This weekend, the twins and Big Sister all went on a visit together to the twins' grandparents' home. The grandparents recently came to court to ask for custody of all five siblings, as I mentioned before, and the kids were ordered to have all-weekend visits with them on the 2nd and 4th weekends until the next court date.
We were a littler nervous as to how this weekend would go, especially after how the twins reacted when they arrived back at our home on Sunday. The kids have never met these grandparents, as they are the parents of the twins' father who was estranged from them pretty soon after their birth. We also heard that they are almost exclusively Spanish-speaking, and none of the kids actually know Spanish, even though they are Hispanic as well. We hoped for the best.
And when they came home this time, it was a totally different experience. The twins were smiling and laughing and singing like "usual". Big Sister even told us she had a good time, and told us excitedly about all of the places they took them and everything they bought for them to wear, eat, or play with over the weekend.
It seems like it actually was a very good experience for everyone. Bedtime went off without a hitch or fuss from anyone. No nightmares, no tantrums. And, so far, this week has been fairly "normal".
I texted the caseworker this and our opinions on how well the kids were reacting. She agreed that it seemed to be a very good situation all around.
I then asked her what the next step was, if the home study was finished, if a definite plan had been set up yet. She told me that the home study came back positive, with no red flags. The department is ready to move them over there, we just have to figure out a day and get logistics figured out. She thought it would happen early next week. My only issue was reminding her that school starts next week, and it would be best to move the kids sooner rather than later, so Big Sister and the twins' 3-year-old sibling can get situated before the first day of school. She agreed, but said a final date still wasn't certain.
Anyways, this is a big relief to know that, even if our days are definitely numbered with these three, they are going to a place where we all feel comfortable with, at this point. I personally would much rather have them leave us to go to these grandparents, since it went so well, rather than the cousins from whose home they came.
Prayers please as we go through the transition. We have to figure out a way to discuss it with Little Guy and Miss A, so that they handle it with discretion and properly in front of the other three. Big Sister seems happier about the move, and even seems to be looking forward to it, since she got to see some old friends and schoolmates while there. We hope it all continues to be a positive rounding-up of their time here, and looking forward to what's in store next for all of us.
Tuesday, August 12, 2014
Saturday, August 9, 2014
Where the Future Lies
It seems like there now is some resolution, at least for the Erickson family.
The kids' caseworker came over this morning to chat over the weekend plans, especially with Big Sister, and to gauge how she takes the news about her going on the weekend visit with the twins' grandparents.
Big Sister took it pretty well, and was only a little bit quiet, but seemed to have a handle on her emotions throughout the day. She said she was looking forward to a whole 48 hours with her other two siblings. She also seemed a bit curious about these grandparents and how they would be, and what living in their home would be like.
While she was there, the caseworker also gave us some news. She told us that the home study is almost complete on the grandparents. It should be due Monday (the 11th), and as long as there are no red flags, which there haven't been up to this point, the kids will move there next week.
The kids will continue to have weekend visits with the cousins / previous caregivers until the judge makes a final decision as to their permanent placement. We hope, for everyone's sake, that that takes place sooner rather than later.
We were taken aback for a second, of course, for the abruptness of finding this out. However, we are fully supportive of the five siblings being together, provided it's in a healthy setting, obviously. The judge and the department really want the five of them together, and that's not something we can provide.
We will miss them, and it will be incredibly weird for a while to only have two kids again. But, on the human side, there is a lot of relief that at least we're getting off the crazy train of court appearances and delays. I think, emotionally, we definitely need some time to reign ourselves in and recover from the ups and downs that this past year has had for us.
What will the future hold for us as a family? We don't know. We haven't made a decision yet as to whether or not we'll stay in the foster care system and go another round. We are absolutely head over heals in love with our two kids and content with our family. But... we always said we wanted three or four kids. We'll put it in God's hands as to whether he adds more to our group, and when, and how.
Thanks again all, for the encouragement and prayers. God is good, all the time.
The kids' caseworker came over this morning to chat over the weekend plans, especially with Big Sister, and to gauge how she takes the news about her going on the weekend visit with the twins' grandparents.
Big Sister took it pretty well, and was only a little bit quiet, but seemed to have a handle on her emotions throughout the day. She said she was looking forward to a whole 48 hours with her other two siblings. She also seemed a bit curious about these grandparents and how they would be, and what living in their home would be like.
While she was there, the caseworker also gave us some news. She told us that the home study is almost complete on the grandparents. It should be due Monday (the 11th), and as long as there are no red flags, which there haven't been up to this point, the kids will move there next week.
The kids will continue to have weekend visits with the cousins / previous caregivers until the judge makes a final decision as to their permanent placement. We hope, for everyone's sake, that that takes place sooner rather than later.
