Almost There

It seems like I have been starting out the latest blog posts the same way - "well, We're plugging along... It's moving, slowly by surely..." I do have some updates on the case today after speaking with the girls' caseworker yesterday.

The paternity test FINALLY came back for Curly Sue, and she is biologically the child of the OTHER father from Brown-Eyed Baby Girl, which means she and the baby are genetically half-sisters. Again, this doesn't matter much to the end result of the custody of the girls, but it is good to know and to have in the court documents when we go to trial.

Dad #2's mother has contacted her son's lawyer and dropped the custody suit, and will testify to such if needed at the trial. Mom's mother keeps on contacting the girls' caseworker for a visit, since the other grandmother was able to see them, so we are doing that on September 4th. (However, she is not and hasn't been in the quest for custody - Curly Sue was with her when the baby was first born, but had to be removed, which is why the girls went into a foster care - adoptive placement.)

We still don't have a new court date, but the respective attorneys and caseworkers and court officials are meeting this Friday to set a date together. September 16th was the date, but needed to be rescheduled for the Assistant District Attorney couldn't make that date. Now, the girls' caseworker will be out from September 18th-28th, which means if we delay again, it will mean not reconvening until October. However, the caseworker said she is going to push to get on our judge's docket for sometime next week, so we may be rescheduling for SOONER rather than later. That would be good!

I may or may not need to testify at the trial, at this point. Since the birthmother relinquished her rights, we're just dealing with terminating the rights of the two fathers now. I was mainly testifying about the older sister's condition when she came to us from the birth family, so my testimony might not be needed.

The caseworker DID receive an email from an adoptive caseworker of the one grandpa, who lives about 10 hours away, who is stating he DOES want to continue to pursue custody, and trying to get the department involved with logistics of making that happen. The caseworker and lawyer had already dismissed him as a potential home, because of the distance, and the fact that he is currently adopting three other grandchildren who have been removed from his son's home. It looks like he's continuing to make noise about it, but the caseworker and lawyer think the judge will agree with their decision to eliminate him as a placement change. One other main obstacle would be that, with the distance between us, there would be no opportunity for trial visits - it's too far to take the girls back and forth for an over night or several day visit until there is acclimation. Since we're meeting his ex-wife for the visit on the 4th, we're hoping she will like us, as the other grandmother did, and put in a good word for us so he would drop his custody suit as well. Of course, even if the judge denies him as a placement, he could come back and make an actual court case suing for custody and delay our adoption, and at that point we could get our own lawyer and have representation as parents who have had custody of the girls for 11 months - almost 12 months now. We're staying positive and praying that doesn't happen.

One VERY good piece of news is about our current separate living situation. I was up north with the rest of the fam for two weeks and returned yesterday; SO difficult. I really treasured that time, but man, we were all in tears the night before I left with the girls to come back down here. The caseworker let me know that, legally, we can be on "vacation" for up to 30 days at a time during the case, and she can make her visits with us during the time we are back. I asked her, "So, technically, I could go up there for 30 days, come back, see you, and a few days later go back for another 30 days?" She said YES, as long as the girls' lawyer is okay with it as well, and both of them can do their monthly visits during the time when we're back. (And if it doesn't work schedule-wise for those days/week(s), one or two Skype or Facetime visits would be acceptable.) GREAT NEWS!

As far as foster care certification, I'm set with all licenses and trainings until January! So hopefully I won't even need to do anything, assuming we can be done by November or December!

So, there you have it! We're feeling pretty positive, and continuing to choose joy in whatever circumstances we're in! Please pray for us that we can do so! Thanks, everyone, for reading!

We Have Court Tomorrow... Or We're Supposed To...

So, just because nothing can go too easily or it would just be boring :-), we have a little bit of a snag hitting for tomorrow's termination trial.

One of the attorneys involved raised a stink today because the DNA paternity tests on the dads have not come in yet. She is saying we can't do trial until that comes in, just to dot the i's and cross the t's. Now, no one seems to have figured out so far this morning if the tests aren't in because they haven't been processed at the Attorney General's office, or because the dads have not gone to do them (again... for the third or fourth time they've been court-ordered to do so).

The girls' caseworker and lawyer are going to fight to push through and have the trial as scheduled tomorrow. As the lawyer said, if they waited for dads to follow through on paternity tests for every case, most every kid would age out of the system first before that ever happens. The caseworker said that the fathers have been non-compliant and absent the entire time anyway, and were going to be terminated on, whether they were alleged fathers or legal fathers or actual fathers. The dads have had this entire time (almost 11 months) to get their kids back, and if neither has even made the effort to do a cheek swab for a paternity test, they are not serious (or not serious enough) about attempting to get their kids back. Neither dad has ever attended a visit, or court beyond the first initial hearing in the fall, and don't even respond to messages from the caseworker or attorney.

The caseworker and lawyers are going to light fires at the DA's office to get the paperwork processed today if the tests have been done, and to put pressure on other lawyers to go ahead with the trial, as the plan is to terminate anyway regardless of which father is the father of whom.

