Saying Goodbye

We had a pretty huge whirlwind of a weekend-plus-Monday.

The twins came back from their visit only in slightly better moods than normal, and it took over half an hour to calm them down enough to put them to bed, once we got the bedtime routine down and actually started the laying down part. The next day, one of the twins screamed "NO" at absolutely everything I said or asked, and the other one hit everyone all morning. Sigh.

At 11 o'clock, two vans pulled into the driveway. We were outside coming in, as we had just made a last-minute Target run. Two caseworkers I hadn't met came up to the door, started helping to load up their things, and that was that.

One twin seemed pretty nonchalant about it, but to her it probably appeared to be just a normal day, with a car ride to somewhere new. The other started grabbing my arm as I was buckling her into her carseat, saying, "No, mommy, no! No go!" She seemed to understand that something was different about it - maybe because she saw us loading all of their clothes and toys into the back of the vans. Big Sister wasn't completely crying, but we both were holding back tears and sniffling hard. I told her several times, "Remember we love you. Remember we love you."

And then it was done.

There was supposed to be a phone call beforehand to tell us what time the kids were getting picked up, but it never came, so The Man of the House was at school working on preparations for the first day of school, which was the following day. I tried to call him when the vans pulled up, but he was away from his phone for those five minutes, and called me back just after they left, so he didn't get to say goodbye.

As soon as the door closed, Miss A burst into tears and we spent a few minutes cuddling on the couch and just letting it all out.

The Man of the House came home for lunch so we could all be together as a family of four. We spent part of the next hour shifting kids' beds around, putting the twins' cribs/toddler beds into the garage. It wasn't a heartless maneuver, but it was cathartic, and healing, to look ahead and get a fresh start, even if it was just the bedroom furniture. We both felt like we needed to do something just to keep moving for a little bit.

The great news is that we can start the new school year tomorrow with a fresh slate. Miss A is excited about first grade, and my husband is excited about his new 4th grade class. Everyone is ready to continue to grow as a family and grow in faith in whatever endeavor the Lord has for us next.

Thanks again for all of your prayers and encouragements. There are so many different emotions floating around our heads - both grief and relief, to name a few. We're confident that we're just where we need to be, that God doesn't make mistakes, and that we did our small part in His kingdom with His little ones for the last ten months.We honestly don't know at this point where our future lies in the foster care world, but we'll put it in His hands.