We attended a Bible study group the other night. I treasure times when I get to catch up with people, spend some time in community, build each other up, study the Word... Good stuff!
Amid the clamoring "Hello!" and "Hey there!" greetings happening, I caught this little snippet of conversation. Two of the ladies were greeting each other. One asked that ubiquitous question we never get away from: "How are you?"
(It's such a habit to ask this, right? Do we really mean it? Are we ready and prepared to hear what people really have to say if they answered truthfully? But that's another train of thought...)
Of course, the second lady answered with that typical modern-day response, the one I use so often as well, "Oh, we're staying busy!"
The first lady replied, to my surprise,"Oh, that's no good." She continued (and I paraphrase), "When I get busy, I just feel stressed. It's better not to stay too busy."
These words have stuck with me since Saturday night. I probably thought more about it, imbibing it with more meaning, than the actual speaker of the words actually intended any of us to do. Yet, there was a lot of wisdom in this simple answer.
We seem to take an enormous amount of pride in being "busy", almost like it's a badge of honor to be "the busiest". Inside the competitive world of "busyness", who wins? Nobody. What's our motivation? To feel accomplished? To get a pat on the back? As a parent, are we involving our families in so many things to make ourselves feel better? As human beings, is this where we're finding our value - the number of pies into which we're sticking our fingers?
And yet, I don't think it's necessarily the actual quantity of "things" we do that make us busy. We've all seen that one person who seems to hold it together so well while being involved in every little aspect of work, school, church, and community. And then, when someone around us starts complaining about how much they have on our plate, we might roll our eyes when we think about how much more we are involved with than they are. (Or maybe that's just me... Guilty...)
I think it's more about our attitudes and inner demeanor while we're accomplishing everything. We all arguably have pretty busy lives. However, some of the busy days run like clockwork, but on other days, even if I actually have less to do, I feel more stressed.
I LOVE being involved. I am very active in my church and the school where my kids attend. Most of the time, I am at my best when I feel like I'm accomplishing a lot. That drives me, and gives me energy. Yes, I do tend to agree to take on things more than I should. But I honestly do enjoy having a full schedule. I do like living a full, fulfilling life. However, when I begin to feel stress because of any reason, even easy tasks seem to weigh me down and make me feel like things are overwhelming. Does that make sense?
This is obviously something that I'm needing to be more observant and intentional about in my own life. I want to make it a goal to be present in the moment and not worried about what's next on my agenda. Not that I'm not going to take care of what's next on my agenda. Just that I'm not worried or preoccupied with it to the point of ruining the joy I could be having in the middle of any given day. I'm going to be as active as I can, without letting it make me feel "busy". Once I feel "busy", I know I need to change something.
I feel that this is a two-headed dragon to slay.
1) Streamlining - whether that means schedule, finances, workload, to-do-list... Cut out the non-essentials. Simplify to be doing the things you actually enjoy doing or are the most important to you and your family. It's okay to say "No" to stretching yourself too thin.
AND maybe even more importantly -
2) Having the serenity to handle each day's tasks without giving into the feelings of being overwhelmed or anxious. It's all about perspective. Keeping a calm heart throughout any day - whether it's a "normally" busy day or not. Keeping tabs on my inner emotional workings can make any busy day just seem satisfying instead of draining. Am I really doing too much? Or is it just time to refocus and recharge emotionally, then get on with my day?
I think discerning what "busy" means can be different at varying points of life, or even at varying points of the seasons or the year. I am still discovering what this means to me and my family. I hope and pray that it is something I improve on in the future, as I continue to grow.
We live in a wonderful, beautiful, glorious world. Everywhere we look we see God's creation. With every person, there is the opportunity to share in community and relationship - a chance to connect and grow and feed each other emotionally. A full life is an amazing thing. A busy life is not. So many good things here - why let the busyness distract you from the blessings that this life does offer? Or the blessings that the activities provide with which you ARE involved? It's definitely a learning experience, but I look forward to genuinely enjoying our full, active life, and avoiding the "busyness" our modern world uses to ensnare us and steal our hope.
What about you? Are there any tips or ideas you have to make sure you're not too "busy"? What do you do when you find yourself feeling overworked and overstretched?
