girl, here was her situation: Birthparents were not together. They were both a few years older than us. They had created an adoption plan during the last part of the pregnancy, but when birthfather came to the hospital to sign it after the delivery, birthmother told him she had changed her mind and wanted to raise the baby. He told her he wanted nothing to do with the whole ordeal. CPS became involved when certain things came to light about the situation. That's where we came in. Birthmother was somewhat estranged from her family and said she did not have anyone to take the baby in for the time being. We were chosen to take Baby Girl. Birthmother had an unfortunate history and a long journey ahead of her to regain her rights. The closest family were her parents three or four hours away, but the investigations caseworker confided to us that was too far away to consider for a placement. I will stress now that nothing was promised to us, but we were told it looked promising for our eventual adoption of Baby Girl. Birthmother could probably even change her mind about the adoption and maybe voluntarily terminate her parental rights, it was discussed with us. It sounded like a fairly simple case and we felt extremely blessed.

Baby Girl completed the puzzle of our family at that time in a way that is hard to describe. From the second we laid eyes on her, Baby Girl felt like a piece of our family that was always meant to be part of us. The Man of the House and I could hardly articulate to each other how attached we immediately felt to her. It all just "clicked" and we were praying right from the very first that she would stay with us for good. Of course we threw in the "if it be Your Will, Lord," phrase while we prayed, but of course this would be God's Will if it was working out so smoothly and felt so right, right?

Getting up in the middle of the night and then teaching a full day at school wasn't very difficult because of how enamored with her we all were. The Man of the House usually stayed up until about 11 p.m. to feed her, then I woke up around 2 or 3 a.m. to feed her again, and she ate again somewhere between 5 or 6 a.m., either before or after my shower, depending on the time. We had an efficient system of teamwork and I treasure my husband so much for his willingness to tackle these sleepless nights without complaining. It was a joyful, delirious, content time in our lives.

During the day, we arranged for Baby Girl to stay with a new friend from church who had a two-year-old almost exactly Little Guy's age. What a blessing to have people around us who are willing to jump on the crazy train right along side us and be ready to pitch in when our world abruptly changes course!

Miss A and Little Guy took turns holding Baby Girl every chance they could get. Miss A especially enjoyed helping with feeding time, but she did tell us, "I'm not doing any diapers." They talked about the baby to anyone who would listen.

A couple of weeks went by and our first court appearance happened. I took the morning off of teaching to head to the courthouse. I had not met Baby Girl's caseworker or lawyer in person, so I was looking forward to sitting down and discussing her care and growth so far. I waited in the hallway, sitting in a padded chair, rocking and feeding Baby Girl. Two older people came up to me while I was waiting and began asking questions about the baby, and then told me that they were Birthmother's parents. They had just recently learned about the birth of Baby Girl, and they were there to get custody of her as her grandparents.

I felt floored, blindsided, scared, for my own sake. But I held it all in and made small talk. They asked to hold her, of course I handed her right over, and they held her the rest of the morning, without speaking much to me after that. When the lawyer came over, introduced herself briefly and then told me I wasn't needed in their conversation and I might be more comfortable sitting down inside the court room while they spent time with the baby out there in the waiting area. Feeling brushed off, pushed aside, I numbly complied and sat by myself listening to other cases for about an hour before I went back out to see if they needed anything.

I finally found Baby Girl's caseworker and we got to talk. I told her about the interaction and the statement the grandparents had made, not speaking in a defensive manner, just attempting to gauge her reaction. She looked at me and asked, "Does that make you upset?" She didn't speak unkindly, just very plainly and slowly, and continued, "You know that we keep children with families as much as possible. Of course they are here to get custody." I explained that I hadn't known until this moment that the grandparents were in the picture for custody, as I was told that they lived too far away to be considered for placement of Baby Girl and had been expecting to have her for the time being, if not longer. It was a new development for me and The Man of the House at the moment and we just needed to please be kept abreast of any new developments or decisions that came up.The caseworker told me not to worry, she might not leave today, but... we would have to see what the judge decided. At this point I was tearing up, she hugged me and apologized for me finding out this way, and I excused myself to the bathroom... and sobbed. I felt that communication had happened without us and felt powerless to have any say in Baby Girl's future. Obviously everyone else was on one page and we hadn't been informed. That was almost as painful as the thought of being separated from Baby Girl.

