What's the Latest?

Hello, everyone! Life has been happening with a vengeance, like it does for everyone, I suppose. We're settling in nicely and still making the transition happen in our new state. Here's a mini-update.

The Man of the House has been doing a great job as the lead teacher for his new Lutheran school. He has great ideas to implement and great plans for the future. When we had a parent-student volleyball game this fall (we miss you all, Texan Eagles!), it was deemed a great success and lots of fun. It is very strange not to be in the middle of basketball games and state tournaments right now, but he has goals for an athletic program to begin in the near future. We're proud of how hard he's working.

Miss A cried a lot over the first few months. She really missed her friends from Texas. Our going back and forth didn't help her much emotionally, but now that we're all here for good, she has really settled in. She has made good friends and we're having the conversation often about how boyfriends aren't happening for a LONG time. She began a volleyball program through the city and had a great time. We were very proud of her for wanting to try it out, even though she had never played and didn't know any of the other girls.

Curly Sue is with Little Guy every day for preschool, which is interesting, but she's also settled in and seems to be clicking well there, also. She's rocking the academic part of school and loves carrying around a notebook to draw and "write" in. She jumped right back into ballet classes, which she loves, but asked to try soccer next month for something new. The girls are being baptized together on March 19th - Curly Sue has been asking for a while. We're very excited for our Texas family to come join us for that special day.

Little Guy played in a soccer league this fall, and will start back up next month - yes, with Curly Sue on his team. They just can't seem to get away from each other! We are SO proud of how well he's doing in school. He never was happy at his daycare center as a baby. He is the shyest of our four, and having been home with me for two years, and with our sweet church friend Mrs. C for almost two years before that, we weren't sure how he would do on that first day. But he LOVED it, and we hear he is a great listener. He's really working hard on his letters and numbers. (Finally - you were right, Sharon F! It came!) His favorite thing to do is play outside and burn off his energy.

Brown Eyed Baby Girl is no longer a baby. What a big girl - 18 months now! She is running all over the place, loves play dates, loves library time, loves "coloring", loves books... basically just loves the world! She turns on the charm for everyone around her and always has a smile. We've sat her little potty in the bathroom for a while now, just to have it out so she can become used to it, and she has been asking a lot lately to try to go potty in it - and sometimes she does! Not officially potty training yet, but maybe we'll be starting that soon! Her absolute favorite things are dogdees (dogs) and babies.

I'm trying out some new ventures as well. It has been a dream of mine since I was little to be a writer. I carried around a blank book constantly, filling it with poems and stories, and I wrote plays for my friends and classmates all the time. I loved making my own newspapers and printing them off for my family to read. I would be so happy if this dream could come true. In my spare time now (ha!) I have been writing pieces and submitting them to various outlets. I've been featured on two blogs now (herviewfromhome.com and sisterdaughtermotherwife.com) and will have an article appearing in an upcoming monthly foster care magazine. I am continuing to pursue all of this to see if something bigger could happen. (On a side note, if you have any contacts with any publications seeing posts or freelance work, please pass it along!) Thanks for the prayers and encouragement! It's a bit scary to follow your dreams, but a whole lot of fun as well!

Other than writing, I've been subbing at two schools, with my name recently added to the sub list at one more school. Baby and I play in the mornings and then pick up the preschoolers for lunch. I've joined a women's Bible study and we're attending a small group for families every other Wednesday at our new church. I'm attempting to start a book club - we'll see how the first meeting goes! Life is definitely not boring!

Fall and winter in Colorado were beautiful. I was NOT one of the people wondering when the snow would be gone - I love the cold weather with hot beverages and sweaters! For the record, it IS virtually gone from everywhere but isolated shaded spots in some people's yards. We are seeing temps of 50's and 60's for the foreseeable future, but nobody thinks we're completely in the clear to start celebrating spring yet.

So, anyways, there you have it. A brief update on all of us. Thanks for thinking about us. Texas people, we miss you, and Colorado people, thank you for welcoming us! We're very blessed!

8 Things I Want My Kids to Learn from Cam Newton

The Super Bowl. Whether you watch it for the game or for the commercials, or not at all, you probably at least knew it was happening last night.

One of the things that many people will be talking about from Super Bowl is the Panther's quarterback Cam Newton's post-game press conference. He was obviously upset with the loss, as anyone would be. After answering with mostly one-word responses, he abruptly left the interview area after less than three minutes.

If you didn't see the press conference, here is a clip I found, in which you can hear the interview questions.

Obviously, being a Colorado native, I was beyond excited for the Broncos' victory. My family and I had a great time watching an intriguing game, and were definitely in a celebratory mood afterwards. However, seeing this interview live immediately following the game, and watching it several more times, I had so many thoughts running through my head that I had to write them down. I know this is a lot different than what I usually write, but here goes!

This is not a Cam Newton bashing post.

I've been seeing this interview online, shared on Facebook, comments building up literally as I fast as I can read them. Most of them are negative and use words and phrases like "crybaby", "temper tantrum", and "lacking maturity". I even saw one headline - "The Incredible Sulk." Life is too short for negativity. I'm just desiring to share my thoughts. My kids, as well as the students and young people I see, will probably have seen this and be talking about it. (If they're not still talking about the puppy-monkey-baby commercial.) These are some of the points I would want to share with my own kids after seeing the video.

1. Life jumps from good days to not-so-good days quickly!
One day, you're named the NFL MVP. The next day, you lose a Super Bowl. Life happens. The old saying, "This too shall pass" is applicable in all situations. Remember that something different could be always around the corner - for better or for worse. Have the resilience to be able to tell yourself, "My story's not over yet."

2. It's awesome to be passionate about what you love!
The word show-boating may be thrown around in connection to Cam - and to be fair, other professional athletes as well - but, in the interest of staying positive, let's focus on the fact that he's super-passionate. No one could accuse Cam Newton of hiding his feelings. Doing what you always wanted to be doing is such a tremendous feeling - and a huge blessing! Live in the moment! Be grateful and ENJOY what you have got going for you!

3. Having a good attitude in winning and losing is a difficult feat.
It's easy to be excited when things are going your way. Everyone knows the feelings they felt on their bad days, and would much rather be living the good days instead.  But people REALLY don't like poor sportsmanship - from the winning or losing side. If you win, "Act like you've been there before and you'll be there again," says my Daddy. And, it goes without saying, nobody likes losing. When you lose, besides being angry or frustrated, you may feel horrible and are simply acting hard on yourself, but wallowing in those feelings won't help. Nobody will hate you for losing if you tried your hardest. Analyze what you can do differently next time, allow yourself the grace of forgiveness, and focus on the future. No one can come out on top every time; when it's your turn as a non-winner, acknowledge it, doing your best to swallow any sour grapes you may feel. Learn and move on. Whether you tell yourself, "Suck it up", or "Man up," or "Put on your big girl underwear," DO IT!

