Sorry this post was so long in coming. I kept meaning to write it, then kept meaning to finish it, but... anyways...
So, on Thursday, June 12th (our rescheduled court date, the rescheduling of which we found out had happened when we showed up three days earlier, if you remember) we showed up again at the courthouse in San Antonio. Another sweet friend had volunteered to have the kids over for the morning, which was a double blessing because they have a young lady Big Sister's age. We were happy for her to get to meet a new friend!
It's hard to list all of the emotions that play out when you're heading to court for one of these hearings or trials. There's a nervous, pit-of-your-stomach sourness that makes you want to be sick, just thinking of the whole situation. There's relief that finally a decision will be made, if it is the end of the case, or nearing the end of the case. There's anxiety about potentially having to make immediate plans and logistics for a child (or children) to leave your home, if that's what's decided. There's a sadness for the loss that may occur, and a chiding of yourself for feeling that emotion before anything's been official. There's hope, but it's being pressed down, again as another emotion that should be too premature for focusing on yet.
You get to the building, then try to find your court room, if the place is as big as the San Antonio courthouse. (In our town, there are usually only one or two courtrooms at the location, but there are three different locations around town that have been used in our cases, so it's always a matter of actually finding the right spot around town!) You wait around for someone you know, whether it be lawyers or caseworkers or therapists (or even the biological family, with whom interacting can be a variety of different experiences - not always negative, but always interesting).
We waited a while before our "replacement" caseworker found us, as I had mentioned that our caseworker is on a sick leave of an undetermined length. She had nothing new to report to us, just that we needed to be prepared for whatever the judge may order.
We had arrived at 9, and the case was seen a little after 11. We were never asked to come up to the front to speak or even be seen. Our case time was over within five or six minutes. The judge declared that he "didn't have time for all this today" and we would reconvene on July 16th.
Sigh.
I get it. This is a complicated case. CPS is calling it "High-Profile" and is putting their best people and best attorneys on it. There are five kids involved.
But these kids have been away from the home for almost a year - and were removed from their mother almost two years ago. They deserve a quicker resolution. The judge should have an idea from all of the previous hearings and all of the evidence that he has looked at in preparation for the ruling. This was supposed to be THE day - THE DAY that the kids' fates were decided. Having been rescheduled from Monday, having been rescheduled from March and April, having been rescheduled from January 29th... Ugh...
I had made a snarky comment to The Man of the House while we were waiting in the hallway: "You know what would be worse than hearing they have to go back today? Hearing that this ruling is being postponed."
Ay-yi-yi.
Sigh.
Sorry for sounding negative. It is one of the frustrating parts of dealing with the court system. But we are all human, and things come up.
Blessed be the flexible, right?
So, we'll hang on tight for another month and see what happens. Thanks again for all of the prayers and encouragement! I'll be striving to update more about how we're doing as a family of seven (ahhh!) soon! God's blessings on your day!
Tuesday, June 17, 2014
Monday, June 9, 2014
Court Rescheduled for Thursday (Otherwise Entitled "Delay of Game")
This morning was the day for which we had been waiting for a long time. January 29th was supposed to be the day that the twins' permanent placement was decided. On that day, the presiding judge turned the case over to District Court, and we were told that a trial would happen sometime at the end of March or early April. When the official date came, it was June 9th. June 9th would finally be the day when we learned if the twins would be staying with us forever or returning to their family.
I have to preface today's adventure by noting that our caseworker has been very ill, and is actually on medical leave, we found out last week. This explains why we hadn't heard much about the trial happening this week, and even as of this weekend, weren't sure precisely of the time or exact courtroom for Monday morning, even though we had left several messages with the department and the twins' lawyer over the last few weeks.
We arrived at the courthouse a little after nine today. We had not been prepped as to which courtroom or which floor - and the San Antonio courthouse is a huge place (with forty-four courtrooms, as I learned today). We had been calling all morning to find someone who knew where we were supposed to be.
When I finally got a phone call back from the lawyer at a little after ten, she was confused as to why I was at court. "Why are you there today when it's been rescheduled for Thursday?"
Ahhhhhhhhh............