The grandparents were not rude to me in any way, I think they simply had no idea we had been told of the probability (at the time) of our keeping Baby Girl as a foster placement and longer. They considered us a foster home, which we rightfully were, but they assumed we were only a "placeholder" until they could come along and take care of the child. If I were in their shoes, I'm sure I would feel the same way.

In the middle of this complex interaction, the investigations caseworker (who originally removed Baby Girl from Birthmother's custody) later checked in with me in the courtroom, saw I didn't have the baby, asked why, retrieved her from the grandparents, apologized for them being allowed to "take over", and said, "I know they're here to get custody, but I think she needs to stay with you." It was whiplash, back and forth, back and forth, with my emotions.

During the hearing, the judge received all of the information and updates, and then announced that she wasn't ready to move Baby Girl. The grandparents needed to be investigated and show that they could provide a decent home for her. This was the same judge who had overseen Spunky Girl/Preemie Boy's case, as well as Little Guy's case (Miss A was in a different county), so she knew our family, and said, "This is a good foster family and I know she's getting excellent care. I want to keep her there at this time." Obviously, her encouraging words made me feel better. As far as moving Baby Girl, with the long list of items to happen before you are "approved" by the agency, we all figured it would be a while, a span of time probably heading into months.

The days were horribly bittersweet as they went by. Every night left us more attached to Baby Girl, more confident that God had a miraculous plan that would enable her to stay with us forever, yet more fearful of the thought of her departure. Every call from the caseworker brought a rollercoaster of emotion as we heard all kinds of varying reports on Baby Girl's placement status. No answer could be determined... and no news is definitely not good news when the revelation of said news feels so immensely important. We heard how Birthmother wasn't doing well and chances were slipping away quickly that she could regain custody, in the caseworker's opinion. We heard about progress on the investigation of the grandparents and we heard about how Birthmother expressed that it was her desire for Baby Girl to stay with us and not be placed into her parents' custody. All we could be told was that everything would be reported to the judge and she would make the decision.

We were never able to have a single actual meeting with either Baby Girl's caseworker or lawyer - they cancelled or no-showed on us several times, and even though they apologized, it still hurt and felt unfair - and we felt time slipping away from us, Baby Girl slipping away from us, without the possibility of The Man of the House and I, the foster parents, even being able to share our own feelings, opinions, and experiences.

Another court date was scheduled when Baby Girl had been with us about two months. The night before, I had a horrible foreboding feeling, worrying about leaving any stone unturned or anything unsaid. I called Baby Girl's caseworker, apologizing for bugging her after hours. Our last conversation had ended with her telling me "It was probably best for Baby Girl to get back with family as soon as possible and not just be stuck in some foster home." I wanted the caseworker to know that that wasn't the case for Baby Girl. I told her how much The Man of the House and I were attached to Baby Girl, how much we loved and cared for her, and how much we desired to adopt her if the time came. I said that I had never fully expressed it to her and I didn't want to appear pushy, but I needed to see if this made any difference to her opinion and if it would affect what she would tell the judge in the morning. The caseworker responded, "I had no idea you wanted to adopt her." I replied, "Well, we are a foster-adopt home and have adopted two others." She said, "Really?" and paused, then said, "That changes things."

I could barely sleep that night, reeling from the conversation with the caseworker. Should we have been up front from the beginning that our ultimate intent was to adopt Baby Girl, if her Birthmother lost custody, of course? Or was that too forward? You are somewhat discouraged from seriously discussing adoption when children are still in the foster portion of their care. Nothing's settled until it's settled, and you can't cross a bridge before you come to it.

The next day at court, I was told as soon as I arrived by Baby Girl's caseworker that the team would be asking the judge to move placement of Baby Girl to the grandparents' home effective immediately. Again, all I could feel was numb. It didn't help that we were one of the last cases heard that day and I had to hold everything in for such a long period of time. At one point, I did ask permission to run home and pack her bags quickly, to help make things easier for the grandparents. I cried the entire ride home, while at home, and the entire ride back.