4. Don't allow your emotions to dictate your actions.
You can't let anger, frustration, or tiredness rule you, allowing you to be less than the standards you have for yourself. We all feel it. We've all done it. Doesn't make it okay. You don't have to be happy, but be civil. This does relate back to point #2 - passionate people have passionate responses. But don't let that passion rule you - use it to spur yourself on to greater things.

5. There will always be people to judge you and how you act. Sometimes you'll do things that, looking back, you wish you had done differently.
An interview lasting a couple of minutes now has people chit-chatting all over the country. I can't imagine that what Cam Newton wanted the nation to remember most about him from Super Bowl Sunday would be that sullen attitude he showed in those news clips following the game. However, that's what people are talking about today. This is one reason to carefully check the words coming out of your mouth, and your attitude and demeanor in all situations, so you have nothing to regret later on. Most of us won't see the publicity on this grand of a scale that professional athletes face, but we can make sure our interactions are positive, regardless of our moods and emotions.

5. Sure, sometimes people only hear one side... But that side will stick with them.
In an interview with Today, Peyton Manning had only good things to say about his interaction with Cam after the game. Quote from PM:
"Sure I tell ya, Cam couldn't have been nicer to me. He was extremely humble. He congratulated me, wished me the best. I told him just congratulations on his outstanding season and just what a great future he has ahead of him. He'll be back in that game, I can promise ya. So, I've been on that side of it. It is tough -- it is not an easy pill to swallow. But he was very nice to me and I really appreciated that."
However, walking off less than three minutes into a press conference will erase any good vibes about you in the collective memory of America's online commentators - professional and amateur. Perception isn't everything, but it is something. What will your legacy be?

6. Sometimes it seems like you're just being hit when you're down. Rise above.
Listening to the reporters and their questions - "How do you feel..." "Can you put a finger on what went wrong?" "Can you put into words the disappointment that you feel?" I mean, seriously? After hearing variations of the same questions, none very interesting and mostly just negative, I'm with Cam when he says, "They played better than us. I don't know what you want me to say." Still, every NFL player is contractually obligated to do interviews, before and after games. This is part of the job. Not a fun part, sure. Nobody was intending to rub the loss in his face, even if that's probably what it felt like. People most often aren't going out of their way to offend you, even if that's probably what it feels like. No matter what kind of drivel is flowing around you, you have to keep on keeping on.  Answer the stupid questions, move on.

7. You're someone's example, even if you don't want to be.
People in the public eye may say they didn't ask to be role models. But they are. Our nation seems to follow every step of athletes, movie stars, and icons, whether they are worthy of emulation or not. Hopefully celebrity is something that can be used to further good in the world. Even if you're not in the news or on television, someone is watching you and looking up to you. No matter what your position in life or your role, you are (and can be) a leader in some fashion. ALWAYS act like someone's watching.

8. There's always tomorrow.
Cam did say during the interview, "We'll be back." There's no doubt about that for Carolina - either as a successful football team in general or going to the Super Bowl specifically. They had an AMAZING season! Sunday's game didn't erase that. I hope that Cam takes that to heart, uses his God-given admirable talents to look to next season. Cam's got a great career still ahead of him in which he can make a lasting mark. We all have growing we can do. Let's reflect on each day, asking for forgiveness from God, others and ourselves for our faults, bettering ourselves to face the next task. "Failure is not the falling down, but the staying down." - Mary Pickford.

I went from judgmental to thoughtful to pitying and all around again while thinking about this interview. I hope to take to heart some of these thoughts for myself, not only thinking them but putting them into practice. Hopefully I emulate positivity to my kids and help them learn from their world. Let's throw out a little grace to each other, and accountability for ourselves, knowing every day is an opportunity to grow - through your failures or that of someone else. As Dr King said, "Darkness can't drive out darkness - only light can do that." Be the light!

Adoption Didn't Magically Fix Me

This post was published on herviewfromhome.com on February 3rd, 2016! I am so excited to be able to contribute pieces for this helpful website! http://herviewfromhome.com/adoption-didnt-magically-fix-me/

Our adoption journey began like many others – first battling the fiend of infertility. I know not all couples who adopt have traveled that road. However, most people assume you’ve adopted because you can’t have biological kids. So, yes, we adopted because we found out a biological birth would not happen for us.

Here’s some truth. At the beginning of the course, before the test results were in, way before we began the adoption process, it upset me when some (well-meaning) person would say, “Well, you can always adopt.” At that point, I was so raw, still fighting for answers and emotional processing, I didn’t want to hear that. Pursuing adoption seemed to be acknowledging that we hadn’t succeeded, and that we would never become pregnant.

Ultimately, it became apparent that adoption would be the path by which we became parents. We first had to grieve the loss of having a biological child, of course. But, following that, when we faced the future and began making plans, I felt differently. We were and are proud adoptive parents. We absolutely believed that any child of ours, however created and brought into our family, would be completely loved.

And maybe even extra loved – because, of course, “You don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone.”
It’s a valid point that, having been through infertility, miscarriage, or loss of a child, you are über-aware of the gift that each child is. I would see someone with an unplanned pregnancy, and I wondered why they would be blessed with a child when we wanted one so badly. If a couple got pregnant without difficulty, I was sincerely happy for them, but inwardly, I was hurting and, I’ll say it, jealous for the effortlessness of their reproduction.

If I saw a mom looking stressed out with her kids, getting groceries or at the park or outside at school, I would immediately think, “If I had children, I would never get stressed out because of them. How can they take for granted what I want so badly?”

And I honestly felt that way. At that point, we wanted children so incredibly much, that it seemed like that would be the answer to everything. You know, the old “if only”? If only I had a boyfriend, if only he would propose already, if only I had a good job, if only we had more money, if only we could have children.  I thought that once I was a mother, that heartache and pain would go away, and the wonderful awe of being a parent would overshadow any of the daily problems that would come my way.

Once I got this fixed, life would be okay again.

Because I was in a really bad place during that time. Infertility is a stressful experience, emotionally and physically. I dealt with some situational depression. I felt hopeless and impotent. Getting through a regular day was difficult. I developed shingles due to the stress. I didn’t know how to express my feelings to my friends and family. I went to a counselor to help process it in a healthier way – which was a good decision. Ultimately, though, I felt like being a mom would help everything be okay again.

It took seven months of adoption classes, training, and interviews, and two months of waiting before we got a call for our first child. We were smitten instantly. She was beautiful, sweet, and oh-so-huggable. We settled in as first time parents do – joyfully, awkwardly, unsure of ourselves, but with the shining patina of finally being “mom” and “dad.”

