Wait for it... Wait for it.. Wait some more...

The court date scheduled for today happened, but didn't have an outcome we expected. I'll run through the events of the day, just to give a taste of what went on.

I arrived at the courthouse in San Antonio this morning and seated myself in the hallway, notified the lawyer and caseworker that I had arrived, and proceeded to read a book while I waited. Several hours later, after 12 noon, our case was called into one of the courtrooms.

The children's lawyer, the family members' lawyer, and the judge went into the "chambers" to discuss privately. They were in there about fifteen minutes before they came out. Our lawyer looked mad enough to spit and their lawyer was smiling big, so I braced myself to hear that the twins would be leaving us.

Instead, the judge called another case forward and began speaking to that. (....) I sat there, feeling pretty absurd, not knowing if I should stay or go, but the other family stayed, so I decided to stay as well.

Once he finished with that case, the judge called forward the two lawyers again. He then announced that he was declining to rule on the case and was sending it to an actual trial in District Court. We will reconvene on February 26th for an announcement as to when this trial will begin.

And that was it. About a minute or two of actual action in the courtroom, and nobody got to speak. That was honestly a little disappointing. I had really thought hard about how I was going to articulate what I wanted to get across, politely and assertively, to express how much we love the girls and how well they are doing n our home.

We were dismissed and it was lunch time, so everyone filed out of the courtroom. The children's lawyer and I went to a small room to discuss. She clarified what had happened to me,

Basically, in a nut shell:

• There will be at least two possibly three visitations scheduled between now and February 26th. There will be a therapist and an investigator observing both the visits and how the children react following the visits, which has been an issue. They will also hope to observe the children in their foster homes to see the interaction with the foster parents as well.
• On February 26th, we will reconvene, basically just to hear the trial dates, but any new developments and regular updates will be shared.
• The trial will most likely be either the end of March or beginning of April. The lawyer said to expect three or four days of proceedings. She would like both me and my husband to be there and we'll be called to testify. So this is real-live-actual trial, with witnesses and evidence and arguments and all that jazz.

The reason why this case is going to trial instead of being figured out like "regular" foster cases is because of the lack of agreement between Child Protective Services and the lawyers. The caseworker and the children's lawyer are against the children returning, the family's lawyer is for it, and nobody's budging and it's getting contentious. That kind of stalemate doesn't usually happen, at least this far into the case. As I mentioned in my last post, the investigation into the circumstances that led to the children's removal has been deemed "inconclusive". This all adds up to a situation that is complicated enough to go to the next level.

We are incredibly relieved that the twins are not leaving us yet. Every day is a gift, and never more than when you feel like you're using borrowed time, so to speak. We'll continue to treasure the time we have with them, however long it ends up being.

I'll write more about our reactions another day; I just wanted to share the facts about what happened tonight. Right now, we know we'll all be just fine and that there's purpose yet in this crazy roller-coaster ride.

So many of you have been so supportive and reached out to share your encouragement. That means the world to us. God bless you all!

Court This Wednesday

I had written before that this Wednesday, January 29th, was a court date for the twins, and that we were told that it was when the decision about the five siblings' future was supposed to be decided.

What we've been hearing is that the caseworker and lawyer want to finish things legally with the previous placement, which was the distant family members, and move forward with adoption processes so that the kids can settle into their permanent homes. Their decision they will state on Wednesday is that it is not in the best interest of the siblings to return to the family members.

However, it seems like things are really looking like they're stuck up in the air at this point. The investigation into the incidents that were happening at the previous home, the reasons for which the five siblings were removed, was deemed "inconclusive". At this point, the caseworker and lawyer are still pulling for us to move forward with being the forever home of the twins, but they don't know what the judge is going to say based on the report that has been officially filed. We've learned that the caseworkers frame the case more often than not, but the judge still has ultimate say.

I am still definitely planning to attend court on Thursday to hear what's being said, and to give my input if I'm allowed.

At this point, all we can do is pray for God's will to be done and for the best possible outcome for the kids. I don't arrogantly assume to know better than God in His infinite wisdom, and to tell Him what I want to happen, but of course we want to hear that the outcome is that the twins stay with us.

