Our rescheduled trial date happened Thursday morning. It didn't go as we hoped.
The paternity test results came back for Brown Eyed Baby Girl, but not yet for the older sister. At least we know the testing was done, and is just caught up in the processing and filing at the DA's office. However, the judge decided to reschedule again after those results are officially back to the court. We're hoping the new trial is sometime in August.
Of course, any delay is an annoyance, but it rankles because of our current family situation. Some of you may not know that the Man of the House took a job out of state, back in my hometown. He had to begin being "on the clock" starting July 1st. We can't officially move the girls out of state until the adoption is official. Of course, we're not willing to just forget about them and leave them behind with a new foster family until this is finished, one way or another. However, this means that my husband and our two kids are currently in the new place, living with my parents until I (and hopefully the other two girls) can move up and get a place of our own. It has been very hard being separated, and lots of crying has happened from all involved parties! We keep telling ourselves that this is a blip of time in our life story compared to providing the girls a forever home, so we're keeping our chins up.
Hopefully, once we get the trial done, and assuming adoption is the next step, that will be done in 40-90 days. Prayers for Thanksgiving or Christmas TOGETHER in our new home, please!
BUT, since nothing can be uncomplicated, the grandmother of the dad who was proven to be baby's biological father is now pursuing custody of both girls. The judge ordered a home study to begin assessing the potential of the home as a new placement for the girls. Of course, this adds more anxiety AGAIN at what is supposed to be the very end of the case. The other family members whose names were brought forward last time were all eliminated as potential placements for one reason or another. So, this should be the LAST person to come forward and seek custody.
Two surprises happened, however. Biological mom actually signed relinquishment papers to end her parental rights this week. Sometimes this happens of its own accord, as a relinquishment looks better on a record than a termination of parental rights. Now, she didn't have anything in there asking US to keep custody of the girls and move towards adoption; I feel that she is still hoping for a family member to appear who will adopt the girls and keep them in her vicinity.
Also, the grandmother who is now wanting the girls asked to meet me at court. It may be that she is being pressured by the legal team representing her son to ask for the girls, and may be willing to rethink that. Even though her son's lawyer was pushing forward her desire for custody, she told the girls' caseworker on the side that, if she could see the girls one more time, and meet me, and feel comfortable that they are in a good home and taken care of, she will drop her custody suit. We have a Chik-Fil-A meeting set up for next Thursday for her to spend an hour with the girls and talk to me, with the caseworker supervising.
So, two things could happen - a) she could bow out of the homestudy, in which case we are the only placement and will move towards adoption as soon as the trial is done and the three parents' rights are officially terminated (which is not a question of happening at this point - we're just waiting on paternity testing to determine options for the girls' permanent placements). OR b) she will decide to keep pursuing custody and this will drag out further past the trial.
Because we have had the girls for almost a year, we have the option at that point to retain our own lawyer if this continues, and have representation to counter her desire for custody. We are being given a couple of names to look into. The caseworker said to wait on that though, until we know what this grandmother is going to decide.
SO... that's what is happening in out lives! Thank you for the encouragement, prayers, and happy thoughts. God is good, all the time!
"A single thread in a tapestry, though its color brightly shines, can never see its purpose in the pattern of the grand design... Look at your life through heaven's eyes." - Prince of Egypt
Saturday, August 1, 2015
Thursday, July 9, 2015
Here I Go Again...
Well, today didn't go quite as we had planned.
Instead of the trial happening to terminate the rights of the parents, and begin our path officially to adopting the girls, the judge agreed with the dissenting lawyer who wanted to reschedule so the DNA testing could be done. We held a permanency hearing instead.
We were in the court room for a while, the caseworker and lawyers taking turns speaking with the lawyers. The judge did listen to all of the information regarding the fathers' lack of involvement and the mother's gradual decline in participation of her services and visitations.
The judge did agree that we need to terminate the parental rights of all three parents, as the caseworker and kids' lawyer brought forward today. However, he agreed that the DNA test could determine the permanent placement of the girls. If the alleged father is in fact the actual, biological father, then members of his family need to have home studies done to see if any would be viable for custody of the girls.
In addition, three other names were brought forward from the families of the mother and the other father, to be considered for home studies.
First thing that happens when a child needs to be removed from a home is that the parents are asked for family members who could take in the children. The baby was in the hospital still and Curly Sue stayed a bit with her maternal grandmother at the very first part of this case, but it was not a suitable placement or good situation, and that's why they were placed with us. Three or four people were brought forward as potential placements way back then, but none of them were approved for one reason or another, and the girls settled in with us "for good", as no other names were ever brought forth throughout the case.