We were taken aback for a second, of course, for the abruptness of finding this out. However, we are fully supportive of the five siblings being together, provided it's in a healthy setting, obviously. The judge and the department really want the five of them together, and that's not something we can provide.
We will miss them, and it will be incredibly weird for a while to only have two kids again. But, on the human side, there is a lot of relief that at least we're getting off the crazy train of court appearances and delays. I think, emotionally, we definitely need some time to reign ourselves in and recover from the ups and downs that this past year has had for us.
What will the future hold for us as a family? We don't know. We haven't made a decision yet as to whether or not we'll stay in the foster care system and go another round. We are absolutely head over heals in love with our two kids and content with our family. But... we always said we wanted three or four kids. We'll put it in God's hands as to whether he adds more to our group, and when, and how.
Thanks again all, for the encouragement and prayers. God is good, all the time.
Monday, August 4, 2014
First Weekend Visit - Let Chaos Reign
Preamble: I'm trying not to dwell too much on all the negatives right now. Please excuse me if that's what this post sounds like!
The twins went on their first all-weekend visit to their cousins' home - the family who served as their previous caregivers. Before I reflect on that, I'll chat a bit about the lead-up to the visit.
We were asked by the caseworker not to tell Big Sister that the judge wanted her to go on these visits with her siblings. The caseworker wanted to be the one to tell her. But, she was then unable to come that day, and then unable to come the next morning, so on the night before the visit, she asked us to tell Big Sister.
After the little kids were asleep, we sat her down and explained that the family had come to court asking for custody of her as well, that they were willing to work on reconciliation, working through the past issues, and on making sure she felt comfortable in their home. We told her that the judge had extended the weekend visits from 6 hours on every other Saturday, to the entire weekend, and that the judge wanted her to go, but that she would not be forced to go, if she didn't want to. That evening, she reacted very introspectively and calmly. The first thing she said was, "Well, if I go, I get to spend time with my siblings all weekend. And I get to watch out for them and make sure they're okay." We talked a while about having positive expectations, going in with an open mind, how going on this visit would show her own growth and maturity, and that making a fair try could show everyone good steps in a positive direction. We left it at that, and said it was up to her, and she could sleep on the decision.
The next day, though, she was in a pretty major funk about the situation. When we asked her about her decision in the afternoon, it started out with, "I don't know what to do," and then it escalated with her confronting us - "You don't want me here anymore. You're trying to get rid of me. You can't tell me what to do - you're not my parents." We tried to discuss with her that we were just modeling decision-making strategies, that we weren't telling her to go or not to go, that it was her decision, and that nobody would force her to go, that this was the judge's ruling, not ours, etc. But, she was emotionally distraught at this point and wasn't able to continue to calm herself down very well.
Finally, the Man of the House put his foot down and said, "It would not be healthy or a good experience for you to go at this point, with you so upset about it. Let's all just agree that you're not going this weekend, and we'll talk it through with the caseworker about the rest of the weekends." She calmed down and apologized to us both for her behavior, and we expressed to her forgiveness, and that this whole situation just stinks for all of us. It's expected that there will be some very strong emotions and that we all will deal with it differently.
The visits are set from 6 pm on Friday to 6 pm on Sunday.
The twins went on their first all-weekend visit to their cousins' home - the family who served as their previous caregivers. Before I reflect on that, I'll chat a bit about the lead-up to the visit.
We were asked by the caseworker not to tell Big Sister that the judge wanted her to go on these visits with her siblings. The caseworker wanted to be the one to tell her. But, she was then unable to come that day, and then unable to come the next morning, so on the night before the visit, she asked us to tell Big Sister.
After the little kids were asleep, we sat her down and explained that the family had come to court asking for custody of her as well, that they were willing to work on reconciliation, working through the past issues, and on making sure she felt comfortable in their home. We told her that the judge had extended the weekend visits from 6 hours on every other Saturday, to the entire weekend, and that the judge wanted her to go, but that she would not be forced to go, if she didn't want to. That evening, she reacted very introspectively and calmly. The first thing she said was, "Well, if I go, I get to spend time with my siblings all weekend. And I get to watch out for them and make sure they're okay." We talked a while about having positive expectations, going in with an open mind, how going on this visit would show her own growth and maturity, and that making a fair try could show everyone good steps in a positive direction. We left it at that, and said it was up to her, and she could sleep on the decision.
The next day, though, she was in a pretty major funk about the situation. When we asked her about her decision in the afternoon, it started out with, "I don't know what to do," and then it escalated with her confronting us - "You don't want me here anymore. You're trying to get rid of me. You can't tell me what to do - you're not my parents." We tried to discuss with her that we were just modeling decision-making strategies, that we weren't telling her to go or not to go, that it was her decision, and that nobody would force her to go, that this was the judge's ruling, not ours, etc. But, she was emotionally distraught at this point and wasn't able to continue to calm herself down very well.