Just stinks that the other lawyer is doing this the day before trial, but we know how these things go. Everyone tries to scramble at the end.

We may not have any birth parents at court tomorrow. Not a lot of contact has been happening between any of the three parents and the caseworkers/lawyers. It's very sad that this happens, but as it gets closer to termination, usually the parents get really desperate or they give up and fade away. It is impossible to ignore thinking about what they may be feeling and going through at this point, as it all sinks in that this is REAL and not a game. I'm praying really hard for peace and comfort and serenity for all of us, but I especially feel for what's happening to the three of them this week. (Regardless of how invested they are /  have been during this year.)

Prayers that the whole group will agree to go through and hear out the entire trial tomorrow, instead of postponing it until tests come in (which could be months if we leave it to the dads to follow through). Whether it's the dads who aren't following through or the Attorney General's office procrastinating, it doesn't change the fact that the plan has been to terminate the parental rights of both dads at the trial, whenever it is and whoever it is.

Anyway, we'll keep y'all up to date with what we know! Hopefully we hear good news today about going ahead tomorrow! Trying (and somewhat succeeding!) to keep calm! :-) God's got it! 

Que sera, sera! 

Love you all! Thanks for the support!

Step By Step... Fun with Doctors and Dentists!

Time for a little update on the girls' case.

Well... There's not all that much to update. We're just holding on until the July 9th court date, which as I've mentioned, is our next and last court appearance. This is where the judge will rule on whether the girls' parents will have their parental rights terminated, or if the girls will be reunified.

We've been having fun catching Curly Sue up on her medical care. We were pretty concerned with her basic hygiene and general medical status when she arrived. Nothing huge like a severe medical condition - it just seemed like she had had the absolute bare minimum of health care or personal care in the past, if any. She seemed to not understand what a bath meant (she shrieked, "Why are you putting water on my head?!" during the first bath experience at our house), couldn't recognize any fruit or vegetable besides a french fry, had no history of vaccinations, and had horrendous teeth issues. We knew going in that there would be a lot of catching up to do in these areas. This is pretty common for kids coming into foster care; you never know what kind of medical attention they had received in the past, up to obvious and blatant medical neglect. We have seen a lot of this in our own cases, and heard a lot of other stories from other foster parents.

Two weeks ago, she had a pretty big dental procedure - all in all, it ended up meaning three root canals and fourteen caps. The crowns that were placed on the back molars are silver, but the ones on the front teeth are white in color. She was a champ and had a quick recovery from the day, which involved a general anesthesia so she would be out during the entire thing and be able to have it all done in one appointment.

We also have been catching her up on her immunizations. She had no medical records saved. Ever. Besides a birth certificate. Nothing on file even with the state government health websites showing any appointments, procedures, or vaccinations. Sooo, she's been having to go on the "catch-up" schedule to get in all of the proper vaccines required. Basically we started from scratch. Of course, this means she REALLY loves going to doctor's appointments. Or not so much.

Thankfully, both girls are otherwise in very good health. Brown-Eyed Baby Girl - now 8 months old - is growing so big! She crawls incredibly quickly and of course gets into everything. She can pull herself up to stand, and even tries to let go and stand on her own. She will definitely be an early walker. Although the days of immobility were definitely easier, it is such a joy to see her curiosity as she explores her world. She babbles constantly. (She'll be a big talker as well - I'm getting what I deserve, I guess, right Grandma Eberhard?! :-) ) God definitely blessed us with an easy, happy-go-lucky baby and we love her to pieces.

The four kids get along so well. Definitely a prayer answered! It really has been a blessing to watch Miss A and Little Guy open up their hearts without questions. To share your home, your toys, and your parents with new kids may be a challenge, but these two are definitely up to it! All three big kids dote on the baby and would sit and just watch her all day if they could! It's a big help having my two little Mama Bears to help around the place and feed the baby if I get busy, and a loving big brother who makes her light up when he enters the room. He can make her laugh for hours!

As far as the direction the case is heading, it seems to be on the same trajectory. We had a long stretch of about three months with hardly any visitations granted to the birth mom, then we had three in a row, but now this week's visitation has been cancelled. Paternity tests were administered last week to definitively name the birth fathers of each girl in the court documents, although it won't have much bearing on the outcome at this point, as both continue to not be active in the case. Results should be announced next week.

So, basically, just looking forward to that final date in July, where we will know the status of the case once and for all. Again, that's the trial for termination. Following that, assuming the judge does terminate the birthparents' rights, we will move forward with the adoption. That adoption consummation court date will be anywhere from 30 days to 90 days following the termination ruling.

Possible roadblocks to our adopting the girls could be: a) an appeal being filed by one or more of the birthparents or b) an extension of some time given to the birthparents to continue working their service plan and be deemed "rehabilitated" enough to be reunified with the girls permanently. However, none of the lawyers for the birthparents have said they are interested in an appeal OR an extension - they seem to figure at this point, there's no validity for the court granting either.