It's definitely a chance to grow, in patience and in maturity to be flexible enough to prepare for either outcome. I ask for strength and encouragement to be the best mother to all of my kids, no matter what happens. I want to deal with this in such a way that models for them how to react to life's difficulties and stressful moments. His will be done. May the best decision be made for the benefit of everyone involved.

Thank you all for your prayers, support, and sweet words of encouragement. They mean the world to us.Until next time...

Happy Birthday, Miss A!

Today is the sixth birthday for our fabulous, wonderful, sweet oldest daughter! What a fun day!

She began the day waking up in a room full of balloons before eating a donut breakfast (her choice!). During the school day, lots of fun stuff happened.

She had been asked by her kindergarten teachers to bring in her violin (v-v-violin... can you guess what letter we learned this week?). I brought it just before lunch and helped her show the class how she prepares her violin and what she's learned so far. She told me later she was "so, so nervous!" She did a terrific job and I am so proud of her. She has been "playing" for a year, but just recently has really taken it upon herself to focus and buckle down. With her being the impetus and motivating force, she's really working hard and making great progress. She always reminds me now when it's time to practice, and adores her violin teacher.

After lunch, which we ate with her class - and by "we" I mean myself, Little Guy, and the twins, whew! - we shared little Blue Bell ice cream cups with the kids. Yummy!

She had asked for tater tot casserole for dinner, so we ate that with a small chocolate cake I made over nap time. She was disappointed that it wasn't her "real", Frozen-inspired cake that's happening for her birthday party with the girls in her class on Saturday, but she did concede that the other cake was still good! (Sigh... You win some, you lose some...)

She opened her presents after dessert. Her favorite was a dress-up set from the Disney movie Frozen. (Which, by the way, we obviously all LOVED!) She had been asking for one of the costumes ever since we saw the movie. It felt so good to make her happy, and treat her to something she really wanted. We'll never have the money (nor the inclination) to make their every wish come true, but it's fun to come through on the small things.

When I think back our time with Miss A, I feel so many emotions. The biggest one, probably, is gratitude. I am so thankful that she came into our lives. I'm so thankful she was saved from a negative situation and is now safe. To think about where she could be right now is incredibly scary. I'm thankful for the police, caseworkers, lawyers, and the other foster parents for keeping her safe until she was brought to our home.

She was the first one, the child who made us "parents". We are so grateful to God for answering those prayers, even if they happened at a different time and in a different way than we had originally anticipated. I'll never forget seeing THAT EMAIL pop into my inbox asking us to consider taking her in, and THAT PHONE CALL announcing to us that we had been chosen as her foster-adopt parents. Our lives were forever changed and, in a way, felt like it all was finally beginning.

She paved the way, taught us how little we knew about parenting, and grew our hearts bigger every day with the love we all shared. She has been a fantastic older sister, bravely loving her siblings with all her heart, no matter how long they stay with us.

Yes, she's a stinker. Must be because she's my child. My parents promise constantly that she really is exactly what my biological child would be like. She's got my stubbornness, my firstborn bossiness, and an OCD-like attention to details-that-matter-to-her-and-not-anyone-else-like-who-HAS-to-have-the-green-cup-today-or-which-hand-she-HAS-to-hold-while-crossing-the-parking-lot. But she's our stinker.

She's our stinker and we wouldn't have it any other way.

We're so blessed to have this little girl be part of our family. I can't wait to see the awesome things God has in store for her. I know she will do great things for Him, and be a mighty ambassador for those who need our compassion and help the most.

We love you, big girl!

Hot and Cheesy Corn and Black Bean Dip

This recipe I had used before and changed it up to share over Christmas, and it was a big hit! It has been perfect for all of those recent football games! So, in honor of the Denver Broncos making it to the Super Bowl, I thought I'd share!

Ingredients:
1 large can of sweet corn
1 can of black beans, drained and rinsed
1 can of petite diced tomatoes
1 can of diced green chilis (I used mild chilis, but you can use medium or hot as well)
1/2 cup of mayonnaise
1/4 tsp garlic powder
2 cups of cheddar cheese, shredded
1 cup of Monterrey Jack cheese, shredded
1 tbps cilantro, chopped
1 tbsp green onion, chopped

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

2. Mix together all ingredients except for the cilantro and the green onion into a greased oven-safe dish.

 

 I love looking at that pile of cheese!