Now, this is ELEVEN MONTHS into the case. The baby has only known us as her family. The 4-year-old hasn't seen her birthmother since mid-April because of her lack of involvement. Neither father has ever visited with the baby. Older sister hasn't seen some of these family members in over a year, if ever, and for a preschooler, that's HUGE. We were so upset sitting there and hearing this, that these people would be willing to completely uproot the lives of their children. Yes, they are biologically part of their families, but if they really loved them, why go through pulling strings to find every random relative you can think of to take custody, and rip them out of the loving home they've known for almost a year?
The judge seemed to also feel our annoyance. He expressed anger with the parents for bringing forward these people this late into the case. And yet, he said, it is part of the law that family members who are brought forward have to be looked at to see if they would be appropriate placements. So he agreed to let further home studies be looked into for the girls' adoptive placements.
Where we stand now is this: trial has been reset for July 30th, with court orders to Dad #2 and the DA's office to have the DNA testing done the week before, so we definitely have paternity results and can move forward with termination and further plans for the girls.
In addition, the names that were given need to be investigated for home studies. Now, the girls' caseworker and lawyer assured us repeatedly that they are completely against any change in placement, that they will fight tooth and nail for our adoption to proceed. I feel confident that they will do everything in their power for the girls' best interests. However, if someone now comes up who is related to the girls and doesn't have extensive criminal histories or big red flags coming up on their home studies, policy is to keep families intact - no matter how long the kids have been with foster families - as we've seen in other cases.
We are obviously pretty shaken up. It was a rough day. This feels like deja vu from the twins' case, where the caseworker told us, "Oh, don't worry - this is absolutely just a formality. They won't leave your home. We want them to stay with you. No change in placement will really happen, just going through the motions..." And then BOOM they were gone from our home. We just really really do not want to go through this again.
I'd love prayers for positive attitudes, and for hope. This is not the end, and it doesn't mean necessarily that the girls would leave us. The caseworker and lawyer are adamant that the girls are too bonded with us to take them away just to make them be living with distant family members. The whole day was very deflating, nonetheless. We're mad, anxious, disbelieving, all of the above - GRRRRRRR!
Thank you for your support and prayers and happy thoughts. We need them! We'll be fine, we know that, regardless of what happens, but we count ourselves very blessed for every shoulder we can find to lean on during this waiting period! Thanks, y'all!
Instead of the trial happening to terminate the rights of the parents, and begin our path officially to adopting the girls, the judge agreed with the dissenting lawyer who wanted to reschedule so the DNA testing could be done. We held a permanency hearing instead.
We were in the court room for a while, the caseworker and lawyers taking turns speaking with the lawyers. The judge did listen to all of the information regarding the fathers' lack of involvement and the mother's gradual decline in participation of her services and visitations.
The judge did agree that we need to terminate the parental rights of all three parents, as the caseworker and kids' lawyer brought forward today. However, he agreed that the DNA test could determine the permanent placement of the girls. If the alleged father is in fact the actual, biological father, then members of his family need to have home studies done to see if any would be viable for custody of the girls.
In addition, three other names were brought forward from the families of the mother and the other father, to be considered for home studies.
First thing that happens when a child needs to be removed from a home is that the parents are asked for family members who could take in the children. The baby was in the hospital still and Curly Sue stayed a bit with her maternal grandmother at the very first part of this case, but it was not a suitable placement or good situation, and that's why they were placed with us. Three or four people were brought forward as potential placements way back then, but none of them were approved for one reason or another, and the girls settled in with us "for good", as no other names were ever brought forth throughout the case.
Now, this is ELEVEN MONTHS into the case. The baby has only known us as her family. The 4-year-old hasn't seen her birthmother since mid-April because of her lack of involvement. Neither father has ever visited with the baby. Older sister hasn't seen some of these family members in over a year, if ever, and for a preschooler, that's HUGE. We were so upset sitting there and hearing this, that these people would be willing to completely uproot the lives of their children. Yes, they are biologically part of their families, but if they really loved them, why go through pulling strings to find every random relative you can think of to take custody, and rip them out of the loving home they've known for almost a year?
The judge seemed to also feel our annoyance. He expressed anger with the parents for bringing forward these people this late into the case. And yet, he said, it is part of the law that family members who are brought forward have to be looked at to see if they would be appropriate placements. So he agreed to let further home studies be looked into for the girls' adoptive placements.
Where we stand now is this: trial has been reset for July 30th, with court orders to Dad #2 and the DA's office to have the DNA testing done the week before, so we definitely have paternity results and can move forward with termination and further plans for the girls.
In addition, the names that were given need to be investigated for home studies. Now, the girls' caseworker and lawyer assured us repeatedly that they are completely against any change in placement, that they will fight tooth and nail for our adoption to proceed. I feel confident that they will do everything in their power for the girls' best interests. However, if someone now comes up who is related to the girls and doesn't have extensive criminal histories or big red flags coming up on their home studies, policy is to keep families intact - no matter how long the kids have been with foster families - as we've seen in other cases.