Fast forward seven years. We now are the blessed parents of four kids through adoption – three girls and a boy.

Guess what. Adopting them didn’t solve every problem in the world.

Guess what. My kids stress me out sometimes.

Occasionally, I’m that mom I self-righteously thought I would never be.

The always loving, ever-patient, eternally grateful mother I wanted to be isn’t present all of the time. She’s busy with dirty laundry, facilitating meal times with young children, and playing referee to these active monkeys, while maintaining a positive relationship with my husband.

I love my kids. I couldn’t imagine my life without them. Please hear that.

As I ponder this, I realize something. This doesn’t make me a bad mom. It makes me a real one.

My kids are just like any others. I am just like any other mother. Yes, we took a crazy path to get here, and yes, I have baggage from the journey that will always stick with me. But, hey, I’m here! I’m a real mom! A real-life, sleep-deprived, coffee-chugging, Target-shopping, homework-helping, bedtime-story-reading mom, living the insanely eventful parental life. My every problem wasn’t fixed, but the dream of motherhood came true.

Adoption wasn’t a fall-back plan, or something we had to settle for. We are now a real family.

Just like Pinocchio or the Velveteen Rabbit, I’m real.  Not perfect, but a real mom.

And it feels so good.

Life Was So Much Easier

I submitted this piece to the website herviewfromhome.com and was so excited to have it published on January 17th, 2016! http://herviewfromhome.com/life-was-so-much-easier-before/

My husband and I were foster parents over the past seven years. Last month, we had the blessing of completing the adoption of our two most recent foster daughters. Along with the other two adoptions – our daughter and our son – we have now OFFICIALLY become a family with four kids. How much fun was that – standing in front of the courthouse, holding up signs that proudly read: “Party of Six!”

As I was pondering the events of the adoption week, and reflecting back to before we had these last little monkeys added to our family, I have to admit it was “easier” then. How simple and laid back it seems now to have “only” two kids to feed and get dressed and put to bed and arrange schedules.

It was so much easier with only two kids. I have two hands – one for each. Between the Man of the House and me, there were two laps and two kids – perfect! Our son and daughter are each other’s best friends and get along pretty swimmingly. We were blessed to have “normal” sibling tiffs over toys and personal space and such, but very rarely, and nothing huge.

But, before that, it was so much easier with only one kid. Miss A had our full attention whenever she was with us. If one of us had somewhere we had to be, no sweat. The other was there to step in. One kid is easy to take to meetings, when they can play quietly on the floor for a period of time. One kid is easy to take to the grocery story; they only take up the child seat on the cart and don’t weight the cart down.

It was so much easier in fact before we had kids. Walking to the car after work, knowing we had an evening of good food and quiet television watching together on the couch. Taking a run whenever I wanted. Taking a hot bath whenever I wanted. Only worrying about one pair of shoes – my own. Doing laundry for only two people.

Yes, life sure was a lot easier in the past.

But there’s no way I would exchange it for what we have now.

I look behind me while driving and see four shining faces and hear their sweet voices singing. I look around the kitchen table while we eat and see the bedlam that is four kids eating a meal. I watch the kids color together, or play some cute game only they understand, and my heart swells.

I know that the craziness that is life with young children will pass all too soon. The daily routine will be less of a frantic rush to juggle everyone and everything. It will get “easier”, in a way. And yet, I don’t want it to be gone. I want to treasure each stage and soak it all in for as long as we’re able. Every day is a glorious adventure when you’re young. The giggles, the chubby tummies, the toddler talk, the dress-up clothes, the mood swings (well, we’ll have those when they’re all teenagers again!)… These will be the memories cherished in the years to come.

My soul is humbly grateful to be here for such a time as this, to be a part of my children’s lives at this stage. God is so good, and so faithful to provide strength and patience when we need it the most. He has given us the gift of all four of these little ones, and we thank Him with all of our hearts.

Party of 6!

Happy Adoption Day, Curly Sue and Brown-Eyed-Girl!

We were so very happy that this day finally happened! 493 days - WHEW! When we calculated that, it made us feel incredibly grateful that the conclusion had happened!

We began the adoption celebration the night before by eating at Lulu's Cafe in downtown San Antonio - home of the 3 pound cinnamon roll! Lots of yummy chicken fried steak was to be had, and of course we grabbed a cinnamon roll for the road!

We were met by my mother- and father-in-law love, my husband's youngest sister, and his oldest sister's family with our little niece. We were missing some of the rest of the family, but we were happy to meet up later that day and for Christmas. Sad face - I wish my parents and siblings could have been there as well, but it was good to have time with our Texas family, especially having moved out of state. We are so blessed that both of our families love our kids so much, and have supported and encouraged us, lifting us up when the road has been rough, and celebrating the good times, whether from close by or from afar.

Our hotel (the former Bexar County Jail - really cool and built in 1879, supposedly haunted!) was right on the River Walk, so after checking in, we took a walk down to see the lights. It's always so pretty during the holidays!

In the morning, we crammed some breakfast down our throats to be at the courthouse at 7:30. The hotel was only three blocks away from the courthouse, so we enjoyed a brisk walk in the Texas sunshine.

Our adoption coordinator caseworker and our two lawyers (one for the girls, one for us) met us when we arrived. We had the quick work of signing the "day-of" paperwork to make the adoption officially official.

It was about time for us to be called in. Curly Sue had a funny look on her face, part frozen, part bewildered, and you could see something happening in her five-year-old brain. I pulled her into a hug and asked if she was doing okay. She said, "I'm feeling nervous about seeing the judge. I don't know what I'm going to say." I told her that the judge would probably just ask her name, and if she wanted to be adopted. Curly Sue nodded very seriously and took a deep breath. (Oh my goodness. To think of everything she'd been through and how resilient she had been.)

We were allowed to go inside the court room (after we threatened/begged the kids up and down with anything and everything to make them be quiet! It was a packed court room, and many other cases were waiting their turn.). It was only a few minutes before we were called up to the front. We made our way down the aisle to our spots in front of her desk.

The judge barely had time to take a breath to begin proceedings, before Curly Sue blurted out, "I have a new name and I want to be adopted." The whole room cracked up. The judge very kindly began chatting with our little one, asking her questions - you could tell soon after that Curly Sue felt back in her gregarious element.

The caseworker and lawyers gave quick testimony stating their filings for adoption, we stated that we were here to adopt, and it was over!

The judge let the kids go up to her seat and take a picture. They also got chocolate and an apple! Curly Sue asked and was allowed to wear the judge's reindeer antlers. What a good time, and great memories for them to carry!