It is of course difficult to once again be in a situation where you have absolutely no control over the outcome. All we can "do" is try to provide the best home we can for the girls - and of course for Miss A and our Little Guy.

I'll end with this song, which has been repeatedly in my head over the past weeks:

And this is going to be a glorious unfolding
Just you wait and see and you will be amazed
You’ve just got to believe the story is so far from over
So hold on to every promise God has made to us
And watch this glorious unfolding


Awesome words there!

Thanks, all!

Trial Dates Are Set

The twins' court hearing happened today to announce further dates in the trial. I ended up deciding not to attend, since it was so far away and no discussion was really taking place there. Here's what came out of the day:

•  May 29th: Mediation Hearing (Lawyers, caseworkers, and family members come together to work on details of the trial, including potentially settling out of court - which is highly unlikely to happen)

• June 9th: Trial will begin at District Court 

We also learned the unfortunate news that the foster family caring for the other sibling group of two has given notice that they would like the children to be removed and placed with another foster family. This is obviously very disappointing, since we already knew that Big Sister has changed placements already because of various issues. These kids have been through so much in their short lives, from being removed from their home of origin, to being removed from their potential adoptive home, to being put in a shelter before being placed into foster homes separately...  Aching isn't the word to describe how my heart feels for these five kids.

Apparently, though, at the court appearance, it was discussed that WE would be the best and most logical placement for these two children. So when the lawyer called me to relay the dates of the trial, she asked if we would be willing to take them on.

Uh, wow.

My head was spinning in so many directions. (It still is, several hours later.) This would mean SIX kids under the age of six in our home, when we had only two with us five months ago. That would mean, besides the twins, Little Guy, and Miss A, we would have a 1-year-old as well as a 3-year-old who is literally only one week younger than our son, which would be virtually like having two sets of twins. Ai-yi-yi.

Realistically, we need to say no. We can't overburden our already busy and overflowing household. It wouldn't be unfair to Miss A and Little Guy, whom we KNOW will be with us for the long run.

And yet, my heart breaks to have to decline. The fact that these kids are separated through no fault of their own pains me. I want so badly to say yes. I want to give them the love they haven't known yet. I want to know they will understand what "home" really means. I want them to know what "safe" really means.

Aaahhh.......

Please don't think I'm absolutely crazy for having even considered this. I am not in denial about how hard it would have been to make this a reality. From housing to transportation to emotional stability to marriage health - it would be incredibly complicated, I know. Yet, my overwhelming feeling is guilt at my human frailties, disappointment at NOT being able to be a Superhero and make this happen for these kids.

Anyway, it's always an interesting ride here at our house. We know that God has blessed us with this life, and we are so honored and humbled that He has entrusted us with the kids we have, and the gifts He has given us. What a comfort to know we are never alone.

We'd appreciate prayers for the entire situation, all of the upheavals and uncertainty of the future. The story has already been written - we're just awaiting its playing out.

Visitation 2-20-2014

The saga continues with one more visit today for the twins and their former caretakers. There isn't really a lot to report, as I just dropped them off today and a transporter brought them home. Nobody but the front receptionist was there at the office and she took the girls back to the visiting room and I left. I tried calling the lawyer and caseworker and left messages asking for updates, but I haven't heard anything yet.

We have less than a week to go until we hear when the dates of the trial are. We're really debating if I should attend this hearing or not.

On one hand, just showing up says that we are invested in the case and care about the outcome. If I went, we would hear everything first hand and not have to rely on the lawyer and caseworker to pass on any information.

On the other hand, if the only purpose of the hearing is to announce the trial dates, and I am not going to be able to make any contribution by my presence, than it would be probably best to not go. Arranging childcare for the day and driving all that way is sometimes an annoyance.

So, nothing new to report.

Well, actually, both girls came home in the clothes they were wearing when I dressed them this morning, which means they had no accidents during the visit! They continued their awesomeness by not having any the rest of the day, either! Back on track! Woo-hoo!

Visitation 2-17-2014

It was with slight sighs and rolling of the eyes that we took the twins in for a visitation today. Selfishly, we had wanted today to be a full holiday for our family and had planned to be together and do something fun, the six of us. However, this date worked for everyone else involved, so we made it happen too, and it wasn't a big deal.

Little Guy and Miss A were treated to the San Antonio Children's Museum while the twins were at the visit. It is such a neat place. The kid-powered elevator is awesome to see at any age. Our kids especially love the child-sized grocery store in the basement. If you've never been there, and you have young kids, it's definitely worth the visit! Here's the website: www.sakids.org

After playing for several hours there, we took the kids to a Mexican restaurant we were unfamiliar with on the River Walk. It was a beautiful day to sit outside, overlooking the river, counting the boats that floated by, eating chips and salsa. Well, Little Guy actually just ate salsa. Actually he drank it straight from the bowl. So silly!

It was priceless to get some alone time with the oldest two and my husband. I love watching them get older, and how they are becoming their own little people. We had such a blast together. I feel so blessed.

