Time for a little update on the girls' case.
Well... There's not all that much to update. We're just holding on until the July 9th court date, which as I've mentioned, is our next and last court appearance. This is where the judge will rule on whether the girls' parents will have their parental rights terminated, or if the girls will be reunified.
We've been having fun catching Curly Sue up on her medical care. We were pretty concerned with her basic hygiene and general medical status when she arrived. Nothing huge like a severe medical condition - it just seemed like she had had the absolute bare minimum of health care or personal care in the past, if any. She seemed to not understand what a bath meant (she shrieked, "Why are you putting water on my head?!" during the first bath experience at our house), couldn't recognize any fruit or vegetable besides a french fry, had no history of vaccinations, and had horrendous teeth issues. We knew going in that there would be a lot of catching up to do in these areas. This is pretty common for kids coming into foster care; you never know what kind of medical attention they had received in the past, up to obvious and blatant medical neglect. We have seen a lot of this in our own cases, and heard a lot of other stories from other foster parents.
Two weeks ago, she had a pretty big dental procedure - all in all, it ended up meaning three root canals and fourteen caps. The crowns that were placed on the back molars are silver, but the ones on the front teeth are white in color. She was a champ and had a quick recovery from the day, which involved a general anesthesia so she would be out during the entire thing and be able to have it all done in one appointment.
We also have been catching her up on her immunizations. She had no medical records saved. Ever. Besides a birth certificate. Nothing on file even with the state government health websites showing any appointments, procedures, or vaccinations. Sooo, she's been having to go on the "catch-up" schedule to get in all of the proper vaccines required. Basically we started from scratch. Of course, this means she REALLY loves going to doctor's appointments. Or not so much.
Thankfully, both girls are otherwise in very good health. Brown-Eyed Baby Girl - now 8 months old - is growing so big! She crawls incredibly quickly and of course gets into everything. She can pull herself up to stand, and even tries to let go and stand on her own. She will definitely be an early walker. Although the days of immobility were definitely easier, it is such a joy to see her curiosity as she explores her world. She babbles constantly. (She'll be a big talker as well - I'm getting what I deserve, I guess, right Grandma Eberhard?! :-) ) God definitely blessed us with an easy, happy-go-lucky baby and we love her to pieces.
The four kids get along so well. Definitely a prayer answered! It really has been a blessing to watch Miss A and Little Guy open up their hearts without questions. To share your home, your toys, and your parents with new kids may be a challenge, but these two are definitely up to it! All three big kids dote on the baby and would sit and just watch her all day if they could! It's a big help having my two little Mama Bears to help around the place and feed the baby if I get busy, and a loving big brother who makes her light up when he enters the room. He can make her laugh for hours!
As far as the direction the case is heading, it seems to be on the same trajectory. We had a long stretch of about three months with hardly any visitations granted to the birth mom, then we had three in a row, but now this week's visitation has been cancelled. Paternity tests were administered last week to definitively name the birth fathers of each girl in the court documents, although it won't have much bearing on the outcome at this point, as both continue to not be active in the case. Results should be announced next week.
So, basically, just looking forward to that final date in July, where we will know the status of the case once and for all. Again, that's the trial for termination. Following that, assuming the judge does terminate the birthparents' rights, we will move forward with the adoption. That adoption consummation court date will be anywhere from 30 days to 90 days following the termination ruling.
Possible roadblocks to our adopting the girls could be: a) an appeal being filed by one or more of the birthparents or b) an extension of some time given to the birthparents to continue working their service plan and be deemed "rehabilitated" enough to be reunified with the girls permanently. However, none of the lawyers for the birthparents have said they are interested in an appeal OR an extension - they seem to figure at this point, there's no validity for the court granting either.
It is of course difficult to once again be in a situation where you have absolutely no control over the outcome. All we can "do" is try to provide the best home we can for the girls - and of course for Miss A and our Little Guy.
I'll end with this song, which has been repeatedly in my head over the past weeks:
And this is going to be a glorious unfolding
Just you wait and see and you will be amazed
You’ve just got to believe the story is so far from over
So hold on to every promise God has made to us
And watch this glorious unfolding
Awesome words there!
Thanks, all!
Wednesday, April 29, 2015
Monday, March 23, 2015
Don't Stop Believing
The girls' court hearing happened last Wednesday. Where to start...
Neither of the girls' birth fathers showed up. The birth mother arrived 30 minutes into the hearing.
The hearing part went fairly according to plan. The caseworker and lawyers announced the plant to move towards terminating the rights of the biological parents in July if changes and progress aren't made and maintained. Like I've mentioned before, Mom has been only sporadic in completing what's been asked of her, and the fathers have done nothing and are not even in communication with the caseworkers and lawyers at this time. The official status of the case is now "dual contingency" - meaning they are preparing for either reunification or termination at this point - which is a change from the past, where the status was only "reunification" - and is the step before officially seeking termination.
Our next - and final - court date is July 9th. This is the trial to determine the ending of the foster care placement one way or another; either the girls will be reunified with their birth mother or the birth parents' rights will be terminated and we will move towards adoption. We thought there would be another hearing at the beginning of June, but as that is so close to the July 9th date, they are foregoing another hearing and just scheduling the trial. In case you're wondering, "trial" doesn't usually mean a jury setting, just coming before the same judge who has been hearing the entire case, and getting a final ruling.
One tiny snag entering into the situation is that father #2 is now claiming he is the biological father of BOTH children instead of just one. We have been trying to get DNA testing done the entire 6 months to prove paternity, and he has been a no-show at both appointments the department has set up for him to be tested. Hopefully this can be done soon and we can know for certain. He has been listed as an "alleged father" in the court documents and included in the court ordered services list the parents have to complete (of which he has done none). He needs to prove he is in fact the biological father of one or both girls to be termed the "legal father". He does have parents he wants to go through the home study process to determine if custody could be awarded to them, but that won't happen until he goes through the paternity test.
I can't talk much here about what happened immediately AFTER the judge dismissed the people involved in the case... it happened very unexpectedly and quickly, apparently... but the birth mother will not be in the picture now for an indeterminate amount of time. An issue came up that we don't know much about, but suffice it to say that it strengthens the case further for terminating the rights of all the birth parents.
There is definitely a twinge of guilt feeling happy over something that means the misfortune and unhappy circumstances of others. While we are filled with joy at moving towards making these girls part of our forever family, we can't forget this will be complicated for them to process - lots of emotion - and comes at the expense of another family falling apart. That's hard to contemplate. I found this quote recently, and it really spoke to me:
Please continue to keep us in your prayers as we all function towards whatever ending God has planned for us. We ask to be the people He needs us to be at this time. Please be thinking and praying for the birth family. Through all of the bad choices, there is regret and pain, and it hurts to watch. Peace to all involved.
Thanks for reading!
Neither of the girls' birth fathers showed up. The birth mother arrived 30 minutes into the hearing.
The hearing part went fairly according to plan. The caseworker and lawyers announced the plant to move towards terminating the rights of the biological parents in July if changes and progress aren't made and maintained. Like I've mentioned before, Mom has been only sporadic in completing what's been asked of her, and the fathers have done nothing and are not even in communication with the caseworkers and lawyers at this time. The official status of the case is now "dual contingency" - meaning they are preparing for either reunification or termination at this point - which is a change from the past, where the status was only "reunification" - and is the step before officially seeking termination.