We stalled about fifteen more minutes in a waiting room for the certified copies of the adoption decree, chowing down on the apples. We were soon ready to go and be DONE - with paperwork in hand. What a quick resolution to 493 days of fostering!

Of course, we had to stop and take some pictures on the courthouse steps! There also was a beautiful, gigantic Christmas tree in the yard around/near the courthouse, so we took some pictures there. Wonderful momentos of the experience!

We had a great rest of the day, walking around downtown San Antonio, seeing the Alamo, eating at our favorite Mexican food restaurant... We hope that this Adoption Day will be one that all four of our kids will look back on fondly.

It has been a wild ride, but we're so happy it's done! Welcome OFFICIALLY to the family, Curly Sue and Brown-Eyed-Girl! We love you to pieces! - Mama and Daddy

Adoption Date is TOMORROW!

We are thrilled that TOMORROW! After fifteen months, the girls will officially be part of our family forever! We are blessed that this is actually going quicker than our other adoption processes - we waited almost two years for Miss A and Little Guy!

We had had this week penciled in for a month or so, but hadn't heard an exact date or time until last week. Something about that the lawyer was the one who was supposed to file for the date, but she was waiting for the caseworker to send her the paperwork, and the caseworker thought she already had… so everybody's kind of blaming the other person, and we're just sitting here like, "We just want our adoption date!" I just found out Monday that no one had even filed yet to go through this next week.

BUT - All's well that ends well! We're so happy that it's happening!

We are driving back into our "old" neck of the woods today. We have a fun evening planned - playing at the park, eating out for a fun dinner, staying the night at a hotel. We will be joined by family members and friends, which is making it extra special!

Thanks to everyone for being there for us as we have traveled this journey, and for traveling with us. We have been blessed through your encouragement and prayers. We love you all!

Cheers to tomorrow!

Living Truly Pro-Life

On what should have been one of the happiest days of my life, discomfort was my only focus.

My husband Kyle and I fostered eleven children over the past seven years. We have adopted two – our daughter, now seven-years-old, and our son, now five-years-old. Seven of our foster children have been reunified with their biological families. Our most recent case involved a four-year-old girl and her newborn sister. After a year of caring for them, with caseworker visits, monthly reports, and court appearances, we were finally at the trial date. The caseworkers decided that the birthparents’ rights would be terminated, move forward with us adopting the girls.

I was mostly nervous about testifying in court during the trial. (I was there by myself, as my husband was teaching. The kids aren’t normally required to be present at the court appearances.) I as the foster mother would testify to the girls' conditions when they first came to us, and our interactions with the birthmother at the visits.

On top of those physiological nerves, I was feeling anxious wondering if the birthmother, “Michelle”, would attend. Michelle hadn't seen the girls in almost five months. Only a few months back, she signed relinquishment papers to voluntarily surrender her rights. This is a somewhat common occurrence IF termination of the parents’ rights appears inevitable. The birthparents sometimes sign relinquishment papers voluntarily to avoid a termination being put on their record.

However, Michelle had recently declared that signing was a mistake, and that she was requesting a new lawyer to help her take back the relinquishment and continue fighting for the girls. Obviously, it doesn't work that way, but I still wondered what she would do if she showed up to court. However relatively polite Michelle had been when we had met in the past, these recent actions led me to dread whatever confrontation we might have.

When I walked through the hallway and found our courtroom, I saw Michelle sitting on the bench outside. The nerves kicked in again. So many feelings – worry, sadness, grief, anxiety.

And so, with my heart pounding and stomach churning, I went to the restroom to get it together. Honestly, it probably was due to cowardice; I wanted to stay removed from all of these emotions and thoughts rapidly flowing through me.

I have seen a quote by Jody Landers that goes like this: “A child born to another woman calls me Mommy. The magnitude of that tragedy and the depth of that privilege are not lost on me.” How true this is. Although incredibly joy-filled with knowing that the girls would be part of our forever-family, of being done with the court proceedings, my husband and I were aware that our joy comes at someone else’s great misery. Nobody was playing the “us versus them” game, but on that day the path would be permanently chosen – us versus her. Not a comfortable day to be living through, from anyone’s perspective.

Once I took some deep breaths and collected myself, I was now ready to calmly exit, ready for our case to be called into the courtroom.

And my foster children’s birthmother was standing there washing her hands at the sinks.

She looked up as I walked out and our eyes met. I blandly smiled, and she gave me a watery smile back and looked away. I began washing my hands at the sink next to hers.

Ugh. Could this be any more awkward?

At this point, something became crystal clear to me. Yup, it was awkward. The birthmother on the day her parental rights are terminated and the adoptive mother going home to them after court concludes. We were “supposed” to be on opposite “sides”. Shouldn’t she be angry at me for stealing her rightful place as her children’s mother? Shouldn’t I be judgmental and condescending, knowing everything in her life and lifestyle that led to the removal of her children? Shouldn’t we hate each other as adversaries?

And it truly hit me that Michelle was not the “other side”. She was the mother of my children – or, rather, the children who, by God’s goodness, would soon be named part of my family forever. Here was a young woman, only a few years younger than I was, who had been torn up by life’s hardness. Trapped in a deep hole of her own making, with each day proving more difficult to overcome. Without support of family or friends, much less a committed husband. No steady home life growing up and now a single mom going from job to job, and from place to place. Unhealthy influences all around, all her life. My modest life seemed palatial in comparison. Today was the day on which her last link to her two daughters would be forever severed. It mattered not to that she was facing the consequences of her actions. She wasn’t a rival in some game - but someone hurting.

At that point, my nervousness and anxiety about this day seemed selfish. How could I stand there silently, because I felt “awkward”, when someone was aching beside me? Chastised, I threw up a quick prayer for forgiveness. And then the thought surfaced, “Well, if it were me, I’m sure I could use a hug.” Then, “Do it. Can’t get any more awkward.”

I dried my hands, walked over, and threw my arms around her. I told her that we recognized how painful this day was for her. That for today at least, hurt for her was overshadowing any excitement we could feel. I told her how much we loved those little girls, and I choked up as I vowed to care for them to the best of my ability all my life. I told her she would always be in our prayers.

Her tears now flowing as well, she thanked me. She humbly expressed gratitude for us loving her children as much as she did. She acknowledged that her life was currently unstable, and that she knew she was unable to care for the girls the way she would like. She went on to say an abundance of kind affirmations for my husband and me that soothed my soul. We stood there, talking, bonded by our love for our children, the conversation comforting each of us, if even just a degree.

We hugged again as we exited the women’s restroom. She turned to me and said, “I’m not going to fight the relinquishment papers today. If I can’t be there for my daughters, at least I know they have you in their lives.”