Apparently, at last week's mediation hearing to prep all of the lawyers and caseworkers for the trial, the District Court representatives made the announcement that they will not be handling the case - it's not what they do, not enough basis for a District appearance, etc. So, we were put back into the former CPS court judge's docket, and rescheduled for Thursday. Only, nobody told us this - the rescheduling or the reason.
It's easy for things to fall through the cracks, I'm sure. Our caseworker is out indeterminately, so she may not have even been personally present at the meeting last week where the change was made. The lawyer probably thought it was the department's job to communicate details with us about the court appearances. The lawyer was very apologetic, which was nice to hear. These things happen. Still, it was incredibly frustrating to have rearranged work schedules, found childcare for the kids, and then drive an hour one way to hear that you didn't have to come.
Additionally, this means that the twins' case is being given back to the judge who has made it abundantly clear that he thinks there wasn't enough evidence to remove the children in the first place. This is the judge who ordered the six-hour-long unsupervised weekend visits. This doesn't leave us with too much wondering about what decision he is likely to make.
We talked with several people at CPS to try to figure out where to go from here. Long story short, we're just praying that the twins and their siblings have fair representation on Thursday. We hope somebody will step up, learn about the case, and be able to accurately represent the children. To think that there will be somebody at the front of the courtroom on Thursday who knows nothing about the history, or, even worse, nobody at all to speak for them and us, is a horrible thought.
But, these things are not under our control - and for a reason. The Man of the House and I told each other all day that it's always been in God's hands - we know that and we trust in that. As a wonderful close friend says, "God is who He says He is." We know that He knows all about this situation and that it won't change His presence in our lives and in the lives of these children.
The delaying of the final decision is obviously wearing. We are ready just to know the outcome and be ready to start the next chapter of our lives, however it looks.
We are unsure if we will be making the journey back to court on Thursday. We had already made arrangements for today, as I said before. We are not expected to speak; we were only wanting to go to hear the final decision for ourselves.
We would ask for prayers for calm and understanding, for patience, for perspective. You all are so great and lift us up, always just when we need it. Thanks for following along on this journey with us, through the good and the bad, the mundane and the frustrating, through all of the struggles and the blessings. We are blessed to have you as friends and family. Hugs going out to you all!
I have to preface today's adventure by noting that our caseworker has been very ill, and is actually on medical leave, we found out last week. This explains why we hadn't heard much about the trial happening this week, and even as of this weekend, weren't sure precisely of the time or exact courtroom for Monday morning, even though we had left several messages with the department and the twins' lawyer over the last few weeks.
We arrived at the courthouse a little after nine today. We had not been prepped as to which courtroom or which floor - and the San Antonio courthouse is a huge place (with forty-four courtrooms, as I learned today). We had been calling all morning to find someone who knew where we were supposed to be.
When I finally got a phone call back from the lawyer at a little after ten, she was confused as to why I was at court. "Why are you there today when it's been rescheduled for Thursday?"
Ahhhhhhhhh............
Apparently, at last week's mediation hearing to prep all of the lawyers and caseworkers for the trial, the District Court representatives made the announcement that they will not be handling the case - it's not what they do, not enough basis for a District appearance, etc. So, we were put back into the former CPS court judge's docket, and rescheduled for Thursday. Only, nobody told us this - the rescheduling or the reason.
It's easy for things to fall through the cracks, I'm sure. Our caseworker is out indeterminately, so she may not have even been personally present at the meeting last week where the change was made. The lawyer probably thought it was the department's job to communicate details with us about the court appearances. The lawyer was very apologetic, which was nice to hear. These things happen. Still, it was incredibly frustrating to have rearranged work schedules, found childcare for the kids, and then drive an hour one way to hear that you didn't have to come.
Additionally, this means that the twins' case is being given back to the judge who has made it abundantly clear that he thinks there wasn't enough evidence to remove the children in the first place. This is the judge who ordered the six-hour-long unsupervised weekend visits. This doesn't leave us with too much wondering about what decision he is likely to make.
We talked with several people at CPS to try to figure out where to go from here. Long story short, we're just praying that the twins and their siblings have fair representation on Thursday. We hope somebody will step up, learn about the case, and be able to accurately represent the children. To think that there will be somebody at the front of the courtroom on Thursday who knows nothing about the history, or, even worse, nobody at all to speak for them and us, is a horrible thought.