The girls each had one accident during the visit, which the lady walking them out made sure to tell me. (I still can't figure out if she works for the clinic that is supervising the visits or if she's a therapist overseeing the case or something else. She's always there to take them in when we drop them off and brings them back out when we pick them up.) That's an improvement from last week. They have been doing so well at home with potty training - maybe each one has an accident every other day or so, and only if they don't make it to the bathroom on time.

We're back at it again this Thursday for the final pre-hearing visitation. I haven't heard how they have been going. We're supposed to have had someone visit our house as well, to see the twins in our home environment as compared to in the visits, but that hasn't happened or been scheduled.

Till next time!

Visitation 2-11-2014

Extended Visitation #1 took place today. I got the directions, plugged them into my phone, and headed towards San Antonio. The visits are happening not at the CPS office where the other visits have occurred, but at a secondary site that happens to be a few minutes closer to us, which definitely helped with the drive. We pulled in a few minutes early - score!

The location is not affiliated with CPS, but a third party site, which I assume they use as an objective measure of evaluation for the court reports. The idea was that these longer visits, 4-5 hours, would be observed by therapists and anyone else who would be making a report for evidence in the trial. I didn't meet anyone who would fit that description; a woman greeted me when I brought in the kids and she had them ready when I came to pick them up again.

When I asked her how everything went, she replied that the girls had had several accidents and the dirty clothes were in the bag. She said this a little short-mannered, as if it had been a big deal, so I just casually replied, "Yes, they're potty training, and although they're doing great, if they don't get a chance to go every 20-30 minutes, they won't make it. That's why I packed so many extra clothes and underwear!" I tried to sound bright and positive, even though I had gone over all of this beforehand and specifically cautioned them all to be aware that the girls were in underwear and not diapers. The girls have actually been doing great at home and aren't having lots of accidents any more. Oh, well, hopefully next time is better.

She then said, "And they were bringing up the rash on one of the girl's leg." I replied that it is eczema, she's had it since we got her, it's coming and going no matter what lotion or cream we put on it, but she saw the doctor about it before and it has improved a great deal since November.

I want to stay positive, but it irks me that what appears to be happening is that the previous caregivers are looking for anything and everything to criticize us in order to make themselves appear better. This isn't the first time they've had an issue they brought up - which always turns out to be something really silly that is blown up to a bigger deal than it needs to be. All we can do is continue to be pleasant and calm, and not rise or be defensive. I would be definitely upset if my kids were removed from my home, and I would be doing whatever I can to get them back, I'm sure. It is what it is. We've learned to not let it get to us and just move on.

The lady didn't have anything else to say about the visit, and I haven't heard from the caseworker or lawyer about how it went. There will be two more long visits next week and then court on the 26th.

Thanks for your prayers and encouragement, everyone! God is good, and He knows exactly how this will turn out! May He bless your day!

Visitation 11-22-13

Today the twins traveled to San Antonio to have a supervised visit with the previous foster family / cousins. As I was filling in at the school office and the school classes were watching the Charlie Brown Thanksgiving Special, The Man of the House left early to take the kids.
There isn't really anything to write about regarding the visit. The Man of the House got the kids to the DFPS Office (Department of Family Protection Services) in south San Antonio. The caseworker just retrieved the kids from the entrance and brought them back afterwards. She didn't give any information about the visit other than to say it was "fine".
I wish there would have been more chatting happening afterwards, but I understand that there is a certain amount of privacy the family deserves and that we're not "owed" a play by play of the visit by any means. I will be trying to find time soon to talk with the caseworker and see if there are any new developments in the case, or if we're just hanging tight and gathering information.
There is another scheduled visit on Friday, December 6th. Usually children in foster care have visits weekly, but sometimes it can be every other week, as in Miss A's case after the first few months. Since the twins aren't visiting their birthparents for reunification purposes, but the other family members, as I've said before there isn't much of a set protocol. We'll keep on doing our thing and loving on all of our blessings!

Updates on the Twins' Case 11-13-13

Not a lot is happening at the moment, court-wise.

We got an e-mail from the girls' caseworker, sent to all three families who between us all are caring for the five children. We were told at placement that there are not any visits happening between the twins and the previous foster family, even though the family is fighting the removal and attempting to retain custody of all five children. The judge ordered last Friday, however, that the children need to have a couple of visits before Christmas, so Friday, November 22nd and Friday, December 6th will be visit days (supervised at the caseworker's office).

The caseworker is still using language that supports her words on placement day that she will be doing everything in her power to keep the kids out of that home and able to be adopted elsewhere. She asked us about our future plans that night, and if we would be willing to adopt the girls at the end of the case; of course we said yes. We would have wanted to make that clear at the beginning anyways, that we are a foster-adopt home, that we want to care for children however we can, but that our ultimate goal would be adoption.

It's always interesting to hear about the visits, and hear the caseworker's perspectives on how they went. Since the former family caring for the children are cousins and not parents, we have no clue yet regarding time frame and protocol. We hope those questions will be answered sometime sooner rather than later.