Our case was called into the courtroom soon afterwards. Michelle was the first witness on the stand. She stated that she was voluntarily relinquishing her rights and supportive of an adoption by our family. As soon as she was dismissed, she walked out of the courtroom without a backward glance, out of our family’s lives.

I am pro-life. And this encounter with Michelle expanded my view of what that means.

We have been incredibly blessed through the gift of adoption, with two children already adopted and two more very soon. But before this, we experienced years of praying and hoping for a child. Naturally, that made us extra sensitive regarding children who need a home, who are neglected or abused or unwanted.

In terms of babies, I believe life begins at conception, each human a glorious unfolding of God-given potential - regardless of background or the way in which the baby was conceived. The concept of abortion breaks my heart. I would lovingly tell ANY woman considering abortion, without judgment, that if she doesn’t desire to parent her baby, we would be honored to do so. I know numerous other families have struggled with infertility (or haven’t) and feel similarly. Every abortion could have been a baby, an answer to the prayers of a loving family. Isaiah 1:17 (ESV) tells us, “Learn to do good; seek justice, correct oppression; bring justice to the fatherless, plead the widow's cause.” Christians use this verse to support adoption, and the loving provision of homes to children who need them. Everyone is, surely, moved by the sight of a helpless baby, and willing to extend caring arms to lift up that child.

The majority of Christians in America today would identify themselves as “pro-life.” But to some of our fellow Americans, that just appears to mean that we are anti-abortion and it might not mean much else. As the Casting Crowns song “Jesus, Friend of Sinners” aptly states, “Nobody knows what we’re for, only what we’re against when we judge the wounded. What if we put down our signs, crossed over the lines, and loved like You did?” While abortion is unequivocally against our pro-life stance, what if more could be shown in our declarations?

I am so tired of hearing that pro-life Christians are only against abortions, but not for helping those babies once they are born, nor the mothers who choose life for their babies but subsequently have to live in poverty and be a “drain on the system.” False.

Recently following the comments attached to an online article on the topic, I repeatedly saw, “If you’re against abortion, what have you personally as a so-called Christian done yourself for these unwanted babies? Have you fostered or adopted children? Have you fed the hungry or invited the homeless into your home?” That irks me, knowing that so many loving Christians DO accomplish much good in their communities because of their understanding that all life is sacred.

However, that’s a fair challenge.

I am not saying that all Christians follow that stereotype. But what witness does our world see about Christ and His Church from the news, the media, from our everyday actions? What if we went above and beyond to prove that we value ALL life as our God does?

By declaring that I am “pro-life”, I am not called to be concerned with only adorable babies. Could the verse above focus on modern-day single mothers and foster children? How about a homeless person we see on the corner? What about someone from a different cultural or socio-economic experience than us, or in another part of the world? Aren’t their lives valuable to their Creator? Could our valuing life extend to the annoying or hurtful person at work or in our church?

I love my babies. They needed a home and we jumped at the chance to be their parents. We were called to this life of fostering and adopting as our parenting journey, and feel blessed to be used in this manner. And that day, being with Michelle helped me realize that every interaction we have is an opportunity to be pro-life. Jesus’s words clearly say, “Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.” (Matthew 25:40, ESV) Even if it’s not natural or feels weird. Hugging the birthmother of my adoptive children and crying in a bathroom with her? At that moment, that felt like being pro-life to me.

All life is sacred. All life. That’s why Christians are against abortion, which ends a life. It’s important to spread our message in gentle love that babies have rights as well as women. There are so many families ready to adopt, and many organizations willing to walk beside those in need in a caring manner. This part IS incredibly important to us and to our Creator.

AND, beyond the abortion issue, let’s be known for proclaiming God’s love and salvation to all mankind. We may not agree with each other on everything, but we can still value people and extend compassion. We can still step out in faith, even when it’s uncomfortable. Let’s get messy in this wonderful, crazy community God has provided for us – at home, in our country, and throughout His world.

What can you do today to share His mercy? Think big or small! Go participate in a missionary trip overseas. But also... Go invite someone to Thanksgiving dinner who may be alone or in need of a meal. Go volunteer in a food pantry or crisis pregnancy center in your home town. Go pray about what God’s people can do regarding the refugee crisis happening right now. Whatever it is, GO! DO!

I share about that day not to bring attention to myself or our family. I am guilty of so many lost chances when I could have shared kindness, of not wanting to love uncomfortably. I was convicted and humbled as I remembered “what kind of love the Father has given to us”. (1 John 3:1) If He can lavish me with love, grace, and daily forgiveness, I can in some small way, with the help of His Spirit, attempt to do so to my fellow human beings - however many mistakes I make along the way.

God inspired James to write, “Faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.” (James 2:17, ESV) Let’s show the world a living faith that moves beyond politics and boundaries, beyond comfort zones.

We're Still Here!

Time for a quick update!

Timeline: We are now scheduled for a December 16th adoption consummation date. The newly assigned adoption worker says that it is actually Texas law that no adoption to unrelated foster families can happen within ninety days of the termination trial. The family gets ninety days to file an appeal or put forward even more names for consideration to adopt the girls. There is no intention to do either one, as far as the workers have discussed with the biological family members, so that's not going to be an issue.

Process: We have lots of paperwork to fill out to make the adoption happen, but we're basically finished. One last big thing that will happen is the reading of the HSEGH, or the Health, Social, Education, and Genetic History file. This tells us EVERYTHING that the department has found about the children and ANY biological family members. It's the kind of thing where they reserve a little room and you sit for four hours reading paper after paper. BUT at least you know every last piece of information that is possibly available to you. Not that anything would change our mind about adopting the girls at this point; it's a routine formality that happens with any foster care adoption.

Travel: We are still following the 3-weeks-in-Colorado-1-week-in-Texas schedule agreed to by the caseworkers. This is sure more do-able than the longer stretches of time. I should be back in Texas for one more week in November, and then hopefully only back for the adoption on December 16th for that month and then DONE!

Kids: All four kids are handling the transition well. School is going well, everyone is making new friends, etc. We have our days of teary-ness, but, for the most part, they are really being troopers. It's obviously been tough on them, as on my husband and on me, and some days are better than others. We can't wait to be together and actually feel settled. We're so ready to move onto the next chapter of our lives completely and as an undivided unit.

Thank you for all of the prayers and encouragement! We're challenging ourselves to make this as positive as possible, and not just "survive" it. Absence makes the heart grow fonder!

Heading back to Colorado tomorrow! Woohoo! Lots of love, everyone!

God Blessed the Broken Road

What a long and emotional day! We FINALLY had our termination trial today to decide the girls' permanent placement. At the end of it, termination was granted on all three parents, and a tentative adoption date set!

