There was a court hearing scheduled for today, as I mentioned in my last post. The biological family was requesting unsupervised weekend visits for the twins. I wrote that I didn't think this was going to be a possibility.
And I was wrong.
The judge yesterday agreed to / ordered six-hour unsupervised visits every other weekend at the home of the former caregivers.
This is obviously frustrating for several reasons:
- The unsupervised factor. The children have not been unsupervised with the caregivers since they were removed in August. They have had supervised visits with the department roughly twice a month for an hour or so since then, and those longer supervised visits with the psychologists observing last month.
- Out of "normal" protocol. Now, I understand that every case is different and needs to be treated so. But we have never had a foster child have unsupervised visits during the case. When it had been decided that Spunky Girl was going back to her parents, she spent two non-consecutive nights there during one week, to ease the transition. (It was a horrible week. The disruption back and forth did such negative things to her behavior and emotional stability. It was too much for her little soul to handle. It would have been better probably to have a clean transition.) Usually cases involve two-four supervised visits at the department office every month for about an hour. We're not sure why this would be different. It would appear to be pointing in the direction that a reunification is imminent, which is not what we've been hearing. In fact, with "new evidence" being set forth last week, we were assuming that things were heading even more firmly towards termination of any rights and ending of case - in June at the trial, of course.
- Our family schedule. We are already transporting the twins twice a month to a location almost an hour away in distance, one-way. We also meet with the other foster siblings once a month. Now there will be two or three more times that the twins will need to be transported. Six hours is a lot of time to kill waiting for the visit to be over. It's not close enough to come home and return later. We'll have to work out details and logistics for this.
- Most importantly: the well-being of the kids. There is always emotional upheaval of course after visits. The little hearts are hurting and confused. It's not their fault that they are in this situation. And I firmly support the need for supervised visits (when parents have been cooperative, free of drug and alcohol abuse, and the visits are positive). The ties need to continue to be strong, to make good memories, and in the case that the kids return to their previous home. Yet, creating more visits with longer lengths of time will only add more stress and uncertainty as the kids are bounced back and forth.
Whine, whine, whine. Moan, moan, moan. I'm sorry to sound so negative. I want to be realistic and truthful in sharing our story, however, and I would be lying if I said I wasn't frustrated
We wholeheartedly believe in the foster care program. Our hearts ache for the myriads of children out there who need a stable home environment, for a time or forever. We are here because we feel God called us to do this, and we see it as a ministry. That doesn't make it easy, or that we feel happy with every decision made on behalf of the kids and their cases. The reward is in seeing the growth of the children, sharing their love, knowing you played a part in their development, even for a short while.
Whatever happens, however this chapter ends, it's already been written.
(I do have one bit of good news that happened today. It might need to wait until I can share it, as it's not my news to share, but it's about the new placement being attempted for the other two siblings. I'll post when I know something for sure!)
Wednesday, March 26, 2014
Saturday, March 22, 2014
A Court Hearing on Tuesday
We had a "surprise" visit Friday morning from our caseworker (meaning the one for my husband and I). Well, hello! I'm glad that all of us were dressed and ready and had eaten breakfast, and that the house still looked passable, because it was just before 9:00 a.m.!
We had a normal chat about how the girls are doing, but nothing new and earth-shattering had happened recently because she had been here on Wednesday to speak with us, along with the twins' caseworker about the whole placement situation.
She let me know that the biological family scheduled a hearing for Tuesday to request unsupervised weekend visits. This doesn't seem like a real possibility; in fact, we've never had unsupervised visits happen with our foster kids, except for one or two the week Spunky Girl was transitioning to returning back to her biological parents. It seems like this would/should be something that happens when the case is heading towards reconciliation.
To add to this, the caseworker told me that a new investigation found more evidence to support that negative things were happening in the home before the children were removed, which would strengthen the case to terminate rights.
So, again, God only knows where this train is taking us - we're just hanging on for the ride! We'll hear something Tuesday. God bless!
We had a normal chat about how the girls are doing, but nothing new and earth-shattering had happened recently because she had been here on Wednesday to speak with us, along with the twins' caseworker about the whole placement situation.
She let me know that the biological family scheduled a hearing for Tuesday to request unsupervised weekend visits. This doesn't seem like a real possibility; in fact, we've never had unsupervised visits happen with our foster kids, except for one or two the week Spunky Girl was transitioning to returning back to her biological parents. It seems like this would/should be something that happens when the case is heading towards reconciliation.
