Thursday, July 31, 2014

Keeping on Keeping on

Another court date has come... and now gone. And we still have no resolution.

The judge declined to rule AGAIN today. He still does not think he has adequate information to make a final final decision.

I'm feeling not very verbose at the moment, so I'll organize my thoughts that way, regarding new info and decisions and orders.

I. Updates on All Parties
    A. Cousins (Previous caregivers)
        1. Came to court now saying they DO want to have custody of Big Sister (after saying for a year that she is a liar who made up the entire allegations to spite them, and defaming her and her character at every court hearing)
        2. "Really want to work with her, help her along, come together as a family, do whatever we need to do."
    B. Grandparents (twins' paternal grandparents, no relation to Big Sister)
        1. Home study still ongoing
        2. Desire for custody of all 5 kids still present
    C. Aunt/Uncle
        1. Home study begun
        2. Assuming they still desire custody of all 5 siblings
II. Judge's Orders
    A. Visits
        1. 1st, 3rd, 5th weekends, all 5 siblings are to spend with the cousins, 6 pm on Friday through 6 pm on Sunday.
        2. 2nd and 4th weekends, all 5 siblings are to spend with the grandparents, 6 pm on Friday through 6 pm on Sunday.
        3. How long? Indefinitely. No end date set.
    B. Therapy
        1. Big Sister is not ABSOLUTELY REQUIRED to attend weekend visits, just requested; however she is ordered to do family therapy with the cousins to discuss and overcome the previous issues and current tension, and to be monitored in terms of interactions on both sides.
        2. All 5 Siblings are ordered to do family therapy with the grandparents to have interactions observed.
III. Next Court Date
    A. Not Scheduled.
    B. No Idea.
    C. Sigh.
IV. End in Sight?
    A. Not Scheduled.
    B. No Idea.
    C. Sigh.
So, in conclusion, the kids are pretty much going to be with us only Monday through Friday for the foreseeable future. Every other weekend, they will spend 48 hours with a different family.

We were able to sit Big Sister down and discuss big portions of all of this. We discussed the visit this weekend (she's willing to think about it overnight and decide tomorrow if she's going or not), but not a lot about the ordered therapy with the cousins. We're easing her into that one gradually and the caseworker will discuss it more with her next week. Her attitude right now is that she probably will give the visits a try, since she's being given the option, but, also, "I will stand in front of that judge right now and tell him I'm never going back to live in that house." We discussed going into the visits with forgiveness, no preconceived notions, and a helpful heart. We hope that that can happen for her, and that there would be at least some positives and growth come from the time spent together for relationship building.

The judge seems to really be wanting one of these placements to be the kids' permanent placements. Which we fully support for the reason of them being together, assuming of course that everything is okay at the final home and nobody will be in danger - mental or physical.

We are very disappointed in these decisions today, though. The kids will have such turmoil and added stress because of the lack of one steady home for the foreseeable future. They already have SUCH a rough time coming back from their Saturday 6-hour visit - as any shared-custody family can attest to, these disruptions really play havoc on you, no matter what age you are. The schedule was given us in terms of which weeks of the month, which means this could go on for more than one month - maybe even several months. There was no subsequent court date scheduled today, so we have no idea how long this schedule will last.

Of course, another frustration is the amount of driving and inconvenience this puts on our family. This means lots and lots of miles spent ferrying the kids back and forth. Our weekends - or at least our Friday and Sunday nights - are pretty shot.

I share all of this, not to be whiny. I'm sorry if it comes across that way. But, I want to be real and share the actual details that happen and our honest reactions. Sometimes things are out of your control and that's scary and maddening. We are very disappointed, frustrated, and saddened. I've personally been really up and down with handling the past few weeks well and not-so-well. Emotions are very real, and complex. I have had many, many, many moments when I just ask God why we couldn't have had a "normal" life.

We really really covet your prayers and positive thoughts over the future - these disruptions are going to be interesting to navigate. All of us, every age, will have some fall out from the changes and going back and forth.

The good to come out of this is how loved we've been feeling by our families and friends. Going through this has truly shown us how supportive y'all are. Feeling that strength behind us has been invaluable. You are treasured! Thank you for thinking of us!

Signing off for tonight...

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

July 31st

So, court today did not provide the intended resolution we had hoped for. We are actually rescheduled AGAIN for July 31st.

Ah, the lovely court system.

We began this morning dropping the youngest little ones in their various places. Miss A was shuttled to tennis camp, Little Guy went to a friend's house for some much-needed "guy time", and the twins went with one of our close teacher friends. Big Sister came with us to court, on the chance that she would get the opportunity to speak with the judge. The lawyer visited yesterday, and assured us that she would be kept in another room, and the judge would go to her, so she would be able to avoid the witness stand in front of everyone involved.

We arrived and got to our court room. There were three short cases heard before us that needed quick decisions, and then were over. Around 9:30, it was time for our kids' case to be heard.

The morning had been otherwise cleared for the judge to focus his attention on this case, but there were twelve witnesses, almost every single one for the biological family as character witnesses and such. I was asked to speak on behalf of the twins' and Big Sister's current statuses. In these serious cases, they make the witnesses leave the court room until their turn on the stand, so no collusion or influencing happens, apparently. I spent almost all morning in the hallway waiting to go on the stand (eating Twizzlers and Pinteresting/Facebooking from my phone... :-))

Before the witnesses were dismissed, the judge spoke for a while. He explained that this was becoming a long, drawn-out process (uh, yes!), and requested everyone to be brief and factual. He told us he was cutting off the case at noon. He made the point several times that this was incredibly hard, because in either leaving the kids where they are currently or returning them, they would not be together as a whole, 5-sibling group. In the midst of our introductions, lawyers two new family members came forward - some grandparents and an aunt - who are wanting custody of the group.