3. Bake for 20-25 minutes until cheese is melted through, and the whole thing is golden-brown, bubbly, and delicious.

So yummy!

4. Top with the cilantro and green onion before serving.

5. Enjoy!

Finally an Decision Date in Sight!

Both caseworkers (our placement/licensing caseworker and the twins' caseworker) visited our house over the course of the day. Both were just regular monthly visits and both happened over the course of naptime. The kids all stayed asleep until I was ALMOST done with the second visit - yahoo!

The children's caseworker let me know that the court date on the 29th should be when a decision is made one way or the other regarding the placement of the twins and their siblings. I had thought it was only a status hearing to update all parties about the case, so I was pleasantly surprised to know that some decision will be made soon, one way or the other.

In a logical world, one would look at the situation and say, "There's no way a sane person who decide that the children will be better off in their previous environment." There is plenty of evidence to support that opinion, besides the fact of how happy, relaxed, and comfortable the twins appear to be here, which both caseworkers discussed while they visited, based on what they had seen at our home compared to how they behave in their visitations.

Yet, we have been down this road before, and we know that God alone knows the future and knows the plans for each of us. We will be praying ceaselessly for the best decision to be made for ALL involved, that God's will would be done. We would selfishly ask that of all of you, our friends and family, as well. We covet your prayers for the whole situation.

The caseworker did ask me, as she does every visit, what our intention with the twins is. I replied that we are absolutely hoping and wanting to adopt the girls. They have settled in so well, and everything is really starting to click in our new reality of being-a-family-of-six. She said she was happy to hear that, and that was the goal of the department as well. Good to hear!

On a side note, we spoke briefly about how Big Sister is doing in her new placement. She had actually called my cell phone last week and I had the chance to chat with her, and the caseworker had seen her recently. She is happier, but still having a rough time. She is only in a foster placement currently - not foster-adopt - and the previous caregivers have changed their mind about attempting to regain custody of her, so I don't know where she'll end up long-term. We'll be keeping her in our prayers.

In Which I Refuse To Be the Harried Parent

 Have you ever not recognized yourself? Not physically I mean, but your actions, attitudes?

On Tuesday night, one of the twins woke up crying in the middle of the night. We think maybe they have nightmares, because it is a rare night when one of them doesn't wake up crying in the middle of the night. They fall asleep like champs most nights, but have a hard time staying asleep. Then, whoever is awake will often wake up at least one of the other three with the crying, and we all have a grand time. We're really praying for this to work itself out. I'll sleep when I'm dead, right?

She actually fell asleep fairly quickly this night, but the crying woke up Little Guy. He proceeded, several minutes after I had climbed back into bed, to attempt to sneak into our room to sleep. Sooo, I had to go get him back to bed, which took a little bit.

When I finally crawled back between the warm covers in the cool bedroom, my brain was running full circuit. Don't you hate that feeling? The one where your body is so tired, but your mind just won't shut down, no matter what you do? I laid awake for almost two hours (trying not to look at the clock).

Anyways, without any more whining, suffice it to say that I was Tired with a capital T the next day. We had some errands to do, and the morning started off all right, but then we had some meltdowns at the grocery store. It wasn't about whining for things they wanted, it was just tiredness (and probably boredom) coming out. A shoe falls off and it's The End Of The World. A sibling inadvertently brushes their skin and it's like they were stabbed. You might know the drill.

We made it home and ate lunch, but then naptime was rough. Queen Bee was having none of this nap concept. She SCREAMED in her bed for a good forty-five minutes. She wanted the blanket, she didn't want the blanket, she wanted her Minnie Mouse, she didn't want her Minnie Mouse. When she finally fell asleep, Sweet Angel must have decided it was her turn to make fun noises because she who had been lying quietly in her bed cried for twenty more minutes.

I was so ready for a nap.

I was not my most gracious self that day. I could completely tell that my tiredness was preventing any patient, understanding response I could have mustered. I was snappy and brusque with my words. I was quick to correct and admonish.

Fast forward 24-hours.

