I was feeling kind of down this weekend about the adoption placements from last week. The Match Event was last Saturday, and since we still hadn't heard anything, The Man of the House and I were assuming that we weren't chosen.
This afternoon I emailed our placement caseworker to ask if she had heard anything. I felt slightly bad asking her, fearing that we may appear pushy, or over-aggressive, or just plain annoying. :-) I tried to make it light-hearted, saying we aren't as familiar with an adoption placement, as most of our kids have been emergency, same-day placements.
She responded very quickly and told me the latest was that the caseworker for the last sibling group we had contact with said she would make her decision by the end of this week.
I wrote back immediately, thanking her, and exclaiming that I was happy to hear there is still hope!
I had a conversation with my Dad last week while I was updating him on what we knew about the placement. Now, first, you have to understand the relationship between my Dad and me. I am definitely a Daddy's girl. Not that I don't love my mom - and I have grown in respect and plain awe of her as I have grown older - but it's just wired in me that my Dad and I "click". I could talk to my Mom about anything and everything, and she was close with my friends. She never was a peer, or tried to be, but she was and is definitely one of my greatest friends. On the other hand, when something big was happening, I had to tell Dad and get his input and/or approval, and that little girl is still inside of me, wanting that interaction. If you want to get me really bawling, play "Butterfly Kisses" or "I Loved Her First" or any other song usually heard during father-daughter dances at weddings. Now, the interesting thing about my Dad and me is that we're almost completely different personality wise. Not good, not bad, just intriguing. If you know the Myers-Briggs personality profile system, you'll understand the difference between a person who is mostly a "T" personality and someone who us mostly an "F". Thinking vs. feeling. Logic verses emotions. My dad has almost all "T" and no "F" and I have almost all "F" and barely any "T". In simpler terms, he faces the world with logic and I use my feelings and intuition. We like to discuss it; I find it fascinating.
I digress.
Anyway, after I was sharing, even though I assumed I was sounding positive, we started having one of those father-daughter talks. He told me, "You have always been a worrier. You get it from your grandmother." (This is a common motif in our conversations! Heard it many times! And I totally agree that I get it from Grandma Bernice! Love you! :-))
I told him something to the effect of: "But I think I am a choose-your-battle type of worrier. I won't get uptight if Little Guy puts his pants on backwards, because he did it himself and I want him to be proud of his accomplishments. If milk gets spilled at the table, we say 'Oops' and clean it up with not much fuss because it's not a big deal. Big deals are worth caring about, and whether or not we get another kid in the house is a big deal to us." He did concede that I have gotten better at not worrying about everything as much as I did when I was younger. Hey, there's always baby steps to take, people!
I don't want to become so consumed with the "next step" that I lose sight of the blessings that we have right now. I know we have two wonderful, awesome kids who are more precious than anything else on this earth to the two of us. God has richly blessed us with food and clothing and a home to live in. It's not that we want MORE to have MORE, when we desire more children; we just feel led that this is our path and we trust that God is the one to provide for us and complete our family further, and we won't stop bugging him yet!
There's definitely a sense of walking a fine line, between contentment and pouring out our heart's desires in prayer as often as we can. God tells us to "Ask, Seek, Knock", and we try to do that every day out of the peace in our hearts. Some days, it's easier to be patient than others.
I would ask for thoughts and prayers for us to continue to keep positive attitudes in this waiting time. Please also remember the little ones whom God will add to our family - we ask for their safety and protection at this time, and for our relationship to begin as healthy as possible the moment we know they are joining our family. I'll keep posting on any updates!
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