Our next - and final - court date is July 9th. This is the trial to determine the ending of the foster care placement one way or another; either the girls will be reunified with their birth mother or the birth parents' rights will be terminated and we will move towards adoption. We thought there would be another hearing at the beginning of June, but as that is so close to the July 9th date, they are foregoing another hearing and just scheduling the trial. In case you're wondering, "trial" doesn't usually mean a jury setting, just coming before the same judge who has been hearing the entire case, and getting a final ruling.
One tiny snag entering into the situation is that father #2 is now claiming he is the biological father of BOTH children instead of just one. We have been trying to get DNA testing done the entire 6 months to prove paternity, and he has been a no-show at both appointments the department has set up for him to be tested. Hopefully this can be done soon and we can know for certain. He has been listed as an "alleged father" in the court documents and included in the court ordered services list the parents have to complete (of which he has done none). He needs to prove he is in fact the biological father of one or both girls to be termed the "legal father". He does have parents he wants to go through the home study process to determine if custody could be awarded to them, but that won't happen until he goes through the paternity test.
I can't talk much here about what happened immediately AFTER the judge dismissed the people involved in the case... it happened very unexpectedly and quickly, apparently... but the birth mother will not be in the picture now for an indeterminate amount of time. An issue came up that we don't know much about, but suffice it to say that it strengthens the case further for terminating the rights of all the birth parents.
There is definitely a twinge of guilt feeling happy over something that means the misfortune and unhappy circumstances of others. While we are filled with joy at moving towards making these girls part of our forever family, we can't forget this will be complicated for them to process - lots of emotion - and comes at the expense of another family falling apart. That's hard to contemplate. I found this quote recently, and it really spoke to me:
Please continue to keep us in your prayers as we all function towards whatever ending God has planned for us. We ask to be the people He needs us to be at this time. Please be thinking and praying for the birth family. Through all of the bad choices, there is regret and pain, and it hurts to watch. Peace to all involved.
Thanks for reading!
Thursday, March 12, 2015
Dates for Court Appearances
I have a few updates about the court cases for the girls, and how things are panning out, so I thought I'd share!
We have some dates on the calendar -
Status Hearing: Wednesday, March 18th
Permanency Hearing: First week of June (TBD)
Trial: Thursday, July 9th
The hearings won't be any decision-making dates, but the Trial is when the final decision on the case should be made.
Of course, we know from past experience not to hold our breath when court dates are announced. But, it seems like the case is getting fairly "cut and dry" at this point, so hopefully there won't be any delays in making a final decision.
We had a meeting with the girls' lawyer yesterday, and with their caseworker today. Mom and the two dads are not sufficiently cooperating with their service plan and what is expected of them. Both lawyer and caseworker are agreeing that we're moving towards termination of the birthparents' rights. The first step is to have the judge agree to a change in plan, which may happen at the March court hearing, or may happen at the June court hearing. Either way, that's just the change in the goal of the case, not the final decision. We've had it explained, of course, that rushing anything isn't the plan, and we want to avoid anything that can end up as grounds for an appeal later.
One good note from the caseworker today is that she let me know the courts are now working on expedited adoption finalization for children who have been in care for 6 or more months, once termination of birthparents' rights happens. In one case the other day, a judge ordered the adoption consummation to happen within 40 days after the termination trial. That's good news that we could be on a fast track for adoption, assuming the termination does definitely go through. We would LOVE that, since Miss A and Little Guy both had a year-long adoption process following termination!
Please continue to pray for peace and strength for all involved. I know that our joy is someone else's pain, and that hurts. Having the girls stay with us means they have to say good-bye to their birth family. It's challenging and complex on all sides, and God has really opened my eyes to having compassion for "the other side", even in the midst of annoying waiting and trials we're experiencing. Please keep this family in your thoughts as they struggle, as we all do.
Our world is broken and messy, and we all just need to be broken together!
We have some dates on the calendar -
Status Hearing: Wednesday, March 18th
Permanency Hearing: First week of June (TBD)
Trial: Thursday, July 9th
The hearings won't be any decision-making dates, but the Trial is when the final decision on the case should be made.
Of course, we know from past experience not to hold our breath when court dates are announced. But, it seems like the case is getting fairly "cut and dry" at this point, so hopefully there won't be any delays in making a final decision.
We had a meeting with the girls' lawyer yesterday, and with their caseworker today. Mom and the two dads are not sufficiently cooperating with their service plan and what is expected of them. Both lawyer and caseworker are agreeing that we're moving towards termination of the birthparents' rights. The first step is to have the judge agree to a change in plan, which may happen at the March court hearing, or may happen at the June court hearing. Either way, that's just the change in the goal of the case, not the final decision. We've had it explained, of course, that rushing anything isn't the plan, and we want to avoid anything that can end up as grounds for an appeal later.
One good note from the caseworker today is that she let me know the courts are now working on expedited adoption finalization for children who have been in care for 6 or more months, once termination of birthparents' rights happens. In one case the other day, a judge ordered the adoption consummation to happen within 40 days after the termination trial. That's good news that we could be on a fast track for adoption, assuming the termination does definitely go through. We would LOVE that, since Miss A and Little Guy both had a year-long adoption process following termination!
Please continue to pray for peace and strength for all involved. I know that our joy is someone else's pain, and that hurts. Having the girls stay with us means they have to say good-bye to their birth family. It's challenging and complex on all sides, and God has really opened my eyes to having compassion for "the other side", even in the midst of annoying waiting and trials we're experiencing. Please keep this family in your thoughts as they struggle, as we all do.
Our world is broken and messy, and we all just need to be broken together!
Tuesday, February 17, 2015
Catching Up
Six months is a long time to cover, but I will attempt to do our journey justice with this post updating since the girls came to our home in the fall!
I mentioned that we got the call about the siblings (4-year-old girl, infant sister in NICU) on a Friday afternoon. We made the requisite Target trip to grab some essentials, knowing we would go back and get more once we knew the girls' sizes and likes/dislikes. But you gotta start somewhere, right? A few outfits, pajamas, socks and underwear, a welcoming toy for the 4-year-old - and barely even knowing where to start with the baby, since we didn't know exact size for clothes and diapers, what formula, with which bottles and pacifiers was she familiar, etc. This could be a post topic all in itself!
The plans were made for the big sister to come to our house as soon as possible; the baby would be in the NICU for an indeterminate amount of time, and we would learn more over the next few days.
When the Investigator in charge of the case at that time brought Curly Sue through the door, I wasn't prepared for the reaction. The little one threw herself into my arms, sobbing, "They took me away from my Mommy, and I don't know what's going on." We had had basically non-speaking age placements (besides Big Sister of the twins), so it was very different to have the little one articulate what she was feeling. Of course, you try to make the transition as smooth as possible, and have as much compassion for the emotional upheaval that's happening - but to hear it being articulated is something else than experiencing it in a baby or young toddler.
While we signed papers with the Investigator, Curly Sue rocked in my lap, still crying. Over and over again, "They took me away from my Mommy." Miss A and Little Guy were amazing troopers, trying their hardest to distract and engage her - "Here's a Barbie!" "Here's my favorite truck!" "Here, we have 'Frozen'! We can watch it!" Every time, Curly Sue would say, "But I can't play with you, because they took me away from my Mommy." Finally, Miss A said, "Do you want to come play piano with me?" And the two girls walked hand in hand to the piano and began playing around on it. We let them carry on while we finished our adult discussion and paperwork.
We're not allowed to share a lot of details about the case for legal reasons, of course. Here are the basics, so you know where we were at that evening.