We are obviously pretty shaken up. It was a rough day. This feels like deja vu from the twins' case, where the caseworker told us, "Oh, don't worry - this is absolutely just a formality. They won't leave your home. We want them to stay with you. No change in placement will really happen, just going through the motions..." And then BOOM they were gone from our home. We just really really do not want to go through this again.
I'd love prayers for positive attitudes, and for hope. This is not the end, and it doesn't mean necessarily that the girls would leave us. The caseworker and lawyer are adamant that the girls are too bonded with us to take them away just to make them be living with distant family members. The whole day was very deflating, nonetheless. We're mad, anxious, disbelieving, all of the above - GRRRRRRR!
Thank you for your support and prayers and happy thoughts. We need them! We'll be fine, we know that, regardless of what happens, but we count ourselves very blessed for every shoulder we can find to lean on during this waiting period! Thanks, y'all!
Wednesday, July 8, 2015
We Have Court Tomorrow... Or We're Supposed To...
So, just because nothing can
go too easily or it would just be boring :-), we have a little bit of a
snag hitting for tomorrow's termination trial.
One
of the attorneys involved raised a stink today because the DNA paternity tests on the dads
have not come in yet. She is saying we can't do trial until that comes
in, just to dot the i's and cross the t's. Now, no one seems to have
figured out so far this morning if the tests aren't in because they
haven't been processed at the Attorney General's office, or because the
dads have not gone to do them (again... for the third or fourth time
they've been court-ordered to do so).
The
girls' caseworker and lawyer are going to fight to push through and have the trial as scheduled tomorrow. As the
lawyer said, if they waited for dads to follow through on paternity
tests for every case, most every kid would age out of the system first
before that ever happens. The caseworker said that the fathers have been
non-compliant and absent the entire time anyway, and were going to be
terminated on, whether they were alleged fathers or legal fathers or
actual fathers. The dads have had this entire time (almost 11 months) to get their kids
back, and if neither has even made the effort to do a cheek swab for a paternity test, they are not serious (or not serious
enough) about attempting to get their kids back. Neither dad has ever
attended a visit, or court beyond the first initial hearing in the fall,
and don't even respond to messages from the caseworker or attorney.
The
caseworker and lawyers are going to light fires at the DA's office to
get the paperwork processed today if the tests have been done, and to
put pressure on other lawyers to go ahead with the trial, as the plan is
to terminate anyway regardless of which father is the father of whom.
Just
stinks that the other lawyer is doing this the day before trial, but we
know how these things go. Everyone tries to scramble at the end.
We may not have any birth parents at court tomorrow. Not a lot of contact has been happening between any of the three parents and the caseworkers/lawyers. It's very sad that this happens, but as it gets closer to termination, usually the parents get really desperate or they give up and fade away. It is impossible to ignore thinking about what they may be feeling and going through at this point, as it all sinks in that this is REAL and not a game. I'm praying really hard for peace and comfort and serenity for all of us, but I especially feel for what's happening to the three of them this week. (Regardless of how invested they are / have been during this year.)
Prayers
that the whole group will agree to go through and hear out the entire
trial tomorrow, instead of postponing it until tests come in (which
could be months if we leave it to the dads to follow through). Whether
it's the dads who aren't following through or the Attorney
General's office procrastinating, it doesn't change the fact that
the plan has been to terminate the parental rights of both dads at the trial,
whenever it is and whoever it is.
Anyway,
we'll keep y'all up to date with what we know! Hopefully we hear good
news today about going ahead tomorrow! Trying (and somewhat succeeding!) to keep calm! :-) God's
got it!
Que sera, sera!
Love you all! Thanks for the support!
Thursday, April 30, 2015
Resisting "Busyness'
We attended a Bible study group the other night. I treasure times when I get to catch up with people, spend some time in community, build each other up, study the Word... Good stuff!
Amid the clamoring "Hello!" and "Hey there!" greetings happening, I caught this little snippet of conversation. Two of the ladies were greeting each other. One asked that ubiquitous question we never get away from: "How are you?"
(It's such a habit to ask this, right? Do we really mean it? Are we ready and prepared to hear what people really have to say if they answered truthfully? But that's another train of thought...)
Of course, the second lady answered with that typical modern-day response, the one I use so often as well, "Oh, we're staying busy!"
The first lady replied, to my surprise,"Oh, that's no good." She continued (and I paraphrase), "When I get busy, I just feel stressed. It's better not to stay too busy."
These words have stuck with me since Saturday night. I probably thought more about it, imbibing it with more meaning, than the actual speaker of the words actually intended any of us to do. Yet, there was a lot of wisdom in this simple answer.
We seem to take an enormous amount of pride in being "busy", almost like it's a badge of honor to be "the busiest". Inside the competitive world of "busyness", who wins? Nobody. What's our motivation? To feel accomplished? To get a pat on the back? As a parent, are we involving our families in so many things to make ourselves feel better? As human beings, is this where we're finding our value - the number of pies into which we're sticking our fingers?