TWINS! :-)

AHHH! So, it's official! There will be two new faces in the Erickson family on Monday afternoon. I received AN E-MAIL around 3:30 p.m. today saying:

"Good news! We can do placement at 4:00 on Monday afternoon!"

We didn't even know we were definitely picked to be a home for these girls!

On Friday afternoons, I work in the office up at the school where I used to teach. That's where I was when this e-mail popped into my inbox. I was so ecstatic that I ran right into the Man of the House's classroom and ran up to him to hug him. He knew as soon as he saw my face that we had good news.

My brother summed it up like a pro when he texted me this:
"Sometimes, it feels like God is saying 'No' when it was actually, 'Wait, I'm just about to give you the motherload!'"

The first half of this week, I was perfectly peaceful. I felt content with whatever happened with the sibling group we heard about last week. Even though the time had passed and it felt like too much time had passed for us to have been picked. Even though this week marked eight months since Baby Girl left us. My spirit was trusting and it felt good. When the CALL came on Wednesday about the twins, I was excited, but not anxious.

I had pretty much fallen off the "calm, peaceful, good attitude" wagon today. I was internally a nervous wreck and this situation was all my brain kept wanting to focus on. I was hitting the "refresh" button on the e-mail inbox way too often, just to see if I had a new message, or double checking my voice mail to make sure I didn't miss a call from the caseworker. I was debating with myself on whether or not to call to see what had happened, and at the same time, I was just annoying myself with all of my sudden anxiousness.

To finally hear that we had been chosen, that we have new additions coming to the house, was amazing. And this plan is where we are supposed to be. God is so good! He never forgets us.

So here's what we know about the 2-yr-old twin girls: they're 2-years-old, and they're twins, and they're girls.

Yup, that's it!

We don't know ethnicity, lots of details about family history, birthday, or even NAMES! :-) We will be meeting two brand new members of our family on Monday, and everything about them will be a surprise! When I read the e-mail this afternoon, I replied expressing my thanks, and asking for more information, but our caseworker must have left early because I didn't get a reply. Oh, well!

The plan is for the caseworker to arrive at 3:30 on Monday afternoon to sign the placement papers with us. We will get the binder with the children's background information that is known so far, the investigations report explaining the reasons the children were removed from their original home, court records of what's happened in the case, and anything else pertaining to the children themselves. We also will receive in the binder copies of paperwork we will be using for the duration of the girls' time as foster children with us: monthly report forms, medication forms (prescription and OTC medicine), doctor and dentist visit forms, etc. We keep these up to date and share with both our caseworker and the children's caseworker as we go.

We're just so excited to have good news to share, and a new journey to begin. The realities of being parents to multiples, and doubling the number of children we have with one blow, are of course in the front of our minds. We're stepping up our game in terms of communication and organization; you have to, to make such a drastic family transition. (I have a theory that, with us, the level of "with-it-ness" we have as parents is directly proportional to the amount of children we're caring for. I felt so organized and "together" during the times that we had three children, because we had to be. We're ready, and excited, and jumping in with both feet.)

Thanks for your prayers and encouragement as we move forward! We don't know where God will lead these two little sweethearts, but we will love and care for them as long as we can! Please keep them in your prayers as well, with the least amount of trauma possible as they also transition. What a huge deal to join a new family, and how much more amazingly earth-shaking it must be to do it at 2-years-old.

A New Opportunity

I got a Call from our caseworker this afternoon. She was asking about a placement for a set of 2-year-old twins. I said we would be interested and she said we will know more information tomorrow.
They are a foster-adopt placement, which means there is a legal risk, the same as our other placements have been. If we are the family chosen, we will go through the court process until their ultimate destination is decided at the end.
We'll keep you updated. I also have not heard anything at this point about any of the adoption situations from last week, but they were supposed to be making decisions by the end of this week.
So, this is how it goes, being an open placement for foster kids and potential adoptive kids! You just go with the flow and see where the ride takes you!
Thanks for your thoughts and prayers and support on our ride!

Tired of Me Talking about "Waiting"?

I was feeling kind of down this weekend about the adoption placements from last week. The Match Event was last Saturday, and since we still hadn't heard anything, The Man of the House and I were assuming that we weren't chosen.

This afternoon I emailed our placement caseworker to ask if she had heard anything. I felt slightly bad asking her, fearing that we may appear pushy, or over-aggressive, or just plain annoying. :-) I tried to make it light-hearted, saying we aren't as familiar with an adoption placement, as most of our kids have been emergency, same-day placements.

She responded very quickly and told me the latest was that the caseworker for the last sibling group we had contact with said she would make her decision by the end of this week.

I wrote back immediately, thanking her, and exclaiming that I was happy to hear there is still hope!