Finally, the Man of the House put his foot down and said, "It would not be healthy or a good experience for you to go at this point, with you so upset about it. Let's all just agree that you're not going this weekend, and we'll talk it through with the caseworker about the rest of the weekends." She calmed down and apologized to us both for her behavior, and we expressed to her forgiveness, and that this whole situation just stinks for all of us. It's expected that there will be some very strong emotions and that we all will deal with it differently.
The visits are set from 6 pm on Friday to 6 pm on Sunday.
Thursday, July 31, 2014
Keeping on Keeping on
Another court date has come... and now gone. And we still have no resolution.
The judge declined to rule AGAIN today. He still does not think he has adequate information to make a final final decision.
I'm feeling not very verbose at the moment, so I'll organize my thoughts that way, regarding new info and decisions and orders.
I. Updates on All Parties
A. Cousins (Previous caregivers)
1. Came to court now saying they DO want to have custody of Big Sister (after saying for a year that she is a liar who made up the entire allegations to spite them, and defaming her and her character at every court hearing)
2. "Really want to work with her, help her along, come together as a family, do whatever we need to do."
B. Grandparents (twins' paternal grandparents, no relation to Big Sister)
1. Home study still ongoing
2. Desire for custody of all 5 kids still present
C. Aunt/Uncle
1. Home study begun
2. Assuming they still desire custody of all 5 siblings
II. Judge's Orders
A. Visits
1. 1st, 3rd, 5th weekends, all 5 siblings are to spend with the cousins, 6 pm on Friday through 6 pm on Sunday.
2. 2nd and 4th weekends, all 5 siblings are to spend with the grandparents, 6 pm on Friday through 6 pm on Sunday.
3. How long? Indefinitely. No end date set.
B. Therapy
1. Big Sister is not ABSOLUTELY REQUIRED to attend weekend visits, just requested; however she is ordered to do family therapy with the cousins to discuss and overcome the previous issues and current tension, and to be monitored in terms of interactions on both sides.
2. All 5 Siblings are ordered to do family therapy with the grandparents to have interactions observed.
III. Next Court Date
A. Not Scheduled.
B. No Idea.
C. Sigh.
IV. End in Sight?
A. Not Scheduled.
B. No Idea.
C. Sigh.
So, in conclusion, the kids are pretty much going to be with us only Monday through Friday for the foreseeable future. Every other weekend, they will spend 48 hours with a different family.
We were able to sit Big Sister down and discuss big portions of all of this. We discussed the visit this weekend (she's willing to think about it overnight and decide tomorrow if she's going or not), but not a lot about the ordered therapy with the cousins. We're easing her into that one gradually and the caseworker will discuss it more with her next week. Her attitude right now is that she probably will give the visits a try, since she's being given the option, but, also, "I will stand in front of that judge right now and tell him I'm never going back to live in that house." We discussed going into the visits with forgiveness, no preconceived notions, and a helpful heart. We hope that that can happen for her, and that there would be at least some positives and growth come from the time spent together for relationship building.
The judge seems to really be wanting one of these placements to be the kids' permanent placements. Which we fully support for the reason of them being together, assuming of course that everything is okay at the final home and nobody will be in danger - mental or physical.
We are very disappointed in these decisions today, though. The kids will have such turmoil and added stress because of the lack of one steady home for the foreseeable future. They already have SUCH a rough time coming back from their Saturday 6-hour visit - as any shared-custody family can attest to, these disruptions really play havoc on you, no matter what age you are. The schedule was given us in terms of which weeks of the month, which means this could go on for more than one month - maybe even several months. There was no subsequent court date scheduled today, so we have no idea how long this schedule will last.
Of course, another frustration is the amount of driving and inconvenience this puts on our family. This means lots and lots of miles spent ferrying the kids back and forth. Our weekends - or at least our Friday and Sunday nights - are pretty shot.
I share all of this, not to be whiny. I'm sorry if it comes across that way. But, I want to be real and share the actual details that happen and our honest reactions. Sometimes things are out of your control and that's scary and maddening. We are very disappointed, frustrated, and saddened. I've personally been really up and down with handling the past few weeks well and not-so-well. Emotions are very real, and complex. I have had many, many, many moments when I just ask God why we couldn't have had a "normal" life.
We really really covet your prayers and positive thoughts over the future - these disruptions are going to be interesting to navigate. All of us, every age, will have some fall out from the changes and going back and forth.
The good to come out of this is how loved we've been feeling by our families and friends. Going through this has truly shown us how supportive y'all are. Feeling that strength behind us has been invaluable. You are treasured! Thank you for thinking of us!
Signing off for tonight...
The judge declined to rule AGAIN today. He still does not think he has adequate information to make a final final decision.
I'm feeling not very verbose at the moment, so I'll organize my thoughts that way, regarding new info and decisions and orders.