But, these things are not under our control - and for a reason. The Man of the House and I told each other all day that it's always been in God's hands - we know that and we trust in that. As a wonderful close friend says, "God is who He says He is." We know that He knows all about this situation and that it won't change His presence in our lives and in the lives of these children.
The delaying of the final decision is obviously wearing. We are ready just to know the outcome and be ready to start the next chapter of our lives, however it looks.
We are unsure if we will be making the journey back to court on Thursday. We had already made arrangements for today, as I said before. We are not expected to speak; we were only wanting to go to hear the final decision for ourselves.
We would ask for prayers for calm and understanding, for patience, for perspective. You all are so great and lift us up, always just when we need it. Thanks for following along on this journey with us, through the good and the bad, the mundane and the frustrating, through all of the struggles and the blessings. We are blessed to have you as friends and family. Hugs going out to you all!
Wednesday, June 4, 2014
Big Sister Joins Us Friday!
We've been sitting on some news for about a week, letting it all soak in.
The twins' Big Sister is moving in to our house on Friday afternoon!
Here's the thing: we were so impressed with her on the night we first met her, back in December, that we talked about her the entire way home. She was so good with the kids, so polite, so shy, and yet you could see there were definitely scars there that would need to be healed. The family she was with said that they were just foster parents and they didn't know where she would end up permanently; they even commented - "She just wants to be with her siblings so badly. Would you have room to take her to make that happen?" Of course this was the other foster parents, not a caseworker,so it wasn't anything close to an official request, but, man, it was painful to think of her being all by herself, when at least the other four were in pairs. I remember on the way home that night discussing with the Man of the House, could we take her, and we said we wouldn't go make anything happen and we wouldn't ask the caseworker about it, but if it came to US being approached by the caseworker to take her in, that would mean we needed to seriously consider it.
We were actually asked to consider taking her in before her first weekend visit with us. Our caseworker - not hers - came to the house unannounced about 8:00 in the morning. She came to discuss the possibility with me, just an initial "throwing it out there".
This was the same week that we had been asked about the other two siblings. That prospect scared me. That stressed me out, even thinking about it. Six kids, five of them three and under, at home all day long. We didn't feel equal to the task. However, when asked about Big Sister, it felt different. She's old enough to be more self-sufficient and could actually help instead of being another little one to watch over.
So, we agreed to consider taking in Big Sister.
Then the weekend we had her, everything went very well. She played with Miss A and Little Guy just as much and as well as she did with the twins. When she was leaving, however, she told us that the caseworker had just had a conversation with her, at our house that afternoon, that she (Big Sister) was probably heading to her aunt's home soon. We hadn't heard anything about this, and still thought we were the main (only?) consideration for Big Sister's future home, but we were happy for her that there was someone in the family who could potentially care for her, which would give her the opportunity to at least have some contact with her siblings in the future.
This was about the time when I wrote the post saying that my husband and I were contented with the entire situation, and everyone's future, and were considering it the best situation for her to go to the family.
However, when I brought this up with the caseworker, she said that there wasn't even a homestudy started yet for the aunt, and that Big Sister had been stating that she didn't want to go there, and that she wanted to be with us. Big Sister had told the caseworker that she understood that the twins could go back to the family, and she said it made no difference - she wanted to be adopted by us. And the word she kept using, according to the caseworker, was "humbled". She was so "humbled" that we would want to have her spend weekends with us, that we would allow her into our home.
To hear all of that was pretty heart-wrenching, obviously. But we dithered and dallied for a while.
I am not by nature an indecisive person. I make decisions - even big ones - fairly easily without many regrets. I trust my instincts plus the logical processes of my brain, choose a course, and, once decided upon, I don't look back. College, major, dating my now-husband, accepting my first job, choosing to stay at home for a time with the kids... The decisions were reached pretty quickly, pretty easily, and not without a lot of stressing once I had decided. I don't mean to say that I'm impulsive - I think cutting to the heart of the matter, weighing gut instincts along with hard facts, is a gift I've been blessed with. I trust that God is guiding my decisions, and, with prayer beforehand, I trust that His plan is the best and that He has led me/us to the right decision.
But that was not how this decision went.