Being so tired that day, I fell asleep early and had a splendid night wherein, wonder of wonders, nobody woke up crying! Breakfast (for me) was a delicious egg white and Canadian bacon sandwich and fruit, with water (staying hydrated!) and a cup of tea. We played Mr. Potato Head, read some books, watched an episode of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, took a walk up and down the block pushing strollers of baby dolls and riding scooters. Everyone played beautifully together and the naptime routine was a thing of beauty.

What was a huge factor in the change from one day to the next? Me.

I pondered this repeatedly today, and although I cannot claim complete responsibility for either the meltdown of Wednesday or the idyllic atmosphere of Thursday, I know I was a contributing force to both.

I had a professor who showed up every day for our 8:00 am class chipper and brimming with excitement over what the lesson held for us that day. When we asked her how she could have such energy, she told us something I never will forget: "I as the teacher set the tone in this room. If I'm having a bad day, you will have a bad day. And vice versa."

What a lesson for us as parents. Our kids can sense our moods and emotions, whether we're calm or whether we're anxious. Our families are an interdependent organism, not isolated parts. When something is affecting one part of your body, your whole self feels out of sorts, right? For better or for worse, we as parents steer the direction of our families moods.

When the morning starts out rushed and frantic, the kids feel it. Whether they go to school or daycare, that negative energy stays with them. And it's not just the kids. When your morning doesn't start off right, it takes a lot to correct the trajectory and get back on course.

When the kids have to deal with an impatient, barking parent who has no time for understanding or showing compassion for their little ways, they deal with it as they are capable. Whether it means acting out behaviorally or having emotional meltdowns, it will show itself somehow.

Believe me, bringing up and loving on four children under the age of five have their moments of stress. Someone is always needing something. They're all still learning how to clean up after themselves. Only one can dress herself completely. It's a lot to handle most days. (So rewarding, but a lot to handle.)

But.

I refuse to be the harried mother. My kids deserve better.

This will be my new quote, to repeat to myself when those life stressors start kicking in. The proverbial buck needs to stop here.

As we grow, we learn more how to control our actions. ACTIONS, not moods. We can't control our moods, or the events that transpire to put us into those moods, but we can control how we react. Children have yet to learn that. As the adult, I need to remember this: I'm the one who can redirect the environment, who can stop my bad mood in its tracks if I try, but they aren't capable of this yet.

I refuse to be the harried mother.

I will give my best moments in whatever situation I find myself. I will give the best of myself to my present, not dwelling over my past or worrying about my future.

I will give my best moments to whomever I am with. Whether it be my husband, my kids, my friends, the person passing me down the aisle of the grocery store, they deserve my being present and being pleasant.

I will give my best moments at all times of day. Whether I'm fresh as a daisy or run-over-by-a-truck exhausted, whether it's morning, afternoon, or bedtime, I will actively show the love that I know I have for my kids.

And when I don't? I will ask for forgiveness. Not beat myself up. And start over.

Because not only are my kids watching and affected by my actions and moods, they are also learning from them. My behavior models what their "normal" will become. How I treat them will be how they will treat their children. How I treat others is how they will treat others. If I have kind answers, they will learn to be compassionate. If I have sarcastic, griping jests, they will learn that as well.

I want them to learn to put others before themselves, as imperfectly as we all accomplish this day to day. My parents always told me, "A mark of a mature person is that, no matter what their mood, they never use it as an excuse to treat anyone poorly."

This seems like such a challenging task when I read these words over again. The constant vigilance of parenting young children combined with less sleep is a recipe for stress. How can one not react?

I will carry on, knowing that my own strength will never be enough. Any patience, compassion, or ability to act calmly during times of stress is only the Lord's working in me. HIS peace passes all of our understanding. HIS cross removed our sins. HIS love is what changes our hearts. And as I grow day by day, in faith and in my role as a mother, I pray that it becomes easier and more of a reflex than a challenge.

Because I will not be the harried mother. My family deserves better.

Positive Interactions with Birthparents as a Foster Parent

With eleven foster kids over the last seven years, we have had many opportunities to interact with the birthparents of the kids we're caring for. We've experienced positive instances as well as not-so positive. Here are some of my thoughts from what we've learned.