To add to this, the caseworker told me that a new investigation found more evidence to support that negative things were happening in the home before the children were removed, which would strengthen the case to terminate rights.
So, again, God only knows where this train is taking us - we're just hanging on for the ride! We'll hear something Tuesday. God bless!
Wednesday, March 19, 2014
Changes... Maybe... Maybe not
So, here's the update from the caseworkers' visit this morning, as I promised in last night's post.
The judge, caseworkers, and lawyers, have decided that it is in the best interest to have all four of the young siblings together, and as soon as possible. It was discussed that we were to be given the first choice to take in the other two, since we already have the twins, and that foster home was asking for a change in placement.
Understanding that we already have two other children, Miss A and Little Guy, adding two more would be six children under six, they thought we would probably be feeling that this was a bit of a stretch for us to take on. So, in the case that we said no, they would be putting out notice that the kids are all available for a placement all together. They would be looking for another foster-adopt home, to potentially adopt all four kids together.
The Man of the House and I have already been discussing this since we were first approached last month. We did take it very seriously, searching online for 5 or 6 bedroom houses, and 12-passenger vans. When it comes down to it, we feel we have to make the difficult decision to decline. We literally just don't have enough space in a vehicle for all of us, and the house would be packed to the gills. Day to day life would mean me watching five kids every day all day, with the oldest being Little Guy at 3-years-old.
We want to say yes so badly. It hurts and feels wrong to turn away when someone needs help. My husband has really been a champion for me and helping me think about my own mental and emotional health, acknowledging how much of a challenge this would be for mostly me since I'm the one at home every day, and that I have to consider not putting myself into something that would be beyond what I can actually handle.
Yes, we would be doing a good, selfless thing for all of the right reasons, but would it be the healthiest for all involved? Would we still be able to give each kid their individual attention and the love they deserve if we're spread too thin? It's not the six kids I'm really anxious about themselves;
the twins are pretty well-behaved, Little Guy is getting along really well with them, and we're having fun together every day doing our thing. We've even said that, hey, if God planned us to have five or six kids (eventually), we would have no problem with it. The fact of it all happening so quickly without years of gradual additions. And with the kids being so young, that in and of itself would be overwhelming.
And still it's incredibly painful (and humbling) to admit all of this. I don't want to think of myself as less than perfect, as incapable of anything. I'm a firstborn. We tackle things without sweating and give it our best effort. We're supposed to be the ones who can handle anything.
Knowing that saying no to two more kids at this time is tantamount to giving up the twins is also difficult.
Now, it is still more complex than this. It is incredibly difficult to place sibling groups together, especially four at a time. The agency is going to try, but there's no guarantee that would happen, or happen any time soon. However, the other foster family wants the two siblings out of their home by the end of next week at the latest, so they all have to move quickly. We had to make this decision pretty much today, and it still could end up with the twins not finding another placement and staying with us.
So, we're preparing ourselves to continue to be flexible. We could hear any day that the twins have another placement. Or we could make it to the trial and then we'll find out if the cousins will be granted custody again or if we will begin working towards adoption.
I hadn't mentioned the Big Sister in all of this. She has been moved yet again, to a third new placement. She is still struggling with everything that's happening, and no wonder, and is in a shelter for more serious treatment and care. She is still in our prayers and we hope to get the new contact information soon so we can spend some time with her.
So, maybe some big changes to our home, or maybe not. All we are sure of is that God never leaves us, no matter what circumstances we go through. We appreciate, once again, the kind words and support from all of our friends and family as we walk this path together. It's awesome to know we're never alone!
The judge, caseworkers, and lawyers, have decided that it is in the best interest to have all four of the young siblings together, and as soon as possible. It was discussed that we were to be given the first choice to take in the other two, since we already have the twins, and that foster home was asking for a change in placement.
Understanding that we already have two other children, Miss A and Little Guy, adding two more would be six children under six, they thought we would probably be feeling that this was a bit of a stretch for us to take on. So, in the case that we said no, they would be putting out notice that the kids are all available for a placement all together. They would be looking for another foster-adopt home, to potentially adopt all four kids together.