Baby was found to be not in very good health when she was born (around her due date, so not a preemie), due to issues happening during the pregnancy, so she was admitted immediately to the NICU and a CPS investigation was launched. It turns out the two girls have different fathers, it appears that the mother goes back and forth between the two of them and various other family members, and there wasn't really any stability or healthy situation anywhere. Curly Sue was immediately placed with a grandmother when the investigation started. We came into the picture because that turned out to not be a good choice, in addition to the fact that birth mom then moved into that home as well soon after (which counteracts the court orders to remove the children from her custody). At this point, the baby was five weeks old.
The next morning, The Man of the House took the three kiddos fishing down by the river. I got in touch with the NICU where the baby was admitted, making sure they had my information and that I had clearance to visit. I spent the day with Brown Eyed Baby Girl. She absolutely blew me away - such a gorgeous baby, with huge dark eyes and already smiling (or at least her face would make the motions and I called it smiling). She was calmer than I expected and I spent almost the entire day (minus grabbing lunch and running to the nearby Target for more supplies, now that I'd met her) just holding her and giving her attention. It was absolutely amazing to be able to do that. No agenda, no distractions, no rushing, just holding and rocking all day. She was eating terrifically, every three to four hours, depending on if it was day or night, and had grown very well during her time there. Everything physically and physiologically seemed to be right on target.
It took two more weeks - up to just before she turned 2 months old - before she was discharged from the hospital. The positive to this was that we got to focus at home on transitioning Curly Sue. Besides a nightmare in the middle of the first night, we didn't really have any issues, which was a blessing. She was incredibly polite and very verbal. She doesn't know a stranger. She had a quick mind, but you could tell she hadn't had anyone spend time with her working on letters, numbers, or shapes, little things a 4-year-old should know by then. It seemed that she was able to catch on quickly, though, and even now she learns more and more every day. A very very bright child with so much potential! She began school after a transition period, and we are following her progress and enjoying watching her learn and grow.
The one issue we had was hygiene. Her extremely long (I'm talkin past her butt) curly dark hair was matted almost to the point of being dreadlocks. She SCREAMED when she got her first bath here, yelling, "What are you doing to me? Why are you putting water on my head?" Almost as if she'd never had a real bath before. She was confused as to why we were brushing her teeth, which looked horrible and neglected. Thankfully, we haven't had any betwetting problems, or night terrors, or any issues like that.
It was a couple of weeks until the first visitation. It turns out Mom was the only parent who had done her homework to be able to see the kids. Little Guy and I dropped them off for an hour. The cheerful, skipping girl I dropped off was a sobbing wreck when I picked her up. I know it's incredibly difficult for the kids - at any age - to literally go back and forth between two families at these moments, and one can only guess what's being said in the visitations about the situation that may or may not be helpful or healthy for the kids to hear. Curly Sue came crying out of the visit saying that I was a bad, sneaky person, who had stolen her away from her real Mom, and I didn't love her and was going to do mean things to her. The caseworker and I calmed her down in the car, and ten minutes down the road, she was her normal self, like nothing had happened. Randomly, before we got back home, she said, "I'm sorry for saying all of those bad things to you. I know they weren't real." Wow, right? (Again, a topic for another post another day: how to help the kids emotionally after their visitations!)
It just makes my heart ache, to think about all of the hurt, all around. We've gone through our tough stuff, but we're not the only ones. Here's a young woman who's made some mistakes, who is probably scared out of her wits and angry - I would be. Here's a little girl who has been taken from the only family she knows, then gets reminded of that when she has to drive away from them again every week. So many emotions. Big prayers for peace all around.
Following that visitation, the others have been fine. Curly Sue gives me big hugs goodbye when I drop her off, and runs to her Mom. When I come to pick her up, she gives big hugs goodbye to her Mom and runs to me. It's amazing how resilient kids are, and how they can adjust to a new "normal".
As the case stands now, neither of the fathers has been allowed a visitation with the children. At this point, that's going to be upheld for the foreseeable future. Neither are cooperating with the State at this time to work services to get the girls back. Of course, that could all change, and any positive steps in the right direction would be evidence to reunify, or at least give extensions.
Mom is neither more nor less stable than before. She attends most every scheduled visitation, but sounds to be more hit or miss with the services she's supposed to be obtaining to make progress. What we're hearing is that she has a lot more work to do to prove she can provide a stable, safe home.
We have recently had a switch in caseworkers, which can be a good thing or not. This seems to be a good thing, even though we really liked the first caseworker. Both this new caseworker and the lawyer assigned to represent the girls are very communicative and available to answer questions we have. Neither are promising anything permanent, but the scales seem to be tipping in the favor of the kids staying with us for good.
We have heard that the trial to decide the forever placement of the girls won't be until November, but then we've also heard that it could be July or August. Please keep us in your prayers as we go through the ever present journey of court dates and decisions.
It is neat but more-so humbling to see God working in our hearts. Several years ago, we would be frantically praying every night for God to work in the court case so that we could adopt the child/ren we currently had. Then, we were able to move to a grudging, then more authentic, "Your Will Be Done". At this point, I think we can both say that we just pray for our hearts to be in the right places as we journey along. We won't think about the end at this point, but we want to be the best family we can for all of the kids - our forever kids, plus these two who will be with us for an indeterminate amount of time. We're more focused on keeping our attitudes right and positive and remembering that it's not about us wanting children, but it's about these kids needing a family. I want to show hope and perseverance through the uncertainties, and praise God on any and every given day.
Thanks for listening, and caring about our little corner of the world! Much love to you all!
I mentioned that we got the call about the siblings (4-year-old girl, infant sister in NICU) on a Friday afternoon. We made the requisite Target trip to grab some essentials, knowing we would go back and get more once we knew the girls' sizes and likes/dislikes. But you gotta start somewhere, right? A few outfits, pajamas, socks and underwear, a welcoming toy for the 4-year-old - and barely even knowing where to start with the baby, since we didn't know exact size for clothes and diapers, what formula, with which bottles and pacifiers was she familiar, etc. This could be a post topic all in itself!
The plans were made for the big sister to come to our house as soon as possible; the baby would be in the NICU for an indeterminate amount of time, and we would learn more over the next few days.
When the Investigator in charge of the case at that time brought Curly Sue through the door, I wasn't prepared for the reaction. The little one threw herself into my arms, sobbing, "They took me away from my Mommy, and I don't know what's going on." We had had basically non-speaking age placements (besides Big Sister of the twins), so it was very different to have the little one articulate what she was feeling. Of course, you try to make the transition as smooth as possible, and have as much compassion for the emotional upheaval that's happening - but to hear it being articulated is something else than experiencing it in a baby or young toddler.
While we signed papers with the Investigator, Curly Sue rocked in my lap, still crying. Over and over again, "They took me away from my Mommy." Miss A and Little Guy were amazing troopers, trying their hardest to distract and engage her - "Here's a Barbie!" "Here's my favorite truck!" "Here, we have 'Frozen'! We can watch it!" Every time, Curly Sue would say, "But I can't play with you, because they took me away from my Mommy." Finally, Miss A said, "Do you want to come play piano with me?" And the two girls walked hand in hand to the piano and began playing around on it. We let them carry on while we finished our adult discussion and paperwork.
We're not allowed to share a lot of details about the case for legal reasons, of course. Here are the basics, so you know where we were at that evening.