And yet, I don't think it's necessarily the actual quantity of "things" we do that make us busy. We've all seen that one person who seems to hold it together so well while being involved in every little aspect of work, school, church, and community. And then, when someone around us starts complaining about how much they have on our plate, we might roll our eyes when we think about how much more we are involved with than they are. (Or maybe that's just me... Guilty...)
I think it's more about our attitudes and inner demeanor while we're accomplishing everything. We all arguably have pretty busy lives. However, some of the busy days run like clockwork, but on other days, even if I actually have less to do, I feel more stressed.
I LOVE being involved. I am very active in my church and the school where my kids attend. Most of the time, I am at my best when I feel like I'm accomplishing a lot. That drives me, and gives me energy. Yes, I do tend to agree to take on things more than I should. But I honestly do enjoy having a full schedule. I do like living a full, fulfilling life. However, when I begin to feel stress because of any reason, even easy tasks seem to weigh me down and make me feel like things are overwhelming. Does that make sense?
This is obviously something that I'm needing to be more observant and intentional about in my own life. I want to make it a goal to be present in the moment and not worried about what's next on my agenda. Not that I'm not going to take care of what's next on my agenda. Just that I'm not worried or preoccupied with it to the point of ruining the joy I could be having in the middle of any given day. I'm going to be as active as I can, without letting it make me feel "busy". Once I feel "busy", I know I need to change something.
I feel that this is a two-headed dragon to slay.
1) Streamlining - whether that means schedule, finances, workload, to-do-list... Cut out the non-essentials. Simplify to be doing the things you actually enjoy doing or are the most important to you and your family. It's okay to say "No" to stretching yourself too thin.
AND maybe even more importantly -
2) Having the serenity to handle each day's tasks without giving into the feelings of being overwhelmed or anxious. It's all about perspective. Keeping a calm heart throughout any day - whether it's a "normally" busy day or not. Keeping tabs on my inner emotional workings can make any busy day just seem satisfying instead of draining. Am I really doing too much? Or is it just time to refocus and recharge emotionally, then get on with my day?
I think discerning what "busy" means can be different at varying points of life, or even at varying points of the seasons or the year. I am still discovering what this means to me and my family. I hope and pray that it is something I improve on in the future, as I continue to grow.
We live in a wonderful, beautiful, glorious world. Everywhere we look we see God's creation. With every person, there is the opportunity to share in community and relationship - a chance to connect and grow and feed each other emotionally. A full life is an amazing thing. A busy life is not. So many good things here - why let the busyness distract you from the blessings that this life does offer? Or the blessings that the activities provide with which you ARE involved? It's definitely a learning experience, but I look forward to genuinely enjoying our full, active life, and avoiding the "busyness" our modern world uses to ensnare us and steal our hope.
What about you? Are there any tips or ideas you have to make sure you're not too "busy"? What do you do when you find yourself feeling overworked and overstretched?
Amid the clamoring "Hello!" and "Hey there!" greetings happening, I caught this little snippet of conversation. Two of the ladies were greeting each other. One asked that ubiquitous question we never get away from: "How are you?"
(It's such a habit to ask this, right? Do we really mean it? Are we ready and prepared to hear what people really have to say if they answered truthfully? But that's another train of thought...)
Of course, the second lady answered with that typical modern-day response, the one I use so often as well, "Oh, we're staying busy!"
The first lady replied, to my surprise,"Oh, that's no good." She continued (and I paraphrase), "When I get busy, I just feel stressed. It's better not to stay too busy."
These words have stuck with me since Saturday night. I probably thought more about it, imbibing it with more meaning, than the actual speaker of the words actually intended any of us to do. Yet, there was a lot of wisdom in this simple answer.
We seem to take an enormous amount of pride in being "busy", almost like it's a badge of honor to be "the busiest". Inside the competitive world of "busyness", who wins? Nobody. What's our motivation? To feel accomplished? To get a pat on the back? As a parent, are we involving our families in so many things to make ourselves feel better? As human beings, is this where we're finding our value - the number of pies into which we're sticking our fingers?
And yet, I don't think it's necessarily the actual quantity of "things" we do that make us busy. We've all seen that one person who seems to hold it together so well while being involved in every little aspect of work, school, church, and community. And then, when someone around us starts complaining about how much they have on our plate, we might roll our eyes when we think about how much more we are involved with than they are. (Or maybe that's just me... Guilty...)
I think it's more about our attitudes and inner demeanor while we're accomplishing everything. We all arguably have pretty busy lives. However, some of the busy days run like clockwork, but on other days, even if I actually have less to do, I feel more stressed.