The Man of the House and I have been on an absolute rollercoaster together making this decision. The awesome thing was to see how in synch we were in our thinking. One day, he came to me saying, "It's funny, but I feel like God's been throwing the story of Jonah to me today. It's like He's saying, 'I've put this immense task before you, and I need you to follow me,' and that if we say no to the Big Sister, it's like Jonah running away from Nineveh." What's crazy is that I had been contemplating the Biblical account of Jonah the same day too, and was thinking almost the exact same thoughts! And then a few days later, he came to me and said, "I've been thinking, and I really feel that we need to say no, that someone else would be a better fit and do a better job," which was what I had been feeling that day as well. And so our conversations and deliberation went, back and forth, back and forth, but always on the same page.
Our worries had really nothing to do with Big Sister. We are under no illusions that taking in a thirteen-year-old will be easy. Yet, caring for hurting children is why we're here, why we have continued to follow this path for almost six years. We had a dream of SOMEDAY adopting or at least fostering teenagers, when "our" kids were older... Hmmm... What funny plans we make, right?!
The biggest worry was our own fallibility. We are thirty-one and thirty-two-years-old. We have a six-year-old. We've never raised a teenager. Who are we to think we're capable of this already? With my background as a youth ministry leader and middle school teacher, I've had experience with teenagers. And that is very different than raising one, I understand.
Honestly, a worry that was just as big was the reaction of everyone around us. From our families to friends and even acquaintances, was everyone going to tell us we were absolutely crazy... and/or ill-equipped and unprepared? What was everyone going to think?
Which of course is a ridiculous factor to use in making a decision. But, to be transparent, it was one of the biggest worries on my mind.
Actually, not just a worry. It's made me pretty terrified to consider what some people might be thinking about this choice. I've definitely lost sleep imagining some of the comments people will undoubtedly make - most without meaning to harm or hurt, I'm sure.
After the second visit, my husband and I talked extensively about the whole situation. We both felt that everything was so "right" and comfortable, that having her in our home felt incredibly natural, like she was meant to be there. And she was so much more relaxed, making jokes and making herself at home. Since before the first visit, she had been calling two or three times a week, so we had talked with her a lot and gotten to know her even better.
So, when the caseworker said that her time was running out at the emergency shelter in which she's staying, and that they needed to find a home for her soon, we said yes.
And the funny thing is, the panic stayed away.
And as the days keep going by until her arrival, we've all just been feeling happier and more excited. We're so ready to get her out of that shelter and into the home of a real family (as flawed as this one is!).
We had a family meeting to discuss it before we gave an answer. Obviously, Miss A is really the only one who can understand it with any "adult" perspective and give a real answer. She was excited and really excited to share her room. She loves the big girls at school, and is thrilled to have a big sister around all the time.
We have her room all ready. Some very sweet friends gave us a loft bed with a desk underneath it. It fits great in Miss A's room. We got some closet and desk organization items. We wanted it to look homey when she arrives, so she knows how excited we are and how much we planned for and anticipated her coming.
Because this girl has been through the wringer due to the failings of many adults in her life. She deserves stability and love, and place to call "home", and patience to smooth out and heal her scarred edges.
It's not going to be easy. Please hear me say that, and that we're not entering into this without lots of forethought, lots of conversations with caseworkers. There will be many aspects of positive guidance to put into place with the help of her new school, the caseworkers, ongoing therapy, etc. We'll seek your prayers and encouragement even more now. But we are excited and looking forward to this next chapter in our stories.
At this time, she does not have another option going forward. Our family is to be looked at as an adoptive placement for the time being. The sticky thing is that the trial begins next week, and precious time with her biological siblings could be drawing to an end. There is not a plan for reunification between her and the family, on the request of both parties. So, the twins and their two other siblings are one case, having their future placement determined next week, separate from Big Sister. She says she understands that it's looking like they are heading back, and that, if she is adopted by us, she more than likely will not have contact with them after they leave. We are willing to adopt her and give her a permanent, forever family, but if she changes her mind and wants to look into another family, however distantly related, we will support it, and we will be for her what we need to be, for the time that we need to be it. We're leaving that final call up to her, but our stance is that we would love to adopt her and not have her have to go through another placement with a family she doesn't know. But, at this time, wheels will begin to move towards us adopting Big Sister.