I. Updates on All Parties
A. Cousins (Previous caregivers)
1. Came to court now saying they DO want to have custody of Big Sister (after saying for a year that she is a liar who made up the entire allegations to spite them, and defaming her and her character at every court hearing)
2. "Really want to work with her, help her along, come together as a family, do whatever we need to do."
B. Grandparents (twins' paternal grandparents, no relation to Big Sister)
1. Home study still ongoing
2. Desire for custody of all 5 kids still present
C. Aunt/Uncle
1. Home study begun
2. Assuming they still desire custody of all 5 siblings
II. Judge's Orders
A. Visits
1. 1st, 3rd, 5th weekends, all 5 siblings are to spend with the cousins, 6 pm on Friday through 6 pm on Sunday.
2. 2nd and 4th weekends, all 5 siblings are to spend with the grandparents, 6 pm on Friday through 6 pm on Sunday.
3. How long? Indefinitely. No end date set.
B. Therapy
1. Big Sister is not ABSOLUTELY REQUIRED to attend weekend visits, just requested; however she is ordered to do family therapy with the cousins to discuss and overcome the previous issues and current tension, and to be monitored in terms of interactions on both sides.
2. All 5 Siblings are ordered to do family therapy with the grandparents to have interactions observed.
III. Next Court Date
A. Not Scheduled.
B. No Idea.
C. Sigh.
IV. End in Sight?
A. Not Scheduled.
B. No Idea.
C. Sigh.
So, in conclusion, the kids are pretty much going to be with us only Monday through Friday for the foreseeable future. Every other weekend, they will spend 48 hours with a different family.
We were able to sit Big Sister down and discuss big portions of all of this. We discussed the visit this weekend (she's willing to think about it overnight and decide tomorrow if she's going or not), but not a lot about the ordered therapy with the cousins. We're easing her into that one gradually and the caseworker will discuss it more with her next week. Her attitude right now is that she probably will give the visits a try, since she's being given the option, but, also, "I will stand in front of that judge right now and tell him I'm never going back to live in that house." We discussed going into the visits with forgiveness, no preconceived notions, and a helpful heart. We hope that that can happen for her, and that there would be at least some positives and growth come from the time spent together for relationship building.
The judge seems to really be wanting one of these placements to be the kids' permanent placements. Which we fully support for the reason of them being together, assuming of course that everything is okay at the final home and nobody will be in danger - mental or physical.
We are very disappointed in these decisions today, though. The kids will have such turmoil and added stress because of the lack of one steady home for the foreseeable future. They already have SUCH a rough time coming back from their Saturday 6-hour visit - as any shared-custody family can attest to, these disruptions really play havoc on you, no matter what age you are. The schedule was given us in terms of which weeks of the month, which means this could go on for more than one month - maybe even several months. There was no subsequent court date scheduled today, so we have no idea how long this schedule will last.
Of course, another frustration is the amount of driving and inconvenience this puts on our family. This means lots and lots of miles spent ferrying the kids back and forth. Our weekends - or at least our Friday and Sunday nights - are pretty shot.
I share all of this, not to be whiny. I'm sorry if it comes across that way. But, I want to be real and share the actual details that happen and our honest reactions. Sometimes things are out of your control and that's scary and maddening. We are very disappointed, frustrated, and saddened. I've personally been really up and down with handling the past few weeks well and not-so-well. Emotions are very real, and complex. I have had many, many, many moments when I just ask God why we couldn't have had a "normal" life.
We really really covet your prayers and positive thoughts over the future - these disruptions are going to be interesting to navigate. All of us, every age, will have some fall out from the changes and going back and forth.
The good to come out of this is how loved we've been feeling by our families and friends. Going through this has truly shown us how supportive y'all are. Feeling that strength behind us has been invaluable. You are treasured! Thank you for thinking of us!
Signing off for tonight...
Wednesday, July 16, 2014
July 31st
So, court today did not provide the intended resolution we had hoped for. We are actually rescheduled AGAIN for July 31st.
Ah, the lovely court system.
We began this morning dropping the youngest little ones in their various places. Miss A was shuttled to tennis camp, Little Guy went to a friend's house for some much-needed "guy time", and the twins went with one of our close teacher friends. Big Sister came with us to court, on the chance that she would get the opportunity to speak with the judge. The lawyer visited yesterday, and assured us that she would be kept in another room, and the judge would go to her, so she would be able to avoid the witness stand in front of everyone involved.
We arrived and got to our court room. There were three short cases heard before us that needed quick decisions, and then were over. Around 9:30, it was time for our kids' case to be heard.