I LOVE being involved. I am very active in my church and the school where my kids attend. Most of the time, I am at my best when I feel like I'm accomplishing a lot. That drives me, and gives me energy. Yes, I do tend to agree to take on things more than I should. But I honestly do enjoy having a full schedule. I do like living a full, fulfilling life. However, when I begin to feel stress because of any reason, even easy tasks seem to weigh me down and make me feel like things are overwhelming. Does that make sense?
This is obviously something that I'm needing to be more observant and intentional about in my own life. I want to make it a goal to be present in the moment and not worried about what's next on my agenda. Not that I'm not going to take care of what's next on my agenda. Just that I'm not worried or preoccupied with it to the point of ruining the joy I could be having in the middle of any given day. I'm going to be as active as I can, without letting it make me feel "busy". Once I feel "busy", I know I need to change something.
I feel that this is a two-headed dragon to slay.
1) Streamlining - whether that means schedule, finances, workload, to-do-list... Cut out the non-essentials. Simplify to be doing the things you actually enjoy doing or are the most important to you and your family. It's okay to say "No" to stretching yourself too thin.
AND maybe even more importantly -
2) Having the serenity to handle each day's tasks without giving into the feelings of being overwhelmed or anxious. It's all about perspective. Keeping a calm heart throughout any day - whether it's a "normally" busy day or not. Keeping tabs on my inner emotional workings can make any busy day just seem satisfying instead of draining. Am I really doing too much? Or is it just time to refocus and recharge emotionally, then get on with my day?
I think discerning what "busy" means can be different at varying points of life, or even at varying points of the seasons or the year. I am still discovering what this means to me and my family. I hope and pray that it is something I improve on in the future, as I continue to grow.
We live in a wonderful, beautiful, glorious world. Everywhere we look we see God's creation. With every person, there is the opportunity to share in community and relationship - a chance to connect and grow and feed each other emotionally. A full life is an amazing thing. A busy life is not. So many good things here - why let the busyness distract you from the blessings that this life does offer? Or the blessings that the activities provide with which you ARE involved? It's definitely a learning experience, but I look forward to genuinely enjoying our full, active life, and avoiding the "busyness" our modern world uses to ensnare us and steal our hope.
What about you? Are there any tips or ideas you have to make sure you're not too "busy"? What do you do when you find yourself feeling overworked and overstretched?
Wednesday, April 29, 2015
Step By Step... Fun with Doctors and Dentists!
Time for a little update on the girls' case.
Well... There's not all that much to update. We're just holding on until the July 9th court date, which as I've mentioned, is our next and last court appearance. This is where the judge will rule on whether the girls' parents will have their parental rights terminated, or if the girls will be reunified.
We've been having fun catching Curly Sue up on her medical care. We were pretty concerned with her basic hygiene and general medical status when she arrived. Nothing huge like a severe medical condition - it just seemed like she had had the absolute bare minimum of health care or personal care in the past, if any. She seemed to not understand what a bath meant (she shrieked, "Why are you putting water on my head?!" during the first bath experience at our house), couldn't recognize any fruit or vegetable besides a french fry, had no history of vaccinations, and had horrendous teeth issues. We knew going in that there would be a lot of catching up to do in these areas. This is pretty common for kids coming into foster care; you never know what kind of medical attention they had received in the past, up to obvious and blatant medical neglect. We have seen a lot of this in our own cases, and heard a lot of other stories from other foster parents.
Two weeks ago, she had a pretty big dental procedure - all in all, it ended up meaning three root canals and fourteen caps. The crowns that were placed on the back molars are silver, but the ones on the front teeth are white in color. She was a champ and had a quick recovery from the day, which involved a general anesthesia so she would be out during the entire thing and be able to have it all done in one appointment.
We also have been catching her up on her immunizations. She had no medical records saved. Ever. Besides a birth certificate. Nothing on file even with the state government health websites showing any appointments, procedures, or vaccinations. Sooo, she's been having to go on the "catch-up" schedule to get in all of the proper vaccines required. Basically we started from scratch. Of course, this means she REALLY loves going to doctor's appointments. Or not so much.
Thankfully, both girls are otherwise in very good health. Brown-Eyed Baby Girl - now 8 months old - is growing so big! She crawls incredibly quickly and of course gets into everything. She can pull herself up to stand, and even tries to let go and stand on her own. She will definitely be an early walker. Although the days of immobility were definitely easier, it is such a joy to see her curiosity as she explores her world. She babbles constantly. (She'll be a big talker as well - I'm getting what I deserve, I guess, right Grandma Eberhard?! :-) ) God definitely blessed us with an easy, happy-go-lucky baby and we love her to pieces.
The four kids get along so well. Definitely a prayer answered! It really has been a blessing to watch Miss A and Little Guy open up their hearts without questions. To share your home, your toys, and your parents with new kids may be a challenge, but these two are definitely up to it! All three big kids dote on the baby and would sit and just watch her all day if they could! It's a big help having my two little Mama Bears to help around the place and feed the baby if I get busy, and a loving big brother who makes her light up when he enters the room. He can make her laugh for hours!
