Adoption Didn't Magically Fix Me

This post was published on herviewfromhome.com on February 3rd, 2016! I am so excited to be able to contribute pieces for this helpful website! http://herviewfromhome.com/adoption-didnt-magically-fix-me/

Our adoption journey began like many others – first battling the fiend of infertility. I know not all couples who adopt have traveled that road. However, most people assume you’ve adopted because you can’t have biological kids. So, yes, we adopted because we found out a biological birth would not happen for us.

Here’s some truth. At the beginning of the course, before the test results were in, way before we began the adoption process, it upset me when some (well-meaning) person would say, “Well, you can always adopt.” At that point, I was so raw, still fighting for answers and emotional processing, I didn’t want to hear that. Pursuing adoption seemed to be acknowledging that we hadn’t succeeded, and that we would never become pregnant.

Ultimately, it became apparent that adoption would be the path by which we became parents. We first had to grieve the loss of having a biological child, of course. But, following that, when we faced the future and began making plans, I felt differently. We were and are proud adoptive parents. We absolutely believed that any child of ours, however created and brought into our family, would be completely loved.

And maybe even extra loved – because, of course, “You don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone.”
It’s a valid point that, having been through infertility, miscarriage, or loss of a child, you are über-aware of the gift that each child is. I would see someone with an unplanned pregnancy, and I wondered why they would be blessed with a child when we wanted one so badly. If a couple got pregnant without difficulty, I was sincerely happy for them, but inwardly, I was hurting and, I’ll say it, jealous for the effortlessness of their reproduction.

If I saw a mom looking stressed out with her kids, getting groceries or at the park or outside at school, I would immediately think, “If I had children, I would never get stressed out because of them. How can they take for granted what I want so badly?”

And I honestly felt that way. At that point, we wanted children so incredibly much, that it seemed like that would be the answer to everything. You know, the old “if only”? If only I had a boyfriend, if only he would propose already, if only I had a good job, if only we had more money, if only we could have children.  I thought that once I was a mother, that heartache and pain would go away, and the wonderful awe of being a parent would overshadow any of the daily problems that would come my way.

Once I got this fixed, life would be okay again.

Because I was in a really bad place during that time. Infertility is a stressful experience, emotionally and physically. I dealt with some situational depression. I felt hopeless and impotent. Getting through a regular day was difficult. I developed shingles due to the stress. I didn’t know how to express my feelings to my friends and family. I went to a counselor to help process it in a healthier way – which was a good decision. Ultimately, though, I felt like being a mom would help everything be okay again.

It took seven months of adoption classes, training, and interviews, and two months of waiting before we got a call for our first child. We were smitten instantly. She was beautiful, sweet, and oh-so-huggable. We settled in as first time parents do – joyfully, awkwardly, unsure of ourselves, but with the shining patina of finally being “mom” and “dad.”

Fast forward seven years. We now are the blessed parents of four kids through adoption – three girls and a boy.

Guess what. Adopting them didn’t solve every problem in the world.

Guess what. My kids stress me out sometimes.

Occasionally, I’m that mom I self-righteously thought I would never be.

The always loving, ever-patient, eternally grateful mother I wanted to be isn’t present all of the time. She’s busy with dirty laundry, facilitating meal times with young children, and playing referee to these active monkeys, while maintaining a positive relationship with my husband.

I love my kids. I couldn’t imagine my life without them. Please hear that.

As I ponder this, I realize something. This doesn’t make me a bad mom. It makes me a real one.

My kids are just like any others. I am just like any other mother. Yes, we took a crazy path to get here, and yes, I have baggage from the journey that will always stick with me. But, hey, I’m here! I’m a real mom! A real-life, sleep-deprived, coffee-chugging, Target-shopping, homework-helping, bedtime-story-reading mom, living the insanely eventful parental life. My every problem wasn’t fixed, but the dream of motherhood came true.

Adoption wasn’t a fall-back plan, or something we had to settle for. We are now a real family.

Just like Pinocchio or the Velveteen Rabbit, I’m real.  Not perfect, but a real mom.

And it feels so good.

Life Was So Much Easier

I submitted this piece to the website herviewfromhome.com and was so excited to have it published on January 17th, 2016! http://herviewfromhome.com/life-was-so-much-easier-before/

My husband and I were foster parents over the past seven years. Last month, we had the blessing of completing the adoption of our two most recent foster daughters. Along with the other two adoptions – our daughter and our son – we have now OFFICIALLY become a family with four kids. How much fun was that – standing in front of the courthouse, holding up signs that proudly read: “Party of Six!”

As I was pondering the events of the adoption week, and reflecting back to before we had these last little monkeys added to our family, I have to admit it was “easier” then. How simple and laid back it seems now to have “only” two kids to feed and get dressed and put to bed and arrange schedules.

It was so much easier with only two kids. I have two hands – one for each. Between the Man of the House and me, there were two laps and two kids – perfect! Our son and daughter are each other’s best friends and get along pretty swimmingly. We were blessed to have “normal” sibling tiffs over toys and personal space and such, but very rarely, and nothing huge.

But, before that, it was so much easier with only one kid. Miss A had our full attention whenever she was with us. If one of us had somewhere we had to be, no sweat. The other was there to step in. One kid is easy to take to meetings, when they can play quietly on the floor for a period of time. One kid is easy to take to the grocery story; they only take up the child seat on the cart and don’t weight the cart down.

It was so much easier in fact before we had kids. Walking to the car after work, knowing we had an evening of good food and quiet television watching together on the couch. Taking a run whenever I wanted. Taking a hot bath whenever I wanted. Only worrying about one pair of shoes – my own. Doing laundry for only two people.

Yes, life sure was a lot easier in the past.

But there’s no way I would exchange it for what we have now.

I look behind me while driving and see four shining faces and hear their sweet voices singing. I look around the kitchen table while we eat and see the bedlam that is four kids eating a meal. I watch the kids color together, or play some cute game only they understand, and my heart swells.

I know that the craziness that is life with young children will pass all too soon. The daily routine will be less of a frantic rush to juggle everyone and everything. It will get “easier”, in a way. And yet, I don’t want it to be gone. I want to treasure each stage and soak it all in for as long as we’re able. Every day is a glorious adventure when you’re young. The giggles, the chubby tummies, the toddler talk, the dress-up clothes, the mood swings (well, we’ll have those when they’re all teenagers again!)… These will be the memories cherished in the years to come.