I had a conversation with my Dad last week while I was updating him on what we knew about the placement. Now, first, you have to understand the relationship between my Dad and me. I am definitely a Daddy's girl. Not that I don't love my mom - and I have grown in respect and plain awe of her as I have grown older - but it's just wired in me that my Dad and I "click". I could talk to my Mom about anything and everything, and she was close with my friends. She never was a peer, or tried to be, but she was and is definitely one of my greatest friends. On the other hand, when something big was happening, I had to tell Dad and get his input and/or approval, and that little girl is still inside of me, wanting that interaction. If you want to get me really bawling, play "Butterfly Kisses" or "I Loved Her First" or any other song usually heard during father-daughter dances at weddings. Now, the interesting thing about my Dad and me is that we're almost completely different personality wise. Not good, not bad, just intriguing. If you know the Myers-Briggs personality profile system, you'll understand the difference between a person who is mostly a  "T" personality and someone who us mostly an "F". Thinking vs. feeling. Logic verses emotions. My dad has almost all "T" and no "F" and I have almost all "F" and barely any "T". In simpler terms, he faces the world with logic and I use my feelings and intuition. We like to discuss it; I find it fascinating.

I digress.

Anyway, after I was sharing, even though I assumed I was sounding positive, we started having one of those father-daughter talks. He told me, "You have always been a worrier. You get it from your grandmother." (This is a common motif in our conversations! Heard it many times! And I totally agree that I get it from Grandma Bernice! Love you! :-))

I told him something to the effect of: "But I think I am a choose-your-battle type of worrier. I won't get uptight if Little Guy puts his pants on backwards, because he did it himself and I want him to be proud of his accomplishments. If milk gets spilled at the table, we say 'Oops' and clean it up with not much fuss because it's not a big deal. Big deals are worth caring about, and whether or not we get another kid in the house is a big deal to us." He did concede that I have gotten better at not worrying about everything as much as I did when I was younger. Hey, there's always baby steps to take, people!

I don't want to become so consumed with the "next step" that I lose sight of the blessings that we have right now. I know we have two wonderful, awesome kids who are more precious than anything else on this earth to the two of us. God has richly blessed us with food and clothing and a home to live in. It's not that we want MORE to have MORE, when we desire more children; we just feel led that this is our path and we trust that God is the one to provide for us and complete our family further, and we won't stop bugging him yet!

There's definitely a sense of walking a fine line, between contentment and pouring out our heart's desires in prayer as often as we can. God tells us to "Ask, Seek, Knock", and we try to do that every day out of the peace in our hearts. Some days, it's easier to be patient than others.

I would ask for thoughts and prayers for us to continue to keep positive attitudes in this waiting time. Please also remember the little ones whom God will add to our family - we ask for their safety and protection at this time, and for our relationship to begin as healthy as possible the moment we know they are joining our family. I'll keep posting on any updates!

Waiting... Another Update

I received an e-mail last night from our placement caseworker entitled, "Two GREAT Siblings Looking for a Family!" When I opened it, a picture of two adorable kids smiled back at me. There was a little girl who is 7-years-old and a little boy who is 6-years-old. The message gave a little background on the pair, as well as their interests and basic personality descriptions. (You never hear tons of information on the first "feeler" sent out about a child or sibling group. Once you are matched with a placement, then you will be given a more complete account of their history and current situation. Once you are preparing to adopt a child, you receive their whole file and get to read the WHOLE shebang, every note, every message, etc.)

After the Man of the House returned home from coaching a football practice, we sat down to dinner and looked over the e-mail together. After some discussion, we agreed to tell her that we are interested. 6 and 7 may have seemed a little old several weeks ago, but after the Match Event, seeing all of those older children, we agreed to spread out our parameters, so to speak. We'll see what happens!

I don't want to jump ahead of myself, but I've been having visions of sugarplums dancing in my heads, dreaming of a Christmas with "our new children", coming together as a family, celebrating together... What a fun time that would be!

Side-note: I also found out from our caseworker yesterday that the sibling group of two girls won't work out for us. They are, for whatever reason, a "moderate" care case, and we are only licensed for "basic" cases. Quick prayers that a good home will be found for those sweeties!

Waiting... An Update

I mentioned that I e-mailed our placement caseworker about the three opportunities mentioned in the book we received at the Match Event on Saturday. She e-mailed me back early Monday morning and said she would forward our home study to the respective caseworkers so they can make a decision.

We don't know when we'll hear anything, but it sure feels good to know that the wheels are turning, and things are happening, even if they're out of our control. (And even if that phrase makes me want to shudder sometimes!) :-)

On Monday afternoon, I received an e-mail from one of the caseworkers I had e-mailed myself, and she was asking for the name of our organization and caseworker. She was the one with a two-girl sibling group. I complied, but we have yet to hear anything back from her.

So, that's a brief update with where we are. I don't want to be boring, sharing news that's really no news, but, then again, this is a real picture of how it goes for a potential placement family. You hurry up and wait! And get ready for the fun craziness to begin!