The Man of the House and I have already been discussing this since we were first approached last month. We did take it very seriously, searching online for 5 or 6 bedroom houses, and 12-passenger vans. When it comes down to it, we feel we have to make the difficult decision to decline. We literally just don't have enough space in a vehicle for all of us, and the house would be packed to the gills. Day to day life would mean me watching five kids every day all day, with the oldest being Little Guy at 3-years-old.
We want to say yes so badly. It hurts and feels wrong to turn away when someone needs help. My husband has really been a champion for me and helping me think about my own mental and emotional health, acknowledging how much of a challenge this would be for mostly me since I'm the one at home every day, and that I have to consider not putting myself into something that would be beyond what I can actually handle.
Yes, we would be doing a good, selfless thing for all of the right reasons, but would it be the healthiest for all involved? Would we still be able to give each kid their individual attention and the love they deserve if we're spread too thin? It's not the six kids I'm really anxious about themselves;
the twins are pretty well-behaved, Little Guy is getting along really well with them, and we're having fun together every day doing our thing. We've even said that, hey, if God planned us to have five or six kids (eventually), we would have no problem with it. The fact of it all happening so quickly without years of gradual additions. And with the kids being so young, that in and of itself would be overwhelming.
And still it's incredibly painful (and humbling) to admit all of this. I don't want to think of myself as less than perfect, as incapable of anything. I'm a firstborn. We tackle things without sweating and give it our best effort. We're supposed to be the ones who can handle anything.
Knowing that saying no to two more kids at this time is tantamount to giving up the twins is also difficult.
Now, it is still more complex than this. It is incredibly difficult to place sibling groups together, especially four at a time. The agency is going to try, but there's no guarantee that would happen, or happen any time soon. However, the other foster family wants the two siblings out of their home by the end of next week at the latest, so they all have to move quickly. We had to make this decision pretty much today, and it still could end up with the twins not finding another placement and staying with us.
So, we're preparing ourselves to continue to be flexible. We could hear any day that the twins have another placement. Or we could make it to the trial and then we'll find out if the cousins will be granted custody again or if we will begin working towards adoption.
I hadn't mentioned the Big Sister in all of this. She has been moved yet again, to a third new placement. She is still struggling with everything that's happening, and no wonder, and is in a shelter for more serious treatment and care. She is still in our prayers and we hope to get the new contact information soon so we can spend some time with her.
So, maybe some big changes to our home, or maybe not. All we are sure of is that God never leaves us, no matter what circumstances we go through. We appreciate, once again, the kind words and support from all of our friends and family as we walk this path together. It's awesome to know we're never alone!
Tuesday, March 18, 2014
I Guess We'll Have to Wait Until Tomorrow...
This will be a short update, because not much is happening on the homefront. The visits will continue, twice a month, through the trial date in June.
We did receive a very odd e-mail today. Our caseworker (Tbe Man of the House and me) wrote saying that she needed to come visit, and would 9:00 am tomorrow morning be okay? And the twins' caseworker was coming as well. And The Man of the House needs to be there, so could he get a sub for his classroom for the morning? They (the two caseworkers) need to talk to us together.
I didn't want to overreact, but I wanted to ease our nerves about this. I immediately called, and asked her, "Is everything okay?" She said there was nothing bad happening, but there was something that would take too long over the phone to discuss, so they needed to chat with us in person, "to give us all the information so we could make some decisions moving forward." We were relieved to know that there wasn't anything horrible that had happened, but still pretty stumped as to what the conversation will be regarding.
Obviously, we think it's about their request for us to take in the other siblings. Later on, I also mentioned to The Man of the House that maybe they found a home that could take all five of the kids, and so they want to move them.
Mysterious, mysterious.
Of course it could be nothing of the sort, and maybe they just want to go over case details, so we can be prepared for the trial, since the while thing is a little out of the ordinary, relative to how CPS cases are normally handled. Who knows? I guess we'll have to wait until tomorrow...
If we were in this for easy resolutions, we would have gotten out years ago. We know that the entire process is fraught with ups and downs, and that we just need to roll with the punches. We've always said we could handle anything in regard to the foster care and adoption situations, we just need communication, honesty, and "heads-up" whenever possible, to avoid being blindsided.
God has so graciously given my husband such a measure of patience and strength to deal with anything that comes his way. I have learned much from him over the twelve years we've been together. I'm a far cry from having reached this goal, but I like to think that God has taught me patience as well, and is continually refining this part of my character. We are blessed to spend the time that we have with the kids - all of them - and know that it is in His hands.