That's the short story. A lot happened and I feel very up and down - definitely a lot to take in and process. Of course, we're ecstatic and can't WAIT to have the girls be officially part of our forever family.

I was incredibly nervous anticipating having to testify. I don't get stage fright, per se, but it is sweat-inducing to have to walk up to the witness stand, swear to "tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth", and then be asked questions - and cross-examined by the "other" attorneys, all while the people about which you are testifying are listening and watching you. I was supposed to be called up to share what the health status of particularly Curly Sue was when she arrived at our house, detailing what kind of physical and emotional condition she was in, as well as discuss the baby's NICU stay and the process of getting her healthy when she was born. I knew I needed to do what I needed to do, but it's hard, as a people pleaser, to think about saying negative things about someone to their faces, especially when said testimony is to help clinch the termination of their parental rights. I KNOW this isn't gossip or being negative to be negative, and it's the truth and part of the case, and needs to be done, etc., but that still doesn't make it easy to do it.

It turns out that I didn't need to testify. The birthmother did come forward to say she was relinquishing her rights voluntarily. As my testimony would have dealt with her, as the older sister was in her care when removed, I did not have to testify. She and I had a wonderful encounter in the restroom beforehand, which I want to write in further detail in the near future.

Another of the fathers declared voluntary relinquishment as well. The third parent was terminated on for failure to work services over the course of the year. The birth mother had left immediately following her statement of relinquishment. All in all, this went fairly quickly.

At the end, right before dismissal, the girls' lawyer asked for the special provision for an expedited adoption, as the girls have been with us 11 1/2 months. The judge happily agreed, and even penciled us in on her calendar for November 12th. She said she is already doing an adoption that morning, and that it would be fun to complete our adoptions together, "maybe have cake and a party or something!"

All in all, SO happy to be finished with the trial part of this journey. Ready for adoption to happen and to be back together as a family! Our adoption attorney is already working on filing the paperwork, and everything should be smooth sailing from here on out!

We get to go visit up north for three weeks, return for a week or so, go BACK up north for three weeks, and that should about be time for the adoption to happen!

This was a quick update, but thank you for sharing in our joy! Blessings!

The Case of the Sibing Trio (The Twins and Big Sister)

When Baby Girl left us in March of 2013, we were more than bummed out. The Man of the House, Miss A, Little Guy, and I all had fallen in love with her so quickly and so deeply. To recap, on Day 1 of her placement with us, we had been told that birth father had already signed relinquishment papers because he didn't want to be involved, and birth mother was considering it as well. She was estranged from her family, and did not really want the baby placed with her parents or extended family members. Now, nothing is ever promised EVER, but it was definitely hinted that this could be a super-easy case that might not even have to go to trial, if she relinquished her rights as she was considering, and we could move forward with the adoption. That's what we were told. Two months into the case, her parents came to court and announced that they were seeking custody. Apparently, they hadn't even known she was pregnant or had had a baby until that time. Their background checks cleared without any major problems, and, because they were family, the baby was moved soon after. She was with us around 2 1/2 months.

We never had had a definite plan for how many kids we wanted in our family. My husband and I both came from sibling groups of four, and loved being a part of big families. We kind of figured we would wind up with a big family - 3 or 4 kids. The love we had for our two children was so full and complete - but, even after the disappointment of having Baby Girl be moved, we still felt like another child would be a fantastic addition to our family. So, we stayed in the game and kept our foster-adopt license active in hopes of receiving another placement and eventual adoption.

Then came the waiting process again. In the middle of this, our caseworker, Kelly, whom we loved, changed positions at the department and we were assigned to a new caseworker. Every foster or adoptive family has a caseworker, to ensure that standards are met, trainings are completed, etc. This is different from the caseworker assigned to the children, who represents the kids at court along with the guardian ad litem (lawyer). When you have an active case, you can expect monthly visits from all three - your caseworker, the children's caseworker, and the children's lawyer - scheduled or unannounced.

We waited 8 months with our names on The List with only one Call. We didn't get that child, a 4-month-old baby boy. It was obviously frustrating to sit around with no control over the situation, waiting on someone else to act for you and "find" you a placement. I am not patient at all by nature, so I know God was definitely challenging me in this area.

Finally, in November, we received an e-mail asking if we were interested in taking in 2-year-old twin girls. As I had with the last Call, I immediately said "YES!" and THEN told the Man of the House. (Heehee... Sorry, honey! In all seriousness, things happen quickly with foster-adopt placements, and if you hesitate, another family may already have stepped up.)

The information we had was that the girls were on-target for developmental milestones, healthy girls at this point. They were from a family of five siblings - a 12-year-old girl, a 3-year-old girl (only ten months older than the twins!), then the twins, and then a 1-year-old boy (only 12 months younger than the twins!). The other three had other placements already, as it was difficult to find a home for all five together. In fact, the twins were coming to us from a shelter, where they had been living for two months since they had been removed into the state's care.

The parental rights had been terminated shortly after the birth of the baby boy, and the children had been living with cousins of their mother, these cousins also having five other children they were fostering/adopting - a total of ten kids in the house. This sibling group had been removed for some alleged incidents that had happened in the home.

This case was incredibly complicated, and not a "normal" CPS case. Since the cousins weren't biological parents, and hadn't adopted the siblings yet, they didn't have "rights" to try to do services and have the children placed back in their home by a certain date. Instead, they were suing the state themselves, to try to get custody back of the kids. They had a very outspoken lawyer who was extremely vocal in saying that the removal shouldn't have taken place, and that the allegations were by and large made up by the Big Sister. Big Sister had been the one to alert school authorities to some not-so-good things happening in the home. Their opinion was that she thought she could be returned to her biological family if she disrupted this placement.

Some background on Big Sister: the very sad part was that her mother also had biological children OLDER than this Big Sister, so a total of eight children altogether already. Her baby daddy of the OTHER, older three was not the biological father of Big Sister, but WAS the person who had served as her father figure all her life. When the bio mom had lost custody, so did Big Sister's bio dad (in absentia), but this OTHER bio dad was what is called a "non-offending" parent, so he got custody of her children. However, he decided to only parent the three that were biologically his, and, since Big Sister was not, he declined to take custody of her. In her mind, she still thought there was hope that someday he would change his mind and come get her. (The siblings younger than her were also from different fathers, but she said she had never liked any of those men when they were in her mother's life, and they never served in that father role for her. We were never quite sure how many fathers were involved between the five children.)

The case continued on for ten months. We had hearings, rescheduled hearings, delays, lots of testimony. It came down to the judge continually wanting more information about the alleged incidents and everyone minutely dissecting the testimony of Big Sister and the other children in the home who may or may not have also experienced the incidents.