The morning had been otherwise cleared for the judge to focus his attention on this case, but there were twelve witnesses, almost every single one for the biological family as character witnesses and such. I was asked to speak on behalf of the twins' and Big Sister's current statuses. In these serious cases, they make the witnesses leave the court room until their turn on the stand, so no collusion or influencing happens, apparently. I spent almost all morning in the hallway waiting to go on the stand (eating Twizzlers and Pinteresting/Facebooking from my phone... :-))
Before the witnesses were dismissed, the judge spoke for a while. He explained that this was becoming a long, drawn-out process (uh, yes!), and requested everyone to be brief and factual. He told us he was cutting off the case at noon. He made the point several times that this was incredibly hard, because in either leaving the kids where they are currently or returning them, they would not be together as a whole, 5-sibling group. In the midst of our introductions, lawyers two new family members came forward - some grandparents and an aunt - who are wanting custody of the group.
I have written many times before about how bad we feel that we couldn't take in all five of the siblings and provide them a home together. I have seen how the kids, even at their young ages, yearn for each other, ask for each other, get excited when they see each other. It was a bit of a surprise to hear about the new family members coming in to the picture, and to hear their home studies be requested as a potential to move the kids there. However, we cannot fault the logic, and would rejoice if a positive solution could be found to keep all of the kids together.
So, my thought was, with the way he was talking to everyone, that the judge was probably going to throw out the case of the cousins who want the twins and their two young siblings back, but order the Department to expedite home studies on the other family members and get all five kids there as soon as possible. That was my prediction.
My Twizzlers and I waited in the hallway and were called after a little more than a hour. I hadn't known I would officially go up to a witness stand, on a podium, with a big chair, and a microphone, right next to the court recorder, and everything. Talk about legit witnessing! I whispered to the court reporter as I sat down, "Wow, this is intense!"
I was asked some basic questions about the twins' progress at our home since their placement. I spoke of how they both came in with slight developmental delays and were receiving various therapy services, but within two or three months had been deemed ineligible for more therapy due to their great progress. I spoke of how they both had nightmares several times a night for the first two months, and how then we were able to work through that. I was asked about Big Sister, if I felt she was "normal" (I answered, "Are any of us really normal?" before speaking out how she needs lots of love and attention right now, but has such great potential if she can focus on achieving her dreams and staying on target.) I was asked if I thought she was a liar, which I truthfully answered, "No."
Then the family's lawyer began questioning me. She asked if the department had told me we would adopt the twins if/after the family loses their rights. I answered, "We are a foster-adopt home. We take in kids that need to be fostered, knowing there is legal risk, and agreeing that, if needed and agreed upon by all parties if the parents' rights are terminated, that we are the next logical place to look for a permanent home." She told me I didn't answer her question, and pretty heatedly repeated, "Did the department tell you that you would adopt the twins if the family loses their rights?" So I repeated, "We are a foster-adopt home. We take in kids that need to be fostered, knowing there is legal risk, and agreeing that, if needed and agreed upon by all parties if the parents' rights are terminated, that we are the next logical place to look for a permanent home." (Yes, original. I was feeling a little... facetious.) She was pretty heated at that point, and said, "It's a simple yes or no answer. Did the Department tell you that?" At that point, I glanced at the caseworker, and she stood up and said, "Objection, your honor. She's answering the question just fine." And the judge said, "Yes, she did. Move on." (Yay.)
We rested. So, that was the end of my time in the chair.
(Big Sister ended up not being seen by the judge. The girl did play many games of monopoly with a court worker who was in the sequestering room to supervise her, though.)
After one more witness, heard over the phone, the judge announced that it was near noon and he needed to close this up, but wasn't ready to rule. He specifically wanted to see for himself the actual affidavit given by the children when the issues were first reported, to see the exact allegations as well as the exact wording given by Big Sister and three other older siblings in the other home. So, he rescheduled for us for first thing on Thursday, July 31st.
One thing to be thankful for is that this judge is taking the decision very seriously. That is definitely a positive. However, this case has been opened since 2011, when the kids were first removed from their biological mother, and the cousins who were their previous home have been being investigated since last summer, a whole year. There is a sense that there has been plenty of time to hear all of the evidence and to be able to make a clear-headed decision, and the only ones being hurt are the children from not having the stability of one permanent home.
So, that's where we stand today. We will reconvene on July 31st, and hopefully have a final answer THEN.
Big Sister seemed to keep all of the news in stride, although she said it would not be a good situation to be placed with the grandparents in the picture, as they were the twins' grandparents and not hers, and she felt they enabled the poor behavior of their son (not her father). But, we'll just see what the judge orders.
We're not upset about the other potential family members coming into the picture. In the end, this isn't about feeling defensive or possessive about the kids and where they end up. We are here to support them (as easy and as hard as that sounds) and to make sure they have the best situation for the future. If we were a landing zone for them to get some stability before moving on to another family member, then we played our role as best as we could. We know the courts want to keep families together as much as possible, and we respect that.