Baby was found to be not in very good health when she was born (around her due date, so not a preemie), due to issues happening during the pregnancy, so she was admitted immediately to the NICU and a CPS investigation was launched. It turns out the two girls have different fathers, it appears that the mother goes back and forth between the two of them and various other family members, and there wasn't really any stability or healthy situation anywhere. Curly Sue was immediately placed with a grandmother when the investigation started. We came into the picture because that turned out to not be a good choice, in addition to the fact that birth mom then moved into that home as well soon after (which counteracts the court orders to remove the children from her custody). At this point, the baby was five weeks old.
The next morning, The Man of the House took the three kiddos fishing down by the river. I got in touch with the NICU where the baby was admitted, making sure they had my information and that I had clearance to visit. I spent the day with Brown Eyed Baby Girl. She absolutely blew me away - such a gorgeous baby, with huge dark eyes and already smiling (or at least her face would make the motions and I called it smiling). She was calmer than I expected and I spent almost the entire day (minus grabbing lunch and running to the nearby Target for more supplies, now that I'd met her) just holding her and giving her attention. It was absolutely amazing to be able to do that. No agenda, no distractions, no rushing, just holding and rocking all day. She was eating terrifically, every three to four hours, depending on if it was day or night, and had grown very well during her time there. Everything physically and physiologically seemed to be right on target.
It took two more weeks - up to just before she turned 2 months old - before she was discharged from the hospital. The positive to this was that we got to focus at home on transitioning Curly Sue. Besides a nightmare in the middle of the first night, we didn't really have any issues, which was a blessing. She was incredibly polite and very verbal. She doesn't know a stranger. She had a quick mind, but you could tell she hadn't had anyone spend time with her working on letters, numbers, or shapes, little things a 4-year-old should know by then. It seemed that she was able to catch on quickly, though, and even now she learns more and more every day. A very very bright child with so much potential! She began school after a transition period, and we are following her progress and enjoying watching her learn and grow.
The one issue we had was hygiene. Her extremely long (I'm talkin past her butt) curly dark hair was matted almost to the point of being dreadlocks. She SCREAMED when she got her first bath here, yelling, "What are you doing to me? Why are you putting water on my head?" Almost as if she'd never had a real bath before. She was confused as to why we were brushing her teeth, which looked horrible and neglected. Thankfully, we haven't had any betwetting problems, or night terrors, or any issues like that.
It was a couple of weeks until the first visitation. It turns out Mom was the only parent who had done her homework to be able to see the kids. Little Guy and I dropped them off for an hour. The cheerful, skipping girl I dropped off was a sobbing wreck when I picked her up. I know it's incredibly difficult for the kids - at any age - to literally go back and forth between two families at these moments, and one can only guess what's being said in the visitations about the situation that may or may not be helpful or healthy for the kids to hear. Curly Sue came crying out of the visit saying that I was a bad, sneaky person, who had stolen her away from her real Mom, and I didn't love her and was going to do mean things to her. The caseworker and I calmed her down in the car, and ten minutes down the road, she was her normal self, like nothing had happened. Randomly, before we got back home, she said, "I'm sorry for saying all of those bad things to you. I know they weren't real." Wow, right? (Again, a topic for another post another day: how to help the kids emotionally after their visitations!)
It just makes my heart ache, to think about all of the hurt, all around. We've gone through our tough stuff, but we're not the only ones. Here's a young woman who's made some mistakes, who is probably scared out of her wits and angry - I would be. Here's a little girl who has been taken from the only family she knows, then gets reminded of that when she has to drive away from them again every week. So many emotions. Big prayers for peace all around.
Following that visitation, the others have been fine. Curly Sue gives me big hugs goodbye when I drop her off, and runs to her Mom. When I come to pick her up, she gives big hugs goodbye to her Mom and runs to me. It's amazing how resilient kids are, and how they can adjust to a new "normal".
As the case stands now, neither of the fathers has been allowed a visitation with the children. At this point, that's going to be upheld for the foreseeable future. Neither are cooperating with the State at this time to work services to get the girls back. Of course, that could all change, and any positive steps in the right direction would be evidence to reunify, or at least give extensions.
Mom is neither more nor less stable than before. She attends most every scheduled visitation, but sounds to be more hit or miss with the services she's supposed to be obtaining to make progress. What we're hearing is that she has a lot more work to do to prove she can provide a stable, safe home.
We have recently had a switch in caseworkers, which can be a good thing or not. This seems to be a good thing, even though we really liked the first caseworker. Both this new caseworker and the lawyer assigned to represent the girls are very communicative and available to answer questions we have. Neither are promising anything permanent, but the scales seem to be tipping in the favor of the kids staying with us for good.
We have heard that the trial to decide the forever placement of the girls won't be until November, but then we've also heard that it could be July or August. Please keep us in your prayers as we go through the ever present journey of court dates and decisions.
It is neat but more-so humbling to see God working in our hearts. Several years ago, we would be frantically praying every night for God to work in the court case so that we could adopt the child/ren we currently had. Then, we were able to move to a grudging, then more authentic, "Your Will Be Done". At this point, I think we can both say that we just pray for our hearts to be in the right places as we journey along. We won't think about the end at this point, but we want to be the best family we can for all of the kids - our forever kids, plus these two who will be with us for an indeterminate amount of time. We're more focused on keeping our attitudes right and positive and remembering that it's not about us wanting children, but it's about these kids needing a family. I want to show hope and perseverance through the uncertainties, and praise God on any and every given day.
Thanks for listening, and caring about our little corner of the world! Much love to you all!
Monday, February 2, 2015
The Update That's Taken a While To Write
I've been away for a while from updating the blog. We've had a lot happen to us in the last five months. Some good, some bad. I needed a lot of reflection and processing time. Whenever I tried to sit down and write about it all, no words would come.
So, here's the attempt at a brief synopsis of what's happened in our home since September. I'll go back and talk more about it later, but I wanted to at least get this out there. You all have been great with support and encouragement, so thank you!
I wanted this blog to be true to our story and the process, and give a realistic picture of what it's like to be a foster parent. This is one of those not-so-happy accounts.
The last I wrote, we had just been placed with our newest little guy, the 18-month-old boy who was fitting in so well with our own Little Guy. We were absolutely in love with him from day one. His curly dark hair and chubby cheeks, his laughing, the way he snuggled in our arms from night one - what a gem. Something I hadn't shared is that his birthmother was also expecting again, and not doing well, according to the caseworker; her situation was not a good one and she was being monitored and the baby was more than likely going to be removed and placed with us, since we had a sibling. Two for one! Plus, the fact that this was an adoption case, with no fostering waiting time, AND it came the DAY after the twins and Big Sister left us - man, we felt like every prayer had been answered.
Three weeks after he came to us, I received a call from our caseworker that he was being removed. They would pick him up in one hour and we were to have his bags packed. No, she couldn't tell me any details, we just had to have him ready.
.
.
.
.
There are no words to describe hearing that. My world collapsed. Nothing made sense. I could barely function for that hour - or the next few days. We've said good-bye to kids before, but normally with at least SOME warning - or at least explanation. This time, one hour, have him packed, didn't tell us anything about what was going on.
I called the boy's caseworker immediately and she said she had no idea what was happening, just that she had also received a message saying he was being moved and that was all.
It took several days of calls to have puzzled out for us that apparently there was "something wrong" in the licensing area. Whatever it was, our file had been flagged and that mandated an immediate removal of any foster kids until the licensing issue was resolved.
But, we still had no idea exactly what that meant, if it was something we needed to take care of, or our caseworker would take care of, what it meant for the future...
