Keeping on Keeping on

Another court date has come... and now gone. And we still have no resolution.

The judge declined to rule AGAIN today. He still does not think he has adequate information to make a final final decision.

I'm feeling not very verbose at the moment, so I'll organize my thoughts that way, regarding new info and decisions and orders.

I. Updates on All Parties
    A. Cousins (Previous caregivers)
        1. Came to court now saying they DO want to have custody of Big Sister (after saying for a year that she is a liar who made up the entire allegations to spite them, and defaming her and her character at every court hearing)
        2. "Really want to work with her, help her along, come together as a family, do whatever we need to do."
    B. Grandparents (twins' paternal grandparents, no relation to Big Sister)
        1. Home study still ongoing
        2. Desire for custody of all 5 kids still present
    C. Aunt/Uncle
        1. Home study begun
        2. Assuming they still desire custody of all 5 siblings
II. Judge's Orders
    A. Visits
        1. 1st, 3rd, 5th weekends, all 5 siblings are to spend with the cousins, 6 pm on Friday through 6 pm on Sunday.
        2. 2nd and 4th weekends, all 5 siblings are to spend with the grandparents, 6 pm on Friday through 6 pm on Sunday.
        3. How long? Indefinitely. No end date set.
    B. Therapy
        1. Big Sister is not ABSOLUTELY REQUIRED to attend weekend visits, just requested; however she is ordered to do family therapy with the cousins to discuss and overcome the previous issues and current tension, and to be monitored in terms of interactions on both sides.
        2. All 5 Siblings are ordered to do family therapy with the grandparents to have interactions observed.
III. Next Court Date
    A. Not Scheduled.
    B. No Idea.
    C. Sigh.
IV. End in Sight?
    A. Not Scheduled.
    B. No Idea.
    C. Sigh.
So, in conclusion, the kids are pretty much going to be with us only Monday through Friday for the foreseeable future. Every other weekend, they will spend 48 hours with a different family.

We were able to sit Big Sister down and discuss big portions of all of this. We discussed the visit this weekend (she's willing to think about it overnight and decide tomorrow if she's going or not), but not a lot about the ordered therapy with the cousins. We're easing her into that one gradually and the caseworker will discuss it more with her next week. Her attitude right now is that she probably will give the visits a try, since she's being given the option, but, also, "I will stand in front of that judge right now and tell him I'm never going back to live in that house." We discussed going into the visits with forgiveness, no preconceived notions, and a helpful heart. We hope that that can happen for her, and that there would be at least some positives and growth come from the time spent together for relationship building.

The judge seems to really be wanting one of these placements to be the kids' permanent placements. Which we fully support for the reason of them being together, assuming of course that everything is okay at the final home and nobody will be in danger - mental or physical.

We are very disappointed in these decisions today, though. The kids will have such turmoil and added stress because of the lack of one steady home for the foreseeable future. They already have SUCH a rough time coming back from their Saturday 6-hour visit - as any shared-custody family can attest to, these disruptions really play havoc on you, no matter what age you are. The schedule was given us in terms of which weeks of the month, which means this could go on for more than one month - maybe even several months. There was no subsequent court date scheduled today, so we have no idea how long this schedule will last.

Of course, another frustration is the amount of driving and inconvenience this puts on our family. This means lots and lots of miles spent ferrying the kids back and forth. Our weekends - or at least our Friday and Sunday nights - are pretty shot.

I share all of this, not to be whiny. I'm sorry if it comes across that way. But, I want to be real and share the actual details that happen and our honest reactions. Sometimes things are out of your control and that's scary and maddening. We are very disappointed, frustrated, and saddened. I've personally been really up and down with handling the past few weeks well and not-so-well. Emotions are very real, and complex. I have had many, many, many moments when I just ask God why we couldn't have had a "normal" life.

We really really covet your prayers and positive thoughts over the future - these disruptions are going to be interesting to navigate. All of us, every age, will have some fall out from the changes and going back and forth.

The good to come out of this is how loved we've been feeling by our families and friends. Going through this has truly shown us how supportive y'all are. Feeling that strength behind us has been invaluable. You are treasured! Thank you for thinking of us!

Signing off for tonight...