During the foster placement:

• Settings in which you may have contact with the birthparents of your foster children would be at scheduled, supervised, court-ordered visitations (during drop-off / pick-up), and at court appearances.

• You will probably feel awkward when you're around the birthparents of the children you're fostering, not only the first time but maybe even throughout the case. Remember that meeting you is arguably even more awkward and emotional for them. You're caring for THEIR children. You know personal information about them. They may automatically feel defensive about you regardless of who you are and anything you can say or do. Be as compassionate as possible so to ensure the birthparents that their children are in a safe, positive environment.

• In that vein, be as positive as you can when speaking about the child, his or her welfare and progress, activities in which he/she is involved, without sounding like you're tooting your own horn, so to speak, or comparing your life and theirs. Nobody in this world has it all together. Give plain facts and be communicative in a healthy way. 

• There is no competition when it comes to foster care. Nobody "wins" when a child has been removed from his or her home or origin, no matter what decisions are made at the end, no matter what "side" you may be on. Forget those words "win" and "keep" or "lose", and forget the phrase "on our side". The children are what matters. This is incredibly difficult to live out day to day, especially when, like us, you are a foster-adopt home and are hoping and praying for an outcome in which you adopt the children.

• Be respectful about personal information you know regarding the family's situation and past. Do not bring negative things up about the birthparents themselves to them or in court in front of them.

• Deep down, everyone - birthparents, foster parents, caseworkers, lawyers - just wants the best for the kids. Keep that in mind, and put the best possible spin on anything that's said and done. Don't jump to conclusions or be easy to offend.

• Do your best, be the best parent you can be, and don't get caught up in any negative feedback from the birthparents. Everyone parents differently, and that includes people who are parenting / have parented the same child. If the birthparents do something differently, be it shoe-tying, naptimes, diets, activities, etc., and they are concerned you don't do it the same way, listen and be respectful, but, as long as it is not a huge difference and the caseworkers support you, continue with what you're doing.

• If possible, share things from the children themselves. Sending along a picture, or a craft recently done by the child/ren can be a way to foster comfort in how the child is doing. It is also a nice gesture of goodwill.

• Don't be nosy and ask personal questions. Make pleasant small talk. You're not around to be "friends", but as part of a team that needs to cooperate and function appropriately.

• It's perfectly okay to remember that a court appearance is not a visitation for the birthparents. We have had experiences with feeling overwhelmed by spending long periods of time as one big "group", with the children stuck in the middle, without the benefit of a caseworker or lawyer to run interference or help with keeping things not awkward for all involved. If only for the fact that, if the children are there, it can be a horribly confusing and trying experience to be "caught" between two families is a good reason to discuss and set boundaries before a court date when the children are to be in attendance.

• Be safe and careful without being anxious and fearful. Keep identifying information to yourself and try not to share too much about your personal lives, hometown, neighborhood, etc., just to keep everyone comfortable and not create unnecessary risks.

•  Along those lines, don't assume the worst. Don't become paranoid about every little interaction you have with the birthparents. There is a healthy way to have positive communication and still have boundaries. Discuss with the caseworkers if you ever have any concerns.

• Stay in touch with caseworkers and lawyers regarding the children and what's going on in their lives. If you're showing that you are caring for the children to the utmost of your abilities, are pleasant to deal with, and supportive of the children's future, it goes a long way for the caseworkers and lawyers to in turn support you when discussing the care of the children with the birthparents.

• Keep your comments regarding the birthparents positive around the foster children, both during care and when/if they are adopted. Whether their parents' rights are terminated or they are reunified together, they deserve to only hear you build up and never tear down. When the time comes to learn the truth about their life story, in age-appropriate stages, children will understand.

Relationships between foster parents and birthparents can develop into a great modeling situation for the children. When adults can rise above awkward circumstances to function in a positive manner, the children benefit and learn these skills as well.

If there are any tips out there from other foster parents that I should add, I would love to hear them!

Family and Sibling Visits 1-3-13 and 1-4-13

After a lovely Christmas vacation, it was back to a routine for us. The twins had another visitation scheduled with the previous caregivers on Friday, so I drove them to San Antonio that afternoon. The other two siblings arrived at the same time, so I asked the assistant bringing the children up to the visitation room if she needed help, and she acquiesced.