Thanks as always for thoughts, encouragement, and support. I will update the next step of this journey as soon as I can. God bless!
We did receive a very odd e-mail today. Our caseworker (Tbe Man of the House and me) wrote saying that she needed to come visit, and would 9:00 am tomorrow morning be okay? And the twins' caseworker was coming as well. And The Man of the House needs to be there, so could he get a sub for his classroom for the morning? They (the two caseworkers) need to talk to us together.
I didn't want to overreact, but I wanted to ease our nerves about this. I immediately called, and asked her, "Is everything okay?" She said there was nothing bad happening, but there was something that would take too long over the phone to discuss, so they needed to chat with us in person, "to give us all the information so we could make some decisions moving forward." We were relieved to know that there wasn't anything horrible that had happened, but still pretty stumped as to what the conversation will be regarding.
Obviously, we think it's about their request for us to take in the other siblings. Later on, I also mentioned to The Man of the House that maybe they found a home that could take all five of the kids, and so they want to move them.
Mysterious, mysterious.
Of course it could be nothing of the sort, and maybe they just want to go over case details, so we can be prepared for the trial, since the while thing is a little out of the ordinary, relative to how CPS cases are normally handled. Who knows? I guess we'll have to wait until tomorrow...
If we were in this for easy resolutions, we would have gotten out years ago. We know that the entire process is fraught with ups and downs, and that we just need to roll with the punches. We've always said we could handle anything in regard to the foster care and adoption situations, we just need communication, honesty, and "heads-up" whenever possible, to avoid being blindsided.
God has so graciously given my husband such a measure of patience and strength to deal with anything that comes his way. I have learned much from him over the twelve years we've been together. I'm a far cry from having reached this goal, but I like to think that God has taught me patience as well, and is continually refining this part of my character. We are blessed to spend the time that we have with the kids - all of them - and know that it is in His hands.
Thanks as always for thoughts, encouragement, and support. I will update the next step of this journey as soon as I can. God bless!
Thursday, March 13, 2014
Spring Break Fun
We had a packed few days o' fun with The Man of the House's family over Spring Break. Miss A couldn't believe she got this long out of school again! (Christmas break must seem to have been just yesterday to her... sigh...) :-)
On Saturday, we ladies attended "The Wizard of Oz" in downtown Houston with Grammy and "Aunt Mimi". We love attending the Theater Under the Stars (TUTS - https://www.tuts.com/ ) performances at the Hobby Center, and usually go as a big family event once or twice a year. ("White Christmas", "Annie", "Peter Pan", "Wicked"... it's been fun!) The actors are so kind to come out and see the kids - one or two at least usually - and take pictures. We're looking forward to "Little Mermaid" coming this summer and/or "Cinderella" coming next year!
The twins were so funny. I wasn't sure how they'd react to their first live performance. When the television is on at home, Sweet Angel becomes a frozen zombie. (Another reason we set low limits on any watching!) But, Queen Bee can only handle two or three minutes before she's off and running - and getting into things, as usual. Yet, at the play, SHE was the one awestruck by the characters, music, and scenery (the flying monkeys weren't as scary as in the movie), and Sweet Angel couldn't sit still! It was potty break, Grammy's lap, up, down, potty break, etc. the whole time! Too funny. I wasn't disappointed, as I realize they're only two-and-a-half, and this was just their first experience with musical theater - or theater of any kind. Pretty good outing for the first time!
The boys had all gone to the rodeo instead of the play, so Little Guy got some time with Daddy, PawPaw, and "Uncle Justin". We met up and ate at the Aquarium in downtown Houston together afterwards. Fun times!
We got to see "Aunt Canda" and "Uncle Ryan" the next day and hang out at my in-law's home. The only people we didn't get to see were "Aunt Kimby" and "Uncle Sok". (My husband has three sisters - how blessed is he!) We're anxiously awaiting the arrival of the baby they are expecting. He is due at the very beginning of April, but we did hear that he is looking like he will come early. Woohoo! (I put my bet down for March 24th! Come on, big guy!)
We also got to attend the Nederland, Texas Heritage Festival, downing all kinds of yummy fair food - they actually had Monte Cristos! Awesome! I loved hearing the squeals of the four kids as they experienced the kiddy rides, rode on actual horses for the first time, ate cotton candy, and generally had a blast hanging out together. When the six of us (yes, ALL SIX!) did a teacup-type ride, spinning and whirling and howling with laughter, I felt so loved and so happy.