As far as the direction the case is heading, it seems to be on the same trajectory. We had a long stretch of about three months with hardly any visitations granted to the birth mom, then we had three in a row, but now this week's visitation has been cancelled. Paternity tests were administered last week to definitively name the birth fathers of each girl in the court documents, although it won't have much bearing on the outcome at this point, as both continue to not be active in the case. Results should be announced next week.
So, basically, just looking forward to that final date in July, where we will know the status of the case once and for all. Again, that's the trial for termination. Following that, assuming the judge does terminate the birthparents' rights, we will move forward with the adoption. That adoption consummation court date will be anywhere from 30 days to 90 days following the termination ruling.
Possible roadblocks to our adopting the girls could be: a) an appeal being filed by one or more of the birthparents or b) an extension of some time given to the birthparents to continue working their service plan and be deemed "rehabilitated" enough to be reunified with the girls permanently. However, none of the lawyers for the birthparents have said they are interested in an appeal OR an extension - they seem to figure at this point, there's no validity for the court granting either.
It is of course difficult to once again be in a situation where you have absolutely no control over the outcome. All we can "do" is try to provide the best home we can for the girls - and of course for Miss A and our Little Guy.
I'll end with this song, which has been repeatedly in my head over the past weeks:
And this is going to be a glorious unfolding
Just you wait and see and you will be amazed
You’ve just got to believe the story is so far from over
So hold on to every promise God has made to us
And watch this glorious unfolding
Awesome words there!
Thanks, all!
Well... There's not all that much to update. We're just holding on until the July 9th court date, which as I've mentioned, is our next and last court appearance. This is where the judge will rule on whether the girls' parents will have their parental rights terminated, or if the girls will be reunified.
We've been having fun catching Curly Sue up on her medical care. We were pretty concerned with her basic hygiene and general medical status when she arrived. Nothing huge like a severe medical condition - it just seemed like she had had the absolute bare minimum of health care or personal care in the past, if any. She seemed to not understand what a bath meant (she shrieked, "Why are you putting water on my head?!" during the first bath experience at our house), couldn't recognize any fruit or vegetable besides a french fry, had no history of vaccinations, and had horrendous teeth issues. We knew going in that there would be a lot of catching up to do in these areas. This is pretty common for kids coming into foster care; you never know what kind of medical attention they had received in the past, up to obvious and blatant medical neglect. We have seen a lot of this in our own cases, and heard a lot of other stories from other foster parents.
Two weeks ago, she had a pretty big dental procedure - all in all, it ended up meaning three root canals and fourteen caps. The crowns that were placed on the back molars are silver, but the ones on the front teeth are white in color. She was a champ and had a quick recovery from the day, which involved a general anesthesia so she would be out during the entire thing and be able to have it all done in one appointment.
We also have been catching her up on her immunizations. She had no medical records saved. Ever. Besides a birth certificate. Nothing on file even with the state government health websites showing any appointments, procedures, or vaccinations. Sooo, she's been having to go on the "catch-up" schedule to get in all of the proper vaccines required. Basically we started from scratch. Of course, this means she REALLY loves going to doctor's appointments. Or not so much.
Thankfully, both girls are otherwise in very good health. Brown-Eyed Baby Girl - now 8 months old - is growing so big! She crawls incredibly quickly and of course gets into everything. She can pull herself up to stand, and even tries to let go and stand on her own. She will definitely be an early walker. Although the days of immobility were definitely easier, it is such a joy to see her curiosity as she explores her world. She babbles constantly. (She'll be a big talker as well - I'm getting what I deserve, I guess, right Grandma Eberhard?! :-) ) God definitely blessed us with an easy, happy-go-lucky baby and we love her to pieces.
The four kids get along so well. Definitely a prayer answered! It really has been a blessing to watch Miss A and Little Guy open up their hearts without questions. To share your home, your toys, and your parents with new kids may be a challenge, but these two are definitely up to it! All three big kids dote on the baby and would sit and just watch her all day if they could! It's a big help having my two little Mama Bears to help around the place and feed the baby if I get busy, and a loving big brother who makes her light up when he enters the room. He can make her laugh for hours!
As far as the direction the case is heading, it seems to be on the same trajectory. We had a long stretch of about three months with hardly any visitations granted to the birth mom, then we had three in a row, but now this week's visitation has been cancelled. Paternity tests were administered last week to definitively name the birth fathers of each girl in the court documents, although it won't have much bearing on the outcome at this point, as both continue to not be active in the case. Results should be announced next week.
So, basically, just looking forward to that final date in July, where we will know the status of the case once and for all. Again, that's the trial for termination. Following that, assuming the judge does terminate the birthparents' rights, we will move forward with the adoption. That adoption consummation court date will be anywhere from 30 days to 90 days following the termination ruling.