We'll just keep praying and trusting in the things God is doing in OUR family.
Thanks again, y'all...
Ah, the lovely court system.
We began this morning dropping the youngest little ones in their various places. Miss A was shuttled to tennis camp, Little Guy went to a friend's house for some much-needed "guy time", and the twins went with one of our close teacher friends. Big Sister came with us to court, on the chance that she would get the opportunity to speak with the judge. The lawyer visited yesterday, and assured us that she would be kept in another room, and the judge would go to her, so she would be able to avoid the witness stand in front of everyone involved.
We arrived and got to our court room. There were three short cases heard before us that needed quick decisions, and then were over. Around 9:30, it was time for our kids' case to be heard.
The morning had been otherwise cleared for the judge to focus his attention on this case, but there were twelve witnesses, almost every single one for the biological family as character witnesses and such. I was asked to speak on behalf of the twins' and Big Sister's current statuses. In these serious cases, they make the witnesses leave the court room until their turn on the stand, so no collusion or influencing happens, apparently. I spent almost all morning in the hallway waiting to go on the stand (eating Twizzlers and Pinteresting/Facebooking from my phone... :-))
Before the witnesses were dismissed, the judge spoke for a while. He explained that this was becoming a long, drawn-out process (uh, yes!), and requested everyone to be brief and factual. He told us he was cutting off the case at noon. He made the point several times that this was incredibly hard, because in either leaving the kids where they are currently or returning them, they would not be together as a whole, 5-sibling group. In the midst of our introductions, lawyers two new family members came forward - some grandparents and an aunt - who are wanting custody of the group.
I have written many times before about how bad we feel that we couldn't take in all five of the siblings and provide them a home together. I have seen how the kids, even at their young ages, yearn for each other, ask for each other, get excited when they see each other. It was a bit of a surprise to hear about the new family members coming in to the picture, and to hear their home studies be requested as a potential to move the kids there. However, we cannot fault the logic, and would rejoice if a positive solution could be found to keep all of the kids together.
So, my thought was, with the way he was talking to everyone, that the judge was probably going to throw out the case of the cousins who want the twins and their two young siblings back, but order the Department to expedite home studies on the other family members and get all five kids there as soon as possible. That was my prediction.
My Twizzlers and I waited in the hallway and were called after a little more than a hour. I hadn't known I would officially go up to a witness stand, on a podium, with a big chair, and a microphone, right next to the court recorder, and everything. Talk about legit witnessing! I whispered to the court reporter as I sat down, "Wow, this is intense!"
I was asked some basic questions about the twins' progress at our home since their placement. I spoke of how they both came in with slight developmental delays and were receiving various therapy services, but within two or three months had been deemed ineligible for more therapy due to their great progress. I spoke of how they both had nightmares several times a night for the first two months, and how then we were able to work through that. I was asked about Big Sister, if I felt she was "normal" (I answered, "Are any of us really normal?" before speaking out how she needs lots of love and attention right now, but has such great potential if she can focus on achieving her dreams and staying on target.) I was asked if I thought she was a liar, which I truthfully answered, "No."
Then the family's lawyer began questioning me. She asked if the department had told me we would adopt the twins if/after the family loses their rights. I answered, "We are a foster-adopt home. We take in kids that need to be fostered, knowing there is legal risk, and agreeing that, if needed and agreed upon by all parties if the parents' rights are terminated, that we are the next logical place to look for a permanent home." She told me I didn't answer her question, and pretty heatedly repeated, "Did the department tell you that you would adopt the twins if the family loses their rights?" So I repeated, "We are a foster-adopt home. We take in kids that need to be fostered, knowing there is legal risk, and agreeing that, if needed and agreed upon by all parties if the parents' rights are terminated, that we are the next logical place to look for a permanent home." (Yes, original. I was feeling a little... facetious.) She was pretty heated at that point, and said, "It's a simple yes or no answer. Did the Department tell you that?" At that point, I glanced at the caseworker, and she stood up and said, "Objection, your honor. She's answering the question just fine." And the judge said, "Yes, she did. Move on." (Yay.)
We rested. So, that was the end of my time in the chair.
(Big Sister ended up not being seen by the judge. The girl did play many games of monopoly with a court worker who was in the sequestering room to supervise her, though.)
After one more witness, heard over the phone, the judge announced that it was near noon and he needed to close this up, but wasn't ready to rule. He specifically wanted to see for himself the actual affidavit given by the children when the issues were first reported, to see the exact allegations as well as the exact wording given by Big Sister and three other older siblings in the other home. So, he rescheduled for us for first thing on Thursday, July 31st.
One thing to be thankful for is that this judge is taking the decision very seriously. That is definitely a positive. However, this case has been opened since 2011, when the kids were first removed from their biological mother, and the cousins who were their previous home have been being investigated since last summer, a whole year. There is a sense that there has been plenty of time to hear all of the evidence and to be able to make a clear-headed decision, and the only ones being hurt are the children from not having the stability of one permanent home.