Much love to my wonderful Texas family, and much thanks for the love you show me and my kids all the time! You are truly a blessing! Grammy and PawPaw, you can spoil my kids anytime you like!
On Saturday, we ladies attended "The Wizard of Oz" in downtown Houston with Grammy and "Aunt Mimi". We love attending the Theater Under the Stars (TUTS - https://www.tuts.com/ ) performances at the Hobby Center, and usually go as a big family event once or twice a year. ("White Christmas", "Annie", "Peter Pan", "Wicked"... it's been fun!) The actors are so kind to come out and see the kids - one or two at least usually - and take pictures. We're looking forward to "Little Mermaid" coming this summer and/or "Cinderella" coming next year!
The twins were so funny. I wasn't sure how they'd react to their first live performance. When the television is on at home, Sweet Angel becomes a frozen zombie. (Another reason we set low limits on any watching!) But, Queen Bee can only handle two or three minutes before she's off and running - and getting into things, as usual. Yet, at the play, SHE was the one awestruck by the characters, music, and scenery (the flying monkeys weren't as scary as in the movie), and Sweet Angel couldn't sit still! It was potty break, Grammy's lap, up, down, potty break, etc. the whole time! Too funny. I wasn't disappointed, as I realize they're only two-and-a-half, and this was just their first experience with musical theater - or theater of any kind. Pretty good outing for the first time!
The boys had all gone to the rodeo instead of the play, so Little Guy got some time with Daddy, PawPaw, and "Uncle Justin". We met up and ate at the Aquarium in downtown Houston together afterwards. Fun times!
We got to see "Aunt Canda" and "Uncle Ryan" the next day and hang out at my in-law's home. The only people we didn't get to see were "Aunt Kimby" and "Uncle Sok". (My husband has three sisters - how blessed is he!) We're anxiously awaiting the arrival of the baby they are expecting. He is due at the very beginning of April, but we did hear that he is looking like he will come early. Woohoo! (I put my bet down for March 24th! Come on, big guy!)
We also got to attend the Nederland, Texas Heritage Festival, downing all kinds of yummy fair food - they actually had Monte Cristos! Awesome! I loved hearing the squeals of the four kids as they experienced the kiddy rides, rode on actual horses for the first time, ate cotton candy, and generally had a blast hanging out together. When the six of us (yes, ALL SIX!) did a teacup-type ride, spinning and whirling and howling with laughter, I felt so loved and so happy.
Much love to my wonderful Texas family, and much thanks for the love you show me and my kids all the time! You are truly a blessing! Grammy and PawPaw, you can spoil my kids anytime you like!
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
Upcoming Visits
We heard via e-mail today from the caseworker about the twins' visits with their biological family before the trial in June.
They will have two visits a month, for two hours at a time, supervised, at the CPS office in San Antonio. Little Guy and I will probably be having some fun lunch dates, as most of them are over that time period of the day.
This is a little unusual, as typically the birthparents receive one-hour-long weekly visits (or bi-weekly visits, occasionally). Maybe they are making it so we only have to drive in half as often, but still get the required number of hours. Not a huge deal.
Nothing much else to report. I assume we'll start working with the twins' lawyer, caseworker, and CPS' lawyer to prepare us to testify in the trial. I am pretty apprehensive about the testifying, since this is obviously the first time I've been involved in a "real" court case and trial. I'd appreciate prayers for a calming of nerves and the right words to say at the right moments. And, overall, just for God's will to be done. He already knows the end result! We'll keep on keeping on!
Thanks, all!
They will have two visits a month, for two hours at a time, supervised, at the CPS office in San Antonio. Little Guy and I will probably be having some fun lunch dates, as most of them are over that time period of the day.
This is a little unusual, as typically the birthparents receive one-hour-long weekly visits (or bi-weekly visits, occasionally). Maybe they are making it so we only have to drive in half as often, but still get the required number of hours. Not a huge deal.
Nothing much else to report. I assume we'll start working with the twins' lawyer, caseworker, and CPS' lawyer to prepare us to testify in the trial. I am pretty apprehensive about the testifying, since this is obviously the first time I've been involved in a "real" court case and trial. I'd appreciate prayers for a calming of nerves and the right words to say at the right moments. And, overall, just for God's will to be done. He already knows the end result! We'll keep on keeping on!
Thanks, all!
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