Please keep her in your thoughts, as any transition can add stress of some level. We pray that she is able to feel safe and trusting here, and to feel completely comfortable in our home, enough to let her guard down all the way and just be loved for who she is. We also ask for prayers for the other little ones, as they transition into having one more added to the mix here in our crazy house. May everyone be positive, patient, loving, and forgiving. We thank God for this opportunity to be His hands and feet and help our kids see the need to reach out and help - no matter how scary it is. We just ask that we not mess it up too much, that Good would be done here.
Thank you for your encouragement! You all mean so much to us! Hugs!
The twins' Big Sister is moving in to our house on Friday afternoon!
Here's the thing: we were so impressed with her on the night we first met her, back in December, that we talked about her the entire way home. She was so good with the kids, so polite, so shy, and yet you could see there were definitely scars there that would need to be healed. The family she was with said that they were just foster parents and they didn't know where she would end up permanently; they even commented - "She just wants to be with her siblings so badly. Would you have room to take her to make that happen?" Of course this was the other foster parents, not a caseworker,so it wasn't anything close to an official request, but, man, it was painful to think of her being all by herself, when at least the other four were in pairs. I remember on the way home that night discussing with the Man of the House, could we take her, and we said we wouldn't go make anything happen and we wouldn't ask the caseworker about it, but if it came to US being approached by the caseworker to take her in, that would mean we needed to seriously consider it.
We were actually asked to consider taking her in before her first weekend visit with us. Our caseworker - not hers - came to the house unannounced about 8:00 in the morning. She came to discuss the possibility with me, just an initial "throwing it out there".
This was the same week that we had been asked about the other two siblings. That prospect scared me. That stressed me out, even thinking about it. Six kids, five of them three and under, at home all day long. We didn't feel equal to the task. However, when asked about Big Sister, it felt different. She's old enough to be more self-sufficient and could actually help instead of being another little one to watch over.
So, we agreed to consider taking in Big Sister.
Then the weekend we had her, everything went very well. She played with Miss A and Little Guy just as much and as well as she did with the twins. When she was leaving, however, she told us that the caseworker had just had a conversation with her, at our house that afternoon, that she (Big Sister) was probably heading to her aunt's home soon. We hadn't heard anything about this, and still thought we were the main (only?) consideration for Big Sister's future home, but we were happy for her that there was someone in the family who could potentially care for her, which would give her the opportunity to at least have some contact with her siblings in the future.
This was about the time when I wrote the post saying that my husband and I were contented with the entire situation, and everyone's future, and were considering it the best situation for her to go to the family.
However, when I brought this up with the caseworker, she said that there wasn't even a homestudy started yet for the aunt, and that Big Sister had been stating that she didn't want to go there, and that she wanted to be with us. Big Sister had told the caseworker that she understood that the twins could go back to the family, and she said it made no difference - she wanted to be adopted by us. And the word she kept using, according to the caseworker, was "humbled". She was so "humbled" that we would want to have her spend weekends with us, that we would allow her into our home.
To hear all of that was pretty heart-wrenching, obviously. But we dithered and dallied for a while.
I am not by nature an indecisive person. I make decisions - even big ones - fairly easily without many regrets. I trust my instincts plus the logical processes of my brain, choose a course, and, once decided upon, I don't look back. College, major, dating my now-husband, accepting my first job, choosing to stay at home for a time with the kids... The decisions were reached pretty quickly, pretty easily, and not without a lot of stressing once I had decided. I don't mean to say that I'm impulsive - I think cutting to the heart of the matter, weighing gut instincts along with hard facts, is a gift I've been blessed with. I trust that God is guiding my decisions, and, with prayer beforehand, I trust that His plan is the best and that He has led me/us to the right decision.
But that was not how this decision went.
The Man of the House and I have been on an absolute rollercoaster together making this decision. The awesome thing was to see how in synch we were in our thinking. One day, he came to me saying, "It's funny, but I feel like God's been throwing the story of Jonah to me today. It's like He's saying, 'I've put this immense task before you, and I need you to follow me,' and that if we say no to the Big Sister, it's like Jonah running away from Nineveh." What's crazy is that I had been contemplating the Biblical account of Jonah the same day too, and was thinking almost the exact same thoughts! And then a few days later, he came to me and said, "I've been thinking, and I really feel that we need to say no, that someone else would be a better fit and do a better job," which was what I had been feeling that day as well. And so our conversations and deliberation went, back and forth, back and forth, but always on the same page.