I have written many times before about how bad we feel that we couldn't take in all five of the siblings and provide them a home together. I have seen how the kids, even at their young ages, yearn for each other, ask for each other, get excited when they see each other. It was a bit of a surprise to hear about the new family members coming in to the picture, and to hear their home studies be requested as a potential to move the kids there. However, we cannot fault the logic, and would rejoice if a positive solution could be found to keep all of the kids together.

So, my thought was, with the way he was talking to everyone, that the judge was probably going to throw out the case of the cousins who want the twins and their two young siblings back, but order the Department to expedite home studies on the other family members and get all five kids there as soon as possible. That was my prediction.

My Twizzlers and I waited in the hallway and were called after a little more than a hour. I hadn't known I would officially go up to a witness stand, on a podium, with a big chair, and a microphone, right next to the court recorder, and everything. Talk about legit witnessing! I whispered to the court reporter as I sat down, "Wow, this is intense!"

I was asked some basic questions about the twins' progress at our home since their placement. I spoke of how they both came in with slight developmental delays and were receiving various therapy services, but within two or three months had been deemed ineligible for more therapy due to their great progress. I spoke of how they both had nightmares several times a night for the first two months, and how then we were able to work through that. I was asked about Big Sister, if I felt she was "normal" (I answered, "Are any of us really normal?" before speaking out how she needs lots of love and attention right now, but has such great potential if she can focus on achieving her dreams and staying on target.) I was asked if I thought she was a liar, which I truthfully answered, "No."

Then the family's lawyer began questioning me. She asked if the department had told me we would adopt the twins if/after the family loses their rights. I answered, "We are a foster-adopt home. We take in kids that need to be fostered, knowing there is legal risk, and agreeing that, if needed and agreed upon by all parties if the parents' rights are terminated, that we are the next logical place to look for a permanent home." She told me I didn't answer her question, and pretty heatedly repeated, "Did the department tell you that you would adopt the twins if the family loses their rights?" So I repeated, "We are a foster-adopt home. We take in kids that need to be fostered, knowing there is legal risk, and agreeing that, if needed and agreed upon by all parties if the parents' rights are terminated, that we are the next logical place to look for a permanent home." (Yes, original. I was feeling a little... facetious.) She was pretty heated at that point, and said, "It's a simple yes or no answer. Did the Department tell you that?" At that point, I glanced at the caseworker, and she stood up and said, "Objection, your honor. She's answering the question just fine." And the judge said, "Yes, she did. Move on." (Yay.)

We rested. So, that was the end of my time in the chair.

(Big Sister ended up not being seen by the judge. The girl did play many games of monopoly with a court worker who was in the sequestering room to supervise her, though.)

After one more witness, heard over the phone, the judge announced that it was near noon and he needed to close this up, but wasn't ready to rule. He specifically wanted to see for himself the actual affidavit given by the children when the issues were first reported, to see the exact allegations as well as the exact wording given by Big Sister and three other older siblings in the other home. So, he rescheduled for us for first thing on Thursday, July 31st.

One thing to be thankful for is that this judge is taking the decision very seriously. That is definitely a positive. However, this case has been opened since 2011, when the kids were first removed from their biological mother, and the cousins who were their previous home have been being investigated since last summer, a whole year. There is a sense that there has been plenty of time to hear all of the evidence and to be able to make a clear-headed decision, and the only ones being hurt are the children from not having the stability of one permanent home.

So, that's where we stand today. We will reconvene on July 31st, and hopefully have a final answer THEN.

Big Sister seemed to keep all of the news in stride, although she said it would not be a good situation to be placed with the grandparents in the picture, as they were the twins' grandparents and not hers, and she felt they enabled the poor behavior of their son (not her father). But, we'll just see what the judge orders.

We're not upset about the other potential family members coming into the picture. In the end, this isn't about feeling defensive or possessive about the kids and where they end up. We are here to support them (as easy and as hard as that sounds) and to make sure they have the best situation for the future. If we were a landing zone for them to get some stability before moving on to another family member, then we played our role as best as we could. We know the courts want to keep families together as much as possible, and we respect that.

We'll just keep praying and trusting in the things God is doing in OUR family.

Thanks again, y'all...

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

At Least Tomorrow We'll Know

Tomorrow is SUPPOSED to be FINALLY the ending court appearance for the twins and their siblings. We were told last month when it was rescheduled that the judge was putting aside the entire morning to give his full attention to the case, and that he intended to make a final decision on their futures, and not reschedule again.

We've been through this before. It's not our first rodeo, so to speak. We know what it feels like to hear that a child will be with you forever, and we know what it feels like to be told to say goodbye.

But we always knew what was going to happen, or at least what was pretty likely to happen.

Tomorrow, we have no idea what the outcome could be. It completely could go either way, according to the lawyer, the caseworker, and even our own perceptions.

We're prepared for any scenario. We're trusting in the hand of God guiding us and His steps walking right beside us. We know we're not alone.

We know the deal of this life. We know the risks, and we know the percentages. We still feel called to this at this time, that this journey was absolutely where we were supposed to be, for us and for the kids whose lives we've been blessed to be a part of.

There's definitely emotions of all kinds happening now. Tomorrow will be a rollercoaster, and we'll ride it out.

We thank you all for your concern, for your encouragement, for your prayers. We come again and ask for them all over again. We're not asking for a certain solution, but just for God's will to be done. We don't ask to get "our way", but to have grace under any circumstances that happen tomorrow. We don't want to dictate things to go how we planned, but that we are given the courage to be strong for the kids and for each other.

God is good, and He will still be in control no matter what happens tomorrow.

We are scheduled to begin at 9 am. If you're able and if you think about it, please send up a few prayers or good thoughts for us! Thank you!

God bless you all!