Meanwhile, Big Sister moved to two new foster placements, and then was put into a children's "home", an onsite location to receive therapy as well as schooling and intervention for her behavior. We were asked to take her in, as the behaviors stemmed from how frustrated she was to be apart from her siblings, and the assumption that things would simmer down once she was reunited with them. We had some weekend visits, and they went so well that we decided to accept.

I can't say that having her placed with us was easy, or that it went "well". I do not necessarily regret it, but it was a difficult three months. Big Sister hadn't been kept up with her counseling and treatments, and that would have made a difference. One main thing we learned: you have to be an advocate for yourself and your foster kids. Stay on top of their medical history and treatments and make sure the caseworkers are helping you get the best level of care for the kids, physically and emotionally and mentally.

Throughout this whole case, the kids had one-hour, weekly visitations with the cousins who had had custody at the department offices. Towards the spring, it became 4-6 hours at a time, at the request of the cousins. Of course this made a big imposition on our family, time-wise and resource-wise, and we were unhappy but tried to make the best of it. We usually took our other two to the zoo while we waited for the visits to be over. (Big Sister did NOT attend these visits because the relationship was so rocky between her and the cousins, because of how that placement ended.)

After Big Sister had been with us for two months, a set of the twins' grandparents made a petition to get custody of all five children. We were stunned that they could do this so late - the parents' rights had been terminated years before, they had been in foster care for years, placements were settling, etc. Their reasoning for the timing was that they HAD been trying to get custody, but didn't know the proper steps to go about it, and blamed the department for not helping them more.

Within a few weeks, a homestudy had been done on these grandparents, and the judge was in favor of moving forward to see if this would be a good placement. The grandparents were asking for all five children to be placed with them. This pushed the judge in their direction, as we were unable to take in all five, with two kids already in the home before this case. (Although we were asked, and were promised extra resources to help make this happen. We had to decline.)

Meanwhile, the cousins reconsidered their custody suit and declared that they would also want to get all five back, when previously they had said they did not want to be reunified with the Big Sister.

So now the judge decided to test the waters in BOTH homes, and ordered weekend-long visits with BOTH, on alternating visits. For the last month or two of the case, the kids were taken to one or the other of the homes on Friday night and stayed until Sunday night. This of course wreaked havoc on any progress we had made with structure and routine, and just the basic comfort level of the twins and Big Sister. Our Sunday nights were a disaster now, and it took several days for the twins' behavior to come back to somewhat normal.

The judge finally decided in August to place all five kids with the grandparents as a foster home, but continue twice-monthly all-weekend visits with the cousins until permanent custody could be determined. They left us the day before school started in 2014.

In February, six months after they left us, I ran into the kids' lawyer. She told me the case was STILL ongoing, and no permanent home had been decided for the kids. We continue to pray for them and hope for the best. They were strong enough to rise above their circumstances, and we hope that out of these ashes, fresh, vibrant, productive lives will arise. God bless you, kiddos.

Almost There

It seems like I have been starting out the latest blog posts the same way - "well, We're plugging along... It's moving, slowly by surely..." I do have some updates on the case today after speaking with the girls' caseworker yesterday.

The paternity test FINALLY came back for Curly Sue, and she is biologically the child of the OTHER father from Brown-Eyed Baby Girl, which means she and the baby are genetically half-sisters. Again, this doesn't matter much to the end result of the custody of the girls, but it is good to know and to have in the court documents when we go to trial.

Dad #2's mother has contacted her son's lawyer and dropped the custody suit, and will testify to such if needed at the trial. Mom's mother keeps on contacting the girls' caseworker for a visit, since the other grandmother was able to see them, so we are doing that on September 4th. (However, she is not and hasn't been in the quest for custody - Curly Sue was with her when the baby was first born, but had to be removed, which is why the girls went into a foster care - adoptive placement.)

We still don't have a new court date, but the respective attorneys and caseworkers and court officials are meeting this Friday to set a date together. September 16th was the date, but needed to be rescheduled for the Assistant District Attorney couldn't make that date. Now, the girls' caseworker will be out from September 18th-28th, which means if we delay again, it will mean not reconvening until October. However, the caseworker said she is going to push to get on our judge's docket for sometime next week, so we may be rescheduling for SOONER rather than later. That would be good!

I may or may not need to testify at the trial, at this point. Since the birthmother relinquished her rights, we're just dealing with terminating the rights of the two fathers now. I was mainly testifying about the older sister's condition when she came to us from the birth family, so my testimony might not be needed.

The caseworker DID receive an email from an adoptive caseworker of the one grandpa, who lives about 10 hours away, who is stating he DOES want to continue to pursue custody, and trying to get the department involved with logistics of making that happen. The caseworker and lawyer had already dismissed him as a potential home, because of the distance, and the fact that he is currently adopting three other grandchildren who have been removed from his son's home. It looks like he's continuing to make noise about it, but the caseworker and lawyer think the judge will agree with their decision to eliminate him as a placement change. One other main obstacle would be that, with the distance between us, there would be no opportunity for trial visits - it's too far to take the girls back and forth for an over night or several day visit until there is acclimation. Since we're meeting his ex-wife for the visit on the 4th, we're hoping she will like us, as the other grandmother did, and put in a good word for us so he would drop his custody suit as well. Of course, even if the judge denies him as a placement, he could come back and make an actual court case suing for custody and delay our adoption, and at that point we could get our own lawyer and have representation as parents who have had custody of the girls for 11 months - almost 12 months now. We're staying positive and praying that doesn't happen.

One VERY good piece of news is about our current separate living situation. I was up north with the rest of the fam for two weeks and returned yesterday; SO difficult. I really treasured that time, but man, we were all in tears the night before I left with the girls to come back down here. The caseworker let me know that, legally, we can be on "vacation" for up to 30 days at a time during the case, and she can make her visits with us during the time we are back. I asked her, "So, technically, I could go up there for 30 days, come back, see you, and a few days later go back for another 30 days?" She said YES, as long as the girls' lawyer is okay with it as well, and both of them can do their monthly visits during the time when we're back. (And if it doesn't work schedule-wise for those days/week(s), one or two Skype or Facetime visits would be acceptable.) GREAT NEWS!

As far as foster care certification, I'm set with all licenses and trainings until January! So hopefully I won't even need to do anything, assuming we can be done by November or December!

So, there you have it! We're feeling pretty positive, and continuing to choose joy in whatever circumstances we're in! Please pray for us that we can do so! Thanks, everyone, for reading!

Step By Step - Thursday's Visit

Things keep on moving forward, even if it is just in small increments.