Our worries had really nothing to do with Big Sister. We are under no illusions that taking in a thirteen-year-old will be easy. Yet, caring for hurting children is why we're here, why we have continued to follow this path for almost six years. We had a dream of SOMEDAY adopting or at least fostering teenagers, when "our" kids were older... Hmmm... What funny plans we make, right?!
The biggest worry was our own fallibility. We are thirty-one and thirty-two-years-old. We have a six-year-old. We've never raised a teenager. Who are we to think we're capable of this already? With my background as a youth ministry leader and middle school teacher, I've had experience with teenagers. And that is very different than raising one, I understand.
Honestly, a worry that was just as big was the reaction of everyone around us. From our families to friends and even acquaintances, was everyone going to tell us we were absolutely crazy... and/or ill-equipped and unprepared? What was everyone going to think?
Which of course is a ridiculous factor to use in making a decision. But, to be transparent, it was one of the biggest worries on my mind.
Actually, not just a worry. It's made me pretty terrified to consider what some people might be thinking about this choice. I've definitely lost sleep imagining some of the comments people will undoubtedly make - most without meaning to harm or hurt, I'm sure.
After the second visit, my husband and I talked extensively about the whole situation. We both felt that everything was so "right" and comfortable, that having her in our home felt incredibly natural, like she was meant to be there. And she was so much more relaxed, making jokes and making herself at home. Since before the first visit, she had been calling two or three times a week, so we had talked with her a lot and gotten to know her even better.
So, when the caseworker said that her time was running out at the emergency shelter in which she's staying, and that they needed to find a home for her soon, we said yes.
And the funny thing is, the panic stayed away.
And as the days keep going by until her arrival, we've all just been feeling happier and more excited. We're so ready to get her out of that shelter and into the home of a real family (as flawed as this one is!).
We had a family meeting to discuss it before we gave an answer. Obviously, Miss A is really the only one who can understand it with any "adult" perspective and give a real answer. She was excited and really excited to share her room. She loves the big girls at school, and is thrilled to have a big sister around all the time.
We have her room all ready. Some very sweet friends gave us a loft bed with a desk underneath it. It fits great in Miss A's room. We got some closet and desk organization items. We wanted it to look homey when she arrives, so she knows how excited we are and how much we planned for and anticipated her coming.
Because this girl has been through the wringer due to the failings of many adults in her life. She deserves stability and love, and place to call "home", and patience to smooth out and heal her scarred edges.
It's not going to be easy. Please hear me say that, and that we're not entering into this without lots of forethought, lots of conversations with caseworkers. There will be many aspects of positive guidance to put into place with the help of her new school, the caseworkers, ongoing therapy, etc. We'll seek your prayers and encouragement even more now. But we are excited and looking forward to this next chapter in our stories.
At this time, she does not have another option going forward. Our family is to be looked at as an adoptive placement for the time being. The sticky thing is that the trial begins next week, and precious time with her biological siblings could be drawing to an end. There is not a plan for reunification between her and the family, on the request of both parties. So, the twins and their two other siblings are one case, having their future placement determined next week, separate from Big Sister. She says she understands that it's looking like they are heading back, and that, if she is adopted by us, she more than likely will not have contact with them after they leave. We are willing to adopt her and give her a permanent, forever family, but if she changes her mind and wants to look into another family, however distantly related, we will support it, and we will be for her what we need to be, for the time that we need to be it. We're leaving that final call up to her, but our stance is that we would love to adopt her and not have her have to go through another placement with a family she doesn't know. But, at this time, wheels will begin to move towards us adopting Big Sister.
Please keep her in your thoughts, as any transition can add stress of some level. We pray that she is able to feel safe and trusting here, and to feel completely comfortable in our home, enough to let her guard down all the way and just be loved for who she is. We also ask for prayers for the other little ones, as they transition into having one more added to the mix here in our crazy house. May everyone be positive, patient, loving, and forgiving. We thank God for this opportunity to be His hands and feet and help our kids see the need to reach out and help - no matter how scary it is. We just ask that we not mess it up too much, that Good would be done here.
Thank you for your encouragement! You all mean so much to us! Hugs!
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