Family Match Event 10-19

Today was the family match event put on by the San Antonio Adoption Coalition. It was at a Children's Home at a church near downtown San Antonio. We headed out this morning, a Saturday on which we slept in (eek!) and bought Chik-Fil-A breakfast sandwiches on the way.

We arrived and there was a brief orientation with all of the families. The biggest things the organizers stressed to us was not to discuss adoption or give any false hope to the children. We were just told to enjoy the time and discuss general topics of school and likes/dislikes. If we were interested in a certain child or sibling group, we were to discuss it later with our caseworkers.

It made me wonder about the individual experiences of the children coming to the event. How much was each one told about what was happening? Were they excited? Nervous? Annoyed? Sad to think about leaving their current living situations?

When the children got there at around 10:00 am, we all headed into a gym. Various tables and areas were set up with activities - plastic bowling pins, a ring toss, hula hoops, bean bag toss, basketball and football throws, a clown performing magic tricks, a balloon artist, along with a DJ. We were assigned to help with the bowling table, but there was no person overseeing the shifts, so we meandered around the room with Miss A and Little Guy, checking out the different activities. After about thirty minutes, we went to the table and began helping another couple with the bowling and ring toss.

I counted about forty adults, which I was assuming meant somewhere between twenty and thirty families. One of my wonderings before the event was the ratio of kids to families; would there be way too many families and it would be a "competition" to see who could talk the quickest and smoothest to caseworkers? The Man of the House kept (jokingly) saying that "it's not a competition" (a common quote at our house). It's difficult not to feel anxious, though, when you're waiting for a new addition to your family, and you're in an environment with so many others going through the same experience. Does that sound callous? Please don't think that the event was cutthroat, or that our attitudes were - just an interesting dynamic. Almost everyone was incredibly friendly and eager to chit-chat as we all mingled around the room.

I say ALMOST everyone, because I was uncomfortable a couple of times. I had two women come up and try to talk to Miss A, sizing her up as if she were a potential adoptee. At the beginning of the morning, one lady kept butting in front of me and trying to open a paint bottle for her while Miss A was decorating a pumpkin, then five minutes later she was trying to teach her how to throw a basketball while we were playing together as a family. Now, the adoptive families were all supposed to wear red, and Miss A was properly attired, so it should have been obvious that she was not there to be adopted, but I guess maybe a few people missed the memo. I definitely had a twinge of annoyance and when one (different) woman boldly came up and began asking her questions about herself and then asked me, "So, she IS available, right?" I responded as sweetly as possible, "No, that's my daughter." She apologized and walked away, but a few minutes later, I saw her speaking to another adorable little girl, maybe a year older than Miss A, and then proceed to be glued to that little girl for the rest of the event, as if to state "I'm claiming this one - off limits!"

It sounds so silly and almost embarrassing to be sharing that this was what was going through my mind at the time. However, I am just being honest. I pray for God to give me a good attitude throughout this time, patience with the situation, and His Spirit of peace. It doesn't come naturally to us humans, does it?

We had a good time playing around, and some of the kids were really funny. The ages of the children were what I had expected, though; older than what we could really consider adopting. I saw one or two that looked to be our kids' ages, and the others were school-aged or older. We enjoyed spending time with them, of course, and you can tell how much most of these kids just are sponges for attention and affirmation. One boy behind us in the balloon artist line said he was in 8th grade, and we got onto the subject of Harry Potter and he proceeded to quote Harry Potter lines for the next few minutes. We were cracking up together at everything he said.

It tugs at your heart excruciatingly to see these kids and read information about their lives. With every child, you wonder about their full stories, how they came into care, what experiences have they been forced to face, how they are coping, and on and on. We people with only (somewhat) "normal" dysfunctions in our families can never fully appreciate the hurts these kids have dealt with. Hubs and I have talked about adopting older kids - meaning middle schoolers or teenagers - later on in life. At this point, we're thirty-one and thirty-two years old, and the age difference just isn't big enough. To walk around and observe these kids, knowing how badly they need a family too, and know that it isn't the time yet feels deflating.

At 1:00 pm, it was time to pack up. Cleaning didn't take a long time, so after a quick fix on our alligator balloon from the balloon lady (who was AWESOME, by the way!), we were ready to go. We were all given a booklet with pictures and basic information about the kids who attended the event. The Man of the House and I paged through it on the way home, attempting to read and keep the kids awake so they could have full naps at home (didn't happen).

We ended up sending an e-mail to our caseworker about three possibilities - a sibling group of two (one boy, 5; one girl, 4), another sibling group of two (two girls, 3 and 4), and a three-year-old boy. We let her know of our interest and asked her to let us know about their statuses. We're really hopeful that something will work out with one of the situations, so we'll keep praying.

I've been building this event up in my mind, and hoping that it is the answer to our prayers, the path on which we find the next addition(s?) to our family. I'm working hard on keeping an attitude of trust and peace in what God's will is for our family. He has the exact children planned for our home, and the exact timing of their entrances to it. We are so excited to see what comes next. Please pray for us as we wait. I'll keep updating!