Possible roadblocks to our adopting the girls could be: a) an appeal being filed by one or more of the birthparents or b) an extension of some time given to the birthparents to continue working their service plan and be deemed "rehabilitated" enough to be reunified with the girls permanently. However, none of the lawyers for the birthparents have said they are interested in an appeal OR an extension - they seem to figure at this point, there's no validity for the court granting either.
It is of course difficult to once again be in a situation where you have absolutely no control over the outcome. All we can "do" is try to provide the best home we can for the girls - and of course for Miss A and our Little Guy.
I'll end with this song, which has been repeatedly in my head over the past weeks:
And this is going to be a glorious unfolding
Just you wait and see and you will be amazed
You’ve just got to believe the story is so far from over
So hold on to every promise God has made to us
And watch this glorious unfolding
Awesome words there!
Thanks, all!
Monday, March 23, 2015
Don't Stop Believing
The girls' court hearing happened last Wednesday. Where to start...
Neither of the girls' birth fathers showed up. The birth mother arrived 30 minutes into the hearing.
The hearing part went fairly according to plan. The caseworker and lawyers announced the plant to move towards terminating the rights of the biological parents in July if changes and progress aren't made and maintained. Like I've mentioned before, Mom has been only sporadic in completing what's been asked of her, and the fathers have done nothing and are not even in communication with the caseworkers and lawyers at this time. The official status of the case is now "dual contingency" - meaning they are preparing for either reunification or termination at this point - which is a change from the past, where the status was only "reunification" - and is the step before officially seeking termination.
Our next - and final - court date is July 9th. This is the trial to determine the ending of the foster care placement one way or another; either the girls will be reunified with their birth mother or the birth parents' rights will be terminated and we will move towards adoption. We thought there would be another hearing at the beginning of June, but as that is so close to the July 9th date, they are foregoing another hearing and just scheduling the trial. In case you're wondering, "trial" doesn't usually mean a jury setting, just coming before the same judge who has been hearing the entire case, and getting a final ruling.
One tiny snag entering into the situation is that father #2 is now claiming he is the biological father of BOTH children instead of just one. We have been trying to get DNA testing done the entire 6 months to prove paternity, and he has been a no-show at both appointments the department has set up for him to be tested. Hopefully this can be done soon and we can know for certain. He has been listed as an "alleged father" in the court documents and included in the court ordered services list the parents have to complete (of which he has done none). He needs to prove he is in fact the biological father of one or both girls to be termed the "legal father". He does have parents he wants to go through the home study process to determine if custody could be awarded to them, but that won't happen until he goes through the paternity test.
I can't talk much here about what happened immediately AFTER the judge dismissed the people involved in the case... it happened very unexpectedly and quickly, apparently... but the birth mother will not be in the picture now for an indeterminate amount of time. An issue came up that we don't know much about, but suffice it to say that it strengthens the case further for terminating the rights of all the birth parents.
There is definitely a twinge of guilt feeling happy over something that means the misfortune and unhappy circumstances of others. While we are filled with joy at moving towards making these girls part of our forever family, we can't forget this will be complicated for them to process - lots of emotion - and comes at the expense of another family falling apart. That's hard to contemplate. I found this quote recently, and it really spoke to me:
Please continue to keep us in your prayers as we all function towards whatever ending God has planned for us. We ask to be the people He needs us to be at this time. Please be thinking and praying for the birth family. Through all of the bad choices, there is regret and pain, and it hurts to watch. Peace to all involved.
Thanks for reading!
Neither of the girls' birth fathers showed up. The birth mother arrived 30 minutes into the hearing.
The hearing part went fairly according to plan. The caseworker and lawyers announced the plant to move towards terminating the rights of the biological parents in July if changes and progress aren't made and maintained. Like I've mentioned before, Mom has been only sporadic in completing what's been asked of her, and the fathers have done nothing and are not even in communication with the caseworkers and lawyers at this time. The official status of the case is now "dual contingency" - meaning they are preparing for either reunification or termination at this point - which is a change from the past, where the status was only "reunification" - and is the step before officially seeking termination.
Our next - and final - court date is July 9th. This is the trial to determine the ending of the foster care placement one way or another; either the girls will be reunified with their birth mother or the birth parents' rights will be terminated and we will move towards adoption. We thought there would be another hearing at the beginning of June, but as that is so close to the July 9th date, they are foregoing another hearing and just scheduling the trial. In case you're wondering, "trial" doesn't usually mean a jury setting, just coming before the same judge who has been hearing the entire case, and getting a final ruling.
One tiny snag entering into the situation is that father #2 is now claiming he is the biological father of BOTH children instead of just one. We have been trying to get DNA testing done the entire 6 months to prove paternity, and he has been a no-show at both appointments the department has set up for him to be tested. Hopefully this can be done soon and we can know for certain. He has been listed as an "alleged father" in the court documents and included in the court ordered services list the parents have to complete (of which he has done none). He needs to prove he is in fact the biological father of one or both girls to be termed the "legal father". He does have parents he wants to go through the home study process to determine if custody could be awarded to them, but that won't happen until he goes through the paternity test.