So, that's where we stand today. We will reconvene on July 31st, and hopefully have a final answer THEN.
Big Sister seemed to keep all of the news in stride, although she said it would not be a good situation to be placed with the grandparents in the picture, as they were the twins' grandparents and not hers, and she felt they enabled the poor behavior of their son (not her father). But, we'll just see what the judge orders.
We're not upset about the other potential family members coming into the picture. In the end, this isn't about feeling defensive or possessive about the kids and where they end up. We are here to support them (as easy and as hard as that sounds) and to make sure they have the best situation for the future. If we were a landing zone for them to get some stability before moving on to another family member, then we played our role as best as we could. We know the courts want to keep families together as much as possible, and we respect that.
We'll just keep praying and trusting in the things God is doing in OUR family.
Thanks again, y'all...
Tuesday, July 15, 2014
At Least Tomorrow We'll Know
Tomorrow is SUPPOSED to be FINALLY the ending court appearance for the twins and their siblings. We were told last month when it was rescheduled that the judge was putting aside the entire morning to give his full attention to the case, and that he intended to make a final decision on their futures, and not reschedule again.
We've been through this before. It's not our first rodeo, so to speak. We know what it feels like to hear that a child will be with you forever, and we know what it feels like to be told to say goodbye.
But we always knew what was going to happen, or at least what was pretty likely to happen.
Tomorrow, we have no idea what the outcome could be. It completely could go either way, according to the lawyer, the caseworker, and even our own perceptions.
We're prepared for any scenario. We're trusting in the hand of God guiding us and His steps walking right beside us. We know we're not alone.
We know the deal of this life. We know the risks, and we know the percentages. We still feel called to this at this time, that this journey was absolutely where we were supposed to be, for us and for the kids whose lives we've been blessed to be a part of.
There's definitely emotions of all kinds happening now. Tomorrow will be a rollercoaster, and we'll ride it out.
We thank you all for your concern, for your encouragement, for your prayers. We come again and ask for them all over again. We're not asking for a certain solution, but just for God's will to be done. We don't ask to get "our way", but to have grace under any circumstances that happen tomorrow. We don't want to dictate things to go how we planned, but that we are given the courage to be strong for the kids and for each other.
God is good, and He will still be in control no matter what happens tomorrow.
We are scheduled to begin at 9 am. If you're able and if you think about it, please send up a few prayers or good thoughts for us! Thank you!
God bless you all!
We've been through this before. It's not our first rodeo, so to speak. We know what it feels like to hear that a child will be with you forever, and we know what it feels like to be told to say goodbye.
But we always knew what was going to happen, or at least what was pretty likely to happen.
Tomorrow, we have no idea what the outcome could be. It completely could go either way, according to the lawyer, the caseworker, and even our own perceptions.
We're prepared for any scenario. We're trusting in the hand of God guiding us and His steps walking right beside us. We know we're not alone.
We know the deal of this life. We know the risks, and we know the percentages. We still feel called to this at this time, that this journey was absolutely where we were supposed to be, for us and for the kids whose lives we've been blessed to be a part of.
There's definitely emotions of all kinds happening now. Tomorrow will be a rollercoaster, and we'll ride it out.
We thank you all for your concern, for your encouragement, for your prayers. We come again and ask for them all over again. We're not asking for a certain solution, but just for God's will to be done. We don't ask to get "our way", but to have grace under any circumstances that happen tomorrow. We don't want to dictate things to go how we planned, but that we are given the courage to be strong for the kids and for each other.
God is good, and He will still be in control no matter what happens tomorrow.
We are scheduled to begin at 9 am. If you're able and if you think about it, please send up a few prayers or good thoughts for us! Thank you!
God bless you all!
Tuesday, June 17, 2014
Long Awaited Court Update - The Saga Continues
Sorry this post was so long in coming. I kept meaning to write it, then kept meaning to finish it, but... anyways...
So, on Thursday, June 12th (our rescheduled court date, the rescheduling of which we found out had happened when we showed up three days earlier, if you remember) we showed up again at the courthouse in San Antonio. Another sweet friend had volunteered to have the kids over for the morning, which was a double blessing because they have a young lady Big Sister's age. We were happy for her to get to meet a new friend!
It's hard to list all of the emotions that play out when you're heading to court for one of these hearings or trials. There's a nervous, pit-of-your-stomach sourness that makes you want to be sick, just thinking of the whole situation. There's relief that finally a decision will be made, if it is the end of the case, or nearing the end of the case. There's anxiety about potentially having to make immediate plans and logistics for a child (or children) to leave your home, if that's what's decided. There's a sadness for the loss that may occur, and a chiding of yourself for feeling that emotion before anything's been official. There's hope, but it's being pressed down, again as another emotion that should be too premature for focusing on yet.