Thursday, April 30, 2015
Wednesday, April 29, 2015
Step By Step... Fun with Doctors and Dentists!
Time for a little update on the girls' case.
Well... There's not all that much to update. We're just holding on until the July 9th court date, which as I've mentioned, is our next and last court appearance. This is where the judge will rule on whether the girls' parents will have their parental rights terminated, or if the girls will be reunified.
We've been having fun catching Curly Sue up on her medical care. We were pretty concerned with her basic hygiene and general medical status when she arrived. Nothing huge like a severe medical condition - it just seemed like she had had the absolute bare minimum of health care or personal care in the past, if any. She seemed to not understand what a bath meant (she shrieked, "Why are you putting water on my head?!" during the first bath experience at our house), couldn't recognize any fruit or vegetable besides a french fry, had no history of vaccinations, and had horrendous teeth issues. We knew going in that there would be a lot of catching up to do in these areas. This is pretty common for kids coming into foster care; you never know what kind of medical attention they had received in the past, up to obvious and blatant medical neglect. We have seen a lot of this in our own cases, and heard a lot of other stories from other foster parents.
Two weeks ago, she had a pretty big dental procedure - all in all, it ended up meaning three root canals and fourteen caps. The crowns that were placed on the back molars are silver, but the ones on the front teeth are white in color. She was a champ and had a quick recovery from the day, which involved a general anesthesia so she would be out during the entire thing and be able to have it all done in one appointment.
We also have been catching her up on her immunizations. She had no medical records saved. Ever. Besides a birth certificate. Nothing on file even with the state government health websites showing any appointments, procedures, or vaccinations. Sooo, she's been having to go on the "catch-up" schedule to get in all of the proper vaccines required. Basically we started from scratch. Of course, this means she REALLY loves going to doctor's appointments. Or not so much.
Thankfully, both girls are otherwise in very good health. Brown-Eyed Baby Girl - now 8 months old - is growing so big! She crawls incredibly quickly and of course gets into everything. She can pull herself up to stand, and even tries to let go and stand on her own. She will definitely be an early walker. Although the days of immobility were definitely easier, it is such a joy to see her curiosity as she explores her world. She babbles constantly. (She'll be a big talker as well - I'm getting what I deserve, I guess, right Grandma Eberhard?! :-) ) God definitely blessed us with an easy, happy-go-lucky baby and we love her to pieces.
The four kids get along so well. Definitely a prayer answered! It really has been a blessing to watch Miss A and Little Guy open up their hearts without questions. To share your home, your toys, and your parents with new kids may be a challenge, but these two are definitely up to it! All three big kids dote on the baby and would sit and just watch her all day if they could! It's a big help having my two little Mama Bears to help around the place and feed the baby if I get busy, and a loving big brother who makes her light up when he enters the room. He can make her laugh for hours!
As far as the direction the case is heading, it seems to be on the same trajectory. We had a long stretch of about three months with hardly any visitations granted to the birth mom, then we had three in a row, but now this week's visitation has been cancelled. Paternity tests were administered last week to definitively name the birth fathers of each girl in the court documents, although it won't have much bearing on the outcome at this point, as both continue to not be active in the case. Results should be announced next week.
So, basically, just looking forward to that final date in July, where we will know the status of the case once and for all. Again, that's the trial for termination. Following that, assuming the judge does terminate the birthparents' rights, we will move forward with the adoption. That adoption consummation court date will be anywhere from 30 days to 90 days following the termination ruling.
Possible roadblocks to our adopting the girls could be: a) an appeal being filed by one or more of the birthparents or b) an extension of some time given to the birthparents to continue working their service plan and be deemed "rehabilitated" enough to be reunified with the girls permanently. However, none of the lawyers for the birthparents have said they are interested in an appeal OR an extension - they seem to figure at this point, there's no validity for the court granting either.
It is of course difficult to once again be in a situation where you have absolutely no control over the outcome. All we can "do" is try to provide the best home we can for the girls - and of course for Miss A and our Little Guy.
I'll end with this song, which has been repeatedly in my head over the past weeks:
And this is going to be a glorious unfolding
Just you wait and see and you will be amazed
You’ve just got to believe the story is so far from over
So hold on to every promise God has made to us
And watch this glorious unfolding
Awesome words there!