The judge announced that she would agree to the placement move, but wanted to work out a smooth transition time. Instead of an immediate change, she asked if Friday, three days away, would be enough time for all of us. We all agreed and the hearing was over. The caseworker asked if she should pick Baby Girl up at school Friday morning. I asked if she could pick her up at the caregiver's home instead; I didn't want my students watching the good-bye.

It is not being dramatic to say that Friday was one of the worst days I have experienced. I dropped Baby Girl and her bag of clothes and diapers at the caregiver's home and could not linger so as to make it to school on time. I don't recall if I actually talked or just awkwardly left her with the caregiver after I kissed her good-bye and walked away.

I taught that day, which was probably a mistake. I excused myself to the hallway or bathroom countless times to cry, and spent lunch and recess time bawling with The Man of the House, who confessed that he had been choking back tears behind his ubiquitous coffee mug all morning (only the second time I've ever seen him cry, after the day of his grandfather's funeral). I had been very open with the students that today would be a rough day for me. They knew Baby Girl was a foster baby, had been bouncing off the walls with me the day we received THE CALL about her, and stunned into silence on the day I told them she was leaving us. As cold and numb as I was, I felt the warmth of their concern and care as my sixth graders prayed for me that morning. (One blessing of teaching at a Christian school! Love those kids!)

We survived the day and got home. I cried through most of dinner. At one point during the meal, Miss A stopped eating and sat in my lap. She looked at me, put her head on my shoulder, and tears began forming in her eyes. I asked her what was making her sad, and she said, "I think it's probably the same thing that's making you sad, Mommy." I held her and we sobbed together for a minute, and I said, "Yes, I miss Baby Girl very much. We love her, don't we?" She peered up through her tears and said, "Yes, we love her, Mommy, but there are more boys and girls that need our help now. We need to be ready to say 'Yes, we can help them!' when they ask us." Of course, that made me cry harder, tears of gratefulness that she understood what this was all about, maybe even better than we did.

I think about that moment whenever people comment or ask about the effect that fostering has on the other, permanent children in the home. I think teaching kids from an early age that sacrificing your own comfort or desires for the ultimate good of another is never a bad thing. It's painful for anyone when there is loss of any kind. It was painful for us, because we wanted things to work out our way for our own little world. Kids are so resilient, though. To Miss A and Little Guy, the uncertainty of having Baby Girl was a fact of life, and one they didn't question. It was natural - and of course, there was NO question about us doing it again. Miss A fully expected each of us to brush ourselves off, jump right back on our horses, and get ready for the next ride.

My hope in sharing this experience is not to appear overly dramatic or emotional, nor is it to ask for pity. We knew what we were getting into when we signed up for this journey even before Miss A coming to our home was a reality. About half of the kids in foster care return to their biological families. No matter how things sound at the beginning of a case, things can always change. Putting up with the uncertainty is in the job description. We handled this well on some days and not as well on some days. I've said it before and I'll continue to say it, KNOWING WHAT COULD HAPPEN DOESN'T MAKE IT EASY WHEN IT DOES HAPPEN!

But we'll do it again.

Love and kindness are never wasted.

I can't explain clearly how holding that precious warm bundle of sweetness with her mop of red hair gave us such incredible joy, no matter how short the time was. Life is uncertain in any circumstance. It could have been my biological child that I raised in my own womb and then "lost" two months later. If you have actually experienced the death of a child, my heart cries out in agony for you, because I know my hurt is only a shadow compared with yours. We are blessed to know that Baby Girl is still here on this earth with grandparents who love her. The pain slowly fades, but the memories will never be forgotten. Christ who hung on the cross with all my sin, experiencing the mess of this world with all its pain, was triumphant over it all, and He promises that "He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away." Revelation 21:4

Love you, Baby Girl. May you grow strong and courageous and honorable and compassionate, and always feel His love and ours, even if we never meet again.