You get to the building, then try to find your court room, if the place is as big as the San Antonio courthouse. (In our town, there are usually only one or two courtrooms at the location, but there are three different locations around town that have been used in our cases, so it's always a matter of actually finding the right spot around town!) You wait around for someone you know, whether it be lawyers or caseworkers or therapists (or even the biological family, with whom interacting can be a variety of different experiences - not always negative, but always interesting).
We waited a while before our "replacement" caseworker found us, as I had mentioned that our caseworker is on a sick leave of an undetermined length. She had nothing new to report to us, just that we needed to be prepared for whatever the judge may order.
We had arrived at 9, and the case was seen a little after 11. We were never asked to come up to the front to speak or even be seen. Our case time was over within five or six minutes. The judge declared that he "didn't have time for all this today" and we would reconvene on July 16th.
Sigh.
I get it. This is a complicated case. CPS is calling it "High-Profile" and is putting their best people and best attorneys on it. There are five kids involved.
But these kids have been away from the home for almost a year - and were removed from their mother almost two years ago. They deserve a quicker resolution. The judge should have an idea from all of the previous hearings and all of the evidence that he has looked at in preparation for the ruling. This was supposed to be THE day - THE DAY that the kids' fates were decided. Having been rescheduled from Monday, having been rescheduled from March and April, having been rescheduled from January 29th... Ugh...
I had made a snarky comment to The Man of the House while we were waiting in the hallway: "You know what would be worse than hearing they have to go back today? Hearing that this ruling is being postponed."
Ay-yi-yi.
Sigh.
Sorry for sounding negative. It is one of the frustrating parts of dealing with the court system. But we are all human, and things come up.
Blessed be the flexible, right?
So, we'll hang on tight for another month and see what happens. Thanks again for all of the prayers and encouragement! I'll be striving to update more about how we're doing as a family of seven (ahhh!) soon! God's blessings on your day!
So, on Thursday, June 12th (our rescheduled court date, the rescheduling of which we found out had happened when we showed up three days earlier, if you remember) we showed up again at the courthouse in San Antonio. Another sweet friend had volunteered to have the kids over for the morning, which was a double blessing because they have a young lady Big Sister's age. We were happy for her to get to meet a new friend!
It's hard to list all of the emotions that play out when you're heading to court for one of these hearings or trials. There's a nervous, pit-of-your-stomach sourness that makes you want to be sick, just thinking of the whole situation. There's relief that finally a decision will be made, if it is the end of the case, or nearing the end of the case. There's anxiety about potentially having to make immediate plans and logistics for a child (or children) to leave your home, if that's what's decided. There's a sadness for the loss that may occur, and a chiding of yourself for feeling that emotion before anything's been official. There's hope, but it's being pressed down, again as another emotion that should be too premature for focusing on yet.
You get to the building, then try to find your court room, if the place is as big as the San Antonio courthouse. (In our town, there are usually only one or two courtrooms at the location, but there are three different locations around town that have been used in our cases, so it's always a matter of actually finding the right spot around town!) You wait around for someone you know, whether it be lawyers or caseworkers or therapists (or even the biological family, with whom interacting can be a variety of different experiences - not always negative, but always interesting).
We waited a while before our "replacement" caseworker found us, as I had mentioned that our caseworker is on a sick leave of an undetermined length. She had nothing new to report to us, just that we needed to be prepared for whatever the judge may order.
We had arrived at 9, and the case was seen a little after 11. We were never asked to come up to the front to speak or even be seen. Our case time was over within five or six minutes. The judge declared that he "didn't have time for all this today" and we would reconvene on July 16th.
Sigh.
I get it. This is a complicated case. CPS is calling it "High-Profile" and is putting their best people and best attorneys on it. There are five kids involved.
But these kids have been away from the home for almost a year - and were removed from their mother almost two years ago. They deserve a quicker resolution. The judge should have an idea from all of the previous hearings and all of the evidence that he has looked at in preparation for the ruling. This was supposed to be THE day - THE DAY that the kids' fates were decided. Having been rescheduled from Monday, having been rescheduled from March and April, having been rescheduled from January 29th... Ugh...
I had made a snarky comment to The Man of the House while we were waiting in the hallway: "You know what would be worse than hearing they have to go back today? Hearing that this ruling is being postponed."
Ay-yi-yi.
Sigh.
Sorry for sounding negative. It is one of the frustrating parts of dealing with the court system. But we are all human, and things come up.
Blessed be the flexible, right?
So, we'll hang on tight for another month and see what happens. Thanks again for all of the prayers and encouragement! I'll be striving to update more about how we're doing as a family of seven (ahhh!) soon! God's blessings on your day!
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