Thanks, all!
Well... There's not all that much to update. We're just holding on until the July 9th court date, which as I've mentioned, is our next and last court appearance. This is where the judge will rule on whether the girls' parents will have their parental rights terminated, or if the girls will be reunified.
We've been having fun catching Curly Sue up on her medical care. We were pretty concerned with her basic hygiene and general medical status when she arrived. Nothing huge like a severe medical condition - it just seemed like she had had the absolute bare minimum of health care or personal care in the past, if any. She seemed to not understand what a bath meant (she shrieked, "Why are you putting water on my head?!" during the first bath experience at our house), couldn't recognize any fruit or vegetable besides a french fry, had no history of vaccinations, and had horrendous teeth issues. We knew going in that there would be a lot of catching up to do in these areas. This is pretty common for kids coming into foster care; you never know what kind of medical attention they had received in the past, up to obvious and blatant medical neglect. We have seen a lot of this in our own cases, and heard a lot of other stories from other foster parents.
Two weeks ago, she had a pretty big dental procedure - all in all, it ended up meaning three root canals and fourteen caps. The crowns that were placed on the back molars are silver, but the ones on the front teeth are white in color. She was a champ and had a quick recovery from the day, which involved a general anesthesia so she would be out during the entire thing and be able to have it all done in one appointment.
We also have been catching her up on her immunizations. She had no medical records saved. Ever. Besides a birth certificate. Nothing on file even with the state government health websites showing any appointments, procedures, or vaccinations. Sooo, she's been having to go on the "catch-up" schedule to get in all of the proper vaccines required. Basically we started from scratch. Of course, this means she REALLY loves going to doctor's appointments. Or not so much.
Thankfully, both girls are otherwise in very good health. Brown-Eyed Baby Girl - now 8 months old - is growing so big! She crawls incredibly quickly and of course gets into everything. She can pull herself up to stand, and even tries to let go and stand on her own. She will definitely be an early walker. Although the days of immobility were definitely easier, it is such a joy to see her curiosity as she explores her world. She babbles constantly. (She'll be a big talker as well - I'm getting what I deserve, I guess, right Grandma Eberhard?! :-) ) God definitely blessed us with an easy, happy-go-lucky baby and we love her to pieces.
The four kids get along so well. Definitely a prayer answered! It really has been a blessing to watch Miss A and Little Guy open up their hearts without questions. To share your home, your toys, and your parents with new kids may be a challenge, but these two are definitely up to it! All three big kids dote on the baby and would sit and just watch her all day if they could! It's a big help having my two little Mama Bears to help around the place and feed the baby if I get busy, and a loving big brother who makes her light up when he enters the room. He can make her laugh for hours!
As far as the direction the case is heading, it seems to be on the same trajectory. We had a long stretch of about three months with hardly any visitations granted to the birth mom, then we had three in a row, but now this week's visitation has been cancelled. Paternity tests were administered last week to definitively name the birth fathers of each girl in the court documents, although it won't have much bearing on the outcome at this point, as both continue to not be active in the case. Results should be announced next week.
So, basically, just looking forward to that final date in July, where we will know the status of the case once and for all. Again, that's the trial for termination. Following that, assuming the judge does terminate the birthparents' rights, we will move forward with the adoption. That adoption consummation court date will be anywhere from 30 days to 90 days following the termination ruling.
Possible roadblocks to our adopting the girls could be: a) an appeal being filed by one or more of the birthparents or b) an extension of some time given to the birthparents to continue working their service plan and be deemed "rehabilitated" enough to be reunified with the girls permanently. However, none of the lawyers for the birthparents have said they are interested in an appeal OR an extension - they seem to figure at this point, there's no validity for the court granting either.
It is of course difficult to once again be in a situation where you have absolutely no control over the outcome. All we can "do" is try to provide the best home we can for the girls - and of course for Miss A and our Little Guy.
I'll end with this song, which has been repeatedly in my head over the past weeks:
And this is going to be a glorious unfolding
Just you wait and see and you will be amazed
You’ve just got to believe the story is so far from over
So hold on to every promise God has made to us
And watch this glorious unfolding
Awesome words there!
Thanks, all!
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