Why We're Up for Almost Anything

I spoke about this topic in a previous post, but I wanted to go into more detail about it today.

There are many reasons to NOT foster children. Your home may feel complete already (or too full), you may not be in a place with jobs to give time to another child, you may be scared of the possibility of the children returning back to their birth families.

Some people are not interested in foster care because of the vast spectrum of "issues" that have affected / are affecting children who are removed from their biological homes. I've had people say, "You're going to end up with a kid who has been exposed to drugs," or "They probably have been abused," or, "They'll have all kinds of behavioral issues," unfortunately, even, "You can't control which race of kid you end up with." My answers are always: "Yes!" and "So?"

We have decided that our stance on placements is to be open. If God put it in the minds of our caseworker to contact us, we'll trust that it was because of His intervention. We want to care for and love on the kids, period. I'm the one who gets THE CALLS since I'm more readily available during the day than my husband. The Man of the House has pretty much given me carte blanche to accept any child about whom we are contacted. Barring a huge and obvious reason to decline, we've decided that we won't say no to a placement.

That may seem scary, to accept a new addition to your family on a moment's notice, and it is, but we believe firmly that we are being called to this path in life. That means we accept how God wants the path to be, not how we originally thought it would be.

Yes, the kids who need foster care placements have "histories". These kids were removed from their homes for serious reasons. Many of them have dealt with the effects of substance abuse, physical or sexual abuse, and neglect. We've seen and experienced a lot through our fostered and adopted kids. And the race issue is a whole other post, but yes, a child presented to you for fostering might not be "your" race.

This is the thought that tears at our hearts: If not us, then who? If everyone had the mindset that, yes, these kids need homes, but someone else will be better at it, then nobody would come forward to help.

The Man of the House and I have had tough situations because of what our children went through before they came to us. It's difficult to watch, and difficult to help guide and grow a child who has seen or experienced more than they should have. Yet, there is love. There are moments of sunshine that make it all worth it. It wasn't easy, but you keep the ultimate goal in mind: there's remembering that you gave a child a safe place, even if for a little while. Obviously you hope and pray that the children stay with you permanently. However, even if they leave, you know you played a part in the rehabilitation of their parents. Without that time for them to work and get the help they need, the situation might be even more dangerous.

If you are thinking about fostering, please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers, even if I don't know you at this moment in time. It is a tough path to choose, I know. But doable - the obstacles are not insurmountable! If you have any anxieties about what you're getting into, or any questions, please feel free to message me.

As we wait for our next placement, we trust in God that He will direct the path of the little one(s) coming to our home. We ask for strength and patience to deal with any situation He hands to us. We know "I can do all things, through Christ who gives me strength." (Philippians 4:13)

The Waiting Game

Baby girl - Child #5  - left us on March 1st. The Man of the House and I were assigned a new caseworker a few weeks before this. We told her the day we found out that Baby Girl was leaving that we were fully invested in our foster care lives and would love another placement whenever it would occur. In May, we received two placement e-mails: one about two girls aged 8 and 10, and another for two other siblings, a newborn and a 2-year-old. We had decided the first situation was a little too old for our family, but we were very excited about the two littles. We waited around for a day and then heard that placement had been found elsewhere.  

Another e-mail came in mid-July about a placement for a 3-week-old baby boy who is currently in the hospital with medical issues pertaining to the issue behind his removal.(You don't get full details on everything before you accept a placement, so we didn't know exactly why he was in the hospital, just that he was currently receiving treatment.) He would need to be there for three more days. At his release, he will need to go to a foster-adopt home. No family members are available to take him in. Our caseworker wrote that she forwarded our home study for consideration and would let us know when she heard about his placement for sure. I called her to confirm that we were interested and asked her to please keep us posted. The next afternoon, I called the caseworker again to follow up, and she said she hadn't heard anything back, which probably meant another family had been found.

We have been hopefully waiting for "our" next child. We became incredibly attached to Baby Girl and adored being a family of five for two months. I love hearing Miss A pray for a new baby to come to our house, and it makes my heart hurt as well to hear it.

Yesterday, we received an e-mail inviting us to a family matching party in October. At this event, prospective families come together and interact children available for adoption, in this case at a carnival-type setting. Over the course of the several hours, hopefully parents and children identify each other and, once they give information to the caseworkers, a match can happen. We have never been to one of these before. It seems to us that this would probably consist of mostly older children, as infants and younger children seem to have quicker and easier placements. I'm especially interested to see how this works and see if this could be the path in which God blesses us with a new addition.
I'm not a patient person by nature. (Are any of us? :-)) The actual process of waiting and hoping and praying can definitely be fraying on the nerves. I feel most times on a thin wire balancing between contentment - "I'm ready to follow Your plan, God, and if that means waiting, we'll honor You in our waiting..." - and irritated impatience - "Seriously? I'm waiting again?!"

In our heads and in our hearts, we know that this is God's plan and everything will unfold in his timing.

Such is the life of a foster/adopt parent - hurry up and wait!