FIVE DAYS passed with us hearing nothing. Our caseworker kept saying she didn't know what was going on, couldn't discuss it, etc. The boy's caseworker quit returning my calls after the second day.
Five days later, a licensing investigator showed up at my house to apologize in person. There had been a horrible mistake. It wasn't us who had an issue with our foster care license. It was another home, and their case number or name had been entered wrong into the system, which flagged our name. It had nothing to do with us, just a clerical error in the data entry department.
.
.
.
.
To say I was beside myself is an understatement. I told him all about the whole week, how we missed the little guy, how we were so confused. He said he had no idea he had been removed, this was a horrible mistake, how could this have happened, what could he do to make it up to us...
So he got on his phone in our living room and made phone calls to everyone he could think of, trying to figure out where the mistake was made and what could happen next. I called our caseworker, who took a while to comprehend what I was saying (What? The department make a mistake? Never!). I called the boy's caseworker many times, who never answered.
I finally found the name of and got in touch with the boy's lawyer covering the case. She was a nice lady who listened patiently as I explained how the whole thing had been a misunderstanding. She told me she was incredibly sorry, that she couldn't believe this happened to us, BUT that nobody likes moving children around more than necessary, and she didn't want to unsettle him and move him again to come back to our home. She finally promised to schedule a meeting with the caseworker and her supervisor, as well as other authorities at the department, to discuss what should happen, now that everything was found to be a big mix-up.
Two days later, after many calls, texts, and emails from The Man of the House and me, she emailed him saying that the decision was final, and moving him again would be too traumatic, so he was staying where he was.
I can't begin to tell you how upset we were when we heard this. A huge life-altering mistake was made and those in control apologized, but made no action to correct it. I can't describe the hurt and the crying that happened for weeks at our home, from all members. If I were to point to my darkest days here on earth, this would be it.
I mourned the son I had been told would be mine forever, FINALLY without the hassle and stress of a fostering case and months/years of waiting and wondering. I was hurt that the caseworkers didn't do more to help our care and support us. I was embarrassed to think of ANY black mark being on our "record" - as a firstborn, that is inconceivable!
I was sick of being a doormat for the state, sick of giving, giving, giving, and it all being for naught. God couldn't ask this of us again. We didn't deserve to go through this. Done. Never again.
Except.
Except that, on Friday, September 26th (just following the Comal County Parade, y'all!), we were called and asked to take in a 4-year-old girl and her newborn sister. They needed a home immediately, although Baby Sis was in the NICU due to complications from the pregnancy, and needed more time until she could come home with us.
When I called The Man of the House to discuss it, he answered, "What time will they be at our house? Did you run to Target yet?"
Curly Sue and Brown-Eyed-Baby-Girl entered into our family because we realized that, no matter how mad and upset we can get with the world, with people with whom we interact, with the department, that doesn't change the fact that there are still kids out there who need a home. We feel so called to this life right now, and we would have regretted saying no or quitting. Something that day led us to accepting another placement.
As far as the case goes, it is another foster-to-adopt label, which means fostering for the time being, but more than likely heading towards adoption. (And yet, we've heard that before.) But, a lot depends on birth parents cooperating with the service plan they are given to get custody of their children back, and there's not total cooperation at this point. I'm really zooming ahead, past everything that's gone on since the end of September, but the caseworker at this point is saying we're moving towards the parents' rights being terminated this summer or in the fall, with the adoption happening in due time after that. Of course, nothing is EVER final until it's final, so we're not holding our breaths... but we do get to hold two precious little girls that we have grown to love very much, along with the two priceless gifts with which God has already blessed us in Miss A and Little Guy.
Our prayers are for peace and emotional stability as we continue through the case. After what happened in September, we both kind of feel like nothing can be as bad, and nothing can hurt us as much. We just want to stay healthy mentally and emotionally as we love all of our kids, and help them all grow, and potentially put down roots together as a family unit.
So, there's a quick summary, and I promise I will begin to write more frequently, and I will fill in some of the time since October and details about the girls and the case, what I can share, at least.
Thanks, all! Hugs going out to everyone!
So, here's the attempt at a brief synopsis of what's happened in our home since September. I'll go back and talk more about it later, but I wanted to at least get this out there. You all have been great with support and encouragement, so thank you!
I wanted this blog to be true to our story and the process, and give a realistic picture of what it's like to be a foster parent. This is one of those not-so-happy accounts.
The last I wrote, we had just been placed with our newest little guy, the 18-month-old boy who was fitting in so well with our own Little Guy. We were absolutely in love with him from day one. His curly dark hair and chubby cheeks, his laughing, the way he snuggled in our arms from night one - what a gem. Something I hadn't shared is that his birthmother was also expecting again, and not doing well, according to the caseworker; her situation was not a good one and she was being monitored and the baby was more than likely going to be removed and placed with us, since we had a sibling. Two for one! Plus, the fact that this was an adoption case, with no fostering waiting time, AND it came the DAY after the twins and Big Sister left us - man, we felt like every prayer had been answered.
Three weeks after he came to us, I received a call from our caseworker that he was being removed. They would pick him up in one hour and we were to have his bags packed. No, she couldn't tell me any details, we just had to have him ready.
.
.
.
.
There are no words to describe hearing that. My world collapsed. Nothing made sense. I could barely function for that hour - or the next few days. We've said good-bye to kids before, but normally with at least SOME warning - or at least explanation. This time, one hour, have him packed, didn't tell us anything about what was going on.
I called the boy's caseworker immediately and she said she had no idea what was happening, just that she had also received a message saying he was being moved and that was all.
It took several days of calls to have puzzled out for us that apparently there was "something wrong" in the licensing area. Whatever it was, our file had been flagged and that mandated an immediate removal of any foster kids until the licensing issue was resolved.
But, we still had no idea exactly what that meant, if it was something we needed to take care of, or our caseworker would take care of, what it meant for the future...
FIVE DAYS passed with us hearing nothing. Our caseworker kept saying she didn't know what was going on, couldn't discuss it, etc. The boy's caseworker quit returning my calls after the second day.
Five days later, a licensing investigator showed up at my house to apologize in person. There had been a horrible mistake. It wasn't us who had an issue with our foster care license. It was another home, and their case number or name had been entered wrong into the system, which flagged our name. It had nothing to do with us, just a clerical error in the data entry department.
.
.
.
.
To say I was beside myself is an understatement. I told him all about the whole week, how we missed the little guy, how we were so confused. He said he had no idea he had been removed, this was a horrible mistake, how could this have happened, what could he do to make it up to us...
So he got on his phone in our living room and made phone calls to everyone he could think of, trying to figure out where the mistake was made and what could happen next. I called our caseworker, who took a while to comprehend what I was saying (What? The department make a mistake? Never!). I called the boy's caseworker many times, who never answered.
I finally found the name of and got in touch with the boy's lawyer covering the case. She was a nice lady who listened patiently as I explained how the whole thing had been a misunderstanding. She told me she was incredibly sorry, that she couldn't believe this happened to us, BUT that nobody likes moving children around more than necessary, and she didn't want to unsettle him and move him again to come back to our home. She finally promised to schedule a meeting with the caseworker and her supervisor, as well as other authorities at the department, to discuss what should happen, now that everything was found to be a big mix-up.
Two days later, after many calls, texts, and emails from The Man of the House and me, she emailed him saying that the decision was final, and moving him again would be too traumatic, so he was staying where he was.
