Catching Up

Six months is a long time to cover, but I will attempt to do our journey justice with this post updating since the girls came to our home in the fall!

I mentioned that we got the call about the siblings (4-year-old girl, infant sister in NICU) on a Friday afternoon. We made the requisite Target trip to grab some essentials, knowing we would go back and get more once we knew the girls' sizes and likes/dislikes. But you gotta start somewhere, right? A few outfits, pajamas, socks and underwear, a welcoming toy for the 4-year-old - and barely even knowing where to start with the baby, since we didn't know exact size for clothes and diapers, what formula, with which bottles and pacifiers was she familiar, etc. This could be a post topic all in itself!

The plans were made for the big sister to come to our house as soon as possible; the baby would be in the NICU for an indeterminate amount of time, and we would learn more over the next few days.

When the Investigator in charge of the case at that time brought Curly Sue through the door, I wasn't prepared for the reaction. The little one threw herself into my arms, sobbing, "They took me away from my Mommy, and I don't know what's going on." We had had basically non-speaking age placements (besides Big Sister of the twins), so it was very different to have the little one articulate what she was feeling. Of course, you try to make the transition as smooth as possible, and have as much compassion for the emotional upheaval that's happening - but to hear it being articulated is something else than experiencing it in a baby or young toddler.

While we signed papers with the Investigator, Curly Sue rocked in my lap, still crying. Over and over again, "They took me away from my Mommy." Miss A and Little Guy were amazing troopers, trying their hardest to distract and engage her - "Here's a Barbie!" "Here's my favorite truck!" "Here, we have 'Frozen'! We can watch it!" Every time, Curly Sue would say, "But I can't play with you, because they took me away from my Mommy." Finally, Miss A said, "Do you want to come play piano with me?" And the two girls walked hand in hand to the piano and began playing around on it. We let them carry on while we finished our adult discussion and paperwork.

We're not allowed to share a lot of details about the case for legal reasons, of course. Here are the basics, so you know where we were at that evening.

Baby was found to be not in very good health when she was born (around her due date, so not a preemie), due to issues happening during the pregnancy, so she was admitted immediately to the NICU and a CPS investigation was launched. It turns out the two girls have different fathers, it appears that the mother goes back and forth between the two of them and various other family members, and there wasn't really any stability or healthy situation anywhere. Curly Sue was immediately placed with a grandmother when the investigation started. We came into the picture because that turned out to not be a good choice, in addition to the fact that birth mom then moved into that home as well soon after (which counteracts the court orders to remove the children from her custody). At this point, the baby was five weeks old.

The next morning, The Man of the House took the three kiddos fishing down by the river. I got in touch with the NICU where the baby was admitted, making sure they had my information and that I had clearance to visit. I spent the day with Brown Eyed Baby Girl. She absolutely blew me away - such a gorgeous baby, with huge dark eyes and already smiling (or at least her face would make the motions and I called it smiling). She was calmer than I expected and I spent almost the entire day (minus grabbing lunch and running to the nearby Target for more supplies, now that I'd met her) just holding her and giving her attention. It was absolutely amazing to be able to do that. No agenda, no distractions, no rushing, just holding and rocking all day. She was eating terrifically, every three to four hours, depending on if it was day or night, and had grown very well during her time there. Everything physically and physiologically seemed to be right on target.

It took two more weeks - up to just before she turned 2 months old - before she was discharged from the hospital. The positive to this was that we got to focus at home on transitioning Curly Sue. Besides a nightmare in the middle of the first night, we didn't really have any issues, which was a blessing. She was incredibly polite and very verbal. She doesn't know a stranger. She had a quick mind, but you could tell she hadn't had anyone spend time with her working on letters, numbers, or shapes, little things a 4-year-old should know by then. It seemed that she was able to catch on quickly, though, and even now she learns more and more every day. A very very bright child with so much potential! She began school after a transition period, and we are following her progress and enjoying watching her learn and grow.

The one issue we had was hygiene. Her extremely long (I'm talkin past her butt) curly dark hair was matted almost to the point of being dreadlocks. She SCREAMED when she got her first bath here, yelling, "What are you doing to me? Why are you putting water on my head?" Almost as if she'd never had a real bath before. She was confused as to why we were brushing her teeth, which looked horrible and neglected. Thankfully, we haven't had any betwetting problems, or night terrors, or any issues like that.

It was a couple of weeks until the first visitation. It turns out Mom was the only parent who had done her homework to be able to see the kids. Little Guy and I dropped them off for an hour. The cheerful, skipping girl I dropped off was a sobbing wreck when I picked her up. I know it's incredibly difficult for the kids - at any age - to literally go back and forth between two families at these moments, and one can only guess what's being said in the visitations about the situation that may or may not be helpful or healthy for the kids to hear. Curly Sue came crying out of the visit saying that I was a bad, sneaky person, who had stolen her away from her real Mom, and I didn't love her and was going to do mean things to her. The caseworker and I calmed her down in the car, and ten minutes down the road, she was her normal self, like nothing had happened. Randomly, before we got back home, she said, "I'm sorry for saying all of those bad things to you. I know they weren't real." Wow, right? (Again, a topic for another post another day: how to help the kids emotionally after their visitations!)

It just makes my heart ache, to think about all of the hurt, all around. We've gone through our tough stuff, but we're not the only ones. Here's a young woman who's made some mistakes, who is probably scared out of her wits and angry - I would be. Here's a little girl who has been taken from the only family she knows, then gets reminded of that when she has to drive away from them again every week. So many emotions. Big prayers for peace all around.

Following that visitation, the others have been fine. Curly Sue gives me big hugs goodbye when I drop her off, and runs to her Mom. When I come to pick her up, she gives big hugs goodbye to her Mom and runs to me. It's amazing how resilient kids are, and how they can adjust to a new "normal".

As the case stands now, neither of the fathers has been allowed a visitation with the children. At this point, that's going to be upheld for the foreseeable future. Neither are cooperating with the State at this time to work services to get the girls back. Of course, that could all change, and any positive steps in the right direction would be evidence to reunify, or at least give extensions.

Mom is neither more nor less stable than before. She attends most every scheduled visitation, but sounds to be more hit or miss with the services she's supposed to be obtaining to make progress. What we're hearing is that she has a lot more work to do to prove she can provide a stable, safe home.

We have recently had a switch in caseworkers, which can be a good thing or not. This seems to be a good thing, even though we really liked the first caseworker. Both this new caseworker and the lawyer assigned to represent the girls are very communicative and available to answer questions we have. Neither are promising anything permanent, but the scales seem to be tipping in the favor of the kids staying with us for good.

We have heard that the trial to decide the forever placement of the girls won't be until November, but then we've also heard that it could be July or August. Please keep us in your prayers as we go through the ever present journey of court dates and decisions.

It is neat but more-so humbling to see God working in our hearts. Several years ago, we would be frantically praying every night for God to work in the court case so that we could adopt the child/ren we currently had. Then, we were able to move to a grudging, then more authentic, "Your Will Be Done". At this point, I think we can both say that we just pray for our hearts to be in the right places as we journey along. We won't think about the end at this point, but we want to be the best family we can for all of the kids - our forever kids, plus these two who will be with us for an indeterminate amount of time. We're more focused on keeping our attitudes right and positive and remembering that it's not about us wanting children, but it's about these kids needing a family. I want to show hope and perseverance through the uncertainties, and praise God on any and every given day.

Thanks for listening, and caring about our little corner of the world! Much love to you all!