My soul is humbly grateful to be here for such a time as this, to be a part of my children’s lives at this stage. God is so good, and so faithful to provide strength and patience when we need it the most. He has given us the gift of all four of these little ones, and we thank Him with all of our hearts.

Party of 6!

Happy Adoption Day, Curly Sue and Brown-Eyed-Girl!

We were so very happy that this day finally happened! 493 days - WHEW! When we calculated that, it made us feel incredibly grateful that the conclusion had happened!

We began the adoption celebration the night before by eating at Lulu's Cafe in downtown San Antonio - home of the 3 pound cinnamon roll! Lots of yummy chicken fried steak was to be had, and of course we grabbed a cinnamon roll for the road!

We were met by my mother- and father-in-law love, my husband's youngest sister, and his oldest sister's family with our little niece. We were missing some of the rest of the family, but we were happy to meet up later that day and for Christmas. Sad face - I wish my parents and siblings could have been there as well, but it was good to have time with our Texas family, especially having moved out of state. We are so blessed that both of our families love our kids so much, and have supported and encouraged us, lifting us up when the road has been rough, and celebrating the good times, whether from close by or from afar.

Our hotel (the former Bexar County Jail - really cool and built in 1879, supposedly haunted!) was right on the River Walk, so after checking in, we took a walk down to see the lights. It's always so pretty during the holidays!

In the morning, we crammed some breakfast down our throats to be at the courthouse at 7:30. The hotel was only three blocks away from the courthouse, so we enjoyed a brisk walk in the Texas sunshine.

Our adoption coordinator caseworker and our two lawyers (one for the girls, one for us) met us when we arrived. We had the quick work of signing the "day-of" paperwork to make the adoption officially official.

It was about time for us to be called in. Curly Sue had a funny look on her face, part frozen, part bewildered, and you could see something happening in her five-year-old brain. I pulled her into a hug and asked if she was doing okay. She said, "I'm feeling nervous about seeing the judge. I don't know what I'm going to say." I told her that the judge would probably just ask her name, and if she wanted to be adopted. Curly Sue nodded very seriously and took a deep breath. (Oh my goodness. To think of everything she'd been through and how resilient she had been.)

We were allowed to go inside the court room (after we threatened/begged the kids up and down with anything and everything to make them be quiet! It was a packed court room, and many other cases were waiting their turn.). It was only a few minutes before we were called up to the front. We made our way down the aisle to our spots in front of her desk.

The judge barely had time to take a breath to begin proceedings, before Curly Sue blurted out, "I have a new name and I want to be adopted." The whole room cracked up. The judge very kindly began chatting with our little one, asking her questions - you could tell soon after that Curly Sue felt back in her gregarious element.

The caseworker and lawyers gave quick testimony stating their filings for adoption, we stated that we were here to adopt, and it was over!

The judge let the kids go up to her seat and take a picture. They also got chocolate and an apple! Curly Sue asked and was allowed to wear the judge's reindeer antlers. What a good time, and great memories for them to carry!

We stalled about fifteen more minutes in a waiting room for the certified copies of the adoption decree, chowing down on the apples. We were soon ready to go and be DONE - with paperwork in hand. What a quick resolution to 493 days of fostering!

Of course, we had to stop and take some pictures on the courthouse steps! There also was a beautiful, gigantic Christmas tree in the yard around/near the courthouse, so we took some pictures there. Wonderful momentos of the experience!

We had a great rest of the day, walking around downtown San Antonio, seeing the Alamo, eating at our favorite Mexican food restaurant... We hope that this Adoption Day will be one that all four of our kids will look back on fondly.

It has been a wild ride, but we're so happy it's done! Welcome OFFICIALLY to the family, Curly Sue and Brown-Eyed-Girl! We love you to pieces! - Mama and Daddy

Adoption Date is TOMORROW!

We are thrilled that TOMORROW! After fifteen months, the girls will officially be part of our family forever! We are blessed that this is actually going quicker than our other adoption processes - we waited almost two years for Miss A and Little Guy!

We had had this week penciled in for a month or so, but hadn't heard an exact date or time until last week. Something about that the lawyer was the one who was supposed to file for the date, but she was waiting for the caseworker to send her the paperwork, and the caseworker thought she already had… so everybody's kind of blaming the other person, and we're just sitting here like, "We just want our adoption date!" I just found out Monday that no one had even filed yet to go through this next week.

BUT - All's well that ends well! We're so happy that it's happening!

We are driving back into our "old" neck of the woods today. We have a fun evening planned - playing at the park, eating out for a fun dinner, staying the night at a hotel. We will be joined by family members and friends, which is making it extra special!

Thanks to everyone for being there for us as we have traveled this journey, and for traveling with us. We have been blessed through your encouragement and prayers. We love you all!

Cheers to tomorrow!

Living Truly Pro-Life

On what should have been one of the happiest days of my life, discomfort was my only focus.

My husband Kyle and I fostered eleven children over the past seven years. We have adopted two – our daughter, now seven-years-old, and our son, now five-years-old. Seven of our foster children have been reunified with their biological families. Our most recent case involved a four-year-old girl and her newborn sister. After a year of caring for them, with caseworker visits, monthly reports, and court appearances, we were finally at the trial date. The caseworkers decided that the birthparents’ rights would be terminated, move forward with us adopting the girls.

I was mostly nervous about testifying in court during the trial. (I was there by myself, as my husband was teaching. The kids aren’t normally required to be present at the court appearances.) I as the foster mother would testify to the girls' conditions when they first came to us, and our interactions with the birthmother at the visits.

On top of those physiological nerves, I was feeling anxious wondering if the birthmother, “Michelle”, would attend. Michelle hadn't seen the girls in almost five months. Only a few months back, she signed relinquishment papers to voluntarily surrender her rights. This is a somewhat common occurrence IF termination of the parents’ rights appears inevitable. The birthparents sometimes sign relinquishment papers voluntarily to avoid a termination being put on their record.

However, Michelle had recently declared that signing was a mistake, and that she was requesting a new lawyer to help her take back the relinquishment and continue fighting for the girls. Obviously, it doesn't work that way, but I still wondered what she would do if she showed up to court. However relatively polite Michelle had been when we had met in the past, these recent actions led me to dread whatever confrontation we might have.

When I walked through the hallway and found our courtroom, I saw Michelle sitting on the bench outside. The nerves kicked in again. So many feelings – worry, sadness, grief, anxiety.

