The Update That's Taken a While To Write

I've been away for a while from updating the blog. We've had a lot happen to us in the last five months. Some good, some bad. I needed a lot of reflection and processing time. Whenever I tried to sit down and write about it all, no words would come.

So, here's the attempt at a brief synopsis of what's happened in our home since September. I'll go back and talk more about it later, but I wanted to at least get this out there. You all have been great with support and encouragement, so thank you!

I wanted this blog to be true to our story and the process, and give a realistic picture of what it's like to be a foster parent. This is one of those not-so-happy accounts.

The last I wrote, we had just been placed with our newest little guy, the 18-month-old boy who was fitting in so well with our own Little Guy. We were absolutely in love with him from day one. His curly dark hair and chubby cheeks, his laughing, the way he snuggled in our arms from night one - what a gem. Something I hadn't shared is that his birthmother was also expecting again, and not doing well, according to the caseworker; her situation was not a good one and she was being monitored and the baby was more than likely going to be removed and placed with us, since we had a sibling. Two for one! Plus, the fact that this was an adoption case, with no fostering waiting time, AND it came the DAY after the twins and Big Sister left us - man, we felt like every prayer had been answered.

Three weeks after he came to us, I received a call from our caseworker that he was being removed. They would pick him up in one hour and we were to have his bags packed. No, she couldn't tell me any details, we just had to have him ready.

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There are no words to describe hearing that. My world collapsed. Nothing made sense. I could barely function for that hour - or the next few days. We've said good-bye to kids before, but normally with at least SOME warning - or at least explanation. This time, one hour, have him packed, didn't tell us anything about what was going on.

I called the boy's caseworker immediately and she said she had no idea what was happening, just that she had also received a message saying he was being moved and that was all.

It took several days of calls to have puzzled out for us that apparently there was "something wrong" in the licensing area. Whatever it was, our file had been flagged and that mandated an immediate removal of any foster kids until the licensing issue was resolved.

But, we still had no idea exactly what that meant, if it was something we needed to take care of, or our caseworker would take care of, what it meant for the future...

FIVE DAYS passed with us hearing nothing. Our caseworker kept saying she didn't know what was going on, couldn't discuss it, etc. The boy's caseworker quit returning my calls after the second day.

Five days later, a licensing investigator showed up at my house to apologize in person. There had been a horrible mistake. It wasn't us who had an issue with our foster care license. It was another home, and their case number or name had been entered wrong into the system, which flagged our name. It had nothing to do with us, just a clerical error in the data entry department.

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To say I was beside myself is an understatement. I told him all about the whole week, how we missed the little guy, how we were so confused. He said he had no idea he had been removed, this was a horrible mistake, how could this have happened, what could he do to make it up to us...

So he got on his phone in our living room and made phone calls to everyone he could think of, trying to figure out where the mistake was made and what could happen next. I called our caseworker, who took a while to comprehend what I was saying (What? The department make a mistake? Never!). I called the boy's caseworker many times, who never answered.

I finally found the name of and got in touch with the boy's lawyer covering the case. She was a nice lady who listened patiently as I explained how the whole thing had been a misunderstanding. She told me she was incredibly sorry, that she couldn't believe this happened to us, BUT that nobody likes moving children around more than necessary, and she didn't want to unsettle him and move him again to come back to our home. She finally promised to schedule a meeting with the caseworker and her supervisor, as well as other authorities at the department, to discuss what should happen, now that everything was found to be a big mix-up.

Two days later, after many calls, texts, and emails from The Man of the House and me, she emailed him saying that the decision was final, and moving him again would be too traumatic, so he was staying where he was.

I can't begin to tell you how upset we were when we heard this. A huge life-altering mistake was made and those in control apologized, but made no action to correct it. I can't describe the hurt and the crying that happened for weeks at our home, from all members. If I were to point to my darkest days here on earth, this would be it.

I mourned the son I had been told would be mine forever, FINALLY without the hassle and stress of a fostering case and months/years of waiting and wondering. I was hurt that the caseworkers didn't do more to help our care and support us. I was embarrassed to think of ANY black mark being on our "record" - as a firstborn, that is inconceivable!

I was sick of being a doormat for the state, sick of giving, giving, giving, and it all being for naught. God couldn't ask this of us again. We didn't deserve to go through this. Done. Never again.

Except.

Except that, on Friday, September 26th (just following the Comal County Parade, y'all!), we were called and asked to take in a 4-year-old girl and her newborn sister. They needed a home immediately, although Baby Sis was in the NICU due to complications from the pregnancy, and needed more time until she could come home with us.

When I called The Man of the House to discuss it, he answered, "What time will they be at our house? Did you run to Target yet?"

Curly Sue and Brown-Eyed-Baby-Girl entered into our family because we realized that, no matter how mad and upset we can get with the world, with people with whom we interact, with the department, that doesn't change the fact that there are still kids out there who need a home. We feel so called to this life right now, and we would have regretted saying no or quitting. Something that day led us to accepting another placement.

As far as the case goes, it is another foster-to-adopt label, which means fostering for the time being, but more than likely heading towards adoption. (And yet, we've heard that before.) But, a lot depends on birth parents cooperating with the service plan they are given to get custody of their children back, and there's not total cooperation at this point. I'm really zooming ahead, past everything that's gone on since the end of September, but the caseworker at this point is saying we're moving towards the parents' rights being terminated this summer or in the fall, with the adoption happening in due time after that. Of course, nothing is EVER final until it's final, so we're not holding our breaths... but we do get to hold two precious little girls that we have grown to love very much, along with the two priceless gifts with which God has already blessed us in Miss A and Little Guy.

Our prayers are for peace and emotional stability as we continue through the case. After what happened in September, we both kind of feel like nothing can be as bad, and nothing can hurt us as much. We just want to stay healthy mentally and emotionally as we love all of our kids, and help them all grow, and potentially put down roots together as a family unit.

So, there's a quick summary, and I promise I will begin to write more frequently, and I will fill in some of the time since October and details about the girls and the case, what I can share, at least.

Thanks, all! Hugs going out to everyone!