Either the child/ren or the parents (or in this case, family members) arrive earlier than the other for the visitations, get settled, then the other party is brought in. When we were settled, she asked me to stay with the children while she brought in the family members. This was the first time I had met them. We had a brief exchange until I walked back out to my car with a security guard. I spent an hour drinking tea at Starbucks and reading to pass the time.

When I arrived back at the office, the other two children had already left with their foster parents. The assistant was there to hand off the twins. She said that the family members had made the other foster parents very uncomfortable by loitering in the parking lot until they had picked up the children. The same protocol generally applies - one of the parties is supposed to leave first so there's no awkwardness or cause for anxiety on either part. They're not really supposed to know much personal information - if any - about the family providing foster care for the children.

I was honestly a little annoyed, but not upset or worried. There really isn't any danger at this point; if anything happened toward us, it completely would wreck the case for the family members getting the children back, and they realize that. We live more than forty-five minutes away in a different town, so the likelihood of being tracked down is not very high. We have had concerns about issues like this in the past with previous experiences, so we're alert but not anxious. It all comes with the territory of being a foster parent. We're not going to assume that any harm is meant for us, but assume the best - and trust in God for everything at all times.

 Moving on...

Then, it was time for another sibling meeting! The last time we all met together, we planned to meet for a movie night on the first Saturday of the new year. We have a plan of meeting once a month for the three families and five siblings to be able to spend time together.

The foster family for the other set of two children had said that they have a movie room with a projector and a popcorn machine, so we were all looking forward to watching a movie together. We received an e-mail last week, unfortunately, saying that the projector was broken. We decided to meet at Chuck E. Cheese again instead.

We had also received news last week that Big Sister was moved to a new foster home. We were all given the new contact information, but the connections were made too late, and she was unable to attend with her new foster family.

I feel incredibly sad to hear of this disruption in her placement. From being removed from her birthmother, to living in the shelter for two months, to living in the first foster home for almost two months, to a new home... that's a whole lot of moving. We didn't hear the reason why she moved, whether it was her request or the first foster parents' request, or both. We hope to see her soon, not to ask questions and be nosy, but to make sure she's doing well.

My in-laws were here for the weekend, so they watched Miss A and Little Guy for us while we had our meeting. The twins were so excited during the whole drive to Chuck E. Cheese to see their siblings. They kept saying the names over and over again, as if they couldn't quite believe they were about to see them. I'm very happy we're doing these meetings, if just to see the light in their eyes when they see their siblings.

We had a nice chat with the other foster parents, as in the previous visit. We all wish we had slightly more information about the case, but are trying to remain positive about the future. They're nice people, and obviously love the kids very much.

Finishing pizza, ski ball, car rides, and juices, we said good-bye. We all look forward to the next meeting, to continue to foster the relationships these kids have, so they will thrive even while they're apart. Until next time!

Road Trips with Young Children

Does the thought of a road trip with young kids frighten you? Make you break out in a cold sweat? Come on, it's not that bad!

My family never flew anywhere. We always drove. Of course, our "vacations" were family reunions in Nebraska, only several hours away. We had one long road trip, to Tennessee to see my Dad's sister and her family. Once again, we drove.

I have wonderful memories of road trips. We sang, we snacked, we read, we slept. My three siblings and I didn't know any better. We didn't know we were supposed to be bored out of our minds. I wouldn't change a thing.

Now that we have our own crew, we're experiencing the road trip from a parental perspective. I had numerous people ask about our Christmas plans, and when I mentioned going to see my husband's parents (four hours away) AND going to my parents' place in Colorado (eighteen hours away) they look at me like I was going crazy. "Driving? Really?" was the usual response.

We had a great time enjoying each other's company. Here are some tips and things we learned:

Travel Gear: 

• If at all possible, use one of those handy dandy storage compartments for the roof to hold suitcases and things you won't need during the drive. This opens up space inside the vehicle, which you will appreciate during the hours of driving spent in that confined space. If you don't have one, ask around to borrow one. Invaluable!

• If your travels include an overnight stay anywhere, pack an overnight bag. Bring pajamas, a change of clothes, and any toiletries everyone will need in ONE bag. Then you won't need to bring everyone's suitcases inside.