And so, with my heart pounding and stomach churning, I went to the restroom to get it together. Honestly, it probably was due to cowardice; I wanted to stay removed from all of these emotions and thoughts rapidly flowing through me.

I have seen a quote by Jody Landers that goes like this: “A child born to another woman calls me Mommy. The magnitude of that tragedy and the depth of that privilege are not lost on me.” How true this is. Although incredibly joy-filled with knowing that the girls would be part of our forever-family, of being done with the court proceedings, my husband and I were aware that our joy comes at someone else’s great misery. Nobody was playing the “us versus them” game, but on that day the path would be permanently chosen – us versus her. Not a comfortable day to be living through, from anyone’s perspective.

Once I took some deep breaths and collected myself, I was now ready to calmly exit, ready for our case to be called into the courtroom.

And my foster children’s birthmother was standing there washing her hands at the sinks.

She looked up as I walked out and our eyes met. I blandly smiled, and she gave me a watery smile back and looked away. I began washing my hands at the sink next to hers.

Ugh. Could this be any more awkward?

At this point, something became crystal clear to me. Yup, it was awkward. The birthmother on the day her parental rights are terminated and the adoptive mother going home to them after court concludes. We were “supposed” to be on opposite “sides”. Shouldn’t she be angry at me for stealing her rightful place as her children’s mother? Shouldn’t I be judgmental and condescending, knowing everything in her life and lifestyle that led to the removal of her children? Shouldn’t we hate each other as adversaries?

And it truly hit me that Michelle was not the “other side”. She was the mother of my children – or, rather, the children who, by God’s goodness, would soon be named part of my family forever. Here was a young woman, only a few years younger than I was, who had been torn up by life’s hardness. Trapped in a deep hole of her own making, with each day proving more difficult to overcome. Without support of family or friends, much less a committed husband. No steady home life growing up and now a single mom going from job to job, and from place to place. Unhealthy influences all around, all her life. My modest life seemed palatial in comparison. Today was the day on which her last link to her two daughters would be forever severed. It mattered not to that she was facing the consequences of her actions. She wasn’t a rival in some game - but someone hurting.

At that point, my nervousness and anxiety about this day seemed selfish. How could I stand there silently, because I felt “awkward”, when someone was aching beside me? Chastised, I threw up a quick prayer for forgiveness. And then the thought surfaced, “Well, if it were me, I’m sure I could use a hug.” Then, “Do it. Can’t get any more awkward.”

I dried my hands, walked over, and threw my arms around her. I told her that we recognized how painful this day was for her. That for today at least, hurt for her was overshadowing any excitement we could feel. I told her how much we loved those little girls, and I choked up as I vowed to care for them to the best of my ability all my life. I told her she would always be in our prayers.

Her tears now flowing as well, she thanked me. She humbly expressed gratitude for us loving her children as much as she did. She acknowledged that her life was currently unstable, and that she knew she was unable to care for the girls the way she would like. She went on to say an abundance of kind affirmations for my husband and me that soothed my soul. We stood there, talking, bonded by our love for our children, the conversation comforting each of us, if even just a degree.

We hugged again as we exited the women’s restroom. She turned to me and said, “I’m not going to fight the relinquishment papers today. If I can’t be there for my daughters, at least I know they have you in their lives.”

Our case was called into the courtroom soon afterwards. Michelle was the first witness on the stand. She stated that she was voluntarily relinquishing her rights and supportive of an adoption by our family. As soon as she was dismissed, she walked out of the courtroom without a backward glance, out of our family’s lives.

I am pro-life. And this encounter with Michelle expanded my view of what that means.

We have been incredibly blessed through the gift of adoption, with two children already adopted and two more very soon. But before this, we experienced years of praying and hoping for a child. Naturally, that made us extra sensitive regarding children who need a home, who are neglected or abused or unwanted.

In terms of babies, I believe life begins at conception, each human a glorious unfolding of God-given potential - regardless of background or the way in which the baby was conceived. The concept of abortion breaks my heart. I would lovingly tell ANY woman considering abortion, without judgment, that if she doesn’t desire to parent her baby, we would be honored to do so. I know numerous other families have struggled with infertility (or haven’t) and feel similarly. Every abortion could have been a baby, an answer to the prayers of a loving family. Isaiah 1:17 (ESV) tells us, “Learn to do good; seek justice, correct oppression; bring justice to the fatherless, plead the widow's cause.” Christians use this verse to support adoption, and the loving provision of homes to children who need them. Everyone is, surely, moved by the sight of a helpless baby, and willing to extend caring arms to lift up that child.

The majority of Christians in America today would identify themselves as “pro-life.” But to some of our fellow Americans, that just appears to mean that we are anti-abortion and it might not mean much else. As the Casting Crowns song “Jesus, Friend of Sinners” aptly states, “Nobody knows what we’re for, only what we’re against when we judge the wounded. What if we put down our signs, crossed over the lines, and loved like You did?” While abortion is unequivocally against our pro-life stance, what if more could be shown in our declarations?

I am so tired of hearing that pro-life Christians are only against abortions, but not for helping those babies once they are born, nor the mothers who choose life for their babies but subsequently have to live in poverty and be a “drain on the system.” False.

Recently following the comments attached to an online article on the topic, I repeatedly saw, “If you’re against abortion, what have you personally as a so-called Christian done yourself for these unwanted babies? Have you fostered or adopted children? Have you fed the hungry or invited the homeless into your home?” That irks me, knowing that so many loving Christians DO accomplish much good in their communities because of their understanding that all life is sacred.

However, that’s a fair challenge.

I am not saying that all Christians follow that stereotype. But what witness does our world see about Christ and His Church from the news, the media, from our everyday actions? What if we went above and beyond to prove that we value ALL life as our God does?

By declaring that I am “pro-life”, I am not called to be concerned with only adorable babies. Could the verse above focus on modern-day single mothers and foster children? How about a homeless person we see on the corner? What about someone from a different cultural or socio-economic experience than us, or in another part of the world? Aren’t their lives valuable to their Creator? Could our valuing life extend to the annoying or hurtful person at work or in our church?