I can't begin to tell you how upset we were when we heard this. A huge life-altering mistake was made and those in control apologized, but made no action to correct it. I can't describe the hurt and the crying that happened for weeks at our home, from all members. If I were to point to my darkest days here on earth, this would be it.
I mourned the son I had been told would be mine forever, FINALLY without the hassle and stress of a fostering case and months/years of waiting and wondering. I was hurt that the caseworkers didn't do more to help our care and support us. I was embarrassed to think of ANY black mark being on our "record" - as a firstborn, that is inconceivable!
I was sick of being a doormat for the state, sick of giving, giving, giving, and it all being for naught. God couldn't ask this of us again. We didn't deserve to go through this. Done. Never again.
Except.
Except that, on Friday, September 26th (just following the Comal County Parade, y'all!), we were called and asked to take in a 4-year-old girl and her newborn sister. They needed a home immediately, although Baby Sis was in the NICU due to complications from the pregnancy, and needed more time until she could come home with us.
When I called The Man of the House to discuss it, he answered, "What time will they be at our house? Did you run to Target yet?"
Curly Sue and Brown-Eyed-Baby-Girl entered into our family because we realized that, no matter how mad and upset we can get with the world, with people with whom we interact, with the department, that doesn't change the fact that there are still kids out there who need a home. We feel so called to this life right now, and we would have regretted saying no or quitting. Something that day led us to accepting another placement.
As far as the case goes, it is another foster-to-adopt label, which means fostering for the time being, but more than likely heading towards adoption. (And yet, we've heard that before.) But, a lot depends on birth parents cooperating with the service plan they are given to get custody of their children back, and there's not total cooperation at this point. I'm really zooming ahead, past everything that's gone on since the end of September, but the caseworker at this point is saying we're moving towards the parents' rights being terminated this summer or in the fall, with the adoption happening in due time after that. Of course, nothing is EVER final until it's final, so we're not holding our breaths... but we do get to hold two precious little girls that we have grown to love very much, along with the two priceless gifts with which God has already blessed us in Miss A and Little Guy.
Our prayers are for peace and emotional stability as we continue through the case. After what happened in September, we both kind of feel like nothing can be as bad, and nothing can hurt us as much. We just want to stay healthy mentally and emotionally as we love all of our kids, and help them all grow, and potentially put down roots together as a family unit.
So, there's a quick summary, and I promise I will begin to write more frequently, and I will fill in some of the time since October and details about the girls and the case, what I can share, at least.
Thanks, all! Hugs going out to everyone!
Thursday, August 21, 2014
WOW WOW! God's timing is CRAZY! (AKA: WE WERE ON A BREAK!)
A lot of you saw our VERY surprising news Tuesday on Facebook - so here's the full story of how it all went down.
We have a new addition. Yes. A new addition. 24 hours after the twins and their Big Sister left our home.
While we are not allowed to share names, significantly identifying details, or pictures at this point, we can officially share that we are now parents of Little Guy, Miss A, and foster-to-adopt parents of The Tank. (The Man of the House's Name. I just went with it.)
The Tank is a year-and-a-half old, birthday in December. He is a healthy, happy, sweet toddler - who almost weighs more than Little Guy! (Which if you know LG, you know it's probably not that hard to accomplish! Sorry, buddy! I'm not on the tall side either!)
I'll back up to Tuesday morning.
I was at the children's museum with little guy and one of his little buddies, spending the day, enjoying their joyful energy. I missed a phone call from our foster-adopt caseworker and noticed that she had left a message. At the same time, she also texted me. She said, "Angela I didn't know that the kids have left your home – when did that happen? Also please call me ASAP about a potential placement."
So, actually, I had heard about two potential placements that we were being looked at in the relatively near past - which is so strange because we still had five kids in our home. Two weeks ago, there was a baby boy who needed a home, but of course we weren't finished with the case and couldn't say yes. Last Thursday, I got a call from a different case worker about a 2 1/2-year-old girl with a baby brother but in this case there were some moderate to serious health issues that I had asked to get some more information about. My husband and I, when we discussed this, were not completely sure that this would be the right time for a case like this, having just been through so much ourselves. The worker did know that we had current placement, but she was willing to hold the kids in a foster home temporarily until we could have them. I had given her the go-ahead to send me some information about the siblings, but hadn't heard back at that point. (I will note that The Man of the House and I only spoke in private about these calls, not wanting to appear especially to Big Sister that we were already moving on and hunky-dory with their departure, even before it occurred.
Now, let me say that The Man of the House and I were not quite confident that we were wanting to continue going ahead with future foster care placements. This last case, especially the last month or so, has been extremely difficult, very stressful, and very draining. We definitely knew we needed a break of some sort, but we had not yet decided if this break would be permanent or temporary.
The last we discussed it, we had kind of come to the conclusion that maybe we would stay licensed and available for a month or so, but at that point if nothing had come our way, we would consider that the sign that we needed to move on and make our break from foster parenting more permanent. We also said that we would be pretty picky and only take a case that seemed "easy" - or at least easier than this last case.
And then here comes this phone call about a placement again.
I found a quiet minute in the museum as I watched the boys play, and called the caseworker back. She discussed with me for a few minutes the twins and their big sister leaving, gauging how were were handling it and recovering. Then, she said that a caseworker would like me to call her about a potential placement for a little boy. The basic info that she knew was that he was about 18 months old and was healthy and that parental rights had already been terminated, but that I needed to call the caseworker for more details.
Now, the fact that parental rights already been terminated really intrigued me, which meant that we wouldn't have to go through a whole foster case, so I agreed to get the number and call the caseworker.
This little guy was removed at birth from his birth mother, for reasons other than substance-abuse, which is why the majority of newborns are removed the hospital. Suffice it to say that it would not have been a good situation for him to go home with the mother at that point. Both the birth mother and birth father lost parental rights last fall. He had to be removed this month from the foster home, in which he had lived his entire life, along with nine other foster children, none of whom are his biological siblings. He had been in the respite care for three weeks, a holding place until in more permanent home to be found for him. The department wanted a foster adopt home, because with parental rights already terminated, they need a home to adopt him.
The caseworker said that the previous foster family is trying to appeal the decision, which made me think exactly of the twins case - and obviously not in a good way. Could we endure another drawn-out, nasty court drama? But, as she quickly pointed out, they are not family, so they do not have the automatic rights that relations would have. Plus, she said the evidence against them and the safety of their home is too great to merit even going through an appeal, in her opinion. She said is confidant that their case will be dismissed pretty quickly, in her opinion. I asked what she meant by quickly: Is that only a few months? Six months? She said, "Oh, no - one hearing, one afternoon, boom! It will be done." In Texas, you can legally adopt a child after they had been in your home for six months, so she told me, "Although I of course can't promise anything, it's sounding as though you will be able to adopt him six months from now."
At this juncture of the conversation, you'll all be happy to know that I did for once actually get off the phone and call The Man of the House. He was at school, monitoring lunch recess. Here is literally what our conversation went like.
...ring... ring... ring...
TMOTH: Hello?
Me: How quickly can you get one of those cribs put back together?
TMOTH: (split-second-pause) What time will they get there to drop the kid off?
He knew. Bam. He was on board. And it was simple as that.
It's so crazy to think that having gone through so much in the last months, that both of us just immediately felt right with saying yes and jumping right into another child's life. God is so good to heal wounds, or at least begin the healing of them, and allow us to find the path that will most be of benefit to Him and to us as we continue to grow.
