Spunky Girl's Story

I'm going to jot down remembrances of all five of our foster placements when I get the chance. Here's installment number two: Spunky Girl! I will not be using her real name as she is no longer with us.

When we had been caring for Miss A four months, I received A CALL in the middle of a work day. While the last placement contact gave us a couple of weeks to prepare, this one was different: "Are you interested in a three-year-old girl? Yes? Okay, she's here at the office - when can you come get her?" I had time to run home and race through a quick clean-up of the house before I went to the office.

(Yes, I did this after letting my husband know about the call! A note on this: we have decided that our stance on placements is to be open. If God put it in the minds of our caseworker to contact us, we'll trust that it was because of His intervention. We want to care for and love on the kids, period. That may seem scary, to accept a new addition to your family on a moment's notice, but we believe firmly that we are being called to this life. The Man of the House has pretty much given me carte blanche to accept any child about whom we are contacted. Barring a huge and obvious reason to decline, we've decided won't say no to a placement.)

Spunky Girl, I was told, had quite a personality and lots of energy. When I arrived at the caseworker's office, I knew immediately which child she was: the one sprinting through the halls, shrieking with laughter, and knocking things off of the desks. It's funny now how at the moment, this didn't intimidate or worry me - I just saw a little one who needed love and a home. The Man of the House and Miss A arrived after school. We had our first dinner as a family at Mr. Gatti's Pizza.

Spunky Girl's story was different than Miss A's: her biological parents were our age, whereas Miss A's were much older. We also had major security and privacy concerns in agreeing to her placement, which opened our eyes to this reality. We weren't paranoid or unhealthily afraid, but we were definitely needing to make sure we were all safe for various serious reasons.

Spunky Girl had visits every Friday with her parents. They affected her strangely every time - obviously it would be confusing to be living in two different worlds and have two different families, and having the visits would revive all of that in her mind. Yet, her behavior would worsen dramatically, and her sleep would be disrupted all weekend. After a few days, it would be back to normal as she received comfort in our home routine (at least, in our humble opinion, that's how we saw it). It was a challenge we needed to face to help her deal with her situation, as much as her three-year-old soul could handle.

At these visits, Spunky Girl was blessed to have a Court Appointed Special Advocate (CASA) worker. Having a CASA was a terrific help. They are there only in the best interests of the children, outside of court or caseworkers, to give an unbiased assessment of the case. Mrs. J loved Spunky Girl as much as we did. She brought her presents and treats, hugged her and loved on her, and always gave me updates on where the case was. I appreciated her contact immensely.

When Spunky Girl had been with us several months, her parents announced they were expecting in the summer. I will cover the story of Little Guy in an upcoming post.

With only a few months left to go until the case would be finished, and Spunky Girl's permanent situation would be decided, her caseworker left to take a different position in the department. Up until this point, the goal for the placement was termination of parental rights and adoption by non-family members (meaning us). The new caseworker had some differing perspectives on the case and began moving abruptly towards reunification with the birth family.

The plain fact is that the parents have a certain list of "services" to complete, including, lots of times, therapy, parenting classes, sobriety (obviously), random drug tests, successful supervised visitations with their children, etc. If they are "completing" their services, the caseworkers will reunify.

I won't go into details about why we were so against these children going back - and it had nothing to do with a territorial or defensive "wanting to keep" them. It had nothing to do with economic status or "benefits" we could offer that the other parents could not. Our concerns were of the ambiguous, subjective type (the negative environment they lived in, the lack of parenting skills, the lack of affection or attachment shown) as well as serious concerns for the safety of the children, given the history of the parents. In their past, their other children had all been removed permanently and had not been reunified. "How can this time possibly be any different?" we wondered. However, we were told that history is history, and if things are okay for the time being, and for the entirety of the case, there is no choice but to reunify. If there are no specific, identifiable, objective current problems, the kids go back.

Our worries increased after the reunification when we heard through the grapevine that, at the three-week follow-up hearing, the parents had already had two calls claiming concerns about them to the CPS office from neighbors. Yet, within three months, the case was dismissed completely from the court system and, legally, CPS does not and cannot monitor them unless something serious occurs. We are not allowed to know anything about the kids at this point. (Believe me, I've asked!:-))

As you read this, please do not just hear bitter rumblings. I know that I have a bias in this situation, assuming (arrogantly) that my home was a "better" place for the children. God always knows what is happening in His world. He sees hurt and pain - on all sides. Nothing about fostering is easy for anyone. Having children leave your home - whether removed TO a foster home or removed to go BACK FROM a foster home, there is difficulty. I learned compassion, and to refrain from immediate judgment of others. Do I think the kids would have thrived in our home? Yes! Now, what's done is done, and from the time they left us, we prayed continually for their parents - for strength, wisdom, and love. God gives us new starts every day, and we realize how blessed we were to be part of helping someone else obtain a new start with their family.