•  Nowadays, everyone seems to have either a GPS or the ability to utilize one on a phone. These are so helpful. Just remember to double check routes for closures or in cases of inclement weather, as they may not be completely accurate in those cases. If you don't have a GPS, invest in a good map, or join AAA, which gives excellent maps and routes if you are a member.

Food:

• Packing a cooler of food to eat is always a great idea. Peanut butter and jelly, meat and cheese, fruit, veggies, crackers... You know you're eating healthier than you would at a fast food place. Plus, you'll save money. While we don't completely cut out buying any food on our trips, we try to only purchase one meal a day on the road. 

• Stopping somewhere to eat adds time to your trip... but it is an opportunity to stretch the legs and get out of the vehicle for a while. Eating in the car saves time, but leaves more trash and messiness in the car, and the kids are stuck inside. Just weigh your priorities. With littler kids, you probably want to stop to take a break.

• SNACKS! Those little applesauce squeezer pouches are fabulous for car trips (as long as your kids are old enough to hold it themselves, of course). We also put snacks into little sandwich baggies or reusable snack cups - our own version of the more expensive 100 calorie packs.

• Remember to stay hydrated, but also remember that what goes in... must come out. Important to remember with small bladders.

Entertaining Yourselves:

• Technology can be a gift of sanity on road trips. It's okay to use it. We have a DVD player in our van and we are not above putting on a movie during those long car trips. Also, the kids received children's "computers" for Christmas that they enjoyed playing games on. But...

• By all means, enforce limits to the technology. We don't allow movie after movie to play. We watch one when the natives are getting restless and that's it - at least for several hours. Enjoy the scenery. Learn about the places you're traveling through. Find out interesting facts. Let them enjoy the ride for what it is - a ride, a road trip. Getting there is half the fun, and you/they can't enjoy getting there if you're/they're glued to a screen of some sort. 

• Take the time to talk about what you will do once you get to your destination. Have the kids been there? Bring along pictures or books about the place or people who live there - whether they are famous or family members.

• Music! Sing songs together! Bring your favorite Cd's. Find local radio stations to listen to. Put the dial on "scan" and see who can name the songs that play before the station switches. (This may be for older kids, but you'd be surprised at how quickly young kids can recognize a song!)

• Remember those old school road trip games you played as a kid? Whip them out! 
• The Alphabet Game
• Road Trip Bingo (There are lots of great printables online!)
• Scavenger Hunts from the Car (Think of five things at the beginning of the trip, and work together to find all five of them at some point along the way.)
• Take turns telling stories - well know fairy tales or favorite books, as well as made-up-on-the-spot originals. 

 Things to Remember:

• If the little ones start getting restless and nothing is able to distract or entertain them in the car, make a stop. Pull over at a rest stop, stretch the legs. If you're proactive and plan ahead, you can find parks, museums, or other kid-friendly attractions along your route. You can either schedule these in and add extra time to your trip, or just keep them in mind in case you need a quick diversion. 

• Always overestimate your traveling time. Between bathroom breaks, eating meals, and anything else that comes up with little ones, it will more than likely take longer to complete a trip than you originally planned.

• I'm terribly regimented about the kids' naps normally, but I let go of my expectations on a road trip. There's plenty of down time that the kids can sleep, and they normally end up falling asleep by themselves somewhere around the "normal" times, so I tell myself to save my breath huffing orders of "Be quiet and go to sleep!" and just let it happen naturally.

• It's a cliche, but expect the unexpected! During this last road trip, there was an accident on the tiny two-lane highway we were traveling in the corner of New Mexico, where there were no other roads, detours, or side feeders to escape for miles. For as little-traveled as this highway seemed, there were TONS of cars stopped and it took over an hour before traffic finally moved. What else could we do besides keep the kids engaged in singing and chatting? We tried our best, and now it's just a funny anecdote that makes us shake our heads when we retell it.

• If you can, develop some pictures of your travels and your trip before you head back home. Then the kids can look them over and begin processing the memories.

Memories are so much more important than things. Remember that you're creating the events that will stick in your kids' minds forever. Make it as fun as possible, and go with the flow! Even unexpected detours and delays can be fond memories in the future!




Happy traveling!