After the typical pre-placement whirlwind trip to Target with the two boys - promising Icees in lieu of the fun afternoon they wanted to spend at our house after the museum time - I got home. I threw our bin of 2T clothes into the washer along with our boy crib bedding. I grabbed the pieces of the crib from the garage and the mattress, but - aw man - couldn't find the screws to put it back together myself. I was attempting to be hardcore and efficient and have the whole room set up by the time either the boy or my husband got home, but I had to wait and let him put it together. Don't let it be said that I'm not handy, though. I know my way around building anything from Ikea.
His super sweet caseworker brought the little boy over about 6:30 that night. As I said, the new name with which he has been christened for the blog is The Tank. He is an adorable, chubby little ball of curly, dark hair. And, as I said before, pretty big for his age. His personality is sweet, calm and cheerful. He fussed for only about 10 minutes while the caseworker was here. Once we hit bath time after she left, he was completely comfortable and had a great time splashing around with Little Guy in the bubbles. Bedtime was phenomenal; he laid right down and fell immediately asleep. No fussing, no crying. He must've been pretty tuckered out with all the changes.
It all happened so quickly - one minute you're just trying to catch a breath to recover from what's been happening; the next minute, life has totally changed once again. We both felt such a peace in agreeing to this placement, like it was the most natural thing, and completely what we were supposed to be doing, in the plans all along.
Apparently, there was a court hearing to update on the current placement of the Tank that morning, and the judge told the caseworker to find him a foster-adopt home THAT DAY - not even another night in respite care. And someone there in the courtroom - the caseworker didn't know who it was - said, "Call the Ericksons - they just came available again and they'd be perfect." And so the caseworker found OUR caseworker and asked her to pass along the message for us to contact her.
Just so weird to think about how we said we'd only take another placement - a) if it happened pretty quickly and b) if it was pretty "easy". Bada-bing. Someone up there heard us.
So amazing to think about how God was protecting and watching over this little fellow. We had no idea he existed until Tuesday, but He's been in God's care the entire time. There is a plan for him, and whether or not we're a permanent part of it, we know in Whose Hands the story is written.
We all really appreciate your rejoicing with us - and for not saying you think we're crazy (at least out loud!) for taking this on so soon after our last case. God loves to surprise us. Blessed are the flexible, amiright?
Please keep the case in your prayers. We hope and pray for God's will to be done, and the human side of us says, "That means he stays with us!" But, we know to just live in the moment, love each other as best as we can, and leave the ending up to Someone else. We pray for Miss A and Little Guy to continue to be as enamored with the Tank as they have been the past few days - we've all just fallen in love with him. So proud of them for their resiliency as well.
Please also keep the twins and their Big Sister in your prayers as they transition, begin school, and create new connections. We don't know if we'll hear from them someday, but, if we do, we hope it's good news.
Thanks, all!
We have a new addition. Yes. A new addition. 24 hours after the twins and their Big Sister left our home.
While we are not allowed to share names, significantly identifying details, or pictures at this point, we can officially share that we are now parents of Little Guy, Miss A, and foster-to-adopt parents of The Tank. (The Man of the House's Name. I just went with it.)
The Tank is a year-and-a-half old, birthday in December. He is a healthy, happy, sweet toddler - who almost weighs more than Little Guy! (Which if you know LG, you know it's probably not that hard to accomplish! Sorry, buddy! I'm not on the tall side either!)
I'll back up to Tuesday morning.
I was at the children's museum with little guy and one of his little buddies, spending the day, enjoying their joyful energy. I missed a phone call from our foster-adopt caseworker and noticed that she had left a message. At the same time, she also texted me. She said, "Angela I didn't know that the kids have left your home – when did that happen? Also please call me ASAP about a potential placement."
So, actually, I had heard about two potential placements that we were being looked at in the relatively near past - which is so strange because we still had five kids in our home. Two weeks ago, there was a baby boy who needed a home, but of course we weren't finished with the case and couldn't say yes. Last Thursday, I got a call from a different case worker about a 2 1/2-year-old girl with a baby brother but in this case there were some moderate to serious health issues that I had asked to get some more information about. My husband and I, when we discussed this, were not completely sure that this would be the right time for a case like this, having just been through so much ourselves. The worker did know that we had current placement, but she was willing to hold the kids in a foster home temporarily until we could have them. I had given her the go-ahead to send me some information about the siblings, but hadn't heard back at that point. (I will note that The Man of the House and I only spoke in private about these calls, not wanting to appear especially to Big Sister that we were already moving on and hunky-dory with their departure, even before it occurred.
Now, let me say that The Man of the House and I were not quite confident that we were wanting to continue going ahead with future foster care placements. This last case, especially the last month or so, has been extremely difficult, very stressful, and very draining. We definitely knew we needed a break of some sort, but we had not yet decided if this break would be permanent or temporary.
The last we discussed it, we had kind of come to the conclusion that maybe we would stay licensed and available for a month or so, but at that point if nothing had come our way, we would consider that the sign that we needed to move on and make our break from foster parenting more permanent. We also said that we would be pretty picky and only take a case that seemed "easy" - or at least easier than this last case.
And then here comes this phone call about a placement again.
I found a quiet minute in the museum as I watched the boys play, and called the caseworker back. She discussed with me for a few minutes the twins and their big sister leaving, gauging how were were handling it and recovering. Then, she said that a caseworker would like me to call her about a potential placement for a little boy. The basic info that she knew was that he was about 18 months old and was healthy and that parental rights had already been terminated, but that I needed to call the caseworker for more details.
Now, the fact that parental rights already been terminated really intrigued me, which meant that we wouldn't have to go through a whole foster case, so I agreed to get the number and call the caseworker.
This little guy was removed at birth from his birth mother, for reasons other than substance-abuse, which is why the majority of newborns are removed the hospital. Suffice it to say that it would not have been a good situation for him to go home with the mother at that point. Both the birth mother and birth father lost parental rights last fall. He had to be removed this month from the foster home, in which he had lived his entire life, along with nine other foster children, none of whom are his biological siblings. He had been in the respite care for three weeks, a holding place until in more permanent home to be found for him. The department wanted a foster adopt home, because with parental rights already terminated, they need a home to adopt him.
The caseworker said that the previous foster family is trying to appeal the decision, which made me think exactly of the twins case - and obviously not in a good way. Could we endure another drawn-out, nasty court drama? But, as she quickly pointed out, they are not family, so they do not have the automatic rights that relations would have. Plus, she said the evidence against them and the safety of their home is too great to merit even going through an appeal, in her opinion. She said is confidant that their case will be dismissed pretty quickly, in her opinion. I asked what she meant by quickly: Is that only a few months? Six months? She said, "Oh, no - one hearing, one afternoon, boom! It will be done." In Texas, you can legally adopt a child after they had been in your home for six months, so she told me, "Although I of course can't promise anything, it's sounding as though you will be able to adopt him six months from now."
At this juncture of the conversation, you'll all be happy to know that I did for once actually get off the phone and call The Man of the House. He was at school, monitoring lunch recess. Here is literally what our conversation went like.
...ring... ring... ring...
TMOTH: Hello?
Me: How quickly can you get one of those cribs put back together?
TMOTH: (split-second-pause) What time will they get there to drop the kid off?
He knew. Bam. He was on board. And it was simple as that.
It's so crazy to think that having gone through so much in the last months, that both of us just immediately felt right with saying yes and jumping right into another child's life. God is so good to heal wounds, or at least begin the healing of them, and allow us to find the path that will most be of benefit to Him and to us as we continue to grow.