I love my babies. They needed a home and we jumped at the chance to be their parents. We were called to this life of fostering and adopting as our parenting journey, and feel blessed to be used in this manner. And that day, being with Michelle helped me realize that every interaction we have is an opportunity to be pro-life. Jesus’s words clearly say, “Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.” (Matthew 25:40, ESV) Even if it’s not natural or feels weird. Hugging the birthmother of my adoptive children and crying in a bathroom with her? At that moment, that felt like being pro-life to me.

All life is sacred. All life. That’s why Christians are against abortion, which ends a life. It’s important to spread our message in gentle love that babies have rights as well as women. There are so many families ready to adopt, and many organizations willing to walk beside those in need in a caring manner. This part IS incredibly important to us and to our Creator.

AND, beyond the abortion issue, let’s be known for proclaiming God’s love and salvation to all mankind. We may not agree with each other on everything, but we can still value people and extend compassion. We can still step out in faith, even when it’s uncomfortable. Let’s get messy in this wonderful, crazy community God has provided for us – at home, in our country, and throughout His world.

What can you do today to share His mercy? Think big or small! Go participate in a missionary trip overseas. But also... Go invite someone to Thanksgiving dinner who may be alone or in need of a meal. Go volunteer in a food pantry or crisis pregnancy center in your home town. Go pray about what God’s people can do regarding the refugee crisis happening right now. Whatever it is, GO! DO!

I share about that day not to bring attention to myself or our family. I am guilty of so many lost chances when I could have shared kindness, of not wanting to love uncomfortably. I was convicted and humbled as I remembered “what kind of love the Father has given to us”. (1 John 3:1) If He can lavish me with love, grace, and daily forgiveness, I can in some small way, with the help of His Spirit, attempt to do so to my fellow human beings - however many mistakes I make along the way.

God inspired James to write, “Faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.” (James 2:17, ESV) Let’s show the world a living faith that moves beyond politics and boundaries, beyond comfort zones.

We're Still Here!

Time for a quick update!

Timeline: We are now scheduled for a December 16th adoption consummation date. The newly assigned adoption worker says that it is actually Texas law that no adoption to unrelated foster families can happen within ninety days of the termination trial. The family gets ninety days to file an appeal or put forward even more names for consideration to adopt the girls. There is no intention to do either one, as far as the workers have discussed with the biological family members, so that's not going to be an issue.

Process: We have lots of paperwork to fill out to make the adoption happen, but we're basically finished. One last big thing that will happen is the reading of the HSEGH, or the Health, Social, Education, and Genetic History file. This tells us EVERYTHING that the department has found about the children and ANY biological family members. It's the kind of thing where they reserve a little room and you sit for four hours reading paper after paper. BUT at least you know every last piece of information that is possibly available to you. Not that anything would change our mind about adopting the girls at this point; it's a routine formality that happens with any foster care adoption.

Travel: We are still following the 3-weeks-in-Colorado-1-week-in-Texas schedule agreed to by the caseworkers. This is sure more do-able than the longer stretches of time. I should be back in Texas for one more week in November, and then hopefully only back for the adoption on December 16th for that month and then DONE!

Kids: All four kids are handling the transition well. School is going well, everyone is making new friends, etc. We have our days of teary-ness, but, for the most part, they are really being troopers. It's obviously been tough on them, as on my husband and on me, and some days are better than others. We can't wait to be together and actually feel settled. We're so ready to move onto the next chapter of our lives completely and as an undivided unit.

Thank you for all of the prayers and encouragement! We're challenging ourselves to make this as positive as possible, and not just "survive" it. Absence makes the heart grow fonder!

Heading back to Colorado tomorrow! Woohoo! Lots of love, everyone!

God Blessed the Broken Road

What a long and emotional day! We FINALLY had our termination trial today to decide the girls' permanent placement. At the end of it, termination was granted on all three parents, and a tentative adoption date set!

That's the short story. A lot happened and I feel very up and down - definitely a lot to take in and process. Of course, we're ecstatic and can't WAIT to have the girls be officially part of our forever family.

I was incredibly nervous anticipating having to testify. I don't get stage fright, per se, but it is sweat-inducing to have to walk up to the witness stand, swear to "tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth", and then be asked questions - and cross-examined by the "other" attorneys, all while the people about which you are testifying are listening and watching you. I was supposed to be called up to share what the health status of particularly Curly Sue was when she arrived at our house, detailing what kind of physical and emotional condition she was in, as well as discuss the baby's NICU stay and the process of getting her healthy when she was born. I knew I needed to do what I needed to do, but it's hard, as a people pleaser, to think about saying negative things about someone to their faces, especially when said testimony is to help clinch the termination of their parental rights. I KNOW this isn't gossip or being negative to be negative, and it's the truth and part of the case, and needs to be done, etc., but that still doesn't make it easy to do it.

It turns out that I didn't need to testify. The birthmother did come forward to say she was relinquishing her rights voluntarily. As my testimony would have dealt with her, as the older sister was in her care when removed, I did not have to testify. She and I had a wonderful encounter in the restroom beforehand, which I want to write in further detail in the near future.

Another of the fathers declared voluntary relinquishment as well. The third parent was terminated on for failure to work services over the course of the year. The birth mother had left immediately following her statement of relinquishment. All in all, this went fairly quickly.

At the end, right before dismissal, the girls' lawyer asked for the special provision for an expedited adoption, as the girls have been with us 11 1/2 months. The judge happily agreed, and even penciled us in on her calendar for November 12th. She said she is already doing an adoption that morning, and that it would be fun to complete our adoptions together, "maybe have cake and a party or something!"

All in all, SO happy to be finished with the trial part of this journey. Ready for adoption to happen and to be back together as a family! Our adoption attorney is already working on filing the paperwork, and everything should be smooth sailing from here on out!

We get to go visit up north for three weeks, return for a week or so, go BACK up north for three weeks, and that should about be time for the adoption to happen!

This was a quick update, but thank you for sharing in our joy! Blessings!

Almost There

It seems like I have been starting out the latest blog posts the same way - "well, We're plugging along... It's moving, slowly by surely..." I do have some updates on the case today after speaking with the girls' caseworker yesterday.

The paternity test FINALLY came back for Curly Sue, and she is biologically the child of the OTHER father from Brown-Eyed Baby Girl, which means she and the baby are genetically half-sisters. Again, this doesn't matter much to the end result of the custody of the girls, but it is good to know and to have in the court documents when we go to trial.