We had our previously planned visit with the paternal grandmother on Thursday (Grandmother-of-Brown-Eyed-Baby-Girl-potentially-also-of-Curly-Sue-but-we-don't-know-for-certain-because-paternity-test-hasn't-been-processed-yet). We met at a Chik-Fil-A near the CPS offices, which was much more fun than meeting in the visitation rooms at the department.

I was not "worried" about the visit, per se, but I definitely had a physical, anxious reaction to pulling up and walking into the building. I wasn't sure what to expect. This grandma was the last person on the list made by the families to get custody of the girls. (After 10 months of us having the girls, and being told at the beginning of the case that there were no other family members around/available, the court has gone through several names in the past month that were brought up by the three parents' lawyers at the July 9th hearing.) However, she had made comments to the caseworker that she would drop her custody seeking if she could meet me and see the girls to gauge how they were doing.

When she walked in, she came up with a big smile. I handed the baby over so grandma could hold her. Now, the big sister glanced at her, but didn't seem to recognize her - she walked right by and went to slide. I had her come back and say hello, but she still didn't seem to have any connection. That was interesting to see. We all just then settled down in the kid play to chat while Curly Sue played and the baby crawled around.

When our visit was only a couple of minutes in session, grandma said, "I need you to know that I'm not here to get in your way. I've already decided to stop seeking custody and I'm calling the lawyer today to tell her." That obviously made me feel a lot of relief!

Over the course of our hour together, she told me that the older sister had never looked better, and she looked "so clean, and healthy, and happy". She was interested in hearing about school, and if Curly Sue was making friends, and how she behaved and had adjusted over the year. Apparently, from even Curly Sue's birth, she was told that she was the grandmother (even though she is the boyfriend's mother and not the husband's mother). I guess the birthmother was telling both men they were biologically the fathers the entire time.

 "I wanted to come here today," she said to me, "to just ask that this not be the very last time I ever see or hear about my grandchildren. If you can tell me that I'll see them again in the future, or get pictures, that's enough for me. I don't need to be involved in your life and get in your way, but just to get updates would be good enough."

To answer that, I just replied that we could definitely work out details. We've learned from Little Guy's adoption, and from discussion with caseworkers and other adoptive parents, not to make promises and to not tie yourself down. This isn't to be deceitful or mean, but if you put in writing anything about visitations or times or expectations, then it can get very difficult if situations change, or if you stop feeling comfortable with having contact.

Right now, Little Guy's birthmother has my cell phone number (not my husband's, and not our home address, although she knows the town we live in), and we text periodically. But, there was a time when she was calling and texting several times a week, asking to talk to him or asking for pictures, and we had to maintain boundaries. We had to be assertive, and told her to trust us that we would be in contact and keep her updated, but that we preferred to be the ones initiating the contact.

With this situation, I wouldn't feel comfortable mailing pictures. I am very concerned about any of the three parents finding out our contact information and tracking us down. We have absolutely no contact with Miss A's parents for this reason. But we were fine with keeping in touch with Little Guy's birthmother. We even played at the park for an hour or so last year when she visited family in our area. We just take each situation as it comes. I had discussed with the caseworker a plan of sending her (the caseworker) pictures and updates, and she would forward them on to the grandmother, or other family members. I may create a special email address just for communicating with her and stay in touch that way.

Legally, the three birth parents are having their parental rights terminated - we aren't required to have any kind of contact with anybody from the birth family. We don't have to agree to anything at this point, or when(/if) the adoption is being finalized. But we've always read, and seen in our own experiences, that keeping an honest, age-appropriate openness benefits the children the most.

She was probably thinking along those same lines during our conversation. She told me, "Don't worry about me selling you out to my son, or to their mother. I don't want them to know where the girls are any more than you do. It would be too dangerous for the girls." That surprised me that she said that, and it must have taken a lot to admit that.

When it was time to leave, she gave me a big hug and said, "You have beautiful daughters, and you are a great mother. I couldn't ask for more for my grandchildren. Thank you for being in their lives." Very sweet words, and it made me emotional again! We left with a tentative plan to share birthday party details for Curly Sue at a park in town.

When we first began fostering, my worries revolved around the kids leaving us. That seemed to me the "worst" case scenario, an absolutely devastating situation, a life-ruining catastrophic ending. And guess what - then it happened to us. With seven children - so far. And we survived. I am not saying it wasn't awful, and there weren't crying, sobbing nights, and huge obstacles emotionally to overcome it. But we did overcome it.

My focus has stretched since the beginning, seven years ago when we began this journey with the foster care system. I do think about how upsetting it would be if these girls were placed with anyone but us at this point. I have cried over that already, since we know what that feels like.

But there is such a bigger picture in all of this, and so many other moving parts to think about. Besides just getting "what we want", in keeping the girls with us, we want to make sure we're all handling it well emotionally. We want to keep all of our children mentally healthy. We want them to have the best sense of self possible. We want them to grow up knowing they are so loved - by SO many people. We want to keep praying for the birth families, no matter what happens in the end. The hard part isn't "over" once/if we have full and permanent custody of the girls. There is a lifetime of navigating the waters of adoption, contact or lack thereof with the birth families. Everyone will be affected in different ways and this is a life-long journey for all of us.

Most importantly, we want to keep faith. We trust in an omnipotent God who knows the future, and has known it before any of us were created. He holds the end of our stories. We want to keep growing into the people He has created us to be, and the family He has planned for us. We don't want to waver when the road gets tough.

Job 38 says:

Then the Lord spoke to Job out of the storm. He said:

^"Who is this that obscures my plans
    with words without knowledge?

Brace yourself like a man;
    I will question you,
    and you shall answer me.

"Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation?
    Tell me, if you understand. 
"Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know!
    Who stretched a measuring line across it?
On what were its footings set,
    or who laid its cornerstone— while the morning stars sang together
    and all the angels^[a] shouted for joy?

I'm not the one in charge. I don't like that. None of us like not being in control. Some of us have a harder time than others. I have a harder time letting go of control at some moments in life compared to others. But guess what? No matter how much I hate it, I'm not in control - I never have been. And that has been a freeing thought.

I can focus on today, on the here and now, because my heavenly Father already knows what the future holds. Bad stuff is still going to happen to me. We as a family can go through it all with Him, or without Him. 

... and back to the case!

So, from here, we're just waiting on the DNA results STILL for Curly Sue. Again, it's just a formality in terms of parental rights being terminated, since all three will be losing their parental rights at the trial - that's already determined. It's just the permanent custody that could be affected by the paternity test results.

However, this grandmother was the last of the long list of new family members to be looked at for custody. Everyone else has been eliminated. No other names have been brought forth. This should clear the way for the adoption process to begin as soon as the trial concludes.

Prayers for the paternity test to come back QUICKLY so we can get our court dates, make our move, and be back together as a complete family! Thanks, all! Love to everyone!