After the typical pre-placement whirlwind trip to Target with the two boys - promising Icees in lieu of the fun afternoon they wanted to spend at our house after the museum time - I got home. I threw our bin of 2T clothes into the washer along with our boy crib bedding. I grabbed the pieces of the crib from the garage and the mattress, but - aw man - couldn't find the screws to put it back together myself. I was attempting to be hardcore and efficient and have the whole room set up by the time either the boy or my husband got home, but I had to wait and let him put it together. Don't let it be said that I'm not handy, though. I know my way around building anything from Ikea.
His super sweet caseworker brought the little boy over about 6:30 that night. As I said, the new name with which he has been christened for the blog is The Tank. He is an adorable, chubby little ball of curly, dark hair. And, as I said before, pretty big for his age. His personality is sweet, calm and cheerful. He fussed for only about 10 minutes while the caseworker was here. Once we hit bath time after she left, he was completely comfortable and had a great time splashing around with Little Guy in the bubbles. Bedtime was phenomenal; he laid right down and fell immediately asleep. No fussing, no crying. He must've been pretty tuckered out with all the changes.
It all happened so quickly - one minute you're just trying to catch a breath to recover from what's been happening; the next minute, life has totally changed once again. We both felt such a peace in agreeing to this placement, like it was the most natural thing, and completely what we were supposed to be doing, in the plans all along.
Apparently, there was a court hearing to update on the current placement of the Tank that morning, and the judge told the caseworker to find him a foster-adopt home THAT DAY - not even another night in respite care. And someone there in the courtroom - the caseworker didn't know who it was - said, "Call the Ericksons - they just came available again and they'd be perfect." And so the caseworker found OUR caseworker and asked her to pass along the message for us to contact her.
Just so weird to think about how we said we'd only take another placement - a) if it happened pretty quickly and b) if it was pretty "easy". Bada-bing. Someone up there heard us.
So amazing to think about how God was protecting and watching over this little fellow. We had no idea he existed until Tuesday, but He's been in God's care the entire time. There is a plan for him, and whether or not we're a permanent part of it, we know in Whose Hands the story is written.
We all really appreciate your rejoicing with us - and for not saying you think we're crazy (at least out loud!) for taking this on so soon after our last case. God loves to surprise us. Blessed are the flexible, amiright?
Please keep the case in your prayers. We hope and pray for God's will to be done, and the human side of us says, "That means he stays with us!" But, we know to just live in the moment, love each other as best as we can, and leave the ending up to Someone else. We pray for Miss A and Little Guy to continue to be as enamored with the Tank as they have been the past few days - we've all just fallen in love with him. So proud of them for their resiliency as well.
Please also keep the twins and their Big Sister in your prayers as they transition, begin school, and create new connections. We don't know if we'll hear from them someday, but, if we do, we hope it's good news.
Thanks, all!
Monday, August 18, 2014
Saying Goodbye
We had a pretty huge whirlwind of a weekend-plus-Monday.
The twins came back from their visit only in slightly better moods than normal, and it took over half an hour to calm them down enough to put them to bed, once we got the bedtime routine down and actually started the laying down part. The next day, one of the twins screamed "NO" at absolutely everything I said or asked, and the other one hit everyone all morning. Sigh.
At 11 o'clock, two vans pulled into the driveway. We were outside coming in, as we had just made a last-minute Target run. Two caseworkers I hadn't met came up to the door, started helping to load up their things, and that was that.
One twin seemed pretty nonchalant about it, but to her it probably appeared to be just a normal day, with a car ride to somewhere new. The other started grabbing my arm as I was buckling her into her carseat, saying, "No, mommy, no! No go!" She seemed to understand that something was different about it - maybe because she saw us loading all of their clothes and toys into the back of the vans. Big Sister wasn't completely crying, but we both were holding back tears and sniffling hard. I told her several times, "Remember we love you. Remember we love you."
And then it was done.
There was supposed to be a phone call beforehand to tell us what time the kids were getting picked up, but it never came, so The Man of the House was at school working on preparations for the first day of school, which was the following day. I tried to call him when the vans pulled up, but he was away from his phone for those five minutes, and called me back just after they left, so he didn't get to say goodbye.
As soon as the door closed, Miss A burst into tears and we spent a few minutes cuddling on the couch and just letting it all out.
The Man of the House came home for lunch so we could all be together as a family of four. We spent part of the next hour shifting kids' beds around, putting the twins' cribs/toddler beds into the garage. It wasn't a heartless maneuver, but it was cathartic, and healing, to look ahead and get a fresh start, even if it was just the bedroom furniture. We both felt like we needed to do something just to keep moving for a little bit.
The great news is that we can start the new school year tomorrow with a fresh slate. Miss A is excited about first grade, and my husband is excited about his new 4th grade class. Everyone is ready to continue to grow as a family and grow in faith in whatever endeavor the Lord has for us next.
Thanks again for all of your prayers and encouragements. There are so many different emotions floating around our heads - both grief and relief, to name a few. We're confident that we're just where we need to be, that God doesn't make mistakes, and that we did our small part in His kingdom with His little ones for the last ten months.We honestly don't know at this point where our future lies in the foster care world, but we'll put it in His hands.
The twins came back from their visit only in slightly better moods than normal, and it took over half an hour to calm them down enough to put them to bed, once we got the bedtime routine down and actually started the laying down part. The next day, one of the twins screamed "NO" at absolutely everything I said or asked, and the other one hit everyone all morning. Sigh.
At 11 o'clock, two vans pulled into the driveway. We were outside coming in, as we had just made a last-minute Target run. Two caseworkers I hadn't met came up to the door, started helping to load up their things, and that was that.
One twin seemed pretty nonchalant about it, but to her it probably appeared to be just a normal day, with a car ride to somewhere new. The other started grabbing my arm as I was buckling her into her carseat, saying, "No, mommy, no! No go!" She seemed to understand that something was different about it - maybe because she saw us loading all of their clothes and toys into the back of the vans. Big Sister wasn't completely crying, but we both were holding back tears and sniffling hard. I told her several times, "Remember we love you. Remember we love you."
And then it was done.
There was supposed to be a phone call beforehand to tell us what time the kids were getting picked up, but it never came, so The Man of the House was at school working on preparations for the first day of school, which was the following day. I tried to call him when the vans pulled up, but he was away from his phone for those five minutes, and called me back just after they left, so he didn't get to say goodbye.
As soon as the door closed, Miss A burst into tears and we spent a few minutes cuddling on the couch and just letting it all out.
The Man of the House came home for lunch so we could all be together as a family of four. We spent part of the next hour shifting kids' beds around, putting the twins' cribs/toddler beds into the garage. It wasn't a heartless maneuver, but it was cathartic, and healing, to look ahead and get a fresh start, even if it was just the bedroom furniture. We both felt like we needed to do something just to keep moving for a little bit.
The great news is that we can start the new school year tomorrow with a fresh slate. Miss A is excited about first grade, and my husband is excited about his new 4th grade class. Everyone is ready to continue to grow as a family and grow in faith in whatever endeavor the Lord has for us next.
Thanks again for all of your prayers and encouragements. There are so many different emotions floating around our heads - both grief and relief, to name a few. We're confident that we're just where we need to be, that God doesn't make mistakes, and that we did our small part in His kingdom with His little ones for the last ten months.We honestly don't know at this point where our future lies in the foster care world, but we'll put it in His hands.
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