Dad #2's mother has contacted her son's lawyer and dropped the custody suit, and will testify to such if needed at the trial. Mom's mother keeps on contacting the girls' caseworker for a visit, since the other grandmother was able to see them, so we are doing that on September 4th. (However, she is not and hasn't been in the quest for custody - Curly Sue was with her when the baby was first born, but had to be removed, which is why the girls went into a foster care - adoptive placement.)

We still don't have a new court date, but the respective attorneys and caseworkers and court officials are meeting this Friday to set a date together. September 16th was the date, but needed to be rescheduled for the Assistant District Attorney couldn't make that date. Now, the girls' caseworker will be out from September 18th-28th, which means if we delay again, it will mean not reconvening until October. However, the caseworker said she is going to push to get on our judge's docket for sometime next week, so we may be rescheduling for SOONER rather than later. That would be good!

I may or may not need to testify at the trial, at this point. Since the birthmother relinquished her rights, we're just dealing with terminating the rights of the two fathers now. I was mainly testifying about the older sister's condition when she came to us from the birth family, so my testimony might not be needed.

The caseworker DID receive an email from an adoptive caseworker of the one grandpa, who lives about 10 hours away, who is stating he DOES want to continue to pursue custody, and trying to get the department involved with logistics of making that happen. The caseworker and lawyer had already dismissed him as a potential home, because of the distance, and the fact that he is currently adopting three other grandchildren who have been removed from his son's home. It looks like he's continuing to make noise about it, but the caseworker and lawyer think the judge will agree with their decision to eliminate him as a placement change. One other main obstacle would be that, with the distance between us, there would be no opportunity for trial visits - it's too far to take the girls back and forth for an over night or several day visit until there is acclimation. Since we're meeting his ex-wife for the visit on the 4th, we're hoping she will like us, as the other grandmother did, and put in a good word for us so he would drop his custody suit as well. Of course, even if the judge denies him as a placement, he could come back and make an actual court case suing for custody and delay our adoption, and at that point we could get our own lawyer and have representation as parents who have had custody of the girls for 11 months - almost 12 months now. We're staying positive and praying that doesn't happen.

One VERY good piece of news is about our current separate living situation. I was up north with the rest of the fam for two weeks and returned yesterday; SO difficult. I really treasured that time, but man, we were all in tears the night before I left with the girls to come back down here. The caseworker let me know that, legally, we can be on "vacation" for up to 30 days at a time during the case, and she can make her visits with us during the time we are back. I asked her, "So, technically, I could go up there for 30 days, come back, see you, and a few days later go back for another 30 days?" She said YES, as long as the girls' lawyer is okay with it as well, and both of them can do their monthly visits during the time when we're back. (And if it doesn't work schedule-wise for those days/week(s), one or two Skype or Facetime visits would be acceptable.) GREAT NEWS!

As far as foster care certification, I'm set with all licenses and trainings until January! So hopefully I won't even need to do anything, assuming we can be done by November or December!

So, there you have it! We're feeling pretty positive, and continuing to choose joy in whatever circumstances we're in! Please pray for us that we can do so! Thanks, everyone, for reading!

Step By Step - Thursday's Visit

Things keep on moving forward, even if it is just in small increments.

We had our previously planned visit with the paternal grandmother on Thursday (Grandmother-of-Brown-Eyed-Baby-Girl-potentially-also-of-Curly-Sue-but-we-don't-know-for-certain-because-paternity-test-hasn't-been-processed-yet). We met at a Chik-Fil-A near the CPS offices, which was much more fun than meeting in the visitation rooms at the department.

I was not "worried" about the visit, per se, but I definitely had a physical, anxious reaction to pulling up and walking into the building. I wasn't sure what to expect. This grandma was the last person on the list made by the families to get custody of the girls. (After 10 months of us having the girls, and being told at the beginning of the case that there were no other family members around/available, the court has gone through several names in the past month that were brought up by the three parents' lawyers at the July 9th hearing.) However, she had made comments to the caseworker that she would drop her custody seeking if she could meet me and see the girls to gauge how they were doing.

When she walked in, she came up with a big smile. I handed the baby over so grandma could hold her. Now, the big sister glanced at her, but didn't seem to recognize her - she walked right by and went to slide. I had her come back and say hello, but she still didn't seem to have any connection. That was interesting to see. We all just then settled down in the kid play to chat while Curly Sue played and the baby crawled around.

When our visit was only a couple of minutes in session, grandma said, "I need you to know that I'm not here to get in your way. I've already decided to stop seeking custody and I'm calling the lawyer today to tell her." That obviously made me feel a lot of relief!

Over the course of our hour together, she told me that the older sister had never looked better, and she looked "so clean, and healthy, and happy". She was interested in hearing about school, and if Curly Sue was making friends, and how she behaved and had adjusted over the year. Apparently, from even Curly Sue's birth, she was told that she was the grandmother (even though she is the boyfriend's mother and not the husband's mother). I guess the birthmother was telling both men they were biologically the fathers the entire time.

 "I wanted to come here today," she said to me, "to just ask that this not be the very last time I ever see or hear about my grandchildren. If you can tell me that I'll see them again in the future, or get pictures, that's enough for me. I don't need to be involved in your life and get in your way, but just to get updates would be good enough."

To answer that, I just replied that we could definitely work out details. We've learned from Little Guy's adoption, and from discussion with caseworkers and other adoptive parents, not to make promises and to not tie yourself down. This isn't to be deceitful or mean, but if you put in writing anything about visitations or times or expectations, then it can get very difficult if situations change, or if you stop feeling comfortable with having contact.

Right now, Little Guy's birthmother has my cell phone number (not my husband's, and not our home address, although she knows the town we live in), and we text periodically. But, there was a time when she was calling and texting several times a week, asking to talk to him or asking for pictures, and we had to maintain boundaries. We had to be assertive, and told her to trust us that we would be in contact and keep her updated, but that we preferred to be the ones initiating the contact.

With this situation, I wouldn't feel comfortable mailing pictures. I am very concerned about any of the three parents finding out our contact information and tracking us down. We have absolutely no contact with Miss A's parents for this reason. But we were fine with keeping in touch with Little Guy's birthmother. We even played at the park for an hour or so last year when she visited family in our area. We just take each situation as it comes. I had discussed with the caseworker a plan of sending her (the caseworker) pictures and updates, and she would forward them on to the grandmother, or other family members. I may create a special email address just for communicating with her and stay in touch that way.

Legally, the three birth parents are having their parental rights terminated - we aren't required to have any kind of contact with anybody from the birth family. We don't have to agree to anything at this point, or when(/if) the adoption is being finalized. But we've always read, and seen in our own experiences, that keeping an honest, age-appropriate openness benefits the children the most.

She was probably thinking along those same lines during our conversation. She told me, "Don't worry about me selling you out to my son, or to their mother. I don't want them to know where the girls are any more than you do. It would be too dangerous for the girls." That surprised me that she said that, and it must have taken a lot to admit that.

When it was time to leave, she gave me a big hug and said, "You have beautiful daughters, and you are a great mother. I couldn't ask for more for my grandchildren. Thank you for being in their lives." Very sweet words, and it made me emotional again! We left with a tentative plan to share birthday party details for Curly Sue at a park in town.

When we first began fostering, my worries revolved around the kids leaving us. That seemed to me the "worst" case scenario, an absolutely devastating situation, a life-ruining catastrophic ending. And guess what - then it happened to us. With seven children - so far. And we survived. I am not saying it wasn't awful, and there weren't crying, sobbing nights, and huge obstacles emotionally to overcome it. But we did overcome it.

My focus has stretched since the beginning, seven years ago when we began this journey with the foster care system. I do think about how upsetting it would be if these girls were placed with anyone but us at this point. I have cried over that already, since we know what that feels like.

But there is such a bigger picture in all of this, and so many other moving parts to think about. Besides just getting "what we want", in keeping the girls with us, we want to make sure we're all handling it well emotionally. We want to keep all of our children mentally healthy. We want them to have the best sense of self possible. We want them to grow up knowing they are so loved - by SO many people. We want to keep praying for the birth families, no matter what happens in the end. The hard part isn't "over" once/if we have full and permanent custody of the girls. There is a lifetime of navigating the waters of adoption, contact or lack thereof with the birth families. Everyone will be affected in different ways and this is a life-long journey for all of us.

Most importantly, we want to keep faith. We trust in an omnipotent God who knows the future, and has known it before any of us were created. He holds the end of our stories. We want to keep growing into the people He has created us to be, and the family He has planned for us. We don't want to waver when the road gets tough.

Job 38 says:

Then the Lord spoke to Job out of the storm. He said:

^"Who is this that obscures my plans
    with words without knowledge?

Brace yourself like a man;
    I will question you,
    and you shall answer me.

"Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation?
    Tell me, if you understand. 
"Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know!
    Who stretched a measuring line across it?
On what were its footings set,
    or who laid its cornerstone— while the morning stars sang together
    and all the angels^[a] shouted for joy?

I'm not the one in charge. I don't like that. None of us like not being in control. Some of us have a harder time than others. I have a harder time letting go of control at some moments in life compared to others. But guess what? No matter how much I hate it, I'm not in control - I never have been. And that has been a freeing thought.

I can focus on today, on the here and now, because my heavenly Father already knows what the future holds. Bad stuff is still going to happen to me. We as a family can go through it all with Him, or without Him. 

... and back to the case!

So, from here, we're just waiting on the DNA results STILL for Curly Sue. Again, it's just a formality in terms of parental rights being terminated, since all three will be losing their parental rights at the trial - that's already determined. It's just the permanent custody that could be affected by the paternity test results.

However, this grandmother was the last of the long list of new family members to be looked at for custody. Everyone else has been eliminated. No other names have been brought forth. This should clear the way for the adoption process to begin as soon as the trial concludes.

Prayers for the paternity test to come back QUICKLY so we can get our court dates, make our move, and be back together as a complete family! Thanks, all! Love to everyone!

Big Sister Joins Us Friday!

We've been sitting on some news for about a week, letting it all soak in.

The twins' Big Sister is moving in to our house on Friday afternoon!

Here's the thing: we were so impressed with her on the night we first met her, back in December, that we talked about her the entire way home. She was so good with the kids, so polite, so shy, and yet you could see there were definitely scars there that would need to be healed. The family she was with said that they were just foster parents and they didn't know where she would end up permanently; they even commented - "She just wants to be with her siblings so badly. Would you have room to take her to make that happen?" Of course this was the other foster parents, not a caseworker,so it wasn't anything close to an official request, but, man, it was painful to think of her being all by herself, when at least the other four were in pairs. I remember on the way home that night discussing with the Man of the House, could we take her, and we said we wouldn't go make anything happen and we wouldn't ask the caseworker about it, but if it came to US being approached by the caseworker to take her in, that would mean we needed to seriously consider it.

We were actually asked to consider taking her in before her first weekend visit with us. Our caseworker - not hers - came to the house unannounced about 8:00 in the morning. She came to discuss the possibility with me, just an initial "throwing it out there".

This was the same week that we had been asked about the other two siblings. That prospect scared me. That stressed me out, even thinking about it. Six kids, five of them three and under, at home all day long. We didn't feel equal to the task. However, when asked about Big Sister, it felt different. She's old enough to be more self-sufficient and could actually help instead of being another little one to watch over.

So, we agreed to consider taking in Big Sister.

Then the weekend we had her, everything went very well. She played with Miss A and Little Guy just as much and as well as she did with the twins. When she was leaving, however, she told us that the caseworker had just had a conversation with her, at our house that afternoon, that she (Big Sister) was probably heading to her aunt's home soon. We hadn't heard anything about this, and still thought we were the main (only?) consideration for Big Sister's future home, but we were happy for her that there was someone in the family who could potentially care for her, which would give her the opportunity to at least have some contact with her siblings in the future.

This was about the time when I wrote the post saying that my husband and I were contented with the entire situation, and everyone's future, and were considering it the best situation for her to go to the family.

However, when I brought this up with the caseworker, she said that there wasn't even a homestudy started yet for the aunt, and that Big Sister had been stating that she didn't want to go there, and that she wanted to be with us. Big Sister had told the caseworker that she understood that the twins could go back to the family, and she said it made no difference - she wanted to be adopted by us. And the word she kept using, according to the caseworker, was "humbled". She was so "humbled" that we would want to have her spend weekends with us, that we would allow her into our home.

To hear all of that was pretty heart-wrenching, obviously. But we dithered and dallied for a while.

I am not by nature an indecisive person. I make decisions - even big ones - fairly easily without many regrets. I trust my instincts plus the logical processes of my brain, choose a course, and, once decided upon, I don't look back. College, major, dating my now-husband, accepting my first job, choosing to stay at home for a time with the kids... The decisions were reached pretty quickly, pretty easily, and not without a lot of stressing once I had decided. I don't mean to say that I'm impulsive - I think cutting to the heart of the matter, weighing gut instincts along with hard facts, is a gift I've been blessed with. I trust that God is guiding my decisions, and, with prayer beforehand, I trust that His plan is the best and that He has led me/us to the right decision.

But that was not how this decision went.

The Man of the House and I have been on an absolute rollercoaster together making this decision. The awesome thing was to see how in synch we were in our thinking. One day, he came to me saying, "It's funny, but I feel like God's been throwing the story of Jonah to me today. It's like He's saying, 'I've put this immense task before you, and I need you to follow me,' and that if we say no to the Big Sister, it's like Jonah running away from Nineveh." What's crazy is that I had been contemplating the Biblical account of Jonah the same day too, and was thinking almost the exact same thoughts! And then a few days later, he came to me and said, "I've been thinking, and I really feel that we need to say no, that someone else would be a better fit and do a better job," which was what I had been feeling that day as well. And so our conversations and deliberation went, back and forth, back and forth, but always on the same page.

Our worries had really nothing to do with Big Sister. We are under no illusions that taking in a thirteen-year-old will be easy. Yet, caring for hurting children is why we're here, why we have continued to follow this path for almost six years. We had a dream of SOMEDAY adopting or at least fostering teenagers, when "our" kids were older... Hmmm... What funny plans we make, right?!

The biggest worry was our own fallibility. We are thirty-one and thirty-two-years-old. We have a six-year-old. We've never raised a teenager. Who are we to think we're capable of this already? With my background as a youth ministry leader and middle school teacher, I've had experience with teenagers. And that is very different than raising one, I understand.

Honestly, a worry that was just as big was the reaction of everyone around us. From our families to friends and even acquaintances, was everyone going to tell us we were absolutely crazy... and/or ill-equipped and unprepared? What was everyone going to think?

Which of course is a ridiculous factor to use in making a decision. But, to be transparent, it was one of the biggest worries on my mind.

Actually, not just a worry. It's made me pretty terrified to consider what some people might be thinking about this choice. I've definitely lost sleep imagining some of the comments people will undoubtedly make - most without meaning to harm or hurt, I'm sure.

After the second visit, my husband and I talked extensively about the whole situation. We both felt that everything was so "right" and comfortable, that having her in our home felt incredibly natural, like she was meant to be there. And she was so much more relaxed, making jokes and making herself at home. Since before the first visit, she had been calling two or three times a week, so we had talked with her a lot and gotten to know her even better.

So, when the caseworker said that her time was running out at the emergency shelter in which she's staying, and that they needed to find a home for her soon, we said yes.

And the funny thing is, the panic stayed away.

And as the days keep going by until her arrival, we've all just been feeling happier and more excited. We're so ready to get her out of that shelter and into the home of a real family (as flawed as this one is!).

We had a family meeting to discuss it before we gave an answer. Obviously, Miss A is really the only one who can understand it with any "adult" perspective and give a real answer. She was excited and really excited to share her room. She loves the big girls at school, and is thrilled to have a big sister around all the time.

We have her room all ready. Some very sweet friends gave us a loft bed with a desk underneath it. It fits great in Miss A's room. We got some closet and desk organization items. We wanted it to look homey when she arrives, so she knows how excited we are and how much we planned for and anticipated her coming.

Because this girl has been through the wringer due to the failings of many adults in her life. She deserves stability and love, and place to call "home", and patience to smooth out and heal her scarred edges.

It's not going to be easy. Please hear me say that, and that we're not entering into this without lots of forethought, lots of conversations with caseworkers. There will be many aspects of positive guidance to put into place with the help of her new school, the caseworkers, ongoing therapy, etc. We'll seek your prayers and encouragement even more now. But we are excited and looking forward to this next chapter in our stories.

At this time, she does not have another option going forward. Our family is to be looked at as an adoptive placement for the time being. The sticky thing is that the trial begins next week, and precious time with her biological siblings could be drawing to an end. There is not a plan for reunification between her and the family, on the request of both parties. So, the twins and their two other siblings are one case, having their future placement determined next week, separate from Big Sister. She says she understands that it's looking like they are heading back, and that, if she is adopted by us, she more than likely will not have contact with them after they leave. We are willing to adopt her and give her a permanent, forever family, but if she changes her mind and wants to look into another family, however distantly related, we will support it, and we will be for her what we need to be, for the time that we need to be it. We're leaving that final call up to her, but our stance is that we would love to adopt her and not have her have to go through another placement with a family she doesn't know. But, at this time, wheels will begin to move towards us adopting Big Sister.

Please keep her in your thoughts, as any transition can add stress of some level. We pray that she is able to feel safe and trusting here, and to feel completely comfortable in our home, enough to let her guard down all the way and just be loved for who she is. We also ask for prayers for the other little ones, as they transition into having one more added to the mix here in our crazy house. May everyone be positive, patient, loving, and forgiving. We thank God for this opportunity to be His hands and feet and help our kids see the need to reach out and help - no matter how scary it is. We just ask that we not mess it up too much, that Good would be done here.

Thank you for your encouragement! You all mean so much to us! Hugs!

Update on Court Case

We had a very nice weekend again spending time with the twins' Big Sister. Quick recap: I was putting in some time working, so The Man of the House picked her up on Friday. We did presents before heading to bed that night. A great adventure hiking around a trail near the park happened Saturday, along with pizza (Digiorno) and movie night (Frozen - again). We had church in the morning, but our family had nursery duty, so we did that, then headed to Sunday School and back home.

Today was the day when the kids' caseworker brought the other two siblings over so we could all celebrate Big Sister's birthday. It was great to see her so happy - she grinned from ear to ear all day, just sparkling.

I followed the caseworker into the twins bedroom purposefully to find a quiet time to ask for any updates in the twins' cases. I have in the last week left two messages with the girls' lawyer, but haven't heard anything back. The trial begins in three weeks, and we don't know much yet.

The caseworker let me know that the family has filed for a hearing this week, petitioning the immediate reunification of the two siblings who are currently in the shelter. Reasons: 1) the state still hasn't found a foster home for them, and they have been there more than two months, and 2) they are claiming that the shelter isn't providing adequate care. (I'd have to not argue with this; the toddler has extremely painful looking eczema, and both of them have become incredibly withdrawn and quiet.) Because this is the same judge who has been saying the kids should never have been removed in the first place, and has granted the extended unsupervised weekend visits, it would be logical that he'll probably agree to this.

If that happens, says the caseworker, they are prepared to also petition for the twins to immediately be placed back in their care, the reasoning being that if they have the two siblings, the entire family should be reinstated and reunited. The actuality if this happening is a bit more uncertain, but the caseworker wanted to prepare us in advance that this may be occurring this week.

I expressed my amazement at how this could logically happen. I asked did this mean that the trial was null and void and a formality? She said, actually, no, the trial is for the permanent placement of the four siblings (Big Sister not included) and the new judge could still deny their request to adopt them. I asked what would happen if the four kids were placed back next week, but denied the adoption by the cousins, and she said that CPS would immediately call for their removal, and the twins, at least, would be placed back here with us, and begin looking at that as a permanent placement.

So, we could be hearing that the twins are leaving us as early as the middle of this week. AND we could still hear next month that they are coming back.

The past seven months have been such a roller coaster that I don't know if we have the ability to be shocked anymore by anything. Tonight, discussing all of this, all my husband and I can do is shake our heads at each other and ask, "Why am I not surprised?"

We have pretty much made our peace with the twins' time at our home coming to a close. In fact, we would at this point be pretty dumbfounded if the four siblings were not reunified with their previous caregivers. Just having this complicated twist added to things makes it just feel... weird? Too rushed? Like we need more time to say goodbye? Relieved that at least the case won't be dragged on for another month?

Again, we have absolutely no doubt that God has placed us here in this time and place for His purposes. We've never questioned that. Circumstances going differently than what we had anticipated won't change the fact that He's already planned our whole stories, down to the endings. We're not feeling angry or like we need to throw in the towel. While we do wish that this case had been a little more clear-cut and smoothly handled on all ends, it is what it is, and you do what you can with what you're given. We've already discussed that we're jumping right back into the game if/when the twins leave, and will accept another foster placement whenever the opportunity is there. This is our calling, and we are confident in that.

We'd love to ask for your prayers. We're not asking for the twins to stay with us. We're not asking for them to go. It's not about that. We don't want to come to God with any expectations, other than to ask for His will to be done and for us to be able to have a part in it. We ask for peace, we ask for the fortitude to emotionally and physically deal with whatever comes and make it through. We ask for protection and guidance for all of the four siblings, no matter where they end up.

As a closing thought, I just want to say how strange it is to think about, putting down my thoughts and having others read them. These things and events and feelings are very personal, and yet I want to document them, in order to give testament to this time in our lives, and to show others a real and authentic journey through the ups and downs of foster adoption. Thanks for being a part of our story, and for all of your never-ending encouragement.

God bless us, every one.

"I Was There to Hear Your Borning Cry" - Foster/Adopt Edition

Music is a medium that communicates straight to my heart and my soul. I relate to music - the lyrics and the melodies - and somehow find inspiration and comfort in a very unique way.

I sing with our church choir. Everyone has been very understanding of my commitment of, oh, about 80%-90%, with four young children and other church duties throughout the week. I enjoy and am blessed with the music outlets provided to me, as music has always been such a big part of my life.

We are working on a song entitled "I Was There to Hear Your Borning Cry" for the baptism of our choir director's precious baby girl, which will be happening this Sunday. So happy for her, and for the blessing that Baby J is to her family and to our church family!

Here's the song with lyrics, if you want to hear it in its entirety:

I choked up singing, which I have done during previous times I'd heard this song. The words are powerful, and point to how God has been with you from the very beginning, and will be with you "when you shut your weary eyes" for the last time.

But, today, I could not stop thinking about the connection of these words to our family, the personal connection I feel God is saying to us right now.

"I was there to hear your borning cry, I'll be there when you are old."

Wow. It seems so obvious and trite, but it hits me so hard it hurts when I think about the seven kids who will always be a part of our hearts.

God was there when one of them courageously fought off the drug-induced haze into which, as a tiny baby barely big enough to survive by itself, this precious little one entered into our world.

God was there when another one was found, left in a car on a summer night, while parents were spending time at the bar.

God was there when another one was living in a home filled with months worth of garbage, broken glass, pet dander, moldy old food, and all kinds of dangerous/illegal substances littered around everywhere.

God was miraculously there while they were mistreated or ignored, or both.

God was there through the hurts and pain. God was there through the indifference and neglect. God was there through the hunger - physical, emotional, and spiritual.

Not only was God with them, as in physically being near. He held them close, comforted them, cried along with them, whispered hope and love into their tiny ears.

And the thousands, millions, of hurting, abused, and neglected kids around the country... around the world... God is there with them, too.

The contemplation of these thoughts was almost too much for my puny brain to wrap around. I wanted to literally drop to my knees, crying out with a grateful heart, and simultaneously crying out for this hurting, broken, sinful world.

The rest of the equation began circling around my brain next. If God was with them at the beginning, He will continue to be with them until the end.

Three children have entered into our homes and our lives, and left again, gone to paths different and unknown (to us). Two more - the twins - are smack in the midst of being part of this family, and all signs seem to be currently pointing to their imminent departure. God only knows the ending of this story, and we can't discern it now.

But we have full confidence that God will continue to guard and keep them, wherever they end up. He's big enough to walk with them through everything. We may be only a small character in a child's story, but God is the author.

It is not easy for us humans to give up control to someone else. In this case, it's not even a matter of giving up control, because we never have it in the first place. (Which I think is really the case for most things in our lives.)

Spunky Gal, Preemie Boy, and Baby Girl left our home. The twins may do so too. It will be time to let go, and let God take care of them. Life may not be easy for them, but at least Someone will always be there.

God doesn't promise that the bad stuff of this world will disappear. It's hard to understand that. Our world is full of sin. But it is a comfort to know that He is always with the smallest ones, the ones most in need of protection. And He is with the investigators who discover a hurting child, with the caseworkers and judges who determine a plan for the child, and with the new homes into which the children are introduced. He never turns His back, even if His actions may not be able to be seen by our human eyes at the time.

And this is a wake-up call to all of us. Be God's hands and feet. Every bad situation is one in which we can act. Reach out. Find the ones in need. Heal the hurts with the love God first showed us through His Son. We can't turn blind eyes to what's going on all around us, in our own cities. Let God use us to bring His kingdom, even in a small way, here on earth.