I can't talk much here about what happened immediately AFTER the judge dismissed the people involved in the case... it happened very unexpectedly and quickly, apparently... but the birth mother will not be in the picture now for an indeterminate amount of time. An issue came up that we don't know much about, but suffice it to say that it strengthens the case further for terminating the rights of all the birth parents.
There is definitely a twinge of guilt feeling happy over something that means the misfortune and unhappy circumstances of others. While we are filled with joy at moving towards making these girls part of our forever family, we can't forget this will be complicated for them to process - lots of emotion - and comes at the expense of another family falling apart. That's hard to contemplate. I found this quote recently, and it really spoke to me:
Please continue to keep us in your prayers as we all function towards whatever ending God has planned for us. We ask to be the people He needs us to be at this time. Please be thinking and praying for the birth family. Through all of the bad choices, there is regret and pain, and it hurts to watch. Peace to all involved.
Thanks for reading!
Thursday, March 12, 2015
Dates for Court Appearances
I have a few updates about the court cases for the girls, and how things are panning out, so I thought I'd share!
We have some dates on the calendar -
Status Hearing: Wednesday, March 18th
Permanency Hearing: First week of June (TBD)
Trial: Thursday, July 9th
The hearings won't be any decision-making dates, but the Trial is when the final decision on the case should be made.
Of course, we know from past experience not to hold our breath when court dates are announced. But, it seems like the case is getting fairly "cut and dry" at this point, so hopefully there won't be any delays in making a final decision.
We had a meeting with the girls' lawyer yesterday, and with their caseworker today. Mom and the two dads are not sufficiently cooperating with their service plan and what is expected of them. Both lawyer and caseworker are agreeing that we're moving towards termination of the birthparents' rights. The first step is to have the judge agree to a change in plan, which may happen at the March court hearing, or may happen at the June court hearing. Either way, that's just the change in the goal of the case, not the final decision. We've had it explained, of course, that rushing anything isn't the plan, and we want to avoid anything that can end up as grounds for an appeal later.
One good note from the caseworker today is that she let me know the courts are now working on expedited adoption finalization for children who have been in care for 6 or more months, once termination of birthparents' rights happens. In one case the other day, a judge ordered the adoption consummation to happen within 40 days after the termination trial. That's good news that we could be on a fast track for adoption, assuming the termination does definitely go through. We would LOVE that, since Miss A and Little Guy both had a year-long adoption process following termination!
Please continue to pray for peace and strength for all involved. I know that our joy is someone else's pain, and that hurts. Having the girls stay with us means they have to say good-bye to their birth family. It's challenging and complex on all sides, and God has really opened my eyes to having compassion for "the other side", even in the midst of annoying waiting and trials we're experiencing. Please keep this family in your thoughts as they struggle, as we all do.
Our world is broken and messy, and we all just need to be broken together!
We have some dates on the calendar -
Status Hearing: Wednesday, March 18th
Permanency Hearing: First week of June (TBD)
Trial: Thursday, July 9th
The hearings won't be any decision-making dates, but the Trial is when the final decision on the case should be made.
Of course, we know from past experience not to hold our breath when court dates are announced. But, it seems like the case is getting fairly "cut and dry" at this point, so hopefully there won't be any delays in making a final decision.
We had a meeting with the girls' lawyer yesterday, and with their caseworker today. Mom and the two dads are not sufficiently cooperating with their service plan and what is expected of them. Both lawyer and caseworker are agreeing that we're moving towards termination of the birthparents' rights. The first step is to have the judge agree to a change in plan, which may happen at the March court hearing, or may happen at the June court hearing. Either way, that's just the change in the goal of the case, not the final decision. We've had it explained, of course, that rushing anything isn't the plan, and we want to avoid anything that can end up as grounds for an appeal later.
One good note from the caseworker today is that she let me know the courts are now working on expedited adoption finalization for children who have been in care for 6 or more months, once termination of birthparents' rights happens. In one case the other day, a judge ordered the adoption consummation to happen within 40 days after the termination trial. That's good news that we could be on a fast track for adoption, assuming the termination does definitely go through. We would LOVE that, since Miss A and Little Guy both had a year-long adoption process following termination!
Please continue to pray for peace and strength for all involved. I know that our joy is someone else's pain, and that hurts. Having the girls stay with us means they have to say good-bye to their birth family. It's challenging and complex on all sides, and God has really opened my eyes to having compassion for "the other side", even in the midst of annoying waiting and trials we're experiencing. Please keep this family in your thoughts as they struggle, as we all do.
Our world is broken and